₦airaland Forum

innervoice:
You were responding to my post, were you not? Were you doing it alone or did anyone here ask you to respond on their behalf? So who is us?

Yawn - your post queried those who were expending unecessary time and energy on this matter - I responded on behalf of us all. Including you now that you've joined us. Welcome !

innervoice:
You can deceive the lil girls here that are feeding from your negative energy, not me. A 21-year-old girl (example) can NEVER achieve and acquire what a 35-year-old woman can. You must be joking.

Are you regretting your choice ! A 21 year old girl can achieve and acquire way more than a 35 year old - and before she is 35. Or did the 35 year old have all she has at 35 at 21? See your fuzzy thinking. Not that I actually said, anyone should go and marry a 21 year old!

innervoice:
My wife and I are age mates. I am too demanding to surround myself with people who due to lack of experience cannot meet me at my intellectual level.

My bad, I didn't realise that intelluct is a function of age or experience - or that is the main ingredient of a successful marriage.

innervoice:
Since you are 10+ older and since men die earlier and also are at risk of impotence with increasing age, your wife must have been quite desperate to have married you.

You are struggling !
Yes I am 10+ older, and an extremely fit, fully functioning male. I should be potent well into my 70's and beyond. As for dying earlier, that was part of the deal . How can the one who cleans up after you die before you !

Impotence will come - I will welcome it sef. Even if it doesn't, by the time my wife gets menopausal, I will be willing to relegate sex to a smaller role as appropriate.

And of course my wife was mad desperate to marry me - I'm a catch, and she didn't want to lose me to the hordes of other women that were looking to shunt her from pole position .

I don't need to ask about your situation, but I trust your wife is in great shape after kids and you are a pretty fit bloke yourself. Otherwise my thoughts and prayers are with you .


TV

bukatyne:
@Bold: Your business

Re: Baby fathers are more appealing...

You must be reading a lot of Celeb stories and believing all the theories built up in your mind.

An average Nigerian lady WILL NOT marry a baby daddy if there are other unattached prospects.

Nope, I don't take references from celebs.

Whether you like it or not, the fact is that men with children have little problem acquiring wives - and good ones if they have even a little bearing. Women with Kids are not as well situated.

When your "average Nigerian Lady" will marry a man with kids and other wives if he has sufficient prospects.


TV

bukatyne:
5yrs gap are 'age mates'

TV

bukatyne:
It is my personal belief; it has nothing to do with RCCG

And you are welcome to it - it's still parochial.


TV

innervoice:
Do you suffer from multiple personality disorder? Who is us?

I'm not having the discussion alone am I? And while I may have a personality disorder, it's not the "multiple" type !

innervoice:
I am a married man.

Not the answer, but anyway...any polish or sophistication an older woman has can be aquired by a younger woman.

innervoice:
Question for you, how old is your wife? Is she already expiring?

10+ years younger than me . Distractingly nubile and I'll expire before she does !

What is the age diff between you and your wife?


TV

mbulela:
God does not give people wives/husbands as a standard practice.
There is no one person for any one.
If you believe so, what happens to the destined spouse of all the persons who died in accidents before marrying?
Are their destined spouses destined to a life of marital unhappiness?

Much appreciated.
It can be hard conversing with the kind of parochial perspective one finds in places like the RCCG. I'm learning patience !


TV

innervoice:
I have been following this discussion and it is quite entertaining how people on NL work themselves up over nonsense.
Let people speak for themselves.

I prefer a WOMAN to a girl. Women in their 30s are far more attractive than lil girls in their 20s who are insecure and immature.
Women in their 30s look better, behave better, are wiser, more confident and far more sensual. FEMINITY at its peak.

To each their own

Free us with our gra-gra ontop small small gist na !

Quick Question - is your preference in terms of a wife or a girlfriend?


TV

tearoses:
Meanwhile on the other hand if men think that they can wait until any age before they get married and think that they can automatically pick up a younger woman when they are ready, they may get a big shock.

