₦airaland Forum

Lalasticlala

Insightful i guess.

Disclaimer: Polygamy is not for everyone considering the stress and complexity not forgetting the economy tipsy turvy.This article is aimed at beaming an eagle's eyes on polygamy at large in relation to the idiosyncrasies of people about it and not intended to encourage anyone to adopt it neither does it represent the lifestyle of the writer.

I implore every reader of this article to analyze each question objectively without any form of bias so that we can have a no holds Barr approach to this age long phenomenon which has caused many marital anomalies all around the world...So lets take a candid look .

1.Could Polygamy be the answer to the prayers of a sect of single ladies.
It is believed that there are some set of ladies who have a better chance with married men?

The widowed who is in her late 30s or 40s with children,the divorced woman who is in her late 30s with children and the never married lady in her late 30s or 40s. While some ladies in this categories are fortunate to marry a fresh guy polygamy seem to be a better choice for most of the ladies rather than single never married guys. The fact is that even you reading this who believes that your marriage is very ok might just fall into the first 2 categories tomorrow..this is not a curse but a fact of life and until then,this point may not make sense to you...Pray you don't experience it.

2.Why do most women prefer polygamy in disguised form.
Have you ever wondered why many ladies prefer their husbands to keep mistresses but frown against same marrying another wife? yes i have asked many ladies that given only two options which would they prefer and they gladly chose the former and i begin to ask myself what difference does it make? Some ladies will tell you to keep your wife while they enjoy the benefits of being a mistress to you and i tend to ask who is fooling who?

3.Could Polygamy relieve stress of a married woman?.
This is one truth many of us can't shy away from. There are some marriages where the lady can't just keep up with sexual demands from the man and this has caused serious issues in the marriage and it usually gets to the point where the wife gives the man the go ahead to get another wife because she can not come and go and die .

4.Is it possible that Polygamy might encourage financial independence in many ladies?.
This point needs to be understood especially in this part of the world.

Do you know that most ladies do not mind if a rich hubby marries another woman? As long as he is doing his duty and she is still getting the goodies she may find it hard to leave the marriage but this is not the case for a struggling guy who will likely be reminded that she is only patching up with him.

Maybe polygamy will make the woman understand that her hubby no matter how poor he may be, might see another financially stable lady who does not need the man's money but only wants a man in her life and this will make every lady sit tight and become financially independent to avoid being a liability to the man...because MEN HATE LIABILITIES.

5.Why are Women willing participants in polygamous act?.
Can a man commit adultery with himself or become a polygamous man without the participation of a lady? In-fact many single ladies have eyes only for married men and i kept wondering why these same ladies will clamor for monogamy when the same ladies will gladly date a married man and even desire to be his Mrs....So why the hypocrisy of monogamy when it has become a norm for single ladies to snatch or share a married man.

6.Could Polygamy reduce the number of unmarried ladies.
I don't need to explain this much. It is no longer news that many ladies in their ripe ages are still single and searching but unfortunately the young men who should marry them are either still struggling or confused about what they want yet there are many married men matured enough to adequately marry two or more wives. It is believed that if Polygamy is embraced, many single ladies will find succor in the hands of some responsible married men who are capable enough to meet the emotional and maybe the financial needs of two or more ladies.

7.Could Polygamy bring about more responsive and responsible young unmarried men.
Many young guys at marriageable ages are just too nonchalant to settle down with a lady and most of them will use the economy as an excuse but if Polygamy is embraced by us,the beautiful young ladies will be taken as wives by already married men thereby forcing the single guys to brace up to settle down fast with the woman in their lives to avoid such being married off to a married man..

8.Can Polygamy reduce wife battering and mortality.
Believe it or not, for every 10 cases of a wife getting beaten or killed by her hubby,you can be certain that 8 can be linked to adultery. The question is;why should a lady go through pains because she found out that her hubby is having an extra marital affair? is her life not more important than that? however,maybe if polygamy is accepted all over the world, no woman will bother her head about a man being faithful to her which will ultimately bring about serenity into the life of the woman....This may sound ridiculous but think about it.

