₦airaland Forum

chaircover:
You've hit the nail on the head. Some men/women don't even know how much exactly their partners bring home. Some don't even know that the house they live in has been mortgaged by hubby, some don't know the financial worth of their partner until trouble comes.

Some men argue that they cant tell their wives how much they earn so that she doesn't squander it all on silly things. meanwhile they don't think anything of buying themselves boys toys. Again its all down to trust and them forgetting that if you lay down with dogs you get fleas. They married each other with their eyes wide open.

Then one hears of the miss clever cloggs who decide to build properties behind their husbands backs because they say "men will be men" already preempting a non existent affair.

Anyways this is another rant for a different day

Have a wonderful birthday on Sunday and even if you unwrap a set of saucepans or an steam generator iron just smile sweetly put your arms round his neck and say " wow thank you - this is the best birthday present Ive ever received" making a mental note to give him a set of spanners and car wash for his birthday

Chair, really appreciate the birthday greeting, Your joke was really funny.

As far money is concerned, I am actually not materialistic in anyway. I am pretty open when it come to money management. Everything is always on the table for discussions. Over the years we have come to understand each others weakness and strengths when it come to money. I manage the household and business bills cause my DH will not remember to open the bills . He diversifies our funds cause he better at it than I am, list goes on and on.

You can never bury you head in the sand when come to affairs of your marriage especially when you have kids, omo you have to know what going on at all times, but like you said, rant for another day.

luap:
YOU are God sent. I never knew such a woman like you existed? Your husband is blessed, you make his life so much easier by just telling him.

One lucky man.

Wow , Your thoughts are really appreciated.

D-optimist:
You too ooooh Did I say that you are breaking up? I only told you want you wanted to hear. As far as this thread is concerned I've read and understood every bit of the phrase you've made in it.

Okay, in case I you think I didn't get you, want did you really want to hear from NLders?

Their candid opinions about my friend's take on the issue and if they were her, would they break up, So hope I answered your questions,

RRRAAA:
Hi all, I would like to know from you esteemed people on Nairaland what the major problems with our primary health care system are in Nigeria.Thanks all!!!!!

Poster, there is no primary health care in Nigeria, that is a figment of our imaginations, okay? What we have are a farce named government hospitals.

D-optimist:
@ Poster

I'd rather wait for him to buy any thing for me and if I don't like it I'll break up, Lol.

I guess that's all you wanted to hear from NLders.

One of those again. won't read, can't read, won't comprehend, can't comprehend Go back to the original post on Page one. Who said I am breaking up with my husband.

chaircover:
I suppose you have heard of wedding gift lists and gift vouchers. Ever wondered why these were invented?

If you read the posts, you will find that most of the ladies here saying they will let their husbands know what they will like are married; So it is their moey too jare  just joking but seriously, if both the couple is comfortable enough with each other, then why cant they tell their other half what they will like. Afterall we are all advised to tell our husbands/wives what we will like in bed 

There are many other ways the man can surprise the wife for the other 364 days of the year; eg like take her to a new restaurant, go for a weekend away etc

Personally I wouldnt want my husband wasting "our" money  on something that I will never use. It doesnt make sense to me.

Chaircover, I am fan!  but seriously why are you joking , You are right it is "our" money. However my husband is allowed to disburse it as deemed fit. But I handle majority of our financials. Just the way the dynamics of our marriage is. Money is in our joint account, we both have access to it. I pay all the bills (both home and business) from our bill paying account.

But again this can only work if there are no trust issues when it comes to money,

Update:

The UPS Guy came yesterday with a package, me thinks it is my Kindle. lol , My Birthday is on Sunday. Also caught him looking at some getaway villas. So don't know wassup with that. We do live in the Caribbean so maybe a day trip or something/, we shall see.

nikinash:
There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling your husband or wife what you would like as a gift, nothing at all. Since you are married to the individual, you already know what he or she can afford, so tolutara, i find nothing wrong in your request at all. Like someone said, some people's homes are cluttered with useless gifts that the receiver may never ever use, simply because the giver assumed he/she would like it. I know people who have been married for years and have gifts they received on their wedding day still locked up in a store somewhere simply because they have no use for them. Others simply give them away. I mean what do you do with cartons upon cartons of glass cups or plates or jugs or whatever. There's a reason why someone initiated the idea of gift registries.

And for the person who decided that because his wife asked for a blackberry when he was going to build her a house, what would you have said if she had said, 'honey for my birthday i want you to put that house you are building in my name?' Wouldnt you have called her worse names?

Finally, in answer to the real question the poster raised, I think your friend would be silly to give up a relationship ( I shudder to think it is a marriage), simply because the guy can't read her mind. And we all know most men are no mind readers!