They most certainly will - if they don't possess the requisite "status" or are in bad shape. Otherwise, a man will almost always have his pick of available women - even unavailable ones sef !

tearoses:
Women are not stupid and these days men too are being left on the shelf. The older the man is, the more likely he too has baggage and baby momma all over the place & many women dont want a man with luggage either.

Being a baby fada does not deter women. In fact for some wierd reason - actually not wierd at all, having fathered children speaks to a mans "fitness" - it draws women. I've experienced it out with my kids. It's even more pronounced if the kids are good looking !

tearoses:
The first question I will have in my mind of a 35 year old man who isnt married is Why not? What happened? and I will did deeper in to his hostory.

And you should always do forensic due dilligence. That has been made clear as pragmatic for both sexes.
However, while you are busy doing CSI Mapo on a presentable 35 year old man, other women will stampede over you to get to him !

tearoses:
I have a collegue who when he got to 38 he met a girl in her mid twenties. Her family werent happy with the age gap and they convinced the girl to break the relationship.

The reality was that most girls of his age had tons of baggage and the younger girls were NOT interested in him or just too imature for him. He is still unmarried now and he is now in his fourties.

He must be "unlearned". I always caveated that he must be a "good prospect". 38 years for a man is not a thing. Firstly, he should have been spinning a number of plates and had better game, secondly the "family" excuse was just that.

Send him to me - for free sef - within a year he will be fighting them off with a cattle prod !

tearoses:
Many of these young girls are looking for someone to catapault them out of their current lives. The first emotion that comes to them is not love. its survival. I didnt marry my hubby becasue he was 6 years older, I married him becasue I loved him and would have loved him if we were the same age. I didnt go looking for an older man. TV you are advocating for a man to go searching for a younger woman

No you did not go searching for an older man. Consciously or unconsciously you searched for a man with the requisite status/maturity or potential. That typically comes wrapped up "older"

And yes, I am advocating for men to favour younger women - and in part 2 I'll explain more as to why !

tearoses:
The reality of this is panning out in the USA when old cargo men are going to the village to pick young girls. They bring them to Amelica and the girls grow wings and then pop pop pop. tragedy!

That is a small demographic - and they are not "made men". I always caveated that the men must be "standing".

tearoses:
You are lucky you married a younger good wife. I was lucky I married an older good husband, there are many people who have the opposite experience.

Aunty CC, luck rarely has anything to do with a successful marriage - luck had nothing to do with it, in both our cases !

tearoses:
In short if a man finds a good woman regardless of her age, he should go with it.
Stands down from podium
I no gree at all at all

Absolutely, I merely offer a flexible template with justification for how to go about it.

I notice you skipped my "jambite" questions !

TV

moca:
Women have sexuual fantasies more than guys.

(my opinion sha)


TV01,u wicked o. See vexation.
Why na?
U gat to apologize to us.
Wifey is a woman u know.

How family and little madam?

I totally agree Moca - I'm sure women are far more imaginative as well. Mens own no pass 3some or watching 2 women ! I don't even do that - I fantasize about spanking but no get the liver to do it !

I figure women also love soft porn, but they can pretend die, or how do you explain the madness around 50 shades of grey?

How far na? Good to hear from you. We are all well thank you for asking, hope likewise.


TV

Yes 0! For some women, that's all they have. Sorry eh !


TV

damiso:
However like so many others have said I think it's down to the individual. And finding that person who complements you and who you can tolerate to a certain extent. To put a blanket figure of '7 to 12' age differential just feels a bit specific to me.

You are right, it is down to the individuals involved - and every case is unique. I did say generally and advise the range as a rule of thumb, not a precise measure. On the flip side, I think you and others are being to "generalist" A loose plan/idea is better than none

Funnily enough, it's women that ideally want this - in some cases moreso than men who do not always think long-term. Think amongst the couples you know; the male will typically be older (and taller ).

Think back to Uni in Naija, how many jambite girls dated jambite boys - I no get sniff as jambite 0! Female hypergamy demands higher status in males and that usually comes with an age difference.

I was referencing it in particular with reference to sexual compatibility for this convo, not even status. As an ideal, it tends to work for both parties on many levels. People have just lost sight of why.