9.Why is polygamy acceptable in certain situations.
We have another hypocrisy when it comes to polygamy. In some cases where a lady can not bear a child for her hubby due to serious complications,she tends to give a go ahead for the man to take another wife and in the case where a lady knows she just can't be available due to many factors she gives a nod to a second wife but in a normal situation she will threaten fire should the man think about such move.

10.Can Polygamy reduce the incidence of lesbianism and zoophilism.
Ask any lesbian or zoophile you see why she is one and you can be sure to hear her tell you about a failed marriage or a failed relationship as a result of a cheating hubby or fiance. Most lesbians are in the act due to heart breaks from men but if every lady has it in their mind that polygamy is a norm, they will be ready to be in any affair with the mindset that the man may likely have another lady which will create an emotional readiness for such happening.

11.Does the Quran and bible outrightly condemn polygamy.
While our married Muslim sisters are at peace with their husbands irrespective of the number of women he marries, our Christian sisters are always quick to use the bible to counter the act of polygamy but while the bible does not clearly give a nod to polygamy,some people believed that there was no where in the bible that polygamy was condemned in clear terms and while many Bible scholars use human philosophy as regards the fact that GOD created only one woman for Adam,there is a documented evidence that those strongly loved by GOD were polygamists.

12.Is there any difference between Philandering and polygamy.
While many people believe that these two are different,i believe they are the same because in most cases, a mistress bears the man's children and gets all the attention the wife gets if not more so why fool yourself thinking you are married to one lady when in-fact your mistress is as good as your wife even if they don't stay under same roof.


13.Could the acceptance of polygamy reduce the rate of divorce cases.
Maybe If the world embraces polygamy, there will be a drastic reduction of women filing for divorce due to sexual unfaithfulness from the man as they will know before going into marriage with the man that there is a bigger possibility of him getting married to two or more wives.


This is not a one sided article but a vivid view on polygamy from a critical angle and i would be glad to read a counter view to this.

Hope this makes sense.

aflyingbird:
yawn , always wanting fp

Lol..no be soo ...just that most of the threads I create are usually fpage worthy...don't you think so?

This is one thread lalasticlala or mynd44 should let more people see.
Very insightful.

Teespice:
I don't read your threads with a kindergarten mindset. I am responsible for my thoughts. how you choose to interprete it is totally up to you.

Counter my points with valid arguments and not calling my points twisted.

while we are it stop clutching at straws. both genders will do the opposite of what you have written and the heavens will not fall.

Refer to my last 2 posts on this page to understand my point more clearly but as I wrote..whatever rocks your boat.

HateU2:
I wonder when we will be free from all yanmyanma stuffs like this . So, as a lady, I should go for a guy because he loves me and I don't have choice in choosing the physical things I love while guys should go for excaly what they like.


Im tired of all this!!!!

Can you just read your comments again please?

Go for a man as if you have the monopoly of choice..sometimes ladies forget their place as a conservative specie.

A lady sees a hot guy that fits her ideal mate physically yet she waits and hopes but if that never happens she sulks in silence.

It is an unfortunate situation I agree but when I read comments such as yours I just smh.

Yes by chance a lady can see a man who matches her choice physically and in attributes but you are an endangered specie in the cruel world of man so you deserve a man who truly wants you in his life and if you get a hot dude who truly wants you ..Kudos! but you must never sacrifice a man who truly wants you for your physical spec who just wants you for any other reason asides true affection which often backfires in no time.

As I wrote, a man asking your hand for marriage does not mean he truly wants you cos guys marry for various reasons.

A man by default would settle for a visually satisfying lady and this is my point.

misspicy:
[b]Do you know that I actually understand your post and what you are passing across?

@bolded,same applies to a lady

You see the times have changed,the age of grooming girls for husband house is gradually been modified,these days,we are also grooming men for "wife house",because,
1)the economy is different now.
2)some roles are switched now.
3)We know better now. etc.


