₦airaland Forum

igbsam: Hahahahahahaha.....very hilarious, so its now wrong trying to save you from committing suicide. Well, You can go ahead and cross ikeja expressway for all i care....I just pray say no be trailer go knock u down. Or rather, spare the rod and spoil your child when you start having kids.

does that man look like a kid?

and when did crossing the road equate committing suicide?

stop appealing to sentiments to make your point. philosophers call dt the fallacy of argumentum ad misericondiam.


and so why cant the soldier admonish him and let him go?


must he administer a punishment usually given to soldiers to a civilian.

i see u dont understand the major issues so i ll let u be.


but try read books...you ll be enlightened.

[quote author=optimus-prime1]After trying this stunt on my Neighbours Rottweiler some minutes ago, and I barely came back with my Jeans intact...
I will not! "I repeat"
I WILL NOT! try it with a Leo @ alllllllllllllll
if common dog wan kee me because I no run, then I go try that rubbish with Lion abi?
OP you try...[/quote]if you take time to watch national geographic..you ll understand.

if u run...a lion will kill u cos it will outrun you. if u stand your ground it will be scared. its just like you pursuin a goat...if it runs..,.you run after it...but if a goat doesnt run from you or even runs after you...u ll first run init?

thats how it is wit lions too. its a psycological thing

igbsam: For your mind now, u don make point o! When you behave like animals, you get treated like one. What's the pedestrian bridge for if you don't use it risking your life and putting motorist at the risk of man slaughter.....I say again, serves him right, next time he'll use the pedestrian bridge.

And you also should stop thinking like my 3yrs old nephew.

Its you that shud stop thinking like a kid.


This is an overkill. in developed countries, human rights activists would sue you for doing this to a terrorist let alone someone whose offence is to cross the bridge. Punishment must be relative to the crime. You need to read books. It will enlighten you.

Strauskhan1: Fellow Nigerians, I take God beg una, If luck runs out on you and you encounter a Lion..... Run for your innocent life,. Dont mind those oyinbos, all those drama wey dem tell you to dey perform for Lion front go just dey exite the Lion........ CAPISH? #ijoshy

You are wrong sir. if you see a lion and run, it is 99% sure he ll kill you. cos he is faster than the fastest human.

like the op said...you should maintain your stand. since a human is taller than a lion, he ll struggle to get to your neck-the spot they always target. lions know the easiest way to kill is to 'go for the jugular' and block the windpipes.

if you dont run, the possibility is that they wont attack.

its important you kip these in mind.

altho i dont agree with the clapping thin.


i wuld even suggest that you run at the lion if you are sure if wants to attack. not fly run at it but run at it like you want to attack it. most lions would run when they see an animal bold enuf to attack it.

sarutobie: Funny and kinda ironic..have you not seen threads where people are saying the "millitary era was more disciplined than now"..this is their idea of discipline..were they are forced to obey any law with the nozzle of a gun staring menacingly at you..

Is this man's crime worse than that of Mutallab, the pant terrorist? did Americans treat him like a dog?

I once read an oyinbo's article on nigeria after he U17 world cup. he said everything was ok except for the scary guns our law enforcement officers carried about-even though it was for his own protection. Nigerians just always believe everything must be by 'force'.

In civilised countries, law officers dont even carry big AK47s around like our own do. they only carry pistols which are yusually in their holsters till they nid to use it.


One question which i ll ask those supportingthe soldier is this- Do you think this picture paints us well before a foreigner?

or does it tell the outside world that 'do whatever you want to a Nigerian...he doesnt deserve being classified as a human'

kzokul: Wat d soldiers did was absolutely right......if d man had accident in d process of crossing dey will say na d driver dey reckless.......y was d bridge constructed?do u tink its 4 d beauty of lagos?no ma pple....its 4 d safety of passers by on crossroads..... Big up 2 d soldiers jare and more of dt........ @ least it wud stp stubborn ppler 4 crossing such roads and d rate of accidents will reduce.......

