₦airaland Forum

Ryda: Guy i dey feel u jor
Is like we go create prison for nairaland sef, so once u get ban na to lock ur account

experimentist: Continuation


We were 2 news news comers in my cell, plus 85 we met there makes 87 in one room. We all share one big paint rubber as our toilet. At about 10pm after everybody have broken their fastings all every has panjied to hsi post. 'Panji for ya post' is a slang used in prison which means 'stay in your position'. So after everyone have panjied to his post, the vice president of the cell yelled at me "alejo, oya come here". I was frightened. It was as if my heart was torn into pieces. I walk very carefully from my post, leaping and making sure I don't step on anybody because I can get a slap from behind. I got closer to him, he looked at me and shook his head and said "na God save you say na for Ramadan you enter here, wooo, awon omo oro ma ti gba eti ye foo(I woulda been tortured)" I didn't say anything I was looking like a dummy while thanking my stars. He asked me what brought me here I told him it was a raiding. He hissed, wishing it was robbery that brought me here. "alejo, una no kill any police?" One rugged looking dude asked from behind. "No oh, na raid dem raid us oh". "Puaaah" the guy landed me a very hot slap that got me confused and forgot where I was confused for some minutes. I was later shown the rules and regulations of the cell. The vice president read all the laws for me while I listen attentively. He told if I have anyone outside that can visit and bring me money so I can be given a bed, pay some amounts so I won't given cell chore at all. Some of the chores are; sweeping the cell floor, washing the state's plate, washing the very dirty toilet, disposing the paint rubber full of giants sh'its etc... Every morning as early as 7am all cells are to bring out their paints of rubber full of sh'it. The person with the task of disposing the sh'it is to carry the miserable sh'it plastic from the cell, to outside the ward then back of the premises where a dilapidated suck away is situated. You are to empty the whole sh'it through a big opening from the suck away. The wash the rubber very well and return it back to the cell. I told the vice president that I will call someone the next morning to bring me money so I can pay for bed and work.. If you have money to pay for bed then you will sleep on the flow. I called (there a business center where inmates go and make call during break hours for #20 per minutes) a friend the next morning luckily for me he vistied early and handed me 2k. I beg the VP and gave him #1500 so that I won't be told to go and carry sh'it. I kept the remaining #500 with me.

Since I don't have money to pay for a bed which is about #2500-#3000, I have to sleep on the floor. Those that are on bed all called 'VIP section' while the small space in between 2 beds is called 'ajegunle' and the middle part of the cell where inmates are packed together like sardine is called 'jankara market'. Since I don't have money to rent a VIP apartment and no money to rent a room in ajegunle I was placed in jankara market. We have lice, bed bugs and other blood sucking insects everywhere on floor. The smell that comes from the toilet every time someone is about to sh'it is deadly.


To be continued....

experimentist: hahahahaha!

Guy if you lost that ya pass nahin be say you don turn prisoner automatically be dat. So, anytime u visit make hold am tight.



Make finish d tori abeg! Make una no vex!

wow! So dis eish hits the fp! This calls for celebration *pops a mighty, imaginary e-champagne*

Mods I troway salute oh!

Prinyebabe: My 1st baby was a long awaited one because she came after 6yrs of marriage. We were very watchful and careful, moreover i am hypertensive. All was ok but when i got to the ending stage of my second trimester my bp started increasing . My bp drugs were increased too, total bedrest was mandated but all to no avail. I started gaining extra weight overnight which was a bad sign, my face and fingers become swollen which were signs of pre eclampsia. I was admitted in the hospital immediately to be monitored, at 32wks and some days my heart almost stopped beating cos the pressure was too much for it. My mum just came around to see me that fateful tuesday midmorning, when i said i wanted to wee. After doing my business i almost slumped if not for her, i couldn't breathe again. Doctors and nurses were running helter shelter,oxygen and all emergency resusitation techniques were carried out and i was stabilized. An ultra scan was done and the dr said the baby's heart beat had dropped and so an emergency cs had to be done to give baby and i opportunity to fight for our lives. Hubby was called, papers were signed, other drs had to be invited and my family members were everywhere. Finally, in the evening i was wheeled into the theatre, my little girl was brought out prematurely minutes after, very small and frail looking. She was rushed to the incubator where pipes and lines were attached to her tiny body to save her life. I was wheeled out an hour later, couldn't see my baby for about 3 days when i finally did, i couldn't hold back the tears of joy. She had jaundice but the almighty saw us through it all, we were released 2wks later with much pressure cos the bill was skyrocketing. Anyway, that frail little girl is 3+ and a warrior. The 2nd journey is story for another day.

lorretta u: The best gift I've ever received was on my birthday 3yrs ago
I used to have a friend who was studying art then. He said he didn't have any money to buy me an expensive birthday gift. So he did this for me thinking it was little. Begging me to 'manage' it. Lol
He was surprised the kind of joy it gave me.
I think I've not received any gift that gave me more joy than this. The effort and time he put into it made it all worthwhile
I'll keep it until I'm old