So if you say,a man should be satisfied with his spouse's physical appearance/moral,social attributes to avoid stories that touch and tickles the bum bum, YOU HAVE A VALID POINT.
But it's a broad subject,therefore you are not allowed to base MARRIAGE on that factor,because the human mind especially the male homosapien is unsatifiable,(there are better looking women out there),
That said,
This hypothesis of yours does not hold water, judging from what we see everyday in the society eg men will go for other women whether their wives are physically appealing to them or not.
So physical satisfaction can be considered when choosing a life partner,but other more relevant factors should top that list.
And I will say,a man should go for that woman who completes him even if she does not physically meet his requirements as long as other important factors are crossed. (eg,you want a B.E.A.T type of woman,as long as she possess other things that can sustain your marriage,why not,but if you meet a woman who does not fall in that physical appearance category and has every other factors you require/you meet a woman that has this physical attribute but she doesn't have some other neccesary factors,will you make do or continue searching)

A woman should also go for that man,who is physically appealing to her as long as he possesses other characteristics she finds appealing. (I like good looking/neat guys,if I meet a not so good looking guy,but he is neat and everything I want in a man,I will go ahead with the marriage,that will not make me cheat on him because he didn't create himself)


That said,What is good for the GOOSE is good for the GANDER


merci[/b]

OK let's assume a guy is wooing you and he is so into you but not physically good enough for you and there is one guy you are tripping for who does not even take a second look at you abeg will you woo him?

The African culture of a lady waiting to be wooed has made it difficult for your theory to hold water.

If you woo a guy, he may take you for granted and if you show him green light n he looks the other way will you force it?

Wealthy15:
my dear you are wrong about the quality you gave men to look in the women they wants to get married to.I've seen men with the most sexiest and prettiest wives says they have no wives,the beauty of every woman starts from her hearts and purity that is been spiritually clean,and having an understanding, accommodating and a forgiving heart above all been ready to be submissive to her husband,because that is God's command for women.and not physical appearance,that should be the last quality and jara.

So in your world you believe a man can not get such qualities in a lady who is also sexually pleasing to him shey? I hear you bro.

The problem with us is that we want a lady with excellent wifely quality and you can never get such.

There is a level of tolerance that comes with cohabiting with your spouse whether she is an orgre or a hottie.

Why I advised ladies to be with a man who is crazy about them is because the man must have seen her as an embodiment of what he wants and because the man is the captain of the ship, he will make her happy and even tolerate her excesses to a level.
Dont force yourself on a cute guy who is not really into you cos he might marry you out of pity and you will certainly regret it.

It is easier for a man to be with a lady who does not want him than for a lady to be with a man who does not want her.

This piece is deep and many guys who are mature and sensitive enough will catch the drift.

The bottom line is that there is a lady out there who will have the sexual features you desire in a woman as well as a good nature...LOOK FOR SUCH AND DONT SETTLE FOR LESS.

Teespice:
all I see here is double standards. I am not surprised though.

you tell men to go for that woman that is sexually appealing, she can be pardoned for her indiscretions. you seem to forget that sexiness will fade. what happens if she gives birth, will you then discard her because she's no longer appealing. for how long will you continue to forgive her indiscretions because she's sexy. na wa for this kain reasoning sha.

previous threads of yours always castigate women so I ain't surprised.

then for women, they cannot choose the fine, sexy dude because he might be a devil. instead they should go for a shrek who ticks the boxes. okay na.

your own again is to attack anybody with a contrary view.

I loves me a very fine brother. you need to stop dissing and shaming women for the choices they make. the last time I checked, they made and will make that choice with their eyes wide open.

As long as you keep reading my write ups with a kindergarten mindset I guess you will always get it twisted and unfortunately I can't help you out on this so whatever rocks your boat.

misspicy:

I can't even give you the mad gelz on nairaland sir,you will frustrate them


Happy Sunday,and don't stare at women booty in church

Lol..let me clear the air on something...

An outwardly beautiful lady is not about booty but it depends on the preferences of an individual.

