₦airaland Forum

KarmaMod:
sapphic, your parents sound like mine. My dad's also a great cook and a neat freak

My own dad was not a good cook but we loved his cooking anyway. . .lol.

Exactly. dont know why people act like it's a big deal.

Beats me!

Stop dating children and you wont have to deal with such instead of whining.

Precisely!!

Sapphic:
The truth is that many couples in the west already has the woman bearing her fair share of the financial burden, but the men do not bear a proportionate share of the household chores. All my mates and family members who are married and live in the UK, US and Canada ALL contribute to the bills (i.e mortgage, utilities, child minder, food etc). My close mate was once earning almost double what her hubby was here in London and she paid majority of the bills AND did the housework, and the once in a golden moon that the hubby used to help her to wash a few dishes, he would keep announcing "Don't ever say I don't help you do YOUR work in this house". . . can you imagine that crap? Now he is earning more a little more than her, the bills are split equally and she still does practically all the chores (he helps out now and then, but not regularly and that is cos she just gave birth a few months ago).

Bwahahahahahahahaha! Now that's hilarious and they say nada when we say they only like the "culture" when it is convenient for them.

I know it seems I made up The Perfect Naija Wife Series but truth be told, it's all from real life (slightly exaggerated but real nonetheless). I see them here, overworked, exhausted, looking 10 years older than their Husbands. . .  running helter skelter trying to keep the family together while their DA MAN husbands just skates through the whole thing. 

Sapphic:
I knew that this is where I will find you. Anything that has to do with male supremacy, you will forever be there. . . Shiorr.

In my own family, my father worked about the house o. We had the customary househelps but my father was a mean cook. And I will always remember those cooking competitions between him and my mother that had me and my siblings judging. Those were the good old days. My father's pearly words of wisdom always ring in my ears from time to time "you are not a second class citizen, so don't let any man treat you as one", "you can do anything you set your mind to", "we are not sending you girls to school just to become somebody's baby factory or modern day slave" etc etc etc. So the thing is possible o, it's just that Naija men love lording it over their clueless spouses.

Thank you ooooh!

Same here with the daddy thingy. I have 4 brothers and none of them have any qualms about going to the kitchen and cooking because they know it has nothing to do with their manhood. My fondest memory of my dad's cooking was his too sugary yams, I tell ya. . . after each fork, you gotta run to the bathroom because Jedijedi and We also had house helps oooh.

In my opinion, it is the insecure ones who feel like every little thing makes then less of a man, it is the insecure ones who feel the need to exert this yeye man law. It's would be so funny if it weren't extremely sad but you know what is sadder still? It seems like the present generation are a tad worse than our fathers. I mean what happened. . . was it something in the water? How did we get stuck with a generation of insecure pansies?

debosky:
Many people already have 'egalitarian' marriages. (I wonder the need for big grammar anyways  )

What about the financial responsibilities that 'customarily' fall on men? Does your egalitarian union involve that as well?

Couples should have these discussions before getting into marriage and resolve them as much as possible before signing the dotted line.

Any reasonable man who knows his wife works as much (if not harder) than he does would do everything in his power to lighten her load, and vice-versa.

This is not about being 50-50. While partners may be 'equal' (i.e holding equal rights and benefits in the relationship) they are not equally endowed or skilled. One or the other will have a greater capacity for some tasks than the other.

As long as they come to an acceptable balance, whether 70-30 or 60-40 or 80-20, then that is the key.

There are women who will feel insulted if the man decides to start cooking and see it as an affront to their culinary skills. Will the man now in the name of '50-50' insist on subjecting her to his atrocious cooking? No.

Good Points!

Personally, I've always had a problem with these said financial responsibilities that customarily fall on my men. I think anyone who accepts these and the demands equal egaliwhachumacallit is talking out of both sides of her mouth.

My idea of partnership is not that we both sit down and say I will sweep from the living room to the landing and then you take it from there until you get to the kitchen. No, my idea of partnership is when one person sees somethings needs to be done and does it.  I see your laundry piling up. . . I do it. You see dishes in the sink, you do it. You wake up first, get the children ready for school. I finish work early, I pick 'em up. You see my engine lights are on, you stop at the mechanics, I notice your car is dirty. . . I stop at the car wash. (keeping my examples are basic as possible)

I guess stripped down to the very core, my idea of partnership is really doing things for each other without putting much thought into it. . . having to weigh it "Oh is this a woman or a man's job?"