So you have to be trreated like an animal to ensure you do the right thing?


God...why maketh me a Nigerian...a land full of barbarians?

igbsam: Lagosians are stubborn when it comes to law abiding. Go to ikeja along. The bridge is there for them to use, yet you will see one one Iya Orobo who cannot even run more than the tortoise attempting to cross the ever busy express way. God saved one sometime ago, he was knocked down only for the car coming behind to sway in order not to hit the dude only to hit one Honda Cross Tour damaging the driver's sides. Air bags deployed. Gbese! The useless boy stood up and went ahead with his crossing, you wan try as Agberos chase am carry am come back!


I like wetin the soldier do am. More punishment will stop people from cross the express way.

We are in a democracy, not military rule.

Reading through this tread....i understand y Nigerians are discriminated against all over the world. When someone treats a fellow citizen like an animal and most of y'all dont see anything wrong, i weep for you all. What ever happened to preservation of human dignity? Would you feel same way if an oyinbo did dis to a Nigerian?

Most of you on NL needs to go to school again to be trained on civilised behavior.

Dpeacemaker101: so you believe Sahara reporters? Then you can believe anything.

if not that you are agovernment apologist or someone licking government's anus...why would you say thay shouldnt belive sahara reporteers?

but for them will we now how corrupt stella oduah is?

My advise for u; Dont trade your conscience, integrity and honor just for what you can eat.

emeka50: Use ur head and grade Nigeria's history of currupt leaders....is it not Northerners(bokos) 40%...Westerners 30% easterners 15% and Southerners 15%....why attack igbos ?...are u better than any igbo man in ur street ?

i am not an ethnocentric Nigerian but Evans Enwerem, Chuba Okadigbo, Oduah are all igbos...do the conclusions yourself....i dont wanna be dragged into a tribal war..

sexymoma: You Invited her to your church and your pastor called her out for deliverance next thing you saw was the pastor's hand on you chick's pu.na...ni
How would you react?

You wanna know how i ll react?

Can you see the bulge in the guy standing by the pastor's trousers? Thats how i ll d react.

What i want to know is how much they pay the pro-stella guys on Nairaland? Is it 4k too?

[quote author=madam_oringo]Basically, from the EVIDENCE and interrogations, several corruption allegations are CONFIRMED:

- Fraud by Odulah, cover-up and intent to criminally enrich and benefit herself
[size=18pt]- Fraud by NCAA
- Fraud by Cosmos Maduka
- Fraud by Okonjo Iweala (Finance waivers)
- Dishonesty and fraudulent intent by dodging import waivers of N 10 M, accruable to the FG and the country
- LIBEL AGAINST THE LAGOS STATE GOVERNMENT, LYING THAT THE STATE ORDERED THE CARS![/size]

Oloriburuku oloshi ni awon omo nna yi, ogun lo ma pa gbogbo yin danu!! Imagine they lied ON LAGOS! (The only state that can honestly afford such things in Nigeria) [/quote]But how come most of the principal actorsin this scandal are ibos?...*runs* before i recieve igbo backlash

when re we to get the robust reply na? Abi dem tink say we go forget?

Guy...u dull o....wen oda guys go dey plan to straff am for her apartment...u still dey wonder whether to ask am question....time no dey o...the End is near...

joseph1013: Me I tire for this GoT herd o. To watch season 1 na coffee, season 2 ending dey interesting small. It's actually season 3 that got my attention.

But to compare it to Spartacus is just plain ridiculous. Haba!

Some people no get taste sha...

you just said my mind...i have finally seen the GOT and goodness! whoever compares it to spartacus either has no taste or is suffering from delusional amnesia...

Unbelivable...the comparism is an insult to spartacus...

vinkolo: Owe him/her for donkey months without any hope of payment

Shows the darkness of your heart.

That is heartless and i hope people like you dont complain bout bad leaders...cos you are worse.

By firing squad.

