₦airaland Forum

i use to do that with my first love there was absolutely no hidden agenda to it, i wasn't even thinking it would make him jealous i guess it was just one of those things that came out during convo especially when it was from older guys and it was so ridiculous i had to share.
I don't do it anymore and i'm sure if he had said to me he wasn't comfortable with me telling him i would have stopped. So my advise to you is just tell her you rather she didnt share the stories with you.

theres ntn funny about this topic rape is nt a joke neither is it excusable! F U!

@ poster stop deceivn urself u r nt in a relationship. Wise up love

It is only over if he goes ahead and let the white girl move in. You have to let the white girl know about u whichever way u r goin to let that happen then let ur boyfriend know that u r nt goin to stand his rubbish for example make it clear to him that when u call his fone u expect him to pick up n things like that.

In this recession he is saying he is stuck n unable to find acommodation when people everywhere r lookn to rent out rooms in their hse to generate extra income. What exactly is his deal that he needs the white girl? immigration palava?

deciding to stay with her knowing her inability to hv children is ur problem and for u to decide. But do u want to be at her mercy? u better focus n sort out ur residency issue first b4 gettn carried away.
The other question you should ask yourself is what exactly r u gettn out of this relationship as opposed to what you might get from another? All the commitments u r forced to make so young n at ur prime is questionable what next she will suggest u quit ur job to be with her 24/7

slex:
^^^^^^^^
If he was looking for booty i can assure you the poster would never have gotten away scot free. By the time he fills her head with stories of despoiler,thieves,ritualist and robbers that ''supposingly'' operate @his area at that time ''coincidentally'' she will melt with fear and beg HIM for her to stay the night.

my assumption is that the poster is not based in Nij or Africa so all that kind story wouldn't wash.

dude what you decide is up to you. Talk to her if theres a possible way forward for the two of you. If you decide to stay with her will you truly be happy? what would be the reaction of your family? you have to weigh the pros n cons but on the surface she doesn't seem to deserve the sacrifice

nat138:
@ Sugarpp
You should understand one thing when it comes to issues like this, lets be objective about it.
1. The guys didn't force her to follow him to his house, I mean she barely knows him, what was she following him to his house for late at night? At least am sure the guy footed the bill for the meal, so why not be grateful and find your way home
2. whatever happened to the concept of "vex money", ok deed had been done, she followed the guy and the guy didn't pay her cab fare, at least it should become an issue that is why we carry vex money abi? since she willing went to the guys house, she should have been willing to pay her cab fare. I don't know what is embarrassing in this matter oo.
3. Talking about setting standards, what standards has she set for herself? if you look at this story objectively, the girl was wrong in every ramification. lets call a spade a spade my dear.
4. I don't see any reason why the girl calling and apologising is degrading, she should apologise and get on with her life, the guy will even appreciate her more.
Cheers

i'm sure the poster had "vex money" with her since she eventually paid for the taxi. The issue here is her wondering if she was in the right or wrong for getting angry and how she reacted. Personally i think she made a few wrong moves on the day returning to his house being one of them but i think overall the guy was the one that messed up:

1. he asked her if she had the money to pay for the taxi. Now it would have been a different scenario if he opened the door for her, escorted her to the taxi and simply bid her farewell in that case the poster wouldn't have had the opportunity to ask for the taxi fare back home and she would have learnt her lesson to always carry enough money when going out but in this story he actually asked her if she had money she replied and said "no" then the guy started story telling about how his car is not good and he has no money to pay for her taxi. The embarassment here is making the girl sound like she was begging for taxi money if he knew he was broke why not just shut up . Also his behaviour makes me suspect his motive, he doesnt sound like a guy trying to woo a woman he likes but instead sounds like one that wants to pay for sex with her and since he didnt get it that night he got angry and chose not to pay for her taxi back home.

2. why i said she shouldn't call him is that from the story he sounds like a guy just looking for a booty call so why should she lower herself and make a fool of herself plus she showed herself in a negative light by her outburst (like i said she made a few wrong moves that day) she should have just silently walked away. So its obvious this relationship aint going to happen so there is no point in her calling him cos even if he was serious about her initially he could have changed his mind and decided to use her from now on (men tend to make up their mind about a girl early on in the dating game).

infobut:
Maybe you guys did not notice that poster is a female and want fellow ladies opinion.

well i'm a lady what's ur point?

@ 5stars the way the guy treated her is comparable to how a man will treat a prostitute he wasnt pleased with.

1st of all a gentleman wldnt hv suggestd taking her to his house only to leave her high n dry when it came to payn 4 her taxi. What was he expectn that because she didnt hv the taxi fare she should stay over at his house fair enough he didnt force her to go but why ask her if she had taxi fare if he wasn't interested in footing the bill? also it wasnt unreasonable for the girl to assume he was going to pay for the extra expense since the night was still technically a continuation of their "date". Even if he truly didnt have the money (although i doubt that was the case) there are better ways he could have handled the situation for example promising to reimburse her at a later date or something

then after makn her go through the embarassment dnt u think it shld b up to the guy to call her first to try to smooth things over? he is meant to b wooing her

its nt about girls thinkn they r all that rather its about setting standards for what you want in a man and in a relationship theres a yoruba saying that roughly translates to "what you can't accept as an adult it is from youth you refuse it" basically by her calling him she is sending him a message that it is ok for him to use her, make her spend more money than she needed to and not expect a simple show of respect in return.

Well its up to her what she decides. Personally i think only a desperate girl would call a guy after he put her through that

it usually gets easier to make female friends the older u get cos less of the jealousy and all. Once you start work u r bound to hv female wrk colleagues that u will gel with also try hobbies that females r into like yoga classes, pilates etc also perhaps u r too uptight loosen up and try to be more feminine

@ poster the guy was completely wrong cos he was the one that suggestd u go to his hse so he was indirectly taking responsibility for ur welfare nt only at his hse but ur safe return bak home. It is the same principle as him askn u out for dinner then askn u if u hv money to pay for the dinner it is jst nt appropriate. If he knew he was broke he shld hv jst let u go home earlier after the original date then the responsibility of payn for the cab wldnt hv been on him.
Pls dnt lower ur self by txtn or calling him wait for him to be intouch then u cn forgive him if u choose

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2010/aug/02/france

heavy handed or necessary?

he does nt value u period! n u need to get smart cos if he decides to leave u, u will b left penniless. This eventuality is a very real possibility because its pretty obvious he doesnt care about ur future perhaps because he sees u as a short-term arrangement n his family longer term therefore he is investn in them rather than in ur marriage.

move out of the hse n stop bein silly!

u kno wat u hv to b is the bigger person in this. Yes ur sister betrayed u in the crueliest of ways but u hv to remember that u guys had a pretty good relationship before this and she is family. I'm sure she had a psychological reason to stoop that low perhaps a low self esteem n her thinkn was jst short-sighted and selfish. Life is too short for u to let a guy deny u a relationship n closeness with ur sis. Give her a call meet somewhere jst the two of u n iron things out demand an apology n spk from ur heart n go 4rm there. I saw a similar story on ricki lake n the two sisters ended up closer in the end. Goodluck n pls free urself from the hurt n pain.

well for one all other women possess all the good qualities u hv listed the question is what sets u apart? also u dnt go out dnt u think thats ur problem right there? go find a hobby get outside the comfort of ur home potential guys r outside n nt in ur hse! lastly stop with d negativity who said u r cursed findn a guy is nt easy business n perhaps u dnt ask the right questions with a guy in the early stages of a relationship to know that he really isnt serious. Be urself n real with a guy n dnt overdo things n naturally the guy thats right will cum ur way

i cn see u r now considerin makn the sacrifice n buyn her the ticket. Another option is nt to wait for her to get to the US b4 u propose u cn let her kno the deal on the fone i.e. u intend on spendn ur savins on her, declare ur intentions n tell her to accept ur offer only if she is promisn full commitment n let her kno u dnt mind sacrificn ur savings for her (u cn give her the ring when she finally arrives). Better to b safe than sori

well mayb the nigerian women u kno dnt marry for luv and hence the fact they all end up in tears over a man that wasnt right for them to begin with.
I am a nigerian woman n i cn tell u that i dnt need "marriage" to hv kids i therefore do nt intend on goin into marriage solely for the sake of fulfilln that desire (or other non luv related needs). Yes tradition expects us all to hv kids n i think most couples pray that they do but putn things in context if u truly luv a person wld their inability to hv kids make u look outside? i think women n men that end up leavin their infertile partners r jst lookn 4 excuse to stray anyway cos at the end of the day numerous solutions cn b wrked out without necessitatin the end of the marriage.

Also if a married couple both decide nt to hv kids evn though they r deeply inluv n happy wld that constitute a failed marriage

Re: ur luv fades theory- i think the media n modern world hv successfully brain washed people into thinkn marriage is nolonger for luv or that for one to expect luv in a marriage is equivalent to seekn a unicorn. I'm sori but i dnt subscribe to that idea happily ever after is nt jst in disney movies we hv real life examples of people truly in luv n committted with or without children.

hvnt u jst answered ur own question mr poster?

if a guy will consider leaving u because of a situation that is beyond ur control do u think u bringn a baby into the world will make him luv or respect u more also IVF cn put evn more strain on a marriage it is nt an easy process especially if it doesnt wrk out immediately or in the 1st few tries.
I think if theres fertility issues a woman shld only consider IVF if the marriage is solid nt as a last ditch attempt to save a marriage- if a man wants to walk let him!

i will do IVF if we need it n we both want children but definitely nt to try n save a marriage IVF cannot save a marriage!

;d

ogbadun!

why the heck do u keep forgivin the gravity of the mess up is irrelevant the fact is if someone continuously wrongs u knowin full well that it wld hurt u n u hv made it clear how unhappy n dissatisfied u were initially n the person makes no attempt to change then its obvious the person does nt care about u, so u move on!

yeah get ur friend to tell him u r interestd n u cn go further by makn her organise an outing for the 3 of u n then she shld leave u guys alone at some point in d day n then u make ur move

@ Poster
you need to ask yourself if it is money you can afford to lose without lookn back. This has ntn to do with the state of ur relationship infact u both might be perfect for eachother but there's always that possibility that things dnt wrk out down the line n in that situation wld u regret spendn that much of ur savings to see her? if u must see her it is better u go over to where she is.

Also u say u want to define ur relationship after 5 yrs that perhaps indicates ur relationship is nt as secure as it shld b + increases the possibility that she might end up telling u wat u might nt want to hear.
Personally i wldnt advise u to pay for the ticket.

its an ego thing but what guys dnt understand is that luv doesn't hv to equal pain the alternative to falling in love is what is likely to cause more pain

u wrote her a love note, she didnt respond and you still dnt get the message? oga ooooo

i will probably read it if i am bored cos i'm nosy like that but i wldnt pay much attention to it cos we all hv "facebook persona" that might not trully reflect our true self although it will help me learn d names of his girls

Sori about ur loss but will nt attendn the candlelight stop u 4rm being hauntd by the loss/memory of ur friend? i'm sure noone will hold u to ur non-attendance but these events r more 4 the family i.e. showin them support cos they unfortunately cannot choose to b absent. It depends on how close u were to the friend in terms of if ur absence would b noticed if u guys were really close n everyone wld expect u to show u might need to explain to the family before or after the ceremony ur reasons for nt goin and ask for their forgiveness.