₦airaland Forum

gabbrri:
she was only looking very surprised on how I found out since she deleted the picture she has been sending series on massages apologizing

I assume that you have discussed with her parents on the matter since you said you are already asking for a refund of the bride price that you paid.

A separation is recommended by me, especially if you feel threatened or uncomfortable in the home with her. During the separation, you can decide on divorce or consolidation of your marriage. God bless the children.

Kindly accept my sympathy on the development, I completely understand your situation but you have to man up in anticipation of whatever possibility. Your safety, happiness and mental stability first and then care and love for your children and loved ones.

God bless you.

gabbrri:
I will be so brief in explaining the skocker I received last week.. I have been suspecting my wife for a while now because of her attachment to her phone but I kept my cool trying to track what she has been up to,,
men my discovery was shocking, I got to know her password through my 5 years old son that is always with her phone. I checked her phone thoroughly but did not find anything only for me to check her thrash pictures on Google photos fellow nairalanders I saw a male colleague that always communicate her putting on my wife's gown in a hotel looking arrangements I confronted her on and she was confused on what to explain ... I post this here for people that completely trust their spouse to do the trusting with sense.. officially I am ending the year wifeless as I have demanded a refund of the dowry paid on her no going back I consider my decision a gain and not a loss congratulations to me for finding out what she has become on time

You need to tell us what her defense was. What did she say when you confronted her?

10mobile:
I'm not happy with those who talk ill of our Nigerian girls because our girls are the most sexy and beautiful all over the world.

For example, look at this photo and tell me what else you want our girls to bring to the table. Be honest as a Nigerian man.

Ladies don't comment. Just watch.

Is that all she has to offer?

Fountainofyouth:
You do not know women more than we know ourselves, we do not talk about someone we're having a sexual relationship with to our significant other, we will never utter a word about it, not ever.

Madam, his wife's response was not verbal or in the presence of her husband such that we can assume that she was trying to make her husband feel jealous.

The response was on a chat that was supposed to be private, between her and her cheat. The husband only read it without her permission.

Now her response "you have too much in your hands" speaks volumes. It means a lot. So if the guy has less in his hands......... So if the guy has few or no babes in his hands........... So she would like to fu..ck the guy right.

Come on, stop making excuses. She want to fu..ck the guy or she is already fu..cking him - that is established.

Isolock:
As a married Man myself, I'd say "There's really no smoke without fire".. the situation is not strange but obvious to the fact that your wife and her colleague have something going or brewing. It is inappropriate for any married man or woman to chat or entertain such chat from a colleague. While she can't stop a colleague from sending whatever type of first time messages, it is her duty to address it right away and YOUR WIFE'S RESPONSE DID NOT ADDRESS THE ISSUE.. it was casual. You should have observed a little bit more, snap the evidence and check back another time if the messages are still there or deleted or if she'd bring such matters to you or if there more changes in her appearance, behaviour and communication. Whatever it is, you will find out..!!! Just don't be in a haste to end your marriage or point accusing fingers. You must be certain

His wife's response to the flirt is the major reason I believe that her commitment to her husband is compromised. She is either fvckn the colleague or other men already or she is open to it.

Any man can hit on your wife but her reaction or response to the flirts will determine if she is game.

Fountainofyouth:
I have friends I send my pictures to so nothing wrong with that

I work with fg, and there are so many married men that have tried and still trying to get me to no avail, the ones I've told off still won't listen so most times I ignore them when I'm tired of shouting

For Op, the wife obviously likes the man that's why she replied that way, that doesn't mean they've had sèx or something is going on, highest Op can do is warn her or get his number and warn the man off his wife, simple.

Read your post again and meditate on it, I don't think you are being logical.

Let's assume you are married and one of your toasters (married or unmarried) asked you to make babies with him.

What will be your response and why?

qtguru:
I won't need to meet HR, because that message tells me enough. Since OP is confused on what to do, I think it's only reasonable his wife knows of his act.

You also don't need to meet the boss about such matter. It is not supposed to be an official matter.

You can meet her parents, close/trusted friend or respected family friend or church leader.

Don't take such to the office.

qtguru:
reason being ?

If you are the man in the scenario, you should face your wife not the other man.

In fact, you have no business with the man except he comes into your house to fu.. ck your wife. Then you can take physical or logical action against him.

For now, you can only do "magun" jazz to deal with him or and her, if you want to get at him physically.

It is quite immature to go to the HR of their coy to report such matter

qtguru:
Visit the office and report to the Boss, blow the whole thing up, and let his wife know if you can.