Spot on, Am impressed, I gave up on the post 2 days ago, lol

Beetle:
I do tell DH what I want so I don't end up going to the shops and swapping it for something else. Funny thing is he knows exactly what to get me but I'm an indecisive chicken that doesn't know what she wants, so for valentine I told him what I wanted and he got it. I've started drumming it into his ears what I want for my birthday and waiting in anticipation for the d day.

I concur to telling DH what you want tolutara jo and I pray DH gets me my LV bag and make me the happiest lady on planet earth. Your friend needs to grow up ' if hubby doesn't know what you want isn't the end of the road and shouldn't mean the relationship is heading for the rocks'. Besides what works in one relationship might not work in yours. My two pence.

True,

@ New Music

I said I did not ask for one, it doesn't translate to I hate one, . Ema gbami ke?

iice:
[color=#9900ff]lol. . .i blame all those strikes [/color]

[color=#9900ff]Great post especially the overrated part [/color]

I quite agree with Faher. And my friend, that was my exact response to her but we had to agree to disagree on this one, I guess, that might be why she is still looking for Mr Perfect and Knowall  

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Getting to the stage of beyond salvageable [/color]

Iice, good luck Ms moderator, it this what you deal with all day, gosh, must be tough, Me I don tire.

newmusic:
Simply because tolutara does not like surprises,she thinks some people dont understand her question,
Tell your husband what you want ohhhhhhh,

Ok Music, again, the comprehesion issue. Where did I say in all my posts I did not like surprises, ?, I tire for you

I already told him what I wanted, it's in the original post.

newmusic:
Let's get it clear, you re talking about birthday gift,relationship,break up and surprise,

whats really your question regarding this?

since you dont want a surprise,tell him what you want then,it is better that way.

As for your friend that thinks she will break up with her partner if he buys what she doesnt like,i dont think that's the best.

Am i getting the right answer now or better you re-structure your question if you think i am still wrong.

you are tew much, hahahahhahah

Faher:
Hmm, I'm sure I can't be accused of not reading the OP's post.

For me, I'd love my fiance/gf/wife to give me a hint of what she likes.
If she feels I don't get the message, then she should tell me what she wants.
The whole element of surprise thingy is overrated.

This is why most gifts are just a waste of space.
I've got gifts at home that I never use because they were surprise gifts I didn't need

Btw, your friend is either immature or maybe she wants a psychic partner.
That reasoning of hers is too childish.

Finally another individual gets my question and was able to answer it , thanks darling, I was beginning to feel like WTH?

newmusic:
ok tolutara read the conclusion of my reply, dont break up with him and let him buy what he wishes to buy for your birthday, but if you insist,tell him what you want.

thanks

Ok New music, with this response, I am sure you did not read the original post. Therefore you conclusion is flawed.

newmusic:
[b]I dont think you should tell him what you want cuz that is no more a surprise.[/b]Let him give whatever he wishes to give.

And if luckily for both of you he surprises you with what you actually want,then fine.
But if he surprises you with something else,that doesn't mean you should break up with him.
I will advise you to know the kind of advice you get from your friends,they can be dangerous,how can someone be thinking of breaking up with his partner cuz he surprises u with what he thinks will be good for you but unfortunately you want something else.

Just tell him on a neutral level that you want a particular gift from him after your birthday


cheerz.

But why can't you tell you husband what you want??

newmusic:
I dont think you should tell him what you want cuz that is no more a surprise.Let him give whatever he wishes to give.

And if luckily for both of you he surprises you with what you actually want,then fine.
But if he surprises you with something else,that doesn't mean you should break up with him.
I will advise you to know the kind of advice you get from your friends,they can be dangerous,how can someone be thinking of breaking up with his partner cuz he surprises u with what he thinks will be good for you but unfortunately you want something else.

Just tell him on a neutral level that you want a particular gift from him but not the birthday gift.


cheerz.

Another example of poster not reading or fully comprehending.

I did not ask for a Surprise gift. I wanted an Amazon Kindle, Husbby is fine with it even though I know he might have other things up his sleeves.(it is not an issue)

The question was about my friends opinion about the whole thing, please go back and comprehend this post. Thanks

Ranoscky:
Talking about surpise gift. whosoever ask her boyfriend what she wanted as a BDG i don't think u can call that a surprise gift b'cos she already knows what her gif is all about. what if u tell your boyfriend the kind of gift u wanted and he couldn't afford it, will u blame him for that? unlike me, i don't like buying gift for gurls, i prefer giving her money to buy whatever she likes, but in terms of BDG, i don't it's proper for a gurl to tell her BF what she wanted, i think anything that her BF bought for her as a BDG should be well APRECIATABLE. Dough, it's neccessary for a guy to his GF likse but i find it in no case leading to break-up. No-ing what his GF likes is not the purpose of the friendship but love for each other.    thaz ma opinion, thanx!