BACHELOR LIFE (EPISODE 5)

I had totally forgotten I had given her my address. Who would have thought she would come to my house directly? My plan had been to pick her up from the bus stop close to my apartment. I silently prayed she would miss her way. Problem was that my house can easily be located and was only a stone’s throw from the Bus Stop.

Nervous and panicky, I quickly roused Funke and told her I had to go pick my mum who was visiting from the airport. She noticed my impatient nudging’s for her to leave quickly and asked;

“Na wa o. Why are you so much in a hurry? Are you pursuing me?”

“Noo nau. Not that. It’s just that her flight will land in 2o minutes and I am late already.” I replied.

“So when are we seeing again?” (Which kain babe be dis na? we say make you go, you dey ask when we go see).

“Don’t worry. We‘ll see before the week runs out. I even want to take you to the movies. There’s this movie I want you to watch. I lied.
‘Ok. Am set. Let’s go’, she replied reluctantly.

My phone rang again and I checked the caller; it was Tina yet again. This time, she kept calling continually. I knew she must be pretty close by. I didn’t and couldn’t pick the call.

“Pick your call nau.” Funke said staring at the ringing phone.

“It’s my oga at work. I know why he is calling. I don’t want to pick or cut the call” I lied yet again.

As we left my apartment, I didn’t bother locking the door. By now, I was basically a bundle of nerves. I couldn’t think straight. I quickly mustered a silent desperate prayer to God to spare me from the impending embarrassment in return for which I would attend church the coming Sunday (I had not been in church for six months).

Unfortunately, it seemed like the heavens were pretty much angered towards me because immediately we set foot on my street, we bumped into Tina.

“Shola, what’s all this nau? I‘ve been calling and pinging you since. Haba. You just left me stranded since. Didn’t you see all my missed calls and bb messages?’ Tina fumed immediately she set eyes on me completely ignoring Funke standing beside me.
‘Tina! Tina Watsup?..em..err..am so sorry. I wasn’t with my phone. Em..just gimme a minute, lemme walk my friend.’

“So what should I do? Just stand in the middle of nowhere while you finish with your friend? She asked, eyeing Funke contemptuously and still fuming with rage. (There’s this thing with girls when they get angry. They just seem to lose all sense of reasoning)

“Chill nau. I said am coming. I‘ll join you in the next 5 minutes. That’s my house. The door is open, You can go and wait for me. I‘ll join you soon”. I said pointing at the door to my apartment.

Then I turned to Funke whose face was clearly boiling and before I could say anything, she seethed in a loud voice;

“Who are you walking away?”
“Don’t you dare!!!”
“Don’t you dare come near me!!!”

She was basically screaming now and her voice had started attracting a few passersby.
“So this is who you are? Is this your mum that you want to go pick at the airport abi? So you‘ve been lying and pretending abi? I just knew something was fishy. So you were rushing me out of your house because of this low life cheap prostitute? abi’ she bellowed.

Things were beginning to get out of hand and I could notice a few of my neighbors peeping from their windows. Being a quiet environment, I was sure that with the way Funke was screaming, it would be a matter of seconds before a full blown scene would be created. Whilst I was still thinking of the words to say in response to Funke and how to handle the situation, I heard a loud sound; Tina had landed a Funke a heavy slap; the type typically given by mobile policemen and soldiers; accompanied by the question;

“who are you calling a prostitute?”

Staggering and not in a mood to reply Tina with words, Funke didn’t seem to be fazed by Tina’s obvious size superiority to her and had responded to Tina with two slaps while I just stood and watched; rooted to the spot in shock.

Despite Funke’s rather small stature, she had always had this fiery and feisty side to her. Her Olympic boxing champion styled slap cum blows to Tina’s face must have made Floyd Mayweather green with envy. It not only resulted in Tina wobbling and stumbling away, it also ensured her bag and phone were flung in different directions.

By now, a large crowd had gathered. (Who wouldn’t want to see two girls fighting in public?)Rather weirdly, no one made any attempt to separate the feuding divas. Overcoming my initial shock, I decided it was time to end the madness.