This is not acceptable

tyinfinity:
Go and confront the man in the office .threaten him and report him to the management.if you know his name let us send spiritual missile to him

This is not, highly, neccessary.

mcdon024:
Mature advice only please.
I will keep this very short.
There is this her colleague she talks about almost all the time. He is also married. I became curious and decided to go through her WhatsApp chats with this guy. I saw in thier chats selfie pics she sends to him (normal selfie pics), and the one that really got to me is the part he invited my wife to come over and "lets make babies" according to him. But her reply was "No I can't, your hands are full"....Please who can decode this her reply to him?....I confronted her but she denied ever having anything to do with him beside been colleagues. But my worry is why chat flirty chats with a guy and what would give him the mind to ask her to come over and .......... Please I need mature advice only

I am almost certain that it is either she has been fu..ckn her colleague or she is open to fu..ckn other men.

I think she wants to be adulterous or she already into adultery.

The question is: what should you do about it? You are the only one that should answer the question with options then we can help you to critically analyze the possible options to help you make a good decision.

Autobot05:
Professor please It’s ILLITERACY Not ilitrasy

I can't understand why choice of cutlery became a factor that determines illiteracy.

MrCork:
So u one of those homebase people that use spoon to eat rice embarasssing nigeria.sp how would u feel if white woman see u...and then when the call u monkey u start cussin riot.dont use spoon please!!(no oofencse)

Who get your time to embarrass you. Who cares what white woman thinks with my choice of cutlery. Na her food?

Does monkey eat with cutlery?

Who decided and informed that cutlery must be used to eat rice?

Una no well!

MrCork:
Ilitrasy is a desease.i cant imagine my white London friends seeing then...coz here in pekam London, if waiter see u eating rice in a restorant wit a spooon,they will walk u out & ban u..we use fork....but for some reason in nigeria * africa.,homebase guys use spooon...& some times they use ther hand to eat rice or chickens in a restorant especially
In from of a fine female (ilitrasy)
...is this normal behaviours for homebase guys?(no ooofencse)

You dey craze. They will walk me out for eating with whatever cutlery - then I will not pay for the food if you will not let me eat in peace. The worst you can do is laugh at me or marvel at it or try to correct me but you can only walk me out when you are willing to forfeit the pay.

Ban me, I don't care. If I dig my rice with my spoon and you feel uncomfortable, please cry me a river.

As for you, I don't care about your feeling with my cutlery choice. It is not your money or your food. It is mine!

DyshApp:
A married man has anonymously taken to social media to complain about his wife’s addiction to watching cartoons with their children.

According to him, his wife was always excited to watch and sing along to the cartoon with their kids and she would narrate the stories to them if they missed them.

According to the man, something must be wrong with his wife. While admitting that she has not failed in her roles as a wife and mother to his kids, he reiterated his worry that he felt she should have grown past cartoons.

He appealed for help to fix the cartoon problem.

In his words:
"I feel like something is wrong, I don't really get her sometimes. She doesn't even watch the movies I want us to watch together unless I really encourage her. She acts like me not watching those their cartoons with them, I'm missing out on something great.

“My wife, 37 years old, enjoys watching cartoon even more than our kids. When I say cartoon, I mean animated movies.
Our first boy is 14 years old down to our last who is currently 4 years old.
They’ve turned the home into a cartoon home.
They are soo addicted, they sing their songs, do their dances and discuss those things all the time.
My wife at her age will be running as if something strange was happening and she forgets herself to be an adult sometimes.
I’ve tried to explain to her that I don’t really like it, I don’t complain because they are being happy but, I don’t understand my wife’s addiction. Even when the kids aren’t around, she’ll be watching animated movies alone.

Once they get home, she’s going to narrate all she watched to them and even demonstrate with actions some funny/emotional scenes.
I feel like something is wrong, I don’t really get her sometimes. She doesn’t even watch the movies I want us to watch together unless I really encourage her. She acts like me not watching those their cartoons with them, I’m missing out on something great.
Is there something I can do to help her? It’s somehow bothering me.

Kindly note that, she’s fully employed and still does her duties as a wife and a mother. I don’t have any problem on that side, I just feel she’s addicted to animated movies when actually, she has grown pass it.”


Follow up with more Relationship Gist on our Relationship Talk Group(link)

It is actually no big deal, she is young at heart.

Magnoliaa:
We can keep going back and forth on this. I even made my comment in respect to sex, and deriving pleasure. But you brought in procreation. And I rightly pointed out that the female sex organs and functions is equally responsible for that.



