₦airaland Forum

^^^ My boy and I are fine, he is four already so we are good, he does have a relationship with his dad though I am not with the father. . . .I am not the OP by the way. . . . .

obowunmi:
Sorry, but I think there's some ounce of truth in her statement --- you are probably still in your overtly sensitive stage or what do you think ? Politicians have sweet mouth and he got to open and spread your legs for him --- you have no choice but to move on babe. You have to find another man and move on --- Goodluck!

LOL, I am fine, trust me. . . . . .truth to what she said, I agree but one can be tactful while addressing such sensitive issues. . . . .

obowunmi:
Blazay at it again --- well said ma'am.

Really, thought it was rough/insensitive and repetitive. . . . . .but hey. . . . .that's just me!!!

BabyOkon:
OKON & OLATINWO are real names. Smith & Williams are not my name. Made them up for privacy's sake.


I agree that this issue is more about my son than his father. But what if I name him after his father's family, and then in the future none of them want him?? Or treat him as less than because of the circumstances of his birth In that case, have I done right to expose him to hatred and negativity?

Everyone has the right to know their lineage -- I can never deny my son that right. But if his father denies him from birth, at least I want my child to have THE OPTION of choosing whether or not he wants to identify with his father's family. I wont have a problem if my son chooses to go by his father's last name in the future.

The States is a much freer country than Nigeria. I don't think I have to give away his father's name on his BC or other official documents. But if I HAVE TO, then I'll just use the man's initials.


Like I said above, I want my son to have the freedom of choice. I mentioned that my legal name is not my family name. It is not that difficult to change names. If he wants a name change, he can have it when he's old enough to have the clarity of mind and thought to make that decision himself.

I don't know what the future holds in terms of reconciliation.

As I speak, I struggle not to hate Mr. Sperm Donor or to have bitterness against him. (Who wouldn't) But a situation like this hurts and is painful. Since he left for Nigeria, he has not called or texted me. Not even to say "I have arrived o!" or "I had a safe trip" or anything else for that matter. There was a good 4wks of silence because I had no way to contact him initially. Then I e-mail him that I'm pregnant and all he can think of is his own life.

Tell me, is that the kind of man YOU would ever consider reconciling with?? Especially when he tells you your child is illegitimate? Abeg jare. . . .    

Let sleeping dogs lie where they are. Some of them are rabid.

Some men, why then would he not use a condom if he did  not want an illegitimate child, don't mind him at all. . . . he will be back one day to claim his child. . . . .

As for the negativity you don't want your child to be exposed to later on in life, I guess then it would make sense for you to give your son your name now and let him change it later if he wants to, at least you are open to that.

Family support is important during this time, keep them close because you will need them as your load gets heavy    also try to stay positive, I believe babies in our bellies feel our emotions so it is vital to remain positive so the baby can feed on your positive energy.

OP, I also had to decide what name my son would carry and I decided his father's last name would be just fine, I had no issues with it. It is my son's family name whether I am married to his dad or not, it is his lineage, my decision was also based on the fact that boys tend to change their last names later on to that of their fathers so why delay the inevitable, . . . . . .I searched my heart and made sure I was absolutely ok with this decision and I am. This was never about the father but my son so I am at peace with the decision. . . . . . .

Not sure how this would affect you and your child but you might need "sperm donor's permission" to do things like get your child a passport and other things, research this and make sure giving your child the father's name will not impact negatively on you.

Good luck with everything. . . .

^^^

Are you justifying beating up a woman and choking her until she is about to lose consciousness, not once but several times? Clearly these two need to go their separate ways, whether it happens or not is up to the couple. . . . . .

@ OP. . . . . .

Self love can save your life, are you waiting for this man to actually kill you in order to see that he does not love you? SMH. . . . .

"When he shows you who he is, believe him" he is a monster and he knows you are defenceless, love can be so dumb sometimes, mcxwwwwwm!!!

andyanders:
[b]WELL, I THINK IT TAKES TWO TO TANGLE. IT ALL DEPENDS ON INDIVIDUALS INVOLVED. A SPOILT PERSON COULD MEAN DIFFERENT THINGS TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. YOU CAN DATE A SPOILT PERSON DEPENDING ON YOUR LEVEL OF TOLERANCE. WE ALL COME FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUND AND WITH DIFFERENT SENSE OF UNDERSTANDING.

SOMEONE WHO LIVED HIS LIFE ALL IN A VERY DESCENT BACKGROUND, LIKE IN VICTORIA ISLAND, IKOYI, MAITAMA IN ABUJA  “AKA” “AJIBO” CAN BE REFERRED TO AS A SPOILT PERSON BY SOMEONE WHO LIVED ALL HIS LIFE IN A SLUMP LIKE AGEGE, AJAGUNLE “AKA “AJIKPAKO”   ETC BECAUSE, “AJIBO MAN/WOMAN WILL ALWAYS LOVE A GOOD KIND OF LIFE. THAT LIFE STYLE COULD BE REFERRED TO AS “SPOILT” PERSON IN THE EYES OF SOME “AJIKPAKO”

A PERSON WHO HAS LIVED A GOOD LIFE IN A GOOD ENVIRONMENT DOES NOT ALWAYS LOOK AT HIS PARTNER AS BEEN SPOILT BUT ONLY ON FEW OCCASIONS. A YOUNG LADY WHO HAS BEEN COOKED FOR FROM CHILDHOOD BY MAID SERVANTS ALL HER LIFE IF MARRIED TO A PERSON WHO NEVER HAD THAT KIND OF LIFE STYLE WILL BE LOOKED AT BY THE LOW CLASS PARTNER AS A SPOILT  PERSON ‘COS SHE CANNOT COOK FOR HIM.