Ok, Let me clarify, This is my Husband of 5 years. I know what we can or cannot afford. WE feel in our relationship, it is best to set feasible expectations of one another. That usually removes the sense of disappointment, that way we are able fulfill each others needs and sometimes wants.

I am talking in all aspect of life. Of course we surprise one another but always make sure we know what each other wants too. IMO , it has worked for us but again, every relationship has it's own dynamics.

I will tell her, Oya come now, I go dey House but wetin the eye wey you dey take eye me see, oh well.

For ladies or men that loves surprises. If he got it wrong will you break up with him, cos that is what my friend said.

I love surprises too, but our relationship is open enough for me tell him what I want as long as we can afford it. He can surprise me with other things o, his choice .

iice:
[color=#9900ff]It's not a strong suit of people around here. Especially males.[/color]

. He did not even answer the main question, it is just weird.

Acidosis:
Let your husband surprise you with a present, and stop making choices yourself.

Did you read the original post and comprehend it at all

Acidosis:
Now I'm beginning to understand Ladies. Ladies are confused creatures without the knowledge of what they want and what they do not want.
Anyway, I'll advice you go with your darling husband's opinion.
If you really wanna make your choice, then why don't you just get it yourself in a shopping mall.

, don't understand ur take o

Ujujoan:
I recently got engaged to my Bf of 4 years and it’s a dream come true for me.

The problem is that he hates his mother with a passion.  She is very wealthy/influential, intelligent and hard-working but my fiancée can’t stand her. Even though we live in the same town, he NEVER visits her.  While we were dating I never met her but it didn’t bother me because we were just dating. But I had to meet her recently after we got engaged since we were making wedding plans and both families need to meet. Honestly, she seemed sweet and nice and I can’t think of any reason why my fiancé can’t love her like a son should a mother.

I confronted him and he gave me  vague excuses like: she’s too  hard hearted, she’s not a good woman, she’s not a good mother, he didn’t grow up at home so he’s not close to her bla bla bla. But I have a feeling it’s more than that! He even said it’s for my own good; at least she won’t bother us in our marriage. Imagine!

I come from very close-knit family and my parents are the centre of my world. I thought it should be same with him because his father is even late, but that is not the case at all. Infact his hatred for his mother made him to keep his whole siblings at arms length.

I’m confused and worried.  Does my husband-to-be have a problem that I do not know about? Is it affecting him psychologically? Will it affect our children? Is there something I do not know about this family I'm becoming a part of?   

_{PS: You guys can spare the whole 'Uju are you getting married?' questions cos this post is not about me!} 

It might be a abandonment issue. My husband feels exactly the same way about his mum, She left him with his dad at age 4 and did not show up again until he was almost 20 years old. For a child it is a very difficult and traumatic event. it took a while and a lot of intervention from me to make things at least a little better (it took a while too). BTW his father is late too.

So I would say, give it sometime time till you find out the root cause of the matter. then as his wife, you might find ways to begin the healing and maybe mend some bridges.

Shalom

akinsm:
House i need your advice. Am 31 a yoruba lady leave in south-south wish to marry a yoruba man. recently, i met an old colleague who shows interest but have been studying him and notice he doesnt care about me, he doesnt call on his own its only if i call dat he woudnt pick and call back, he always claim busy as he is a banker. the problem is dat i v been living a lonely life since and i dont want to marry and still continue because marrying somebody that doesnt care even b4 marriage And there is no other person. I dont know what to do pls Advise me.

Poster ,

Why would you want to care about or marry someone who clearly does not care about you?, Have you not heard actions speak louder words? Forget his words consider his actions and make a decision.

There is no confusion anywhere, Unless you want to see what does not exist.

Ok, My birthday is around the corner.

Told my husband in advance what I wanted for my special Day : An Amazon Kindle as I am an avid reader. I was discussing with a friend last night and she was like" you told him what you wanted?, couldn't he have surprised you with a nice gift?". I said I would rather have what I really wanted instead of the surprise element of a gift I might not really have a good use for.

She was like she would never tell her significant other what she wants for her birthday because he is supposed to know, and if he doesn't know, then maybe they are not meant to be together and she will break up with him as it meant that he has not taken the time out to know her and be thoughtful of her.

That really confused me, so House, I table it before you, What do you guys really think?

Would you prefer to tell and get what you want or risk not telling and get whatever he gives you but you get have the surprise factor? Also would you break up with him or her?