Again, your ignorance is your own business. It is a marriage not a warring zone.


Have a nice life.

Have a splendid life too.

Magnoliaa:
And you will not need an egg?





Then you're already stretching the standards. Based on physical strength alone, the average man is stronger than the average woman. I agree. Other types of strengths are relative and varied.



Your misunderstanding of what equality means is not my problem to cure. Moreso if you think being equal is grounds for disrespect.

I only tried to point out what the penis does that the vagina can't do.

I agree that every strength is relative and varies from man to man, man to woman and vice versa.

What you should be advocating is equity not equality with your husband. Show some respect my lady. Disrespect includes situations where you see your husband as your equal.

Magnoliaa:
Like what? Giving birth to a nonuplet?

And stop calling me "my dear" please. I don't appreciate it.



Okay. I will only concede that strength is necessary for physically building things. But due to the variety of human beings and their abilities, strength is not enough basis to classify men as being of more worth than women.

You will always need a penis to ejaculate sperm for procreation, there is still no substitute for that yet

About "my dear", don't take it to heart. I am only trying to be pleasant and nice. In other words, you can be no dear to me if you wish so.

Strength is not just physical, it is mental, spiritual, economic and diverse however, the men have got loads of it.

No one is saying men worth more than women, we are only asking you to respect men, especially your father and husband. Your husband is not your equal in marriage.

Magnoliaa:
^^^

And the above is one sense in which I will agree that people are not "equal". Some people are that brutal and ruthless and crush everyone in their way to get to the top, and then they put a system in place that will keep most of everyone else poor and wretched.

It's not fair, but it is life.

But I will not fight against those standards and realities for another idiot to come and lord over me and tell me that I am beneath him because he carries a pènis and me a vagìna, and so we're not "equal." What intrinsic worth does your penis hold unlike, say intellect?

Even superficially sef like being cunning or sycophantic. These are negative traits but they get you somewhere. What can your pènis do that my vagįna can not?


What is the social value of your 'strength' as a man, especially in the modern world? I am particularly interested in a good-willed argument from any pro-male guy on this last question. I am on the look out for it... and I promise to not be dishonest.

Like, even if there are are (dis)advantages to be found in being male/female, it'll be on a pound for pound basis.

No man should see you beneath himself. However, your husband is your captain, leader, protector and helper. He deserves respect from you.

My dear, there is a huge difference between the Penis and Vagina. There is a lot the Penis can do that the Vagina can't do.

Man built the world, man is still building and modernizing the world even today and till tomorrow. That is part of the man's strength; that is a significant and great social value.

Instead of dwelling on the disadvantages and advantages inherent in being male or female, why not be content, glad and appreciative of who you are, try to improve yourself on daily and impact the world positively. Be a solution provider but not constitute yourself into an identified problem for men.

Magnoliaa:
But if you feel you're qualified to speak on gender dynamics and sociocultural issues as a poor, anonymous, etc., man, then your next feminist is as qualified to do so.


If you speak on women because you think their behaviours affect you everyday, a woman can do the same too because everyday men bothers her.




Also, it is interesting that you guys have insulted Bezos for being a simp, and many other guys on that list too.

Everytime you hear of divorce settlement cases, you people start gnashing your teeth and hitting your head on the wall that the world is rigged against you, and laws favour women more. So you think those women are rich due to the generosity of men and not because of an unfair system against men?

Hi, I find your opinion interesting but I am still to understand your point. Can you explain.

That guy was probably a yahoo boy.

Saintinoo:
Its been over 5 months I have gotten over her, just wanted to share full experience so others don't fall victim.

No matter what bro,never go back to that demon.

You have not bottom over her, that is why you are sharing the story with pain written all over it.

kzpelumi:
I still haven't healed yet from the pains . it's so hard its worse than heartbreak it's like giving you heaven then taking it away. And there is no chance to retrace. Because you have push away any other lady in your life both friends and colleagues just to please her.. You will be broken because you won't find anyone to console you .. Its also leave a scar on you that any other lady you find it hard to truly love the person.

You were just a fool in love. So many of us have been like that once or severally.

Stop crying over spilled milk, it is time to move on.

Saintinoo:
I never knew that I will one day write about this, because, of all the advice I have been given, I taught it was love in the air.

Some months ago, I created a thread about how I can't get over my girlfriend and another thread where I confirmed that she was a narcissist. But now, I have not only confirmed that I dated a covert narcissist for four solid years, but I have come to learn a lot about narcissism and how to unmask them. Sadly, we have more narcissist both male and female going into serious relationships.
White you are thinking about the problems in your relationship, the fights everyday, the mental abuse etc, you might just be in a relationship with a narcissist and that is the worst thing that can happen to anybody.