I approached Funke to try and stop her from landing further blows but I could see her eyes were blazing with rage. She seemed rather stronger than usual and pushed me away with the ferocity of someone possessed shouting;

‘Leave me! Leave me! Let me teach this bitch a lesson!”

By now, Tina had gathered herself and braced herself for the final onslaught. Eyes beaming with rage and vengeance, she charged forward towards Funke who was also ready to show she wasn’t a push over.

Then all hell was let loose.

this nairalandsef with the way it censures words.

which one is 'poo! poo! poo!'...'femalecore' and 'Tips'?

thats not what i wrote na.

BACHELOR LIFE (EPISODE 4)

I still remember the very first time I had sex with Funke. It felt really good.
Problem was that with every more round of sex I had with her, the joy of having sex with her reduced. The ‘over regularity’ of our ‘sexcapades’ coupled with the fact that she lived in my area and was always coming over to my crib for sex, meant I stopped looking forward to the sex. I had read somewhere about guys possessing one hormone which naturally reduces his desire for a girl he regularly has sex with. I think that hormone was particularly active in me with regards to Funke’s.
These days, perhaps noticing my reluctance to meet with her anytime she asked to come over and see me, Funke had developed a knack for coming over to my house without notice. Aided by the fact that she knew when I was home because I usually drove past her house on my way home from work, she would just show up at my door knocking and banging the door like we shared the same flat. I had decided I would tell her off and strongly resist that habit. Problem is the erection I get every time I saw her always ensured I forgot about any other thing than tapping her ass.
Today was different.
Today, Tina was coming and I wasn’t ready for anyone to spoil my plans. I had arranged and agreed with Tina to have her stay for the night and I had to get Funke out of that place or everything becomes complicated. No stories. I am telling her off this time!
I opened the door and saw Funke in the tightest seductive mini skirt I had ever seen. She also wore a tube that was so tight it made her boobs look like they would pop out at any minute.
If her dressing got me aroused, then her next few words after she stepped into my apartment got my joystick charging;
‘You ehn! You‘ve been avoiding me for some days abi. Well you are not running anywhere today. I am not letting you go till I screw your brains out today’.
Immediately two streams of thought went to war in my head; one told me to get Funke out of my crib before Tina came. Another one told me to give her the screw of her life and call Tina to reschedule.
From nowhere, a third one told me to have the best of both worlds- ‘screw Funke before Tina arrives’. I agreed with this rather innovative line of thought and quickly decided to go with the third line of thinking.
Without saying a word and without locking the door, I reached out for my wallet, retrieved the condom I had in my wallet and rushed Funke like a sex starved ex-convict just released from prison.
With one swift movement, I gently pushed her to turn and face the wall. She promptly went with the flow and stamped her hands against the wall whilst she separated her legs wider for easier ‘entry’. I slipped the condom on my joystick and touched her clitoris to ensure she was wet. I noticed she had no panties on and was dripping wet (lets goooo there!). Without warning, I shoved my joystick deep inside her resulting in her letting out a gasp. Then I started trash talking, telling her I would punish her for daring to say she would screw me. After about 3 minutes of nonstop pumping action, she turned her face to look at me, and asked half serious and half moaning;
“Shola, I luv your dick. Promise me you won’t share it with another girl beside me’
‘I promise’. (If na so I dey promise babes since, you sef go fit chop inside?)
“huuu…haaaa…hmmm. I can’t share this with any other bitch. You hear? Haaaa, gosh you are so sweet...” she continued. (But there is love in sharing na! wait small, you go see as Tina go ‘share inside’).
With every thrust into her, her moans grew louder and I was starting to get worried her moans might be heard outside my flat. If her moans were already loud, then it reached a crescendo when I grabbed her boobs whilst playing with her nipples. She was close to screaming.
“Bang me…screw me…shola screw me hard…ha! Am cumming…am cumming”; she was literally screaming now. By this time, I was fully convinced that everyone in the area could hear her voice. (alakoba!).
Probably cued by the dirty talk, I released my load within seconds and she came almost immediately after I did. We both collapsed to the nearest sofa we could find. She fell asleep immediately or so it seemed. A quick glance at my wrist watch and I realized it would be about 10 or so minutes before Tina would show up. Then I noticed the blinking of my Blackberry phone across the room on my table and got the feeling Tonia would have called. I strolled to pick it up and my feeling was confirmed. I saw three missed calls and series of BBM messages from Tina;
“Am in Ojuelegba now.”
“I have gotten to Surulere. PING!!!”
“y aren’t you replying? I ve also been calling you nau”
“Am just standing in the bus stop looking like a fool”
‘PING!!!’
“Where are you? Are you home? Should I just try and locate your place?”
“PING!!!
“PING!!!
“PING!!!”
‘Am on my way, I ‘ll try and locate it”
“Where are you? Are you home? Should I just try and locate your place?
“‘PING!!!’
“Call me immediately you get this”
‘PING!!!’
‘PING!!!’
I checked the phone again and realized the last message had hit my phone like 5 minutes before and judging by the distance between my house and the bus stop, I knew she would get to my crib anytime soon.
Shit! Shit!!Shit!!!