Afterall, speak the truth, how many Naija women consider their age mates "small boys"? Or even those proximate in age. How many girls dump guys when they can land bigger - and often older - fish?

And it's global. Afterall, I did not coin the adage "half your age plus 7 years". That's a particular Western saying. Only now the West is shaming men who marry younger.

All the women who partied or focused on their careers are hitting their 30's with no suitors, and asking where al the good men have gone? Into the arms of younger more nubile women.

Men are instinctively drawn to nubility and youth - it speaks to child-bearing. Dem's the facts. I'd wager my last dollar your relative youth was part of your DH' attraction. I'd also bet you've called your age mates "small boy" and would not have given a fellow jambite a look in !

Speak the truth - all y'all


TV

Kimoni:
He said they had several moments where they had both spilled everything about their past and he was pained because according to him, he said everything there was to say and he thought she did the same not knowing she had deliberately left out that important factor.

Kimoni:
You wouldn't want to spill sensitive information like that to every Dick and Harry you date.

Be ni 0!


TV
^{...my lovely sisters, never letting facts cloud their emotions !}

pickabeau1:
boohoo
Whats the issue with diabetes
with good health and information, it can be well managed
why did the girl now back out
The man needed time to consider all the pros and cons... not some emotion laden decision

Abi, after they'd had a heartfelt chat, why did she not reveal it - in all liklihood it would have endeared her to him. Women often feel the need to manipulate men, when the men would readily accomodate whatever it is anyway ! I think he was right to reconsider.

pickabeau1:
The best person to ask is your dad how his perception of wifes age would be knowing what he knows now....

Not you

The new "no holds barred, taking no prisoners, ox goring Pickabeau1" Me likey . Regulate bro'


TV

cococandy:
Both of them are sampling other folks about town and he's trying to say it's because he supports feminism?
Is that what gives him license to sleep with other women too?
Lol I see he wants to be the only one sleeping around then it won't be feminism's fault that they are promiscuous.
Anyway HIV is real Mr and Mrs. You guys better woulda been better as single co-parents.

I think Vivaldiva99's analysis is closer to the mark. His sleeping around is forced - and probably encouraged by her to make it seem equal. She's the one who want's to slut around. He doesn't want to lose her, she doesn't care. Indeed, he lost her already, she has just artfully arranged things to keep it convenient and him at her service.

Vivalavida99:
Now my question is, does feminism has anything to do with open marriage? Not at all feminism has nothing to do with open marriages. It's about equality in a marriage, work, social environments, and parenting. Marriage is for the purpose of bearing children, which means having sex, which means she's out getting f'd! She's in a position to bear another man's child. How is that equality? It's not! It's her taking advantage of a dipsheet husband who's been brow-beaten into compliance so that she can get her way. She's getting free dinner and sex while you're bearing the cost and responsibility of her maintenance! Your relationship isn't based on any sense of feminism. There's no equality there. She's having her cake and eating it, too! And you're endorsing her lifestyle while she's out playing the field! Either end your sham marriage for the sake of the children, or demand devotion for the same reason because this relationship isn't a relationship. It's roommates with children.

I would have said this was spot on - except for one thing. Feminism is not about "equality" it's about female privilige - to act as they like without consequence. Which is what she's got - along with a baby sitter she occassionally treats to sex.

And there's no such thing as an open marriage - by definition marriage is about fidelity.
Men always maintain higher status in your wifes eyes - attraction hinges on it, and without it she is liable to stray.


TV

tearoses:
We no gree o!
Actually if what I read on NL is true, its the younger ones who are the most commited hardliners and the "mi o ni gba ones"
You are likely to be fed by a 30 year old woman who knows how many times she was sidelined for younger versions before she became a Mrs than a 20 year old who had 100 suitors begging her to get married.

I like Damis way of looking at things too. A good person will be a good person regardless of age and vice versa.

And the older ones who are most set in their ways and jaundiced about men - swings and roundabouts. I would avoid both. Character and attitude are no less important. I chinned a younger woman for my wife

And there is no issue with a 30 year old who has kept and cultivated herself. Especially if you are a 40 year old man !

Please gree na !


