Linda walked the short distance to the nearest highway and flagged down a commercial motorbike rider.

Linda: Okada! Take me to Central Café.

Motorbike Rider: Let’s go. It’s 50 naira.

Linda: 50 naira? What are you talking about? I can’t pay more than 20 naira.

The motorbike rider began to leave.

Linda: Ok, come back. What about 25 naira?

Motorbike Rider: How can a fine girl like you not have 50 naira? Ok, I’ll take 40 naira but nothing less.

Linda: Please let me pay 30 naira. That’s what I have.

Motorbike: Look, the lowest price for ‘drop’ is 40 naira. You should know that. Is this your first time?

Linda: Thank you very much. You can go.

The motorbike rider drove off as Linda turned towards the road to hail another motorbike rider. A black Mercedes Benz passed her by and then turned back to park close to where she was standing. The passenger seat door opened and a well-built man wearing an expensive suit got out and started walking towards Linda.

Man: Hello, I’m Tunde.

A look of surprise appeared on Linda’s face.

Linda: Tunde Phillips!

Tunde: You’re right. And what’s your name?

Linda: Mrs. Linda Phillips.

When Tunde heard that, he laughed, which puzzled Linda. Then she realized what she had just said.

Linda: Sorry! I meant to say ‘Linda Bella’.

Tunde: (smiling) No, don’t apologize!

Tunde: I know I’ve met you somewhere. Were you a student of Royal School?

Linda: No, I attended General High, but we met during a quiz competition my school hosted. You were representing your school and I was one of the prefects attending to the contestants.

Tunde: Yes, I think I remember now. You were the prefect who acted as our hostess, right?

Linda: Exactly.

Tunde: Linda, I’m so pleased to meet you! Here’s my card, in case you ever need me. Where are you going anyway?

Linda: Central Café.

Tunde: That’s not far from where I’m going. Why not let me give you a lift?

Linda: I’d love that.

Tunde helped Linda into his car, and then got in after her. His driver started the car while Linda looked around.

Linda: Nice ride.

Tunde: Thanks. (To driver) We’re dropping this lady at Central Café

Driver: Yes sir.

Alli and his lover Esther were in well-furnished expensive master bedroom. Both of them were under the covers, just about to go to sleep.

Esther: Darling, do you know that next month will be the 19th anniversary of our relationship?

Alli: My o my, how time flies! How do you think we should celebrate it?

Esther: I’ve already told you what I want, but you refuse to listen.

Alli: Seriously? I don’t remember. When was this?

At this, Esther turned her face away from Alli

Esther: See? You don’t even pay attention to what I say. You don’t even care.

Alli approached her and held her hand.

Alli: Ok, darling, I am sorry I forgot. What is it? Tell me so I can arrange for it. I promise.

Esther: I want us to get married.

Alli: Hmmph.

Alli dropped her hand and switched off the bedroom light. Esther immediately switched it back on.

Esther: What sort of monster are you, Alli? I’ve been living with you for almost 19 years and you still don’t want to marry me?

Alli: Esther, please don’t start that again. I have told you why it’s is not possible.

Esther: Your wife has been away for 19 years, and you still don’t want to divorce her. 19 good years!

Alli: How can I divorce her when I don’t even know whether she’s alive or dead?

Esther: Well, that’s no longer a problem. A lawyer friend of mine told me that the marriage can be dissolved on grounds of abandonment. Once that is done, we can go ahead and get married.

Alli: I don’t believe in divorce.

Esther: (sarcastically) Preach it, preacher. Wait a minute: isn’t fornication a greater sin?

Alli: Esther, I cannot divorce that woman. She never did anything to offend me.

Esther: What about her decision to disappear for 19 years?

Alli: Can’t you understand and forget about this?

Esther: All I understand is that you’re taking advantage of me. You’re using me like a wife yet denying me of marriage. That’s very unfair.

Alli: Marriage is just a formality. You have this house, you have me, and you have your career. What more could a woman ask for?

Esther: Marriage.

Alli: Humph. You’re just being stubborn.

Esther: And what about our children, Alli? Don’t they deserve a proper home? Don’t they deserve to bear their father’s name?

Alli: Aisha and John are fine.

Esther: Those spoilt children of ours? By what definition are they “fine”?

Alli: The only problem they have is you. You’re always trying to control them. You won’t let them be.

Esther: And why won’t I control them when their father is unserious?

Alli: That is enough! This unserious father is going to sleep.

Alli switched off the bedroom light again and went to sleep with his back turned to Esther, who switched it back on and proceeded to get up from the bed and leave the room.

Esther: I hope you’re willing to play with yourself for the rest of this month. I’m going to the guest room.

If you test the story on 3-5 children and they all seem to love it, a ghostwriter might be a worthy investment.

After finishing her bath, Linda wrapped herself with her towel and lifted the ‘mobile’ door of her bathroom. She was startled to see Bashiru, a dark-skinned male co-tenant, standing right in front of it. On his waist was a small towel, and beside him a bucket of water. He wore a mischievous smile on his face.

Linda: Bashiru!

Bashiru: Linda!

Linda: What are you doing there?

Bashiru: I was waiting for my lovely princess to finish.

Linda: How did you know who was in there? (Looking worried) Did you peep?

Bashiru: Of course not. I recognized your voice while you were in there.

Linda: That makes sense, but … I don’t remember talking or singing while I was in there.

Bashiru: You must have said something. Maybe you’ve forgotten. Well, even if I peeped, you have no cause for concern, because your body is very shapely.

Linda smacked his head and pushed him into the bathroom.

Bashiru: Ouch!

From inside the bathroom, Bashiru called out.

Bashiru: By the way, Linda, I was the one that greeted you this morning.

Linda: I know. Pervert!

Linda marched away. After a few steps, she almost tripped over the culvert at the back door of her residence.

Little Child: Sorry Auntie.

Linda: Thank you, Peace. Wait a minute, why aren’t you in school today?

Peace: Today is a Saturday.

Linda: Oh, I forgot. Well, greet your parents on my behalf. I’m going to the Central Cafe after I dress up.

Peace: Auntie, please buy something for me.

Linda: All right, sweetie. I’ll buy you something nice.

Linda went back to her room to change. She picked up the note left by her mother and the money folded inside it. Something inside the note made her smile. Then she left the room and locked it behind her. As she turned to leave, she heard Bashiru’s voice from the room next door.

Bashiru: Linda, is that you leaving?

Bashiru poked his head out of the room and stared at Linda’s T-shirt and Jeans trouser.

Bashiru: Girl, you’re looking pretty today. Why not let me accompany you?

Linda starts to leave.

Linda: No.

Bashiru: Please, please, please Linda. I promise to be good.

Linda: You’re wasting your time, Bashiru. A boy like you can’t impress a girl like me.

Bashiru: Aw, you broke my heart!

Yet, as she walked away, there was a smile on her face that shouldn’t have been there.

Linda: Bashiru, Bashiru. You’re nothing but a joker, and that’s what you’ll always be to me.