thanks for stopping by...

The guy lost his mum and 27 people like the post?

Goodness! Fear people o!

Bachelor Life (episode 3)

On sighting Funke, I immediately remembered it was the same girl who had ignored me the previous day. Our eyes locked and after a few secondsof staring at each other, she looked away and smiled. (Correct! good sign).

“So thanks for embarrassing me in public yesterday. I only wanted to be a friend you know?”

For a few seconds, it seemed she was torn between deciding to walk away and replying me. She chose the latter;

“How did I embarrass you?” she asked trying to sound and look disinterested.

“Anyways, it doesn’t matter. My name is Shola’. I continued.

“Funke’ she replied curtly. (Playing hard to get eh?)

“Madam relax nau. Am only trying to make a conversation here. I don’t plan to take you from your boyfie na”.

She laughed. (First line of defense broken).

‘Very funny. Well, am also making a conversation. Just don’t like players and guys stalking me in the streets’, she replied.

‘Eh ya. Am sorry. First; I am not a player. Second, I only wanted to get to meet you and didn’t know how I could if I didn’t approach you then. Still I apologize.” I said using my most ‘phonetised’ English.

‘Hmmm. Ok o. Am taking my bus here’. She said stopping at some point at the bus stop.

Ok. Can I have your phone number and BB pin? I asked.

“Here…08023.”(lemme keep the number secret ‘cos of some sharpt guys).

‘Am not giving you my pin. Call me first. You have to earn the pin.” She said with a smile, then hopped to the next available bus.

4 nights later after regular calls and bbm chats (oh! I sure did earn the pin), she was in my house. I opened the door to see Funke looking as sexy as sexy can get, she was a different girl from the girl I saw four days before. The girl I saw was cute and sexy; the girl before me was bad ass!

Her cologne smelt nice and she wore a really a rather tight skirt which really accentuated her curves. It seemed like my WMD also noticed her beauty as it started acting uncontrollably. Only my excuse of getting her a drink and subsequent ‘adjusting’ made the stupid thing stop from embarrassing me further.

After entertaining her with the baddest shawama in my area along with a cool can of Malta Guinness, I knew I had to ‘do it’ tonight. One rule of the game- you hit it the first or maximum second visit or you can as well forget it. The problem I faced was how to get her to come to my room. Under the guise of showing her around my crib, I invited her to my room to show her around. She simply stood at the door refusing to join me on the bed where I had now nestled myself. Then she went back to the sitting room.

(Stubborn geh)

I was not to be deterred. If Ali does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Ali. I went and meet her where she sat.

I started by playing with her hair. She didn’t stop me so I got encouraged and became bolder. Then the first hug which was cut short by her pushing me away.