TV

damiso:
TV01 my only question is ( you know me its ijebu I understand abeg sofry on the big big grammar )

E we so !

damiso:
are you saying that a younger wife for a man is more a consideration( I know you have given other considerations) than the actual character of the person in question?

No

damiso:
Now this not to hold brief for anyone but just wondering why the age factor is more an issue than the actual character of the person? A good person is a good person ( I think) regardless of their age and so if my brother finds a woman who is good woman who is 2 years younger he should disqualify her as a suitable mate because a suitable mate would be more in the 7 to 12 year age difference?

Sometimes it's by degrees, think of it relatively; would a man prefer a perectly behaved wife without the physical intimacy he wants, or a wife with a little drama, a few character flaws but awesome in the sack? think I know what most men would choose.

damiso:
I am not asking defensively or anything cos my husband is almost 10 years older than I am while my mum and dad were in essence age mates( less than 2 year age difference) as they had been courting since their A levels. and I feel my father was a good man( I am biased I know).And my mother a good wife to him.

Regards to hubby - sharp dude, can't wait to meet him ! Funnily enough, my dad was just over 2 years older than my mum - and she tried. He was her first and only love.

I've given a general rule of thumb. At least it's a starting point for men and they can factor accordingly.

damiso:
I just want to know how age is a factor in the character judgement of any individual.

It's not, it's a totally different - and important - consideration in it's own right. You buy a car, you consider, the cost, consumption and capacity. Even if there is a hierarchy, they are all important. I think age differentials speak to a number of things, although I honed in on intimacy here, 'cos I'm hearing a lot of that.

For me personally, character was paramount. But I didn't focus out everything else. Till today I tease my wife about how it was when she knelt to pick something up in her fishtail dress that I caught an eyeful and said "ye, today na today" . I had been studying her from afar exactly to discern her character.


TV

tearoses:
TV there is Nothing wrong with marrying someone younger than you. I am not just sure that your idea of young is actually young ni o!

If you are looking for someone you can “mould” and who comes to the marriage with minor baggage & mileage, has loads of energy & will have racing car metabolism for the next 20 years etc. then you are going to have to go a lot younger than 25 bro.

You are going to have to go to as low as 16 and this puts you into a different level of problems altogether, assuming that its even illegal, which 16 year old wants to get married anyway?
Do they even have the mental and emotional maturity to thrive in the marriage?

To be honest there is not much different between a 25 year old and a 30 year old . . . They’ve both been there, done it and have got the T-shirt and their hand luggage is almost identical

You people won't gree me

There is a difference between a 25 year old woman and a 30 year old woman if you are a 25 year old man - or even a 30 year old man. That's when you wil hear that your wife has no intention of cooking !

TV

Kimoni:
young is no longer young.

Really? So what is young these days? And what happened to old? Abi old sef is no longer old?

Kimoni:
And I think you got her drift just that you waved them off as being scare tactics. But it's really the truth - young is no longer young.

Just tell us why and how older is superior to younger, or why it's just as good, or better even! But if young is no longer young, how can you actually do that

You see now why you need to start using big big grammar


TV

bukatyne:
I have edited my posts

...my remains fine as is !


TV

Kimoni:


TV, I'll be back, my network is very low right now.

But Edwife did highlight some good reasons why it's not all 'eureka' when it comes to marrying young. And she came with true life stories to support it.

I never said it's all "eureka" - In fact I clearly stated that it's genrally better for the dynamic and one of the things to seriously consider. I saw no story from Edwife that was a direct result of a man marrying a younger women - or something that couldn't have happened with a woman the same age or older. Or are all the issues between older men and younger women, and due specifically to the age difference?

My advice remains as is !


TV

bukatyne:
@Bold:

Long story

If you had wooed and God said no, won't you have taken who He gave you?

It is you assuming that in all instances God gives wives, or even in the cases that He does, He would let you needlessly woo before saying no.

I broke some of my own criteria to marry my wife - all considered she warranted bending those particular rules for, and I was happy to bear the consequences. Men woo, men win.


TV

Kimoni:
Bellong and TV - you know these girls might not even be aware of what they are carrying. It's a possibility, innit?

To start with maybe - they could have taken it knowingly or unknowingly, but ultimately it will manifest. The one I met knew, and it explained her behaviour and her family' fear of her.

TV

Kimoni:
The basis of marriage itself is both an emotion and a feeling. L-O-V-E

Wrong!


TV

Kimoni:
All these big big grammar are you a professor??

No - but it certainly helps when ones argument is weak !

Kimoni:
My problem with your recommendation TV is that, it is largely one sided.

I don't think so.

Kimoni:
You have highlighted the advantages of marrying young singles without talking about its numerous disadvantages.

There are not numerous disadvantages, and relative to older singles there are mostly advantages.

Kimoni:
Secondly, you have also not talked about the advantages of marrying matured singles while touching on its disadvantages indirectly.

If you believe this, kindly point them out and we can discuss - that's what should have happened all along. All I have heard is disagreement based on different premises, or an outright campaign for older singles - female solidarity !

Kimoni:
So I am happy to inform you that you have been able to confuse me but not convince me on why men should marry young singles

I am not trying to convince you. I am talking to the men.


TV

Kimoni:
TV01and Bellong - so you guys have had encounters with ogbanjes before pray tell, are they as beautiful as people describe them to be

Mine was snake spirit. She was simply stunning, but even that had an edge. And it was difficult to reconcile her behaviour. Only when she manifested did it make absolute sense.

Kimoni:
TV - what would I advise my brothers - marry whoever your heart chooses. You will know when you meet the right person and you guys will fit like you were made for yourselves. Your inner peace will testify to him/her.

That's terrible advice and a cop out. If it works it's mostly luck - unless he is a God-fearing somebody. And men - faithful or not - are not to be driven by emotions and feelings.


TV

edwife:
Brother Tv01 i have always been one of your fan(yes believe it) but i just had to table all the cards out there,not to scare or discourage anyone but to open their minds to unseen or unknown expectations.

It is thought out there,no one can deny that-in my church alone RCCG we have so many cases that you keep wondering everytime you hear a story,what happened?what went wrong?

It is well.

Thank you, but Bukatyne remains my F-I-C !

I didn't see your post as a rejoinder to mine - I actually thought they were addressing different things? To be honest I found it hard to discern a main premise or marry the content with the conclusion. I was further confused by your subsequent responses to Pickabeau1? Even after re-reading as I said I would.

The issues in your church or any other are for myriad reasons - all worth discussing - however, I've seen nothing to re-consider my position. And while it's no tthe whole of it, it's definitely something to seriously consider.

As for evolution, I don't subscribe to that, not to say they are guesses at best.


TV

bellong:
Guess we had same experience. Although, the parents of mine never knew. To the glory of God, she is completely free from it and happily married today.

Great to hear there was a happy ending. I am none the wiser in my case. We should meet up one day and swap stories. Not sure online is the best place to share this kind of thing.

bukatyne:
If in your prayers God revealed to you that your wife to be was 4yrs younger, what would you have done?

I went through a process of learning in preparedness for marriage. So I was able to take charge. I only asked God that I not do anything contrary to His will and to keep me safe - even from myself - lest I act hastily.

I am a man. I wanted to woo and win my wife for myself. If anyone wants a gift-wrapped wife delivered to their front door, they can pray for that. God responds to each accordingly.

And if He had said she'd be 4 years younger, I would probably have queried it - then made absolutely sure and doubled my due dilligence. That does not change the thrust of my advice to men on this thread - the dynamic is generally better if your wife is younger.

Funny how when BabyOsisi was peddling deception in a womans approach to marriage no one challenged her?


TV

tearoses:
This TV sef
So you are calling 24-25 young!!!
When girls finish Uni at 21 these days
4 years of working
Some 25 year olds have already bought their first houses and have had heaps of lovers, heartbreaks and emotional baggage by then.
I even thought you were referring to 19 year olds.
You are calling 25 young in this jet age! Haaaaaaa!!!!

Buky, Edwife & NBbabe, You are all right Ladies. Everyone for themselves jare in this marriage thingy. A & B can have very different requirments.
Just make sure you pick and marry the correct piece that fits your own jigsaw & you too are the missing piece of your partners jigsaw.

