₦airaland Forum

darn it!!! Sosoliso ke. . .  

Pls my loff, dont let dem "caput" u for me o o o. . .I beg oooo,i no fit  

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind?”

“Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.”

“OK,” he says, “How about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.”

“Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea,” she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see this, two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so's there's no trouble."

So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like 18-year-olds. This goes on for about thirty minutes! She's yelling, “Ohhhh, God!” He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, "that was truly amazing; he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is."

As the couple pass, he says to them, “That was something else, you must have been shagging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?”





“No, there's no secret,” the old man says,”except that fifty years ago that damn fence wasn't electric.”

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television.

The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his dick.

Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."

@PAT

Abeg take d nxt available flight down here. . I've missed u my poodle

A farmer bought a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. He put the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business.

The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "OK, old fellow, time to retire."

The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens. Look at what it did to me!"

The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon. Just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"

So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?"

The young rooster says, "Sure, why not, you know I'll still beat you."

They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken go cluck "Go!" and the old rooster took off running.

About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about five inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! He shoots the young rooster.

He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife,
[size=8pt][size=8pt]
"Son of a bitch , third gay rooster I bought this week!"[/size][/size]

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozylittle restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,’This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.’ and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: ‘For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars
in the bank and 7 inches in your pants’.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it
to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read: ‘Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8,
Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen, Miami and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.’

WOMEN COULD BE SO DUMB!!!!

Me feelest so cool n breezy today. . .when thou est around moi

How can we "collabo" today?

A woman and a baby waited in the doctor's examining room, waiting for him to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and commented the baby wasn't gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast fed," the woman replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.

He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."













"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma , but I'm glad I came."

@Dhead

Same joke. . .Different style to it. . .Nice 1 anyways

@pat

Mon bonbon. . .wherest thou beenest all these whilest. . .?

NOW. . .Let's de-mystify this scamming of a thingy. . .

There's possible 3-4 things a scammer'll need to perpetrate this sorta"classy" crime
1- A c99shell, ftp server (used to upload the scampages)
2- The scampage (fake website), wif a PHP script (containing the scammer's email address) where all entries will be delivered too. . .
3- A good PHP mailer, SMTP server (used with AMS software) or other Mass Mailing softwares
Last but the "BEST". . . Good leads (emails)

Once he/she has all of these. . it's easy to get some "mugus" who'd just "walk the plank" witout thinking hard. .

I've gotten these emails too. . .The ONLY thing your Bank will prolly send to you are your Bank Statements (IF you opted to receive them via email and that comes in either .PDF or .XLS file formats

Be careful and all the best

@poster

At my age. . . I'm STILLLLLLL A virgin. . . and i'm glad it's been that way

NOW. . .Let's de-mystify this scamming of a thingy. . .

There's possible 3-4 things a scammer'll need to perpetrate this sorta"classy" crime
1- A c99shell, ftp server (used to upload the scampages)
2- The scampage (fake website), wif a PHP script (containing the scammer's email address) where all entries will be delivered too. . .
3- A good PHP mailer, SMTP server (used with AMS software) or other Mass Mailing softwares
Last but the "BEST". . . Good leads (emails)

Once he/she has all of these. . it's easy to get some "mugus" who'd just "walk the plank" witout thinking hard. .

I've gotten these emails too. . .The ONLY thing your Bank will prolly send to you are your Bank Statements (IF you opted to receive them via email and that comes in either .PDF or .XLS file formats

Be careful and all the best

@all

Just to update you on the situation of things wif my ex. . . I had a doctor take some blood&DNA sample from the kid (since the court allowed me to do so) and carry out a paternity test, still awaiting the result though. . .

I've opened up and told my gf EVERYTHING about my past, to which she was a bit upset, but after much pleading (from my family & close friends) she succumbed & now we're back on track. . .I still frequent my ex just to know how things are with her son (court ruling)

Thanks for your support & advice

@jamaincanqt. . .

JamaicanQT:
Probably if you hadn't gone and done such a stupid thing u wouldn't be in your situation, That girl deserve better than you

You DIDN'T have to rain on me like that. . .this could have happened to ANYONE. .

NOW. . .Let's de-mystify this scamming of a thingy. . .

There's possible 3-4 things a scammer'll need to perpetrate this sorta"classy" crime
1- A c99shell, ftp server (used to upload the scampages)
2- The scampage (fake website), wif a PHP script (containing the scammer's email address) where all entries will be delivered too. . .
3- A good PHP mailer, SMTP server (used with AMS software) or other Mass Mailing softwares
Last but the "BEST". . . Good leads (emails)

Once he/she has all of these. . it's easy to get some "mugus" who'd just "walk the plank" witout thinking hard. .