‘What’s wrong with you? whats with all this you are doing?’ She said looking straight at me.

Then I moved closer to her while touching her thighs and acting like I didn’t hear a word of her earlier protest.



‘Hope you had a nice day today?’ I asked. Poor question but I just had to distract her from noticing the ‘actions’ being performed by my fingers.



‘Yeah’ Funke replied, looking suspicious.



‘You know I love you so much?’ I asked becoming a little desperate while smiling and sweating at the same time, my WMD already beginning to charge.



Funke noticed this and moved further back on the settees. ‘Ya I know. But don’t you think this is too early? You need to stop this or I will go.’ (Go where?)



‘How? Why would you want me to stop? I want you. I love you’ (At this stage, I could have said I loved Osama!), my sense of reasoning controlled by my rising libido.



“But we just met 4 days ago and you are beginning to asking for sex, is that what you want from me?’ (You should expect this from me dear; after all I am not impotent!).



Realizing I am beginning to lose the game slowly, I knew I had to raise my game.

“Not what you think sweetheart” (This time I adopt the love poet approach and the sweet lies follow).



“You are the only girl in my life and I will never hurt you. Well, if you don’t want it then its ok by me’ (Na lie! What is ok? You must do o. This line almost always works!)



Looking at me pitifully, she said softly; ‘Please don’t feel sad, it’s not that I don’t love you, is just that am scared’. At this point, I decided there was no need for words anymore.



Somehow, I can’t explain how I found my fingers in between her thighs. I prodded further and felt wetness between her legs. (Game on! Second line of defense broken).



I knew I had succeeded, with one finger still ‘prodding’ her thighs, I started kissing her. Before long and seeing her responsiveness to my moves, I lifted her up whilst still kissing her, took her to my ‘Maracana stadium’ (my room, where else?), gently placed her on the bed, unzipped my fly and unleashed the ‘Krakon’.

casket: I dropped my resignation letter yesterday and paid back a month salary in lieu of 30 days resignation notice.
Got a better job though, but paying back a month salary was bit traumatic.

Bro. U were scammed. U shd have spoken to a lawyer.

A lot of pple don't understand d pay in lieu of notice concept.


If u wanna go and u give a month's notice....u will be paid ur salary for that month @ d end of dat notice.

If u chose not to give notice and u wanna go immediately, den u won't be paid anytin.

Not that u will now pay ur employer one month's pay becos u didn't giv notice.salaries re paid @ d end of ur work for dat month so it means dt d minute u ve been paid, u ve discharged ur employment responsibility for that month, if u decide u don't want to continue, u don't need to pay anyone as u don't owe anyting.

Bachelor Life (episode 2)

I was jolted out of my self-imposed reverie by a knock on my door that I had now become all too familiar with. That has to be Funke. Problem is I wasn’t expecting her and i just didn’t want her around that time. Any other time was fine, but not today. Today was all about Tina, no other person. I was expecting Tina to hit my crib. The last we had spoken, she had told me she was in the cab to my place but was stuck in traffic.

I had mentally calculated the distance from Ojota where she was coming from and my place, and realized that plus or minus, within 45 minutes to an hour max she would get to my place. The last thing I needed was Funke being around. Having Tina come around was another story entirely. Let’s just say a lot of money, time, poetry and energy had gone into this venture. If you wonder why I had gone to that length to get her to come over, a brief description of her physical features will convince you. That description has to wait though ‘cos I‘ve got a more pressing problem; Funke.

Sweating, worried and confused, I asked;

“Who is that?

‘Funke’ came the reply.

Damn! My worst fears confirmed. But she didn’t call before coming! I cursed under my breath. I had to think of something. I can’t have Funke come around and spoil the best laid plans.

Funke was a lady I had met in the bus on one of those days I had decided not to drive down to the office. Traffic that week had been hellish and I had decided to take the quicker and easier route of taking public bus.