I CAN DATE A SPOILT PERSON AND STILL WORK OUT THINGS OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP COS I KNOW WHERE THE PERSON IS COMING FROM. I CAN PREPARE FOOD FOR MY LADY IF SHE IS TOO WEAK FOR THE DAY. SOME PEOPLE CAN SEE ME DOING THAT AND SAY HIS LADY IS SPOILT. IF MY WOMAN IS SPOILT AND CANNOT COOK, I CAN TEACH HER HOW TO GET IT DONE WITHOUT HAVING TO SHOUT ON HER.
RELATIONSHIP IS ALL ABOUT UNDERSTANDING.[/b]

Nice one, I had a man teach me how to cook, he was very patient.  He would cook what I wished for on the day if I did not feel like doing the cooking or I was tired. . . after he taught me of course. . . . .we are products of our environment but willingness to learn as we get older is a nice thing to do. . . . .

@ OP, you reason like a juvenile for someone your age, assuming you are 41 now 419. . . . . . .how did you then manage to get your stick inside a woman you "hated" until she popped 7 children for you. . . so it is true that men will eat even a snake, anything that moves. . . . . .

I personally wouldn't date a selfish person and I get turned off when I realise this about them. . . . . .I can't have a man always getting his way because my spirit would want to be freed, I like doing ME, will compromise along the way but I will not be pushed around by a partner who thinks he is always right. . . . . . .

Iremi:
^^^^^^^
Thank you
It happen again. i hv my plans too if he shld show up again cos it wuld be a big mistake if he thinks i forgive like that (Beyonce)
Thanks gf, am already moving on. Thank u am moving on already. I knw i wuldnot ask him for a dine cos i knws where am working and hw much am earning. SO he wuld knw i slept wit him cos of my true feelings. [b]He even told me i was the first working class he wuld date cos all the school girls used to ask him for me and wuld jilt him at the end so he preferred me to any of them[/b]Thank u. i knw i dont deserve ds but i hcv to move on.Omolola poo happens. I wanted the s3x at that time cos i culdnt control my feelings. if i didnt want it, u wuldnt violation me.
u guys have every right to scold me that i messed up big time by allowing s3x the first time.
Thanks tho

Dude has a sweet tongue too he told you what he thought you wanted to hear. . . . . .glad you are moving on. . . .

Iremi:
u think so?

I hate to be the wet blanket here but if you so much allow him to tell you more lies, you will end up with your heart being broken into pieces, be careful of this guy especially because he has shown you what he is about, believe him!!!

Thanks Phate. . . . . .I have seen this being discussed extensively here on NL but wasn't sure what disease the child/children would get. Now, does this mean in Nigeria people test each other for this abnormality before deciding to get married every time, as we would down here for HIV/AIDS? **curious**

Iremi:
He told me he loves me but u cant see or knw anyones mind towards you. u can oly knw urs towards that person. He still sopke to me on Saturday. He told me he was coming from the Hospital to monitor the corpse of his cousin. That the corpse has bn kept in the mortuary. So atleast he wuld rest after his running up and down. On Sunday, he told me he was in d noisy place that he wuld call me back.
I dont knw wot to believe again

Girl, believe what he has shown you and not what he has said, dude ain't that into you. . . . it may hurt now but it will get better with time, move on and find someone worthy of you!

Excuse my ignorance but what disease would the child have again. . . . .I know it is something to do with genes and all. . . .hereditary stuff!!!

I got a tat but hidden safely under my clothes, somewhere on my back, I would not go back because I am scared of pain now unless there is a bottle of tequila in my hand I was never strong enough for body piercings. . . . .

OP, I am sorry to say this but sounds like your "cyber man" is busy elsewhere. . . . . .throughout your essay, you say nothing about him loving you but him being happy that someone truly loves him at last. . . .  .he is messing with your head girl.  Maybe he knew talking about marriage would get you to open up. . . . your legs I mean    I wouldn't be surprised if he is still with the girlfriend he told you about.

As for him warning you in advance that he would reject your calls, I die a small death, playa!!!      

LOL Cork, you are at it again. . . . . .nyansh no be big enough for you. . . . .

Thank you for that, I got a bit confused there. . . . . . .

Spoiled or spoilt?? **just wondering**

Yeah, at the end of the day, it is about the two people in a relationship and what they are willing to do to keep the fire burning. . . . .

pinkrex:
With all dis wishes, sweet tongues n bla bla, why are relationships still a mess

As you said, this thread is a wishlist. . . . .

What kind of Q is this, of course rich guys get dumped unless of course you would only date a rich person for his/her money. . . . . .then you would have to stomach all kinds of crap just to live comfortably. . . .but be really unhappy emotionally!!!

Dating rich guys/girls is now a way of getting out of poverty. . . .SMH!!!

Being given room to be ME. . . . anything else we can work around. . . . .strue