Is this too much to ask??!! 

C2H5OH:
Why experiement with western improvisation when we already have something that works?

Says who? 

That you've chosen to turn a blind eye and even deafer ears to the voices saying it doesn't and managed to convince yourself that it works. . . does not mean it's reality.

Mai Suya:
. . . that works perrrrrrrrrrfectly. 

See them. . . burying their heads in the sand.https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/29.gif

I want my baby back baby back baby back
I want my baby back baby back baby back
Baby Back Ribs! 



I'm sorry I got nothing. . . don't know if it's because I couldn't  past the Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby part or because I don't see what the problem is here.

na2day?:
what do u mean your sons will know how to treat their wives and your daughters will know not to settle for nonsense!! ?  iya, repeat after me, our sons will know how to treat their wives and our daughters will know not to settle for nonsense!!, if u dont say it na red card u go get ooo 

Yes MY son and MY daughters because they  will be listening to MOI! I mean obviously you can’t be trusted to teach the right from wrong. You are gonna go all male culture-centric on them. Na who want hin pikin to learn bad thing? Certainly not me.

So MY SONS and MY DAUGHTERS. . . Deal with it!

Sapphic:
Na wetin now? Do I owe you money? Why the heck are you following me all over the place? Abeg o. Haba.

Was it only me, or did anyone else notice that the original poster side stepped what he did to the woman? He was probably trying to show the wife that he was the man of the house, when in fact na wrapper him just dey wear all these days. Ol' boy just go and dobale for your wife and her father and tell them that you won't be so silly and useless in future.Next time when you see your wife cheating, you'll learn how to turn the other cheek and look the other way. . . nonsense.

Oh the mental picture. . . I’m getting all a-tingly! https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/8.gif

Rotflmao@ Topic

This is gonna be fun!! https://www.free-emoticons.co.uk/emoticons/Drinking/drinking09.gif

na2day?:
ovularia, i am getting worried about u oooo, i hope this is not what u r going to be teaching our children fa? 

MY sons will know how to treat their wives and MY daughters will know not to settle for nonsense!!

thank u o jare, no mind all this girls, dem never hala.

Obviously they don't think he is prize that's why they are beating the living daylights out of him. I'll hazard a guess and say he will be doing them a huge favor if he packs her out. . . that's if she hasn't even sent the movers to come do it. https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/21.gif

alfchye:
What is with this sappis.I think you are sick.Even if he curse the family for being immoral, why would they beat him.So this is how your family will be beating you husband.I sorry for who go marry you put for house.You are just too crazy.
If u ever marry ur husband is in for real hell.

What in the world are you on? Like seriously, tell your dealer to go easy on the dung, okay?

precious68:
For the avoidance of doubts,Iam not impotent so not being able to satisfy my wife in bed.If you want a proff,then send your sister or gilfriend.Again,Iam not apoor lad who depended on my wife's family for anything.As far as I can remember,in the five years of marriage,I have gootten absolutely nothing from my wife's family.The way I see it,They are just trying to provoke me to do something that may make me not a gentleman.Iam still waiting though to see what comes out of this.

Look I understand the need to save face but man. . . now is not the time to lie. Your wife's actions clearly shows that. . . well ya know, so let's put an end to the lying and work towards helping you become. . . ya know better!!!!!

Tee hee hee hee 

na2day?:
bros i sympathize with u jare, no mind all these girls wey dey mis yan. God go help u

Mis yan kini? I say it's about time men started getting a taste of their own medicine. When a man cheats, they blame his wife, eh ehn . . . it's only fair that the man gets the doggone crap beaten out of him for his wife's cheating now.

Bwahahahahahaha! https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/21.gif

i_laugh:
Next time when you catch her like that - beat her up first so that her father wont need to send thugs after you.

And he would get doubly beaten, this time around he won't be able to turn on the compurra 

Angolobabe:
this is serious,is ur father in-law supporting her affair?

Of course not! He is only using the old school method of beating the crap out someone to teach them a good lesson. The lesson in this case is - SATISFY YOUR WOMAN. . . MAN!!!! https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gif

If them like make them say I dey encourage cheating. . . na dem sabi. https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/69.gif

What an Idiot. . . an ignorant idiot.

Stop talking out of your A.Hole, please.

larez:
Side view of my dream home. (rendering)

I love it!!!!!