Funke sat beside me in the bus from CMS to Stadium; from there I was to connect to my crib. Work had been stressful and to ease my pain and distract me from the heat generated by the slow moving traffic, I scrolled through the videos on my phone and started watching ‘Pacific Rim’, a movie I had saved earlier on my phone and didn’t notice her beside me.

Five minutes into the trip and apparently feeling inconvenienced by her sitting position, she beckoned on me and I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Can you please shift a little?” she asked.

I took out my earphones and quickly did a scan of this person ‘disturbing’ me and making me pause my movie. The scan result came back good. The hips were a pure piece of art. Even in her sitting position, the leggings she had on did very little to hide the superbly sculptured behind she was backing. I gladly obliged. Stupidly though, I didn’t capitalize on that opportunity to start a conversation.

For the remainder of the journey, my brain went into overdrive trying to get the perfect opportunity to start a conversation with her.

Unfortunately, I just couldn’t think of anything. I silently prayed that she wouldn’t get down before the final bus stop where I would alight.

My prayer was answered (I thought someone said the prayer of a sinner was an abomination to God…issh!) We both got down at the last bus stop and if her voluptuousness was noticeable from her sitting position, then seeing her fully stand not only made me respect God’s artistry on her, it also made my WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction) give a ‘21 gun salute’.

‘Controlled’ by sight without any obvious strategy to strike a conversation, I walked up to her and simply said;

“Seems you are going my way, can I tag along?”

She looked at me and her look of disgust was palpable. She hissed and walked away from me briskly.

The feel of embarrassment was unbelievable. I could notice the telling stares and smiles on the face of people nearby who had seen me walk up to her and her subsequent reaction. I had to save face. I then remarked audibly ‘ok. Later now!’ A pretentious call and I briskly walked away silently cursing my luck.

Within a few hours, I had forgotten about Funke. Aided by the European Champions league match I watched that evening and a local dish I had bought from an eatery on my way home, I had unconsciously consigned the afternoon’s experience as one of those not so memorable ‘hunting expeditions’. A good night sleep and I was out early for work the next morning.

I started out towards the bus stop to get a vehicle to work and had barely walked for 5 minutes, when I basically bumped into Funke; the same lady who embarrassed me the day before. This time I was never going to allow her slip from my hands. I realized I had to up my game; Game on!

I sat in my sofa staring blankly at the screen.
A little tired, I had just finished seeing an American film titled ‘Bachelor’ and I couldn’t help but mentally slither through the whole concept of bachelorhood.

For the guys, nothing beats having that feel of freedom; freedom from parents, freedom from a nagging wife and freedom from commitments. No better phase in a guy’s life does he get all these than when he remains a bachelor.
Weirdly, being a bachelor has its perks and difficulties. The perks I will come to later but being a bachelor without them girls can easily be likened to being stuck alone in a desert with the feeling of everyone having gone on an outer space travel.
But if you are a bachelor and you have the control number of the girls, then one of the perks is having the world literally in your pocket.
Plus if you are a bachelor like me, a handsome lawyer with a sense of humor rivaling that of a comedian, intelligence like that of a nerd, a salary from an oil exploration company job enough to comfortably support a family of ten, an SUV car and an apartment in the most posh area in Surulere, Lagos, then the world isn’t just in your pocket, it stays in your pocket and is zipped in your pocket forever.
The feeling of empowerment and freedom was enjoyable enough for me to ignore the many pressures from the different quarters in my family to get married. Marriage can wait.

I wasn’t in a hurry to stop ‘living the life’.

I had always had a thing for the ladies. Luckily enough for me, I learnt early enough that to get your dream lady didn’t always have to be all about the Benjamins. Playing your cards right and saying the right words at the right time were key in the game of ‘girl hunting’. If girl hunting was an art, I would easily be termed the ‘Jägermeister’.
Whilst having the extra cash made my choice of women classier these days, I always had my regular flow of women even when I didn’t have much from my days as a youth corper.