Look at the pics below and you will see that all these ladies are outwardly beautiful..some guys prefer orobo to hour glass curve and though a B E A or T is my preference cos i don't dig a big booty as long as she has a good waistline with no protruding belly and of course an averagely full bust line...but I have an older brother that will not take a second glance at any of my taste except the L.

So my point is that a guy must know what he wants and must be patient enough to go for that.

There is no man that will overlook repetitive crazy act of a lady cos she is pleasing to his eyes nevertheless I believe there is a lady out there who will be pleasing to your eyes and will also have a fairly good nature you can tolerate...

fawaz050:
And when Those So called appealling sexual features are no Longer appealing Or becomes Saggy as a Result of Old age.....Then?Divorce your partner and look for another volumptous lady?


Oh,You are saying Olu and Joke Jacobs have been married for 29 years or so because joke Silva is still sexually Appealing.

According to her,the main reason why they held together for so Long is their ability to forgive and Overlook each other's Shortcomings not the crap you said there(in Ur Post)


Pounds Fufu

See its a mystery..when a man sees a lady he desires and they stay long enough to form a bonding...the man will always look at her with admiration for many years to come irrespective of a change in her body features...but in the first instance it is important for a man to be with a lady that pleases his eyes ...

Many guys are married to ladies who don't appeal to them sexually and such a woman will always be a sexual turn off to him even if she has perfect inner qualities.

This is why I advice guys against chop and clean mouth syndrome cos many guys are with ladies they don't really desire cos they thought they can just have a taste of her and dump her.

escavros:
Nice write up, but you need to read the Bible or Quran.

Beauty is vain and like a flower will wither away with time but a good character is an everlasting treasure, which gets more valuable with time.

Dear men, please ignore the post on men, and go for the virtuous woman that will give you a longer and peaceful life here on earth, and also lead you to a greater chance of building a good relationship with God.

This is exactly the problem.

Are you saying you can't get your spec with at least a tolerable character?

Why have we made outward beauty a synonym of bad character and "ugliness" that of good nature?

Is there really a good or bad woman?

A good woman can turn terrible whether she is fine or ugly so biko leave sermon.

If you like portable features please go for that and if you like pronounced sexual features please I beg you..don't ever settle for less otherwise you will always feel like taking a bite from the ones you will see outside so avoid casting and binding the devil for what you brought upon yourself.

GO FOR YOUR SPEC.Odaro

BeeBeeOoh:
my dear fine geh no epp anybody oh..

Why do I have this feeling that you are juxtaposing fineness with pretty face.

If your babe no get the "melons" or the back side you like will you say you are OK with her?

If nah fine face you want as a guy go for fine face, if nah big,moderate or small bustline you want abeg go for that...

A man who likes a btilicious lady has no biz with a flat ass else he is in for a life long sexual bondage.

darkenedrebel:
The only thing glaring here to me is you disrupting my chat with that babe.

I was responding to you cos I believe you can hold up intelligent conversations but if you give me reasons to doubt this then I may hush it cos your last comment was a baseless sarcasm.

This not theory but practical...I have many friends who are married and I did not just write this for the fun of it...

And by the way..you just proved to me that you have no understanding of the subject matter.

Are you staying with the Jalades to know she is a complete package...?

And who told you that omotola is a complete package? it may interest you that giving an option I won't pick omotola cos she is not my spec...this is exactly my point...I may prefer a busty lady meanwhile omotola is not while another guy may prefer a btilicious lady...

I have made my submission so its left for you to decide.

pippimp:
I don't think you understand what he's saying. I am always the first person to crush Toks2008's posts, but on this one, he has somewhat of a point. Men are very visual in nature which is why our gender are most likely to cheat. If you end up with a woman who does not fit your physical and sexual fantasies, you will eventually land yourself in trouble. I am not saying beauty is everything and one should disregard good character, but it has to be balanced.

Exactly

We know some guys have the habit of philandering engraved in their lives and that is a different angle.

But for an averagely responsible guy abeg what will make you long for what you have?