Ruby don't mind him ooh. We get money well well, We just aren't as ostentatious and pretentious as some people

JJYOU:
forgot you were the home lawyer in the family.  if granny brought up daddy properly i would say.

Rotflmao!!


Oh Yeah, what about Grandpapa??!!! Hmmmm ^{Are we going in circles here?}

seriously my dear i dont like what i see. the younger ones are not helping matters too.

Yep!!!!

JJYOU:
are u not suppose to be teaching the women how to clean and be submissive? why all these feminists wahala now?

That was Baby Jinx!! Heheheheheheh

the trouble i have with your women try business is the evil men were all mainly raised by women.  me and my brother were always told by my mum and granny that we were to make sure any woman we come across had life better than theirs.   i blame the women raising up these "monsters" you guys are trying to convince here.

like i said this is above our pay grade. some may have been damaged beyond redemption. if care is not taken women may never have it better than it is today.  i just thank God i was not born in the last 3 decades. so many of you know rights but dont use the word responsibility. loving, graceful, loyal, respectful, being nice and caring to your partner is a responsibility dont you think?

It is the mother's fault. . . Oh come on! That is a cop out if I've ever heard one.

Tell me, how do you suppose the little boy in this scenario will grow up?

On one hand, He watches his dad happily exert his "Authority" over momma, on the other. . . he listens to his mom tell him women are equal, treat them with respect and blah, blah, blah.

Please, I ask you which one of the lessons do you think will take?

As much as we'd like to spin this and place the blame on the mothers, most guys want to be like their fathers. . . it is monkey do what monkey see. In conclusion the ball is back in your court

Sapphic:
All those days of "love is blind" does not wash with many girls nowadays. Ta lo wa nile fun oshi? If men don't like it, they should comot for road abeg.

Bwahahahahahahahaha!! 

Treetop20:
i did not read through all that he wrote
i will also like to say that not all men see women as help mates
or mere vessels as you've put it
love does come with romance and respect
that is how it should be. if i am going to be with a woman for life
then i will make it fun for the both of us. this takes work from the both of us
we are talking about marriage here right? i would also say that most men come
here to bluff but are real to their significant others at home.

I like that but let it be in general not just marriage and on the off chance that you really mean it. . . I say BRAVO TO YOU!!!

HeatFusion:
Atleast the women try.
calling you guys "oga" and all those bullshit, just to make y'all happy. shior

EXACTLY Ruby, the women try. Most women give up when they don't get anything back, that's why we have many taking a page out of a man's book and going "Oh I will do the this, this and that you want from me but I want to do it in a absolutely, ridiculously expensive environment"

Trade by barter n'yaju ni.

This is why poor men get no loving. He is poor and he still wants to exert "manly Authori-tay".

It's like. . . Ayiiiiin? how does he want it?!!

Treetop20:
this is overkill

No it isn't ! It is absolutely on point!!

Maybe we have been fighting the wrong battle, If we. . . especially men can really understand that marriage isn't just another passing fancy in life like growing a mustache and that women are not just "help mates" or mere vessels to make life easier for them, majority of the discussion we have on the romance section will cease.

We talked about respect and we had guys going on and about how the girl must cook, she must clean, she must this and that nothing about someone understanding them, supporting their dreams, being there for them. . .  Nothing that touches on the deep emotional side of things, just every day convenience.

Again how do we define these things. . . Love, Romance and Respect?  If our definition of love is remotely close to what we have above, certainly cooking cleaning, bowing down and worshiping won't be the first that comes to mind when we talk about expectations neither will it be He must have money, be able to buy me Gucci bag and matching shoes.

Never heard this one before. In fact the question should be why do they paint over paint? They don't bother to scrap the old one off. Fancy pink over your green, go ahead an slap it on! Two Year later you want orange. . . what are you waiting for just start mixing paint. Everything combined to make an appalling sight!!

mohawkchic:
~Aaaw . . cheer up

~I've watched braclets and waist beads been made with keen interest,i thought it was easy till i tried putting the rope into those tiny holes when one of my waist beads came apart . . . dont have the patience for it at all!!

~Making the Chockers will require more time & effort No Doubt!

Lol! Thank you for reminding why quit in the first place. . . impatience.

Wanene biyehribiyan?

In Hausa it is called DAMBE and it such an awful sight.

I bet you, you will puke your guts out the first time you sit through one.