I wasn’t always the randy guy. In fact, I was a virgin till my 500 level in the university. I was aged 24. I had grown up having nerds and ‘spirikoko’ guys as the core of my friend’s circle. I unconsciously believed having a girlfriend was a ‘sin’.
All that was to change from the moment I met Bimbo.
I had met Bimbo in my 400levels. Bimbo had a lovely personality and a chukle that melt hearts. She also had those kinds of booties you will usually see in Johannesburg, South Africa. She was blessed with a firm, rounded and protruding booty held by a tiny waist and a flat tummy giving her the perfect hourglass shape. Bimbo and I had met in fellowship on campus. I was an usher in fellowship and a diligent one at that. I guess I must have been too diligent that particular night because only a diligent eye could have noticed the size of the booty from the distance I was positioned.

From then on, my eyes stayed glued to her like a radar locked missile. I just couldn’t concentrate throughout the service and once service was over, I glided through the crowd to where she sat.
Unlike present day, I was still very shy back then and had not thought of mentally preparing a pick-up line. I just stood right in front of her not knowing what to say. Her eyes locked on to mine and she smiled. I looked away embarrassed.
‘Hi usher’. She quipped.
‘Hello’ came my weak and feeble reply. “i..er…em…was wondering if you have the offering envelope?”
(Every time I look back and remember that night, I still get embarrassed. Jeez! That had to be a contender for one of the dumbest pick-up lines ever!).

“Funny you. Why would I need one? Service is over remember?” she asked, still having that smile etched all over her face. Why don’t you be a gentleman and walk me to my room?”
‘Oh ok. Why not? (Phew! That was a get out of jail card she played there. Everything is working far beyond what I expected).

I walked her to Idia hall and by the time we had finished gisting, I had concluded in one part of my mind that I had met ‘the special one’.
If it all went well that night, it was to become better in the weeks that followed. It seemed as if she was practically waiting for me all her life! This was 2003. GSM phones had just been introduced into the Nigerian market and I and Bimbo were a few of the lucky ones who had a phone to use on campus.

Despite the rather high rate for calls and text messages, my school allowances went into recharging my phone and calling Bimbo. Calls on an hourly basis and text messages to discuss the most mundane issues became the norm and within weeks, we had developed a bond. (Of course by this time, sex was not part of my lexicon yet).
That bond was to last a few weeks till she decided to attend foundation class for fellowship members and she met the Bible Study Secretary. Bro. Seun.
Our usual meetings started drying up with excuses of having to attend lectures, discussion groups, and foundation classes. Within three weeks, we basically stopped seeing. She also stopped picking my calls and depression started setting in for me. I ‘died’ any time a mutual friend informed me of seeing Bimbo with this same Bible study guy. I felt ‘chanced’ and ‘cheated’. I was only rescued from the torture by a three month ASUU strike that ensured I got Bimbo out of my mind.

On resumption in school after the strike, I was to get the biggest shocker of my life. After a Wednesday meeting, the fellowship pastor had announced to the full congregation that night that the Bible study secretary, Bro. Seun had been engaged to Bimbo. My Bimbo! The announcement literally had the effect of a magnitude 12.0 earthquake on my legs and I was literally shaking till I got back in my room.
After three days of ‘mourning’, self-pity and anger, I rose up and made some life changing decisions; I was quitting the fellowship, I was quitting the ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ persona and I was losing my virginity.
And that’s where it all began for me. Sit back and take a tour of my bachelor world of sexual escapades and self-discovery.

By the way, my name is Shola.

http://www.naijastories.com/2013/09/%ef%bb%bfthe-bachelor-life-episode-1/

Legally...no

Not even a bond can force you to work for someone.

It is against labour laws. The worst any bond can do is to make you pay some sort of compensation to your employer...

I will listen to COZA's pastor's advise

Anyone who says ‘Olympus has fallen’ beats ‘White House Down’ has to be joking.

The storyline, action sequence and power play in WHD are a million times superior. Olympus is just like any other film.

I have seen both like 2 times. I was disappointed at Olympus since people told me it was like WHD.