If your woman has the body that matches your desire I guess you will have a feeling of sexual vibrancy compared to not having such.

What profit a man if he marries a lady cos of her "inner qualities" but will fantasize about another lady?..Iranu

jojosweet:
God bless you speaks more about ur maturity and heart too. Who fine geh epp

Shows how gullible some ladies can be..

Did you read that part where he made ref to her sexual endowments? Does this not corroborate my write up.

Imagine a guy who likes one of the body builds in this pic going for an exact opposite of what he wants..will he note fantasize about his choice each time he is with the lady.

Every lady is outwardly beautiful but each man has his taste and as visual species it is important that we get our taste..even if some factors may cause a change latter I guess it is still worth it...

darkenedrebel:
Your point?

Is it not glaring?

How many guys see a lady at first and falls for her because she has a good character?

My point is that many guys fail yo realize this until its too late.

Have you been around married guys discussing their side chics?

You will hear words like "omo you need to see this babe the girl set bla bla bla"

Every guy has his own definition of a "set" lady so my point is that it makes no sense going for less to avoid fantasy which I see as bondage.

Some guys love them big and some love them moderate so go for your specs..Simple

We always talk about behaviour as if you can't get your spec who will also have a fairly good nature...its all about tolerance.

A man who marries a lady that is sexually appealing to him will most likely tolerate her excesses to a level but if a lady that does not appeal to your sexual spec bleeps up then I pity that lady...

darkenedrebel:
And I have gone through your profile 9.9 seconds ago, and lo and behold, I saw a face with pouted, lush lips that I wouldn't mind straining 34 facial muscles and 112 postural muscles in kissing it.

Thank you.

You for feel like kissing her character ...

TrapQueen77:
The problem is there is no other guy involved or was linked on me..

What I'm implying is that you concentrate on any other guy who truly wants you.

By the way what makes you believe you can just block and unblock a guy over emotional matters? If any lady blocks me I will delete her details from my phone and she better not calls me...

TrapQueen77:
I met this cute and humble guy & we clicked. It was love at first sight I guess ..each day our love grows & our phones are like on fire all the time when we chat or we call each other.
But our differences separated us twice
I blocked him thinking I can move on with my life without him but I was wrong! Everyday I miss him and been longing for him. I never moved on actually
After many wks I decided to unblocked him and was so surprised one day I got a msg from him on whatsapp asking me why I unblocked him? I told him I can't move on and I miss him so much & I want us to fix it for one more time but he declined & said tat he can't have me anymore & we better off as friends
Although we chat/call everyday & he even told me how much he loves me but every time I asked him if we cud fix our relationship., he will either ignore my question or he will juz say I'm his friend...

Do u think he friendzoned me coz he's already dating someone else or he is juz scared to be in a relationship?

Ladies having feelings for guys who give no damn about them since the days of Noah. .

Arabinrin go and be with that guy who truly wants you and stop crying over spilled milk.

kenonze:
them get luck say better rain no fall.

The guy is not too okay but below average.
Poor dress sense. (look@his shoes and oversized coat)

You are wicked as in very wicked.

Seems lalasticlala is no longer a mod on nland cos this thread is good enough to pull traffic on frontage and for people to contribute..cc:mynd44

misspicy:
Hian

Grandpa leave me o,don't bully me o

How is your new wife coping with your chauvinism?
husband kuku scarce,she no get choice

Were girl..na you be granma...I'm younger than your boyfriend and shey na you marry wife for me?

Oahray:
na wa. Worse than I thought. I think there's more to it that just an inability to enjoy sex. Couldn't have been remedied cos she kept resisting like someone harbouring a dark secret.

Lol. Another wife under the same roof? A woman who can do that to her husband can do much worse if provoked. Polygamy isn't an option for me.

That is why its better she leaves and allow the guy have marital bliss with another woman.

If God looks into the motive of humans when they do some supposed sinful acts I guess He may just waive the sin..abi how will I condemn this unfortunate guy if I find him in the hands of another lady?