HOW DO NARCISSISTS GET THEIR VICTIMS.

Be it male or female narcissist, they hunt for their victims same way. A narcissist targets an empath, they target people who have something they do not have, learn empathy from you just to use it against you.

They portray themselves as the best thing that can happen to you after egusi soup. Yes, my narc ex portrayed those traits, that wife material characteristics, godly and prayerful, dress decent and act same. Do not be deceived, they know that is what you want in a woman so they give it to you for the while.

They will always talk about forever with you, bring so many fairly tails and give you the soul mate feeling, this you will believe you have found a wife or a husband, then you start making marriage's preparation. They have successfully made you commit. Mine always use this word "forever is the goal". All these is to make you commit and when you have committed, they start the abuse stage.

The narcissist common aim, be it male or female is to get you trauma bonded to them. Trauma bond is a situation when you excuse abuse from someone, go back to your abuser because you are afraid to lose them. I cannot count the number of times I went back to apologize for doing nothing, that is trauma bond working for her.

The narcissist will never apologize for their wrong at the later part of the relationship, they will do wrong, and expect you to take it, when you try to speak up, they give you the silent treatment as a punishment. Yea,because they have groomed their victims so much through the various love bombing stages. I was given silent treatment every time, and yes,after going a week of waiting to see if she will apologize for her wrong, I end up saying sorry. I was groomed during the earlier days to not do without her.

The narcissist will love bomb you at the early stage of your relationship, this is not genuine love,it is a tactics to get you used to them and whenever you try to leave and think of the past memories, you will have no choice than to run back to them until they are ready to discard you. In my case,she calls every day to check on me, would spend over an hour with me on phone, gave me pet names and showed the world that she truly loved me. Those were all lies.

WHAT WENT WRONG BETWEEN I AND MY NARC EX.

For me, i thought she was the last bus stop, in fact I had been planning how our wedding even though I had limited funds at that time, I was ready to go against anybody just to wed my soulmate. But then, this problem keep coming. I felt someone was trying to control me, someone was doing wrong and do not apologize. We kept fighting almost every week, and yes, I kept apologising.

Early this year, I called her to discuss marriage plan, she disagreed with everything and went completely mute, I called the next day to resolve and ask for her opinion, she still went mute, the silent treatment increased. I vowed I am done and will not contact her again, went no contact. After two month, I saw her pic somewhere, and since I was trauma bonded to her and didn't heal completely, I went back begging her for over a week. That is was being trauma bond to a narcissist does, it completely makes you their slave.

During the cause of the discard from my narc ex, she knew that I have been trauma bonded to her and the sight of her pic will bring back memories, she used what is called " flying monkeys " to make me see her pics and believe that I will keep rushing back to beg her, because she enjoy all the abuse.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU DATING A NARCISSIST; if you do any of those thing I did, you are dating a narcissist.

1. I beg for her attention when she gives silent treatment.
2. I felt like she is just the one.
3. I do not look at any other lady not even a friendly look because all my attention was around her.
4. Her eyes goes dark when she is angry.
5. She shouts and insults to any extent when angry.
6. When she wrongs me and I refuse to call and apologize for reacting, maybe for 5 days or a week, she rages in anger.
7. She belittles me when she is angry, this is a common trait with a narc, male or female.
8. From her story, during our love days, and from my findings her dad is a narc. Pls try and know your lover parent, narc is hereditary.


Did I talk about how I later confirm that my Darling angel was a terrible covert narcissist.

Early this year, I had a neighbor whose 2 years old daughter exhibited the same traits my ex exhibited, the anger, the manipulation, the gaslighing, everything.

Finally, narcissists are demonic, look for these red flags in your relationship and end the relationship the minute you confirm that you date is a narc, there is no changing them, I tried and got hurt. The narc know what he/she is doing.

Narcissism is hereditary and they are born that way, they keep getting worse by the day, so best is to avoid them.

Drops pen.

The lady that you have described is not a narcissist. Yes, she has issues; serious issues, but not exactly a narcissist. Narcissism is a disorder; mental health condition.

She can be described as a clever attention seeker. She has pride and perhaps arrogant.

BrownEnvelop:
Renowned Nigerian Actress, Moet Abebe, opened up about her relationship status, confidently stating that she remains single at 34 due to the lack of understanding exhibited by most men.