Gifted scholar: Tnx so much to all does who hav contributed one way or d other to my story, am very grateful!!..ve been away a while naw nd jst got back, I listened to ur advices nd talked to him abt his attitude nd hw its kills me he said he ll address dat he was sorry....recently! I had bleeding for 5days constant I told him, he said I shuld go to check up my self...I asked wit which money?..he said ok oo!!..nd dat ends d matter he didn't even cum to see me all thru d periods I was seriously ill nd didn't cal frequently...nt even a txt msg nd he knew I had heavy bleeding nd was seriously sick bt he did nthing...I sent a msg to him dat if he knew hw sick I am nd he didn't try to cum see me den he didn't love nd I made a very big mistake gettin involve wit him!....

apoti: Thanks to everyone for commenting and wishing us safe delivery.

Sorry I've been busy on site and it's so cold, I couldn't use my phone.

On a lighter mood, my wife has been having some wierd and funny cravings since she got pregnant.

She craved for fufu, ewedu, akara etc and those things are hard to get here in the uk

I remember one day she woke me up like 4am that she wants to eat moi-moi omo mehn, I prepared the thing before I went to work o
over the last few days the only thing she could eat very well is puff-puff I had to learn how to make it

I just can't wait for this phase to be over

kulyie: i know a perfect answer to give you that you will disappear like 299 but because i respect the likes of secularist,who asked me to ignore dirts like you,ill let it go but just for the records,defamation of character just to pass a lousy point (especially when they are obvious lies that cannot be proven)are for hooligans,not people worth being called men,much more real men with class and finishing

Atonto: Nearly got scammed...ori lo yomi. I was seriously looking for a befitting 3BDR bungalow in Lagos, and i got to meet this guy who claim to be an agent. He took me to a house in Maryland - Mende area. The house is not yet completed, still remaining some patching up here and there, in fact i met people working on the interior fittings. To cut the long story short, seeing that i was really eager to pay the 1.5 million - the house rent, he promised 2 weeks for the completion and warned me to pay on time as their are many suitor ready to pay but as he see me as a young and responsible guy, he will let me have the house. He gave me the account number to pay 1.5M into but says he would prefer cheque or cash. On my way to the bank with my friend, we decided to have a second look at the house...the look that save me. Lo and behold, we met a guy in the house who claim to be the brother of the owner of the house. He told me with proof and evidence that the house is not for let, and that he was there because of the stories he heard concerning people claiming to have paid for the same house and waiting to pack in once is finished. I put my hand on my head Chei.. I was told as well that the so called agent is in collaboration with the carpenters working in the house. A spare of the key with them is what they give the agent to fake access...I called the number he gave me but no response... that is when it dawn on me that the guy is a big scammer and he already know through his spies that oka ti fo, i just thank my star ...

Opel Divine: Am a contract staff of FCMB, u guys are not far from truth but hear this. Basic salary for a starting DSA is 25k with commission of 35k if target is been met, SDSA basic salary is 45k with commission of 70k if target is met den for a Team lead 55k with commission from DSA and SDSA if 100% target is been met. But I dey resign next year. Monkey dey work Babuu dey chop. FCMB My bank and I

passionate88: Na wa o. Op, na u b this?.

Brimmie: Ur Papa!

Ujujoan: Maybe she was wary of phone snatchers. She probably didn't plan on going too far away from home for her to leave her belongings behind.

If the estate is that lonely then she could have been taken without anyone noticing.

I had a similar experience some years back . . . Just stepped out to buy some airtime right outside my gate and was cornered by 4 men with guns. It was dark already and people didn't notice . . . I was too scared of the gun pointed at my back to raise an alarm! They took me back to my apartment and robbed my of everything I owned. I just thank God I wasn't raped cos I would have been unable to stop them.

hippyzuki: my brother no b only dig e for create another hole for my body...

Kanwulia: I must reaaaaaally love a man more than myself to go thorough that!
Na! Not that needy or 'wanty'!
Even after marriage, it can still be dicey!
Matter of personal choice.)
If I want a bastard, I sure know where to purchase one!
No need to labor and torture my beautiful mind and body for such a quest!
Issues can never hungry me reassssh so!

Petitequeen: u dey rejoice? #no offence buh u knw wether she carry virus?

Beverlies: What do you mean nairaland love doesn't exist, I think you should only speak for yourself,don't sound objective. People hook up on social media every now and then and it works out fine for some, so don't generalize please

50calibre: You've got to understand the co*k, it's a rebel member of the body, it has a mind of its own, you got to respect it as an entity. You can't shove food in its face & expect it not to respond.

You can't take a goat to the front of a lion's den & expect it to sit quietly.

Carsonv: I smell big lies. How can Burna be a minor by 2010 with all those strong bear bear?