This is why I have stopped judging any one for doing some things cos you don't know why the person did it.

slowbreeze:
I always had a deep feeling it wasnt a scam,jst misunderstanding bw the parties involved.Toyin should be appreciated as well cos it was her appeal to a large extent dat helped raise most of d fund needed.
I do wish her well.Its cancer.Even if she doesnt recover fully,some years will be added to her life.unlike in Nigeria where it is a death sentence..I remember a relative given at most 3 months to live in Nigeria.It got to a point she was jst occupying bed space at teaching hospital cos little or nothing was done.Family gathered money and sent her abroad for treatment and she remained with us 3 and1/2 years later b4 death succumbed,bt it was worth it...Wish dem d best!

You are so sensible.

I had an accident in 2001 and I had my sacral nerves affected and while Nigerian doctors told me I had to live with it, I never knew until now that there is a solution that involves just 30mins operation outside the country and I almost cursed the Nigerian health system when I found out that my ordeal of 15 years in Nigeria has a 30mins solution somewhere else.

Infact you will be amazed that Mayowa will be with us for many years even if she may still die and I believe all the millions donated are worth it.

Oahray:
chai! I pity the guy. A total lack of consideration for the needs of her spouse is a bad trait for any wife (or husband) to have. The day he falls for temptation outside, the wife would start chanting that all men are dogs

Do you think there's anything he could have done to remedy the situation without having to part ways? In his shoes, what would you have done?

When he told me I asked him several questions and when he told me there was a time he begged to just touch her without love making..my jaw dropped.

I was about telling him to use the touch technique to get her in the mood yet the touch sef nah war.

If I were in his shoes I will have no choice but to have another wife..fact..polygamy is not a sin but not advisable cos of its complication yet it can be the solution to some ugly situations such as this.

teesugar:
Lovely pictures. But, what exactly does he do?

You asked a good question.

I'm happy to see rich people and I don't talk down on them..i am happy for him but his story of grass to grace does not hard up at all.

According to him
"He went for his wedding poor and on his way back he got a phone call that changed his life after he was awarded multimillion contract..."

Anyways I pray for more blessings for him as long as he is clean.

Oahray:
for some people perhaps. I'd dislike the sexy nagging lady every bit as much as I'd dislike the not-so-sexy nagging lady.

Anyway... It would interest you to know that the majority of sexual dissatisfaction in marriages do not stem from the partner's sexy looks or lack of it, but their attitude towards sex and subsequent actions. So what if your totally sexy partner is frigid?

This issue of sexual frigidity is a very big one.

Some ladies are hopelessly timid and by this I mean they have practically refused to change...they don't even believe they are timid but rather they will say you are the one asking for too much.

A friend of mine stumbled on his ex wife FB chat with her female friend telling her that she does not like sex for any reason except for procreation. According to my friend, he went through hell with this lady as he will starve himself of sex for days just to make an attempt and be rebuffed again and this has nothing to do with the lady having extra affairs but that is just the way she is.

The guy said she has always been like that but it got even worse..he recommended a libido enhancing drugs for her but she refused and she usually says "is sex food" yet this sexually active guy is so decent that even when advised to have a side chic he bluntly refused yet suffering in silence but he is no longer with the lady tho.

Omo I don't pray to find myself in such situation cos nah serious problem be that.

Oahray:
for some people perhaps. I'd dislike the sexy nagging lady every bit as much as I'd dislike the not-so-sexy nagging lady.

Anyway... It would interest you to know that the majority of sexual dissatisfaction in marriages do not stem from the partner's sexy looks or lack of it, but their attitude towards sex and subsequent actions. So what if your totally sexy partner is frigid?

-

Oahray:
I understand. I guess we all differ. As for me, I can't overlook a nasty attitude because of looks, and I think sex is overrated. I'd even lose interest in the body.

No sane guy should accept repetitive crazy act even from the sexiest lady in the world but there is a high level of tolerance a man will have towards a lady that is sexually pleasing to his eyes.

It is complicated but holds true.