I’ve have seen plenty with my koro koro eye
I’ve seen where hubby and wifey have affairs and bring home one pikin each and they got back together again.
One mans meat is another mans poison. So long as one gives the right one meat and the right one poison

All I have said is that men are best served by marrying wives significantly younger - not that every man must marry a young girl.

A 25 year old female is young relative to a 35 year old male, no? Even if I counselled marrying a virgin, would that be synonymous with marrying a 19 year old?

And I would certainly advise avoiding women with numerous lovers and lot's of baggage. Even if one knowingly chooses one with a past, be sure she has totally given up her old ways. Again, what would any of the females here advise your male relatives?

All the rest you've raised are issues that can plague any union. Nothing to do with the age or dynamic - which you claimed worked for you in your first response?

When I came to understanding, I approached marriage knowing exactly what would work best and what I wanted - and was sensitive enough not to take anything as read or for granted - approaching without knowledge or a plan increases the risk of a k-legged union.

Women united in campaigning for mature singles Brodas beware!


TV

bellong:
How do you expect to get info from her parents? It is not even advisable asking for their opinions as they naturally will create a good picture of their daughter.

Thank you Bellong. I always testify how mine was by the grace of God. It is He who delivers. The reason I took a more generalist approach to this piece was so that all men can relate. I am chastened !

Ecclesiastes 7:26 And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

If young women are sluts and gold diggers, did sluttery and gold digging start today. If young women can have children out of wedlock or baggage, cannot older women. All I am hearing is potential issues that can arise - which are not tied to age, or about compatibility per se?

One day I may relate my encounter with a possessed woman. Her parents knew and covered it up and earnestly tried to sell me on her. They were actually in fear of her - indeed there is a God.

The biological imperatives and relationship dynamics between men and women are pretty much unchanging. All told, stray from these and you will bear your burden. No one has made a cogent rebuttal to anything I have written. When they do so, I will acknowledge - and respond.


TV

Men, I have stated my piece on this. And short of being challenged or asked a pertinent question I’ll leave it for now. But map the scenarios for yourselves. Talk to other men out there about their experiences – and if at all possible share yours here.

Don’t fall for scaremongering tactics about not being able to keep up with younger wives, or suggestions they’ll sleep around. The male sex drive is higher and lasts for longer. Men can stay in shape more easily and for longer. And men do not undergo the physical rigours women do.

By all means choose a “matured single” or someone your age, if you so desire, but know what comes with it. Always set your own standards, have a plan and expectations. That will at least reduce your chances of being disappointed with a situation you didn’t prepare for.


TV

Kimoni:
TV!!!!!!!!

So what is the summary of your message lekunrere??

Our matured singles should remain single forever ba?? DiarrissGodoooo. Remember that wine gets better with age o

Coogar, marry a matured single and you will testify

I am dutybound to advise men as best I can.

On the whole, they will do best marrying between 30 - 40 and choosing women relatively younger; no strict number but say 7-12 years younger - factoring any other relevent consideration.

I suggest you advise singles before they become mature. Just as I advise men to optimise their chances of marital happiness. As for wine? I am not a winebibber !

What would you counsel your own brother?


TV

tearoses:
I am confused though, cos both you and Tv01 both have good points. I was reading his points and nodding and then read yours and nodded

Let me go and read the Edwife post again, then comment, I thought it was about not writing off girls with "pasts"

tearoses:
Sex . . .Bro TV you are wrong o! . . .talks from experience
The older you get the more you enjoy it
Maybe becssue one is more relaxed and comfortable in the relationship. .I dont know
Maybe its knowing that no kids will just walk through the door
Maybe its knowing that if you do get pregnant its not the end of the world
Maybe its knowing that you have solid contraception
Lots of maybes LOL

Enjoy it more? - possibly, depending on how you look at it.
Do it more - unlikely.

And enjoying it more depends on those relaxing factors being present. Plus the woman maintaining "condition" (not losing her physical shape or sexual drive), whilst not being caught up or preferring other disractions/pursuits. I don't see many pulling that off. Lot's of maybe' true true.


TV