Watch Video

[flash=425,344]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWF_ARr91bs&hl=en&fs=1[/flash]

Oh noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is it!!! I can't take it anymore. . . . What is up with you two now?!!

Tsiya, you don't wanna know what GMFB means!!! I am a lost cause, you save yourself okay?

Trust  me, no one really has a firm handle on what this love thing is. Apart from the fact that human beings are complex the feelings they come with are even complexer. . . hehehehe. Me. . . I say KNOWING YOUR SELF and WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE is a good start off point.


A'ight GMFB mean Give Me a Freaking Break but not freaking the other F word. I know, I know! Baaaaaad!


@ HeatFusion
Ruby, pele pele ni won fin mu Acid now. . . you get? I've still not gotten a feel for Sillyboy, so as far as I am concerned, Acid it was, is and it will ever be, jo ma ruin ise owo mi with agidi ati shakara

Ruby!!!

Lmao! I don't mean to kill anybody oooh. . .  at least not yet. Us Succubi wait until after mating.


Acid ki lon se e lately sef? Egba wo lo be re gbogbo cursing yi? 

Tsiya:
Sisi Yaya kike?

You are very harsh on men. I dont think Im a bad man but I cant understand, is it not the women that sometimes cause wahala in marriage? My father told me you dont know ur friend untill 3 things enter between u and them: (1) Stay in d same room for some months or even years (2) financial obligations enters between the 2 of you (3) sharing responsiblity and power come between the 2 of you

Patience and compromise are key to all form friendship, and I think marriage should not an exception.

Ina lafiya, Tsiya. . . nagode. Kai?

I am not being harsh, I promise you I am not. Sure I joke here and there but the truth is I like my Nigerian men. I hear the compromise, the patience and all the other la di da words but let's be honest, when they say that. . . isn't it the women the expect to carry it out? This is where the issue is. . . there are two people in the relationship, no? How come it is one person's compromise, one person's patience, one person's longsufferingness expected to sustain the two person relationship?  

Call me naive but I don't think it is fair (and I know life isn't fair, so spare me that) and perpetuating  this idealistic notion that you can "train" another human being into becoming what you want them to become is not helping none.

In my opinion, it only adds more pressure on the women because they now think it is their fault their husbands, boyfriends, SO aren't doing things certain things for them. "Oh I'm just not good a trainer, that's why he still hasn;t gotten it yet that giving flowers is nice romantic gesture." https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/20.gif

GMFB!! https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/29.gif

sistawoman:
That is the problem.

Training starts way, way, way, way before marriage.  If you start after marriage it wont work and you are stuck with what you got.

Training starts with hello how are you.

Training before, after, in between. . . the point remains (at least for me) do not go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. I'm sorry to say this but you have an almost idealistic outlook of this and while I don't hold it against you, we have to be real here. You keep saying train him, train him as if these are little pups whose only worry in life is having a warm bowl of milk.

Back to the training him,  so you do it, work morning ,afternoon and night yet it doesn't take because. . . you know these are people with their own minds and some sense, what then?  

I think I'd much rather look at his flaws, what he is capable of, what my expectations are and the reality of them being me by him and decide for myself if I can live with what I will get from him. I'd also hope the guy will do the same thing with me instead of thinking "Ohh, Training 101 starts at 9pm after the first Hello"

sistawoman:
Also remember the training goes both ways.  

As we are training and grooming him, he too is doing the same with us.

Most woman don't need the men to change them. From the moment they choose to be in a relationship with him, they start turning themselves inside out to accommodate him.

It's too bad some men don't appreciate or reciprocate the gesture, too bad you gotta approach them in the same manner you do with a dog just learning not to pee in your suede pumps.

All jokes aside. . . are we forgetting who were dealing with here? The day you open your mouth and say "Dahlin', sweeri, love of my life. . . why don't you do this" is the day you hear "You want to change me! Didn't you see me like this before you married me" and when you bring your wahala to Nairaland they will tell you "Didn't you notice he wasn't like that before marriage? It is you fault for not being discerning enough. . . Deal with it."

I say, never go into a relationship thinking you can change the other person coz you might as well be digging a pit of disappointment to bury yourself in.


@ Topic
If by romance you mean did they give you the opportunity to kowtow to their every whim? Then Yes, oh God Yes. . .  Nigerian men are absolutely positively the most romantic men on the surface of the earth!!! https://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/8.gif