I've gotten these emails too. . .The ONLY thing your Bank will prolly send to you are your Bank Statements (IF you opted to receive them via email and that comes in either .PDF or .XLS file formats

Be careful and all the best

@tyty

omo jati jati. . . O ti baje gon

http://www.setanta.com/uk/Articles/Foot , nid-55563/

Ikechukwu Uche, who has been hailed by Arsène Wenger, is keen on moving to England, his brother Kalu told setanta.com.

Arsenal manager Wenger, who co-commentated on France’s friendly with Nigeria in St Etienne live on French TV on Tuesday night, has hailed Super Eagles star Ikechukwu Uche and implied that he would ask for the attacker’s phone number after the game.

The 25-year-old forward shone at Stade Geoffroy-Guichard and was the star of the show in Nigeria’s narrow win over Les Bleus.

The Gunners boss was impressed by the Getafe star’s display and praised him on many occasions during the encounter.

“What’s his name again? Ikechukwu Uche. I should ask for his phone number,” Wenger said on Tf1.

dae:
LOLOLOL, completely unuseable girl, he will bust nuts/explode inside his belly all the time he see's a naked woman, cos his kini will be malfunctioning!! lol

DAMN Dae. . . .Na so ur mind dey fink? chei, una don spoil me finish

nethacker:
i will slap her chest

LMAO. . . Seconded!!!

@topic. . .

I'd SIMPLY make her head do a 360 degree turn. . . then she'll prolly know whats up

@sylve

Na remix of my screenname b dat?. . .

How u dey pikin?

@jarus
E dey okay, i'm not disputing your facts or anyfin. . .I'm juz saying if Henry were in THAT squad it woulda been shameful to see em lose to nigeria. . I'm a barca fan so pls 4give my shortcomings

@studio

I dey jare my broda, I'm not married yet na. . . LOL

@ALL. . .
Good morning peepz

@post

FOOTBALL TIE WRAPPER YESTERDAY. . . THANK GAWD SAY HENRY NO PLAY, NA BIG DIGRADE E FOR BE. . The Uche brovas(thumbs UP), Osaze aka Fabregas (U get mouth), the beautiful bride(Kanu Nwankwo) u get mouth. . .All the best. . .to our team. . .UNA do 9ja proud laznyte

Same question Beyonce asked "If i were a boyyyyyyy"

If You-ar-daft were on NL. . I'd ask what went wrong wif his 7 point agenda
I'd ask that he resign and allow "Fash the man" to take his post. . .
I'd prolly aid him out of office cuz the guy looks pretty much ****

The list is endless. . . I can't get to LIGHT to do some fun stuff. . that is so weird, after HOW MANY friggin years of dem-o-antics!!?!!

O ma se o. . . Naija we hail thee

@pat
I trust u dear. . . no shakement. .

@ewo
U be BIG obuko. . . otule. . . .ROTFLMAO!!!

P.S @ pat. . . send an email wif d digitz. . . bug bye dearie

@ewoma

Try HARDER brother. . .

@pat. . . ok riv am 4 my YIM or email flipdown4@yahoo.com

I go buzz u wen i get am my ruff. . . I wan reach Ikeja NOW!!!. . . .Make dem no thief u from me o. . . LOL

@pat. . .

Ur name says it all dearie, him brain dey work upside down. . .

Pat, txt me yer digits

DON FASZY:
You're So Nasty,


You're so nasty the only person that screws you is your cat, and that's only because your privates smell like fish.

Yo mama's so stupid she tried to drown a fish.

Yo mama's breath is so bad that when she breathes, her teeth duck out of the way.

Yo' mama so nasty, I asked what was for dinner and she spread her legs and said "Crabs!"

Yo mamma so fat that when she wears a yellow coat people call TAXI!

Yo Mamma's so stupid she got locked in publix and starved to death.

Yo Mamma's so stupid she blinked and got lost

Yo Mamma's so stupid that she got run over by a parked car.

Yo Mamma's so stupid that when I told her we needed gas for the car, she farted at the gas tank!

Yo Mamma's so stupid that when she goes to a movie theatre and saw under 18 not admitted, she went home and got 17 of her friends.

Yo Mamma's so stupid she stayed in the grocery store for one day looking at a can of orange juice just because it said concentrate.

Yo Mamma's so stupid she went to an antique store and said what's new

Man. . . you're whacked out. . . ROTFLMAO. . .