₦airaland Forum

Kimoni:
He said they had several moments where they had both spilled everything about their past and he was pained because according to him, he said everything there was to say and he thought she did the same not knowing she had deliberately left out that important factor.

Kimoni:
You wouldn't want to spill sensitive information like that to every Dick and Harry you date.

Be ni 0!


TV
^{...my lovely sisters, never letting facts cloud their emotions !}

pickabeau1:
boohoo
Whats the issue with diabetes
with good health and information, it can be well managed
why did the girl now back out
The man needed time to consider all the pros and cons... not some emotion laden decision

Abi, after they'd had a heartfelt chat, why did she not reveal it - in all liklihood it would have endeared her to him. Women often feel the need to manipulate men, when the men would readily accomodate whatever it is anyway ! I think he was right to reconsider.

pickabeau1:
The best person to ask is your dad how his perception of wifes age would be knowing what he knows now....

Not you

The new "no holds barred, taking no prisoners, ox goring Pickabeau1" Me likey . Regulate bro'


TV

cococandy:
Both of them are sampling other folks about town and he's trying to say it's because he supports feminism?
Is that what gives him license to sleep with other women too?
Lol I see he wants to be the only one sleeping around then it won't be feminism's fault that they are promiscuous.
Anyway HIV is real Mr and Mrs. You guys better woulda been better as single co-parents.

I think Vivaldiva99's analysis is closer to the mark. His sleeping around is forced - and probably encouraged by her to make it seem equal. She's the one who want's to slut around. He doesn't want to lose her, she doesn't care. Indeed, he lost her already, she has just artfully arranged things to keep it convenient and him at her service.

Vivalavida99:
Now my question is, does feminism has anything to do with open marriage? Not at all feminism has nothing to do with open marriages. It's about equality in a marriage, work, social environments, and parenting. Marriage is for the purpose of bearing children, which means having sex, which means she's out getting f'd! She's in a position to bear another man's child. How is that equality? It's not! It's her taking advantage of a dipsheet husband who's been brow-beaten into compliance so that she can get her way. She's getting free dinner and sex while you're bearing the cost and responsibility of her maintenance! Your relationship isn't based on any sense of feminism. There's no equality there. She's having her cake and eating it, too! And you're endorsing her lifestyle while she's out playing the field! Either end your sham marriage for the sake of the children, or demand devotion for the same reason because this relationship isn't a relationship. It's roommates with children.

I would have said this was spot on - except for one thing. Feminism is not about "equality" it's about female privilige - to act as they like without consequence. Which is what she's got - along with a baby sitter she occassionally treats to sex.

And there's no such thing as an open marriage - by definition marriage is about fidelity.
Men always maintain higher status in your wifes eyes - attraction hinges on it, and without it she is liable to stray.


TV

tearoses:
We no gree o!
Actually if what I read on NL is true, its the younger ones who are the most commited hardliners and the "mi o ni gba ones"
You are likely to be fed by a 30 year old woman who knows how many times she was sidelined for younger versions before she became a Mrs than a 20 year old who had 100 suitors begging her to get married.

I like Damis way of looking at things too. A good person will be a good person regardless of age and vice versa.

And the older ones who are most set in their ways and jaundiced about men - swings and roundabouts. I would avoid both. Character and attitude are no less important. I chinned a younger woman for my wife

And there is no issue with a 30 year old who has kept and cultivated herself. Especially if you are a 40 year old man !

Please gree na !


TV

damiso:
TV01 my only question is ( you know me its ijebu I understand abeg sofry on the big big grammar )

E we so !

damiso:
are you saying that a younger wife for a man is more a consideration( I know you have given other considerations) than the actual character of the person in question?

No

damiso:
Now this not to hold brief for anyone but just wondering why the age factor is more an issue than the actual character of the person? A good person is a good person ( I think) regardless of their age and so if my brother finds a woman who is good woman who is 2 years younger he should disqualify her as a suitable mate because a suitable mate would be more in the 7 to 12 year age difference?

Sometimes it's by degrees, think of it relatively; would a man prefer a perectly behaved wife without the physical intimacy he wants, or a wife with a little drama, a few character flaws but awesome in the sack? think I know what most men would choose.

damiso:
I am not asking defensively or anything cos my husband is almost 10 years older than I am while my mum and dad were in essence age mates( less than 2 year age difference) as they had been courting since their A levels. and I feel my father was a good man( I am biased I know).And my mother a good wife to him.

Regards to hubby - sharp dude, can't wait to meet him ! Funnily enough, my dad was just over 2 years older than my mum - and she tried. He was her first and only love.

I've given a general rule of thumb. At least it's a starting point for men and they can factor accordingly.

damiso:
I just want to know how age is a factor in the character judgement of any individual.

It's not, it's a totally different - and important - consideration in it's own right. You buy a car, you consider, the cost, consumption and capacity. Even if there is a hierarchy, they are all important. I think age differentials speak to a number of things, although I honed in on intimacy here, 'cos I'm hearing a lot of that.

For me personally, character was paramount. But I didn't focus out everything else. Till today I tease my wife about how it was when she knelt to pick something up in her fishtail dress that I caught an eyeful and said "ye, today na today" . I had been studying her from afar exactly to discern her character.


TV

tearoses:
TV there is Nothing wrong with marrying someone younger than you. I am not just sure that your idea of young is actually young ni o!

If you are looking for someone you can “mould” and who comes to the marriage with minor baggage & mileage, has loads of energy & will have racing car metabolism for the next 20 years etc. then you are going to have to go a lot younger than 25 bro.

You are going to have to go to as low as 16 and this puts you into a different level of problems altogether, assuming that its even illegal, which 16 year old wants to get married anyway?
Do they even have the mental and emotional maturity to thrive in the marriage?

To be honest there is not much different between a 25 year old and a 30 year old . . . They’ve both been there, done it and have got the T-shirt and their hand luggage is almost identical

You people won't gree me

There is a difference between a 25 year old woman and a 30 year old woman if you are a 25 year old man - or even a 30 year old man. That's when you wil hear that your wife has no intention of cooking !

TV

Kimoni:
young is no longer young.

Really? So what is young these days? And what happened to old? Abi old sef is no longer old?

Kimoni:
And I think you got her drift just that you waved them off as being scare tactics. But it's really the truth - young is no longer young.

Just tell us why and how older is superior to younger, or why it's just as good, or better even! But if young is no longer young, how can you actually do that

You see now why you need to start using big big grammar


TV

bukatyne:
I have edited my posts

...my remains fine as is !


TV

Kimoni:


TV, I'll be back, my network is very low right now.

But Edwife did highlight some good reasons why it's not all 'eureka' when it comes to marrying young. And she came with true life stories to support it.

I never said it's all "eureka" - In fact I clearly stated that it's genrally better for the dynamic and one of the things to seriously consider. I saw no story from Edwife that was a direct result of a man marrying a younger women - or something that couldn't have happened with a woman the same age or older. Or are all the issues between older men and younger women, and due specifically to the age difference?

My advice remains as is !


TV

bukatyne:
@Bold:

Long story

If you had wooed and God said no, won't you have taken who He gave you?

It is you assuming that in all instances God gives wives, or even in the cases that He does, He would let you needlessly woo before saying no.

I broke some of my own criteria to marry my wife - all considered she warranted bending those particular rules for, and I was happy to bear the consequences. Men woo, men win.


TV

Kimoni:
Bellong and TV - you know these girls might not even be aware of what they are carrying. It's a possibility, innit?

To start with maybe - they could have taken it knowingly or unknowingly, but ultimately it will manifest. The one I met knew, and it explained her behaviour and her family' fear of her.

TV

Kimoni:
The basis of marriage itself is both an emotion and a feeling. L-O-V-E

Wrong!


TV

Kimoni:
All these big big grammar are you a professor??

No - but it certainly helps when ones argument is weak !

Kimoni:
My problem with your recommendation TV is that, it is largely one sided.

I don't think so.

Kimoni:
You have highlighted the advantages of marrying young singles without talking about its numerous disadvantages.

There are not numerous disadvantages, and relative to older singles there are mostly advantages.

Kimoni:
Secondly, you have also not talked about the advantages of marrying matured singles while touching on its disadvantages indirectly.

If you believe this, kindly point them out and we can discuss - that's what should have happened all along. All I have heard is disagreement based on different premises, or an outright campaign for older singles - female solidarity !

Kimoni:
So I am happy to inform you that you have been able to confuse me but not convince me on why men should marry young singles

I am not trying to convince you. I am talking to the men.


TV

Kimoni:
TV01and Bellong - so you guys have had encounters with ogbanjes before pray tell, are they as beautiful as people describe them to be

Mine was snake spirit. She was simply stunning, but even that had an edge. And it was difficult to reconcile her behaviour. Only when she manifested did it make absolute sense.

Kimoni:
TV - what would I advise my brothers - marry whoever your heart chooses. You will know when you meet the right person and you guys will fit like you were made for yourselves. Your inner peace will testify to him/her.

That's terrible advice and a cop out. If it works it's mostly luck - unless he is a God-fearing somebody. And men - faithful or not - are not to be driven by emotions and feelings.


TV

edwife:
Brother Tv01 i have always been one of your fan(yes believe it) but i just had to table all the cards out there,not to scare or discourage anyone but to open their minds to unseen or unknown expectations.

It is thought out there,no one can deny that-in my church alone RCCG we have so many cases that you keep wondering everytime you hear a story,what happened?what went wrong?

It is well.

Thank you, but Bukatyne remains my F-I-C !

I didn't see your post as a rejoinder to mine - I actually thought they were addressing different things? To be honest I found it hard to discern a main premise or marry the content with the conclusion. I was further confused by your subsequent responses to Pickabeau1? Even after re-reading as I said I would.

The issues in your church or any other are for myriad reasons - all worth discussing - however, I've seen nothing to re-consider my position. And while it's no tthe whole of it, it's definitely something to seriously consider.

As for evolution, I don't subscribe to that, not to say they are guesses at best.


TV

bellong:
Guess we had same experience. Although, the parents of mine never knew. To the glory of God, she is completely free from it and happily married today.

Great to hear there was a happy ending. I am none the wiser in my case. We should meet up one day and swap stories. Not sure online is the best place to share this kind of thing.

bukatyne:
If in your prayers God revealed to you that your wife to be was 4yrs younger, what would you have done?

I went through a process of learning in preparedness for marriage. So I was able to take charge. I only asked God that I not do anything contrary to His will and to keep me safe - even from myself - lest I act hastily.

I am a man. I wanted to woo and win my wife for myself. If anyone wants a gift-wrapped wife delivered to their front door, they can pray for that. God responds to each accordingly.

And if He had said she'd be 4 years younger, I would probably have queried it - then made absolutely sure and doubled my due dilligence. That does not change the thrust of my advice to men on this thread - the dynamic is generally better if your wife is younger.

Funny how when BabyOsisi was peddling deception in a womans approach to marriage no one challenged her?


TV

tearoses:
This TV sef
So you are calling 24-25 young!!!
When girls finish Uni at 21 these days
4 years of working
Some 25 year olds have already bought their first houses and have had heaps of lovers, heartbreaks and emotional baggage by then.
I even thought you were referring to 19 year olds.
You are calling 25 young in this jet age! Haaaaaaa!!!!

Buky, Edwife & NBbabe, You are all right Ladies. Everyone for themselves jare in this marriage thingy. A & B can have very different requirments.
Just make sure you pick and marry the correct piece that fits your own jigsaw & you too are the missing piece of your partners jigsaw.

I’ve have seen plenty with my koro koro eye
I’ve seen where hubby and wifey have affairs and bring home one pikin each and they got back together again.
One mans meat is another mans poison. So long as one gives the right one meat and the right one poison

All I have said is that men are best served by marrying wives significantly younger - not that every man must marry a young girl.

A 25 year old female is young relative to a 35 year old male, no? Even if I counselled marrying a virgin, would that be synonymous with marrying a 19 year old?

And I would certainly advise avoiding women with numerous lovers and lot's of baggage. Even if one knowingly chooses one with a past, be sure she has totally given up her old ways. Again, what would any of the females here advise your male relatives?

All the rest you've raised are issues that can plague any union. Nothing to do with the age or dynamic - which you claimed worked for you in your first response?

When I came to understanding, I approached marriage knowing exactly what would work best and what I wanted - and was sensitive enough not to take anything as read or for granted - approaching without knowledge or a plan increases the risk of a k-legged union.

Women united in campaigning for mature singles Brodas beware!


TV

bellong:
How do you expect to get info from her parents? It is not even advisable asking for their opinions as they naturally will create a good picture of their daughter.

Thank you Bellong. I always testify how mine was by the grace of God. It is He who delivers. The reason I took a more generalist approach to this piece was so that all men can relate. I am chastened !

Ecclesiastes 7:26 And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

If young women are sluts and gold diggers, did sluttery and gold digging start today. If young women can have children out of wedlock or baggage, cannot older women. All I am hearing is potential issues that can arise - which are not tied to age, or about compatibility per se?

One day I may relate my encounter with a possessed woman. Her parents knew and covered it up and earnestly tried to sell me on her. They were actually in fear of her - indeed there is a God.

The biological imperatives and relationship dynamics between men and women are pretty much unchanging. All told, stray from these and you will bear your burden. No one has made a cogent rebuttal to anything I have written. When they do so, I will acknowledge - and respond.


TV

Men, I have stated my piece on this. And short of being challenged or asked a pertinent question I’ll leave it for now. But map the scenarios for yourselves. Talk to other men out there about their experiences – and if at all possible share yours here.

Don’t fall for scaremongering tactics about not being able to keep up with younger wives, or suggestions they’ll sleep around. The male sex drive is higher and lasts for longer. Men can stay in shape more easily and for longer. And men do not undergo the physical rigours women do.

By all means choose a “matured single” or someone your age, if you so desire, but know what comes with it. Always set your own standards, have a plan and expectations. That will at least reduce your chances of being disappointed with a situation you didn’t prepare for.


TV

Kimoni:
TV!!!!!!!!

So what is the summary of your message lekunrere??

Our matured singles should remain single forever ba?? DiarrissGodoooo. Remember that wine gets better with age o

Coogar, marry a matured single and you will testify

I am dutybound to advise men as best I can.

On the whole, they will do best marrying between 30 - 40 and choosing women relatively younger; no strict number but say 7-12 years younger - factoring any other relevent consideration.

I suggest you advise singles before they become mature. Just as I advise men to optimise their chances of marital happiness. As for wine? I am not a winebibber !

What would you counsel your own brother?


TV

tearoses:
I am confused though, cos both you and Tv01 both have good points. I was reading his points and nodding and then read yours and nodded

Let me go and read the Edwife post again, then comment, I thought it was about not writing off girls with "pasts"

tearoses:
Sex . . .Bro TV you are wrong o! . . .talks from experience
The older you get the more you enjoy it
Maybe becssue one is more relaxed and comfortable in the relationship. .I dont know
Maybe its knowing that no kids will just walk through the door
Maybe its knowing that if you do get pregnant its not the end of the world
Maybe its knowing that you have solid contraception
Lots of maybes LOL

Enjoy it more? - possibly, depending on how you look at it.
Do it more - unlikely.

And enjoying it more depends on those relaxing factors being present. Plus the woman maintaining "condition" (not losing her physical shape or sexual drive), whilst not being caught up or preferring other disractions/pursuits. I don't see many pulling that off. Lot's of maybe' true true.


TV

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033] This is very practical.

Working for me now!!!


#TeamGoYoungStayHappy.

[/color]

Good to hear dude!

coogar:
so which is which?
to marry an old woman or to marry a young one?

Please marry old and report back to us .

I’ve said my own – and just too be clear, I’m not saying that every man at any age should marry a young girl, I am saying – generally – alignment will be better if the woman is relatively younger.

One can factor for outliers and unusual situations – and every relationship is bespoke – but it’s a good rule of thumb. Not far from the “half your age +7 years” rule, which has been around forever.

As for the sex piece in particular, from what I’ve seen and heard, I know the “women reach their peak at 40 is a myth. It makes no sense.

Are women really telling us that their desire increases as they age, after they have children, as their bodies lose their vigour and as menopause kicks in are more active than in their youth?

Yes, I admit that in certain circumstances sex may still be thoroughly enjoyable, but it will not be desired as much or as frenetic as previous.

And for many the worries of work, childcare, bills etc. occupy them so much - with little time for exercise, healthy living etc. – that libido takes a hike.

And yes this affects, men and women, but women have more of the earlier mentioned physical issues to deal with. Testosterone is a thing, the “drive differentials” are real. It’s more an “impulse” with men and more an “emotional connection” with women.

Men, tread carefully and choose wisely. Paint two scenarios in your head; a 35 man marrying a 25 year old, or a 35 man marrying a 34 year old. How do you think that will play out, what pressures will come to bear?


TV

adanmaonu1:
Hello Nairalanders

...as promised. I initially responded as I sensed that despite it all, you wish, if at all possible, to restore your marriage. I continue on that basis.

Lots of questions about the foundations & genesis of your relationship - all you've managed to do is give both love and Christianity bad names. Ironically the two in truth envelop each other. If it was love you truly felt, submission wouldn't be an issue, and if he was truly a Christian, you would have discerned that, assuming you are one yourself? But let's not look to far back for now.

Husband:
Obviously immature to a degree - even if only in response to your actions. He would be well served by some serious counselling. As would you both. Individually and jointly. But first, you need to both commit to restoration; whether you do, don't, or if you use family, church or professionals.

I would suggest you humbly approach him baring your soul and referencing the hope and expectation you entered this marriage with. Acknowledge his headship and ask for his support as you both work to rekindle a loving relationship.

Check your "equal rights" mentality at the door and start to think sacrificially as marriage often demands. To restore you need him back onside, vested in the marriage and committed to you and your child.

Third Parties:
Regardless of proximity, his parents are best left out of this, as is your aunt - unless things are actually that precarious. Families and friends can stoke fires and will nurse grudges long after you have reconciled. Your neighbours will just use you for cheap gist.

As mentioned keep the law far from your home if you desire to retrieve this situation. What he will go through in their hands can engender the kind of indignation that he will find hard to forgive you for - ever. There are fewer worse kinds of emasculation for a man.

The police - by default or design - humiliate the black men they take into custody. Especially for accusations of DV. I have seen men subsequently play nice, relocate the family to Nigeria and then exact a tortuous revenge. Are you trying to restore your home or blow up your marriage? If the latter,many have already provided a road map.

Submission:
I actually feel that, being submissive in the genuine sense would have really avoided a lot of the pain you have experienced. You've pulled the old "I will do as my husband says, as long as it makes sense to me" card. There' a real sense of you "dragging" headship with him.

Not saying that joint a/c's are a must, but why truly did you refuse? What were the reasons you wanted the arrangement you put forth? I note your lamentation about "being used"?

How and why? And you were comfortable enough to afford a car out of your savings no? He couldn't have been taking all of your money and he was taking care of the big ticket financial items. Was this a case of "my money, mine, his money ours" attitude?

