₦airaland Forum

nice one u got there

places

TYTYLAYOR

T Temperance

Y Yummy

T Titillate

Y Youthful

L Loyal

A Attractive

Y Yummy

O Ooze

R Reliable

TYTY

T Twisted

Y Yucky

T Tasty

Y Youthful

T- trendy
I- independent
T- talented
I- intense
L- lovely
A- amiable
Y- yucky
O- optimistic

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo playing geek in 'Deliverance')

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and lay. It's the male perspective thing.)

clem u neva brush ur teeth

(1)
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
"Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray
hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl and tells them:
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However,
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a town house,
a beachfront villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born,
my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account,
if they are twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point,
the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,


"You'll sleep with her again!"


(2)
Marriage - Part I Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules: I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card playing
when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be
sex here at seven o'clock every night whether you're here or not."


(3)

Memory Class
An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose?" asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"


(4)
Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

mo ni fee re, yoruba dialect

A MAN, HIS GIRLFRIEND AND THIER PARROT.

there was a man leaving with his parrot and the girlfriend pay them a visit,
meanwhile the girl is not beautiful immediately the parrot saw her.
the parrot said madam you wohwoh, so the girl report the parrot to
the man and the guy beat the hell out off the parrot, the same thing
happen again. these time the merely kill the parrot. the girl now go to
salon to do her hair makeup to look more beautiful, immediately the
parrot saw her the parrot said madam U SABI WETIN YOU BE, i no go tell you

ha! me i cannot fit to speak grammer o

zimbabwe

nitie na u cause all dis madness o n u still dey "aaaaaaaaaaaaagh

togo

nigeria

Rwanda

PASS THIS ON EVEN IF YOU DO NOT USE IT

Recently this past week, my cousin Nicole Dishuk (age 31, newly grad
student with a doctoral degree about to start her new career
as a Doctor, ) was flown into a nearby hospital, because she passed
out.

They found a blot clot in her neck, and immediately took her by
helicopter to the ER to operate. by the time they removed the
> right half of her skull to relieve the pressure on her brain, the
clot had spread to her brain causing severe damage.
Since last Wednesday night, she was battling, they induced her into a
coma to stop the blood flow, They operated 3 times,
> Finally, they said there was nothing left that they could do, they
found multiple clots in the left side of her brain, the swelling
wouldn't stop,
> and she was on life support, She died at 4:30 yesterday. She leaves
behind a husband, and a 2yr old Brandon and a 4yr old Justin, The CAUSE
of DEATH - they found was a birth control she was taking that allows you to only have
your period 3 X's a year, They said it interrupts life's menstrual
> cycle, and although it is FDA approved, shouldn't be - So to the
women in my address book - I ask you to boycott this product & deal with

> your period once a month - so you can live the rest of the months that
your life has in store for you. *Please send this to every woman you
know - you may save someone's life, Remember, you have a CYCLE for a reason!
> FYI
>The name of this new birth control pill is Lybrel. If you go to
Lybrel.com <http://lybrel.com/> <
http://lybrel.com/ <http://lybrel.com/> > , you will find at least 26
> pages of information regarding this drug. The second birth control
pill is, Seasonique. If you go to the website of,
Seasonique.com <http://seasonique.com/>
> <http://seasonique.com/
<http://seasonique.com/> > , you will find 43 pages of information
regarding this drug.
>
The warnings and side effects regarding both pills are horrible.
Please, please forward this information to as many daughters
> AND sons, co-workers, friends and relatives. Several lives have

already been changed.

"May mercy and peace and love be increased to YOU."

tessy and succy una wnt start una own? na wa o, this thread sef

@topic

eku ofofo

clemcykul:
u travel? am glad u dint miss your way

come giv me small crayfish wey u bring

hahahahahaha u tink say na Agwu i go

iyale mi no just tell dem d amount o make clem no come do something, u don understand?

so wa pa

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%?
What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these

Questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

AND, look how far the love of God will take you

L- O- V - E-O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

success123:
u girls can keep on ranting, but let me telll u that i am covered by the blood of jesus, there for no girls can rape me.

OMG

Making A Bet At The Bar
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

hmm funn

A young Ijebu man walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he is going to Lagos on a vacation, for two weeks, and need to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer told him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Ijebu man handed over the keys to a new brand BMW 6 series. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Ijebu man produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Ijebu man, for using an $80,000 BMW as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the BMW into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later, the Ijebu man returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a successful business man. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'

The Ijebu Man replied : 'Where else in New York City can i park my car for two weeks and pay only $15.41 and expect the car to be there when i return?'
The bank employees watched as he pulled out of the garage, windows down and sunroof open. Juju music blasting from his car, as he pulled away.

u noe c as ur mouth dey drawwwww?

fyn oo, she even sent me to u, dnt tell anybody o, 1milla

real daydreaming
am bak jare iyale mi, na all dis ndlea people dey disturb me for airport, abi i resemble elelubo?
hw's everytin jare,

fat stew and draw stew