The actress bemoaned that most guys “don’t have sense,” adding that she hasn’t yet met a “sensible man.”
She unmasked the societal pressures that often confine women, prioritizing her happiness and self-growth over settling with just any man, while challenging the stereotypes imposed upon women to nurture a grown man.

She talked on a recent episode of the podcast Bahd and Boujee, co-hosted by reality personality Tolanibaj.

Moet said: “I’m still single because I’ve issue with men. My issue with men is that they don’t have sense.”

Actor Daniel Etim-Effiong, who also appeared on the show, suggested for Moet to find a man she can nurture, but she replied that she isn’t ready to “baby” any man.

In another one of her podcasts, Moet Abebe revealed that “she can’t date a man that lives on the mainland”

Moet Abebe presented her viewpoint on dating, specifically in the context of physical location in Nigeria, during a podcast talk with Tolani Baj, a former Big Brother Naija competitor.

Moet Adebe stated unequivocally that she could not picture herself dating a man from Nigeria’s mainland and that she would only consider dating someone from the island. Her point of view on the subject has created debate and piqued the interest of her followers and the wider public.

Tolani Baj, on the other hand, expressed a more open viewpoint during the podcast conversation.

She stated that the location of a potential spouse was not a top priority for her. What was more important to her was the person’s willingness and capacity to be there when required, regardless of where they were.

Moet Abebe gave a practical counterargument, pointing out that if she lived on the island and her spouse stayed on the mainland, the difficulties of commuting could make spending time together difficult.

SOURCE:

https://nigerianstreet.com/2023/12/03/most-men-dont-have-sense-actress-moet-abebe-reveals-why-shes-still-single-at-34/

Imagine that a lady who feels that men don't have sense also can't date a man who lives on the Lagos mainland because she stays on the Lagos island and she feels she wouldn't be able to spend time with her man when she spontaneously wishes to have him around.

Don't you think Moet Abebe is the senseless one after all?

ahnie:
Smoked fish peppersoup,fried plantains and rice.

This is my choice

nlfpmod:
https://www.thecable.ng/shettimas-aide-n15bn-for-vps-residence-not-wasteful-obi-trying-to-score-cheap-points/amp

15billion Maura for Vice President's house. How ridiculous!

14,985 Small and Medium Enterprises can actually get 1 million naira each from 15 billion naira to transform and augment their businesses in Nigeria and add value to the economy. Wouldn't that be a better way to spend 15 billion naira?

NaughtyBrainiac:
I don't really understand why you are worried.

She requests that your brother comes with her.

Is there more to the story that you aren't telling us?

Why did she request her husband's brother to follow her? Does she need an alibi? She raised some query on trust there?

Obolor123454:
we live in the states

So tell us: will the wedding be held in the US or in Kenya or where?

Obolor123454:
NB, I OPENED THIS ACCOUNT FOR THIS

Hello my friends, I need you different view and please I need your in put about my wife.
We live in the states. she is in kenya for a three weeks visit with the 2 kids. She has been in kenya for about 10 days, three days ago, she called me and said she will be attending her friend's marriage ceremonial, which is taking place 600km away she did not say if the person is a male or female ( I did not ask because I was just kind of not wanting to be drawn into the discussion), she said she may not be able to come back same day, because event is starting late that she will like my brother to come with her, because she does not want to go alone. This is the first time I am hearing about this occassion, she never mentioned it before and I do not know the friend she is talking about. (or at least I am sure, because I do not really know most of friends, and she is not the friend keeping type)
I just told her that I am not ready for the discussion yet.
Please guys what are your take, I do not feel like telling her to go ( well, she may still go without my consent )
Please it may sound stupid, I just need your genuine advice

Is the marriage ceremony holding in Kenya? Why did she request your brother to follow her to the ceremony?

Was she aware of the ceremony before she chose to travel to Kenya with the kids for holidays?

A lot of things are not clear from your position.

BluntCrazeMan:
Check my name Oga..

Now I understand.

U09ce:
He is on track. Since he's no more encumbered by a public appointment, he is free to criticise. Does it make sense for the handle to post a news celebrating an athlete at this point in time when more than a hundred were bombed?

It is so amazing to see people change opinion when the situation is flipped on them. When Bashir was in office with his principal, everything Buhari did was good, right and excusable but now that he a nobody, he sees and speaks out about the ills and failure of the government.

I am not excusing when the military did to that community and the hundreds of lives that they wasted but then, how ridiculous of Bashir to point that out to us all and the military. Similar events happened while Buhari was in office and it was hush-hush.