For whatever reason, you did not engage in this relationship in a way that engendered trust or recognised his headship - you were actually the very opposite of submission. Whether this was due to foundational issues or character flaws, I can't say. However, restoration is possible.

Was the project in Nigeria one you didnlt agree with or didn't have full transparency on. Were his family involved? Was it part of your joint L/T plans?

I sometimes wonder at the dynamic of relationships and how individuals understand and approach marriage. If indeed your husband is simply wilfully violent without cause, and brutalises you absent rhyme or reason, then you best act to ensure the safety of yourself and your daughter. As noted, contributors here have already outlined how you can leverage the legal system to seriously hurt two individuals and scar a young child.

All the best to you and your family as you work your way through this.


TV

adanmaonu1:
Hello Nairalanders

Hello Ada,

Maybe it’s the punctuation or maybe it’s how I’m reading your OP, but there appear to be inconsistencies in your story. Anyway, for discussions sake, I will take your story as read and respond accordingly.

First of all, you spend a good portion of your post talking about the domestic situation between you, and rather less about “physical altercations”, which would appear more pressing?

So I’ll start there. I like the fact that you made it clear that the two of you “fought”. In reading some of the responses, it would at first appear that a significant amount of one-sided husband inflicted DV was going on here – that is not the case. Advice #1, ignore such posts.

What is clear from your own words, is that this is a heated relationship which often gets physical. Having said that, my position is that a man should ensure all restraint to prevent physically assaulting his wife.

And as a wife, you must not give in to misguided notions that physically engaging your husband in this way will reap long-term dividends. If you want a long and joyous union, do not succumb to dumb thinking like “ a man must never lay hands on a woman for any reason” and at the same time think that you can relentlessly provoke or even assault him.

I commend you that you did not let the law intervene in your marriage, when it would have been so tempting to do so. You acted more wisely than you may comprehend at this point– if saving and going on to enjoy your marriage is your aim.

I’ll hopefully be back later to complete.


TV

...men don't run from anything. They meet it head on and deal with it, or they demur.


TV

This thread is insightful.

In a fit of pique a wife comes in and dishes out a one-sided rant trashing her husband. Mature, sensible advisors come in and counsel patience, wisdom and long-term strategies to effect the change she desires. Others come in spitting bricks, insisting on being victimised on OP's behalf and taking the liberty of traducing someone elses spouse. What can I say?

KYP - Know Your Posters !

Ewuro4:
Hahaha tell me about it TV?

Men.

I specially asked last night as we were pottering in the kitchen - a big smile came over her face as she sensed the opportunity to dish all my ills - with jara

After much thought she could only find 1 thing. I exhorted her to try harder. Finally she claimed that I leave the liquid iron supplement bottle "sticky" when I use it, and she has to "rinse it sometimes before use. "You old nag" I said, "upstairs, I will show you rinsing".

I've come a long way baby !


TV

Go young, young man, go young.

I often talk about marrying a woman significantly younger in a light hearted manner.  And whilst I advise this in an ATBE/generic manner, believe me, there is sound reasoning behind this.

We have spoken at length about female hypergamy, so no need to revisit this. Needless to say, women typically seek higher status in their partners (marital or otherwise), and this should enable you gain a “head-start” in terms of being mature and establishing yourself.

This will help greatly in your relationship as she will be more likely to “look up to you”, as opposed to try and compete/outmanoeuvre you at every turn – in itself a passion killer.

Older women – as an inevitability of time – tend to not be as shapely or nubile as younger women. They are also likely to have had more partners  - unpicking why this is a bad thing requires separate treatment.

They also tend to have more baggage, and are probably more set in their ways. Not to mention more likely to try and game/pressure you into marriage due to their age.

But one of the big reasons, is sex. The conversational flow around here would make one believe that women are every bit as libidinous as men. This is simply not true. As a general – if not universal -  rule, men are much more libidinous than women.

This disparity becomes more pronounced the older men/women – the couple  - get. One huge myth is how womens sexuality heightens and peaks around 39/40 – please, please, please, don’t fall for that one. It makes no sense in terms of the biological imperative for childbirth and the onset of menopause.

Indeed, if one looked at things historically, perhaps people would be more considered before throwing around senseless tropes like “all men are dogs”, “culture calls men studs and women sluts”  etc., would not be thrown around so casually.

Across cultures and through time, men and women, husbands and wives have accommodated this differential by the introduction of 2nd wives, or winking at the presence of mistresses.

Sex for men is mostly physical, so unlike women the impulse cannot be readily transferred to children or other forms of social interaction.

It often happens, that as women have given birth, are becoming pre-occupied with domestic issues, are becoming pre-occupied more with “social events”, and becoming further removed from their youthful “hotness”, that men are at the peak of the careers, have as much status as they are likely to attain, are still in reasonably good shape, and receiving more attention from women.

Now culturally, monogamy is the norm. All the more reason to avail yourself of a wife you will be in physical consonance with. You are likely to be more indulgent and patient with a younger wife, as well as mature enough to support her through rough patches.

Lastly, please don’t be fooled by pre-marital sex, or even honeymoon romps. Women will work tactically to seal the deal and then revise strategically as things change – in all likelihood, your desire for sex won’t

Presumes;
1.  You are a mature and responsible man – set on creating a family legacy
2.  You are  a man in good shape,  or who is set on being so - and maintaining it.
3.  Mongamy is your model
4.  I said ATBE, if you meet an outlier in any sense, factor accordingly


Disclaimer
1. I did this and it works

 
TV

^{...please cease and desist with the weave talk !}

Stillfire:
Deceiving my girls? Lol. Let me give you some realities as a naija girl in the diaspora, seeing that you are not a girl and are not privy to these secret truths.

I'm all ears !

Stillfire:
We don't have inhibitions to date outside the race like black american women, thereby increasing our pool of eligible candidates.

It's a lie! The black female is the most tightly bound to her male counterpart. If only because therein lies the true testosterone match . White men rarely meet up, and typically shy away, knowing they can't.

As for Middle-Eastern, Asian and Chinese men, how many of them do you see with black women? I'm sure such pairings exist, but they are rarer than hens teeth and as ubiquitous as crocodile tears !

Stillfire:
Most of us are educated and more likely to meet like minds, who are mostly white in professional places.

As above it's about physical attraction before it's a meeting of minds,this counts for very little.

Stillfire:
We don't boast that other races are interested, that is the forte of Nigerian men...that is- to be excited over whiteness as evident on this thread.

Boast ke? The facts speak for themselves. Black men are coveted. And as other races of men become increasingly "feminised", even more so.
No need to boast, but the bragging rights our ours !

Stillfire:
This is akin to foreigners in Nigeria dating and marrying Nigerian girls. Nobody makes noise. It's no big deal. If a Nigerian man is in Europe, who is he more likely to date? A Nigerian? lol. Geography definitely is not naija men's strongest subject.

Not really - it's just the cold hard facts; in the global dating market the black women is losing out and must make do with whatever she can get.

Stillfire:
Nigerian girls are usually slender, no overblown curves, very apt for the white demographic. We are not stereotypical loud either because we were fortunate not to have grown up here . We are foreign, exotic and men like our accents as well. It's sexy.

"Nigerian girls" and "slender" in the same sentence? And they are not fighting?? Girl you need your own show "Stilly' Stand-Up ! Exotic?? Girl stop. Where would I even start?

Stillfire:
So you see me, my sisters and friends tick all these boxes, so we don't try 'hard' to find suitors. They are two a penny in me world.

For a small percentage of your demographic there will be some heart-warming success, encouraging stories and moments of hope. But all round, the picture is dismal. Face facts; black women are bottom of the desirability scale - even in black countries sef.

Stillfire:
Instead it's naija men always trying too hard to get my number, lol. White men always get the best of black women!

Naija men doing what Naija men do. Flexing . Because when all is said and done, you still prefer us, and we still handle you best. I have so many testimonies of black women with white men thinking they're "missing something". But other races with black men always got the "cat that got the cream look". No gainsaying !

Stillfire:
Naija men always trying to feel needed...lmao.
I grew up in Nigeria, I don see Naija man nyansh finishhhhhhhhhh. There is no thrill there. What can a naija man do or say to excite me? ehn TV?

Again, a few will feel this way, but the vast majority would always have a "brother" if they had their way. Your case is at best the exception that proves the rule.

African love is still viable, black romance is a thing ! Quit the self-delusion, work hard, respect complimentarity, and lay hold of what is yours by right. Stop settling for reduced melanin content ! We'll work with you for the common good. Don't fool the majority with testimonies of a few odd cases.

Hailing all SBW & BQ's


TV

pickabeau1:
Yes that was my intent with the word 'look'
The outlook from where I look does not look good

And that's why marriage in it's essence has to be rediscovered, taught and modelled. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, it's just been abused and now perverted.

pickabeau1:
How can a pre teen be saying he does not want to marry so that one woman will not come and deprive him of his money?

I once had the most jaundiced view of marriage, but God be thanked, part of my journey was rediscovering it in spirit and truth. The bible opens and closes with weddings. To pervert marriage is to mock Gods unfolding plan.

pickabeau1:
Good to have you post
I wonder how any one can believe such research but that research is the basis for the adoption option for SSM
The Family is truly in flux...

Social science is in some ways barely deseving of the name science. It is not as rigid as real science and is very subjective - hence easily amenable to ideological manipulation - from either side.

SSM is not a thing - we shall see how it unfolds and how "global" it truly gets.


TV

Stillfire:
You better date outside your race, tribe, and the whole nonsense. Expand your horizons. Many Naija girls are in interracial relationships. They don't just make noise because it's not a big deal

Stilly! Stilly!! Stilly!!! How now?

Please, stop decieving your gals now, quit misleading the sisters. The "many" you used up there is in a relative sense. Unfortunately for black women, they are at the bottom of the hierarchy when it comes to "global mate choice".

In absolute terms, and where there is choice, very few non-black men want black women. Black men on the other hand are pretty much at the top - and our stock continues to rise. Please make peace with these facts and encourage the sisters to "try harder".

One love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI-xQ7IksUc


TV

@OP - is that it? If only you could share notes with my wife, you will drop to your knees in thanksgiving

Now, let me give you a tip; you've made it very clear that it displeases you. Don't ever mention it again and give strong focus to doing the things he likes and pleasing him in other ways.

TV

pickabeau1:
Maybe we need to look at marriage again
Is it still necessary...

Look in the sense of regaining the meaning and understanding it's function, not look as in tinker with it. Marriage as a concept/institution is perfect - it's (some of) the participants who are struggling.

Necessary? It's crucial - and nothing has been put forward that improves it, or is superior to it. How can? God did it .

pickabeau1:
At your bolded, research has shown there is no difference between kids in a two parent household and those raised by a single mother or even against those raised by 2 same sex parents
Dodgy

You are trolling abi

There is no such research - not in a thorough, unbiased, properly factored sense anyway. Lots of shoddy research and pseudo-science pushed forward to make the case for "gay marriage".

We don't have the longitudinal data to clearly discuss outcomes for children raised in SS households. The outcomes of single parent households have been with us for a while - especially single mothers.

A SP household is a great predictor of poverty and generational pathologies - 60% of single-parent households fall into poperty. I don't dispute that an enduring 2 parent, opposite sex pairing is equivalent to a maried couple ATBE.

However a married couple with children are still more likey to remain intact for a longer period than an unmarried pair.

From the Gayctivist-in-Chief himself; http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/15/us/politics/15text-obama.html?pagewanted=print&_r=0
...excerpt; We know the statistics – that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and twenty times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.

You've baited me this morning sha

TV^MIC