₦airaland Forum

pDude: Ok naw.

Shey na only 1 man and his wife go live inside this house, nor be so?

Good.

If he walks from one end of the house to the other end twice in a day, it is enough to make you weary and tired.

Now I see what King Solomon meant by vanity upon vanity.

Dude it's called asset...
Secondly, everybody wants privacy, they want to avoid having neighbors next doors. But in fact only these billionier can afford that kind of life. That's why they spend huge amount buying estates...

B.R.B Bisi... See you when reincarnated

Okija_juju: [b]@ OP...

This is that point where you have to be a man and step up..

I have a mother that is in a little way like yours. When I was still actively searching for a wife, I brought a lot of girls home and you would be amazed how my mum reacted. There was a particular girl I brought home for the first time on my birthday, she had just baked me a nice cake and brought me gifts. My mum saw her, she almost rolled on the floor to greet my mum, my mum didn't say more than 'Ehen, welcome' and walked away. I escorted her to leave and by the time I returned, my mum had given my birthday cake which the girl baked to our security guards and househelps to share and warned me that she never wants to see that girl in her house ever again. I asked why and all she said was 'I don't like her spirit'.. Lol!! That was the wake up call I needed. Since then, I started managing her like a jealous girlfriend. I subtly started drawing the boundaries and showing her where her authority stops. Today, we are better off. I am getting married in february and though my mum dosent fully approve of my fiancee, she has learnt to love and respect her as my wife to be.

In your case, it seems you have left the work you should have done for too long, now its time to do proper damage control. Sit your mum down and nicely, lovingly but firmly spell out the limits to her. She is always gonna be your mum, but she has no right to boss around your wife in HER home. In a stern and serious tone, tell your mother that your wife is the head of your home and that you love her very much. Make sure to tell your mum that you don't need her approval of your wife, but that you would love it if she could respect and love your wife. Tell her that this is not a competition. Explain to your mum that she would lose you if she dosent start respecting your wife. Tell her to start seeing your wife as her daughter rather than an outsider. Any flaws she sees in your wife, she should correct her lovingly and respectfully without prejudice or malice. You have to make her see that you are not under the influence of JUJU or anything of sorts. Tell her that should she continue to be mean to your wife, you will barr her from your home because she is creating problems for you. Make her know that should she push you to make a choice between her and your wife, you would pick your wife. Tell her that if she loves you, she would respect your wife as well. Also, you have to work on your wife as well. Your wife has a part to play in salvaging your mum. Tell your wife to accomodate her excesses to the best she can, and when she can't, rather than a head on confrontation, she should diplomatically find a resolution. Your wife has to learn to be a manager as well. She needs to try and win your mum over. Your wife should avoid those confrontations as best as she can and rather than take your mum on herself, refer the matter to you. Also, never ever take sides with your mum over your wife in the presence of your mum, even iif your wife is wrong.. NEVER.. You would only be enabling your mum.

Be diplomatic, be loving, be gentle, