₦airaland Forum

udysweet:
in my 30s ,looking up to meet some nice caring and God fearing graduate also in his 30s. wanna experience smtn beautiful for once in my life. i dont mean dis as a joke,am here cos i hav heard abt dis site and am jus joining for the 1st time. Lets see if my dreams can com true.I shld meet my knight in shining armor here

Wow! Udy honey pie..saw my mention.

This was created in 2013..hmmmm!

uboma:
this is not always the norm, Sir.

Apparently there are always exceptions.

Omotayor123:
Talking from the guys point of view shey

Go back and read the experience of ladies in the hands of heartless men.
it's happen on both sides, stop being one sided.

Ask any Lady who is a heartless lover and you will be amazed to know she once loved a guy genuinely.

At least judging from this thread Tayo...you can't agree less with me.

Maybe if ladies open up more I might change my stand view.

uboma:
there are no guarantees that the next one will not stray like the first one did.

being naive or not, when a lady initially makes up her mind to leave, you can't stop her.

I had a similar experience, though mine was for 3 years straight. shared the little I had with her back then. did things together. forgave her once after I found out that she had a fling with her Boss. the list is endless. she finally told me via SMS that she was leaving town the next day to meet the man who had proposed to her at the time. Her excuse was she had found someone to marry her since I wasn't ready at the time. I tried all I could within that short notice to make her stay back but her mind was made up.....

Another Ex was extremely possessive during our courtship. she would call back any lady who calls me to rain abuses on her. it continued for some time till I could not take it anymore. she still begs me to put her in the family way.

Looking back I regretted the time and resources spent to make these relationships work. But I learnt a few lessons and these has helped me to remain focused on certain goals.

I agree but it takes someone who has experienced heartbreak to value true affection.

This thread has opened my eyes to the fact that ladies are more confused, promiscuous,insatiable and heart breakers than guys...

Anytime I hear any lady rant about guys being bad I will simply ask her to shut up...

Ask any guy who is a heartless lover and you will be amazed to know that he once loved a lady genuinely.

The great Ebora owu as he is fondly called.

Anaximander:
I'm a kind of person that don't talk much so making friends is a very hard thing for me to do, so most times I'm always alone even in my class when I realize that if I try to make friends most of them will always make fun of my stature and that will make me feel laid back. To even make my case worst, my dad is going through some health issues and that has made him stop working and I'm left to fend for myself, I'm in my final year in the University and school fees has not been paid. Killing myself has been constant in my head lately

It is well...

let's chat on wattsup...08023146046

FuckTheM0ds:
paying her tuition fees as she schools at a private university. I paid up to 400k

paying her siblings school fees

taking her to Dubai for shopping

buying her an iPhone 7

giving her a Lamborghini as her birthday present.

alas she still cheated on me and moved on to another far more richer guy that's swooping in billions.

so we broke up and I never saw her pants all those while we dated.

I'm so sad I feel like committing suicide.

Kidding I guess...

chidekings:
And how do u come to the conclusion that she is a good person

I'm not concluding...just asking

Pearly255:
Ladies You are a Queen, created for a KING STOP settling for the Joker... I once made a huge mistake too ashamed to talk about it. I just pray he never cross my part cos am gonna take off his eye balls How do one recognize a joker Jokers everywhere Don't misquote me am just saying my mind. How do one differentiate KINGS, GREAT MINDS, REAL MEN from play boyz jokers I don tire I swear! In fact being single is my hobby.

But honestly I would love to hear the block buster super story.

Yomiwayne80:
Why date a girl that long with marrying her? You ended up wasting her most active years

We were technically married...dated for 6 years, had intro that was as grand as a small wedding but we suspended the real marriage for a reason bothering on waiting for her mum to be around as she was outside the country.

In yoruba culture a couple is considered as married after some marital ceremony is done even when the main trad wedding has not taken place..

Many people ask me why I'm single at 41 but how many people will you start telling that you started your life at 26 with a time waster.

At my age I don't even know how to woo a lady anymore...once I see that babe wey catch my fancy na marriage sure pass.

mimee9:
Washing his clothes

lol! soro niyen?

Pearly255:
Ladies You are a Queen, created for a KING STOP settling for the Joker... I once made a huge mistake too ashamed to talk about it. I just pray he never cross my part cos am gonna take off his eye balls How do one recognize a joker Jokers everywhere Don't misquote me am just saying my mind. How do one differentiate KINGS, GREAT MINDS, REAL MEN from play boyz jokers I don tire I swear! In fact being single is my hobby.

Why do good people mostly hook up with bad people?

Staying faithful to my ex for good 12years even when I was in a position to be with as many babes as I could...at the end she still left saying she feels she is caged as she has spent all her life with only me from age 19 to 30 so I let her go...after 3 years she came back and I tried to give her a second chance but unfortunately things were not just working out so I had to break up with her for good.

But I don't regret doing that tho cos that is who I am and I will still be faithful to any lady in my life but this time not to a naive lady who will probably still stray cos no matter how sweet caring romantic and faithful you may be to a naive lady ,she will always believe there is something better out there.

It takes someone who has experienced heartbreak to value true affection.

RadiantBae:
Absolutely he did! People keep arguing the extreme which is marrying a stranger. Op said a year of dating is more than enough if you are ready which means you ask the right questions, bring about the right circumstances and know what you want in a mate. Meet the right people in their family and be serious about actually getting married. Not meet in the bedroom and leave and think you know that person. Live together for 6 months of that year with the intention of leading and working towards marriage. All this boyfriend girlfriend stuff is for those women under 25 and men under 30. After that we should be old enough to know what we want out of life.

Insightful.

lefulefu:
guy if u let a lady to know at the initial point that u interested in marriage she"s going to pretend that she"s a rare gem.this is a fact.the first thing that attracts u to a woman at first could be her physical appearance or if u one of those very strict born again christians u got attracted to her cos she can speak in tongues,she can pray for long hours etc.but apart frm these qualities how will u know her inner qualities like is she motherly? is she selfless? etc if u dont date her.u need to date her to know if she has those inner qualities u want in a woman.marrying a total stranger could be catastrophic .

Due diligence is the only answer when it comes to wanting to really settle down with that person.

lefulefu:
guy if u let a lady to know at the initial point that u interested in marriage she"s going to pretend that she"s a rare gem.this is a fact.the first thing that attracts u to a woman at first could be her physical appearance or if u one of those very strict born again christians u got attracted to her cos she can speak in tongues,she can pray for long hours etc.but apart frm these qualities how will u know her inner qualities like is she motherly? is she selfless? etc if u dont date her.u need to date her to know if she has those inner qualities u want in a woman.marrying a total stranger could be catastrophic .

I agree with you and it's not as if I'm against dating or courtship but when it goes beyond a year I don't see it as meaningful.

Another fact is that when you get to certain age group you will understand that dating and courtship holds no water but only a background check can give you a true picture of who the person is.

Do you expect a 30something year old lady or guys in late 30s to start courting for years?

This piece is for them.

Ishilove post=5th 4269749:
Tokunbo!!

Smh

Ishibabe shey the thing no tire you sef?...marriage is overrated abeg.

1.I see babe wey I fancy

2.I do background check

3.If I like what I found out I marry her and dare the consequence

4.I try to work out the problems if they come up

5.If I try sotey I no succeed,I leave.

LOBATAN!

I can not come and go and die.

lefulefu:
but sexual compactibility is important in a marriage or dont u agree? if u have a high sex drive can u get married to a fridgid woman? lets be realistic on this.

Many differences can be worked out...

Our parents had black market marriage yet they are much happier than the present day couples.

lefulefu:
i saw in ur post where u talked about the type of physical qualities a man wants in a lady that attracts him in a lady.I agree with this but apart frm this the character is also important.look, some ladies can pretend for africa.they will camouflage their true character to u that u might think they are the virgin mary.so tell me if u rush into marriage with such and she eventually shows her true self to you how will u feel? its better u date b4 marriage cos during that time her true self will be unmasked.but some guys take the dating issue in a wrong way.humping and dumping girls or what some ppl call chop and clean mouth is what gives the false impression that dating and relationship is complex when in reality its not.

If you read your first comment you will agree with me that you buttressed my point.

Since you agree that a lady can pretend then why waste time in courtship when she can "pretend for Africa" as you put it

This is why I prefer due diligence on any lady I intend marrying...all these courtship na wash.

Alesandese:
Courtship / dating opens your eyes to some things in your partner. Courtship is when you how your level of compatibility. It is the time to build friendship and love that sees marriages through obstacles. Marriage is in stages jumping over one is disastrous.

Sometimes we tend to minimize reality to our experiences alone, then we become insane to others. Don't judge everything from your own perspective only.

My perspective ke! can't you see what goes on around you?

I have lost count of broken marriages where the couples courted for donkey years.

Getting married is too simple once you are ready...I just don't like it when people say they are trying to be careful.

The funniest part is that even people who met online also use those phrases and I keep wondering if there is any way you can truly court online when even the offline courtship is not a fail proof.

Alesandese:
If you want me to say those three words, I won't. You missed the emboldened BTW

I saw those words quite alright but why say sorry after you deliberately slapped me?

Anyways its ok

babyfaceafrica:
Not bad..OP you don't have to respond to everybody nah..some will get it,some won't ..leave them..haba!!

Some usually start on an intellectual note but tend to get too personal and at that point,I ignore.

lefulefu:
but if i dont court a lady then how can i marry her? haba i cant just wake up one morning and pick a stranger on the street because i want to get married.you have to date or court her at least for some time to know her character.and op understand what we do in naija is not dating but booty calling .a situation where a guy has 50 girlfriends and the lady has 100 boyfriends plus 6 sugardaddies and the HOD in her school"s dept is her bookkeeper ....etc u cant call that one dating na

You just nailed it...booty call and that is why it gets do frustrating

I claim to be in courtship but what I'm actually doing is sampling...I'm trying to see how good she screws in bed and how sweet her body structure feels in my hands....is that courtship?

Even with real courtship you tend to miss out on many things.

See let's not fool ourselves...a man knows if he will posibly marry a lady he sees for the very first time...we know what we want so that courtship thing is just a facade we use to sample ladies.

Alesandese:
Point to me the weapon I used in attacking you . You are entitled to your opinion Mister.

If you know it is my opinion then why lash out at me with your comment?

"Your view of marriage is questionable. You shouldn't mislead people here with such myopic mindset....pardon my words".

Alesandese:
He should be open to other's opinions too. But why rush into something you will have forever? I think the problem is the escape route people have out of marriage...Divorce.

If there isn't divorce people will learn to look before leaping.

I have lost friends who tend to be myopic as regards my articles. ..they juxtapose my realistic threads to who I am and I'm sorry I can't help them on that.

I'm a realist and I dont write things to favor the way they ought to be rather I write stuffs the way they are.

I hate divorce but what if I marry today and the lady decides to divorce me against all odds would you blame me for that? does it not take two to tango?

People have blamed Chris oyakhilome for his wife's decision to divorce him and I keep wondering how people see things.

If you like preach about marital chastity but that does not change the fact that people leave their marriage daily and if a lady is too careful about getting married because she hates divorce then she should rather remain single for life cos shits happen in marriage even if you the lady is an angel.

My point is simple

Take the risk and dare the consequence rather than being careful forever which is never a guaranty of good marriage.

Alesandese:
Your opinion!

But remember not to choke it down on others

I have read that line many times expecially from ladies but the problem is that ladies take things too personal.

I write an opinion and while guys discuss,ladies attack....

No one is forcing anything down the throat of anyone....as you wrote...my opinion so you either give yours or ignore but don't attack me.

Alesandese:
Of course one shouldn't suffer in marriage for the sake of the children but the innocent lives are entitled to a happy and complete home. So why not take your time to set things right before bringing them in.

Sure anything can happen in marriage but this is where the love and friendship the marriage was built on places its role. How do you build such friendship / love your proposed period of time?

Like I stated earlier, Marriage is more than cohabiting!

We are saying the same thing.

This is not about literature but fact.

Why waste your time courting someone you may never know until you live with such? why fool yourself thinking you have found an angel that may turn to a demon? Why not just take the risk and face the consequence?

Many ladies stay single for long trying to "take their time" but at the end most of them still fall into the wrong hands.....

Sometimes I think ladies tend to usee that phrase to hide something else because I just wonder.

Alesandese:
Your view of marriage is questionable. You shouldn't mislead people here with such myopic mindset....pardon my words.

Now you are sounding like a broken record and I won't respond to you again if you don't discuss intellectually

My point is simple. ..marriage is sacred but it's not a do or die thing...is that hard for you to understand?

Alesandese:
And the children? Do you know who bears the consequences of divorce? The children. Moreover for how long will you continue to walk out?

You can not die in marriage cos of children sis.

If things get awful you try to work it out and if it becomes too hot you leave.

I hate divorce but would you rather be with a violent man and lose your life?

Alesandese:
Actually you can't know anyone completely because you don't even know all about you. That said, is marriage all about living with someone? It's more like sharing your live with someone for an unknown period of time. Stop making it seem like marriage is all about cohabiting

Whichever language or adjective used..it does not change the facts.

Alesandese:
Getting married is easy, staying in marriage is the hard nut. Both genders should take their time to get that near perfect one they can spend their lives with.

Many ladies will remain single for long cos of this mindset.

You can't know a man until you live with him and it will be foolish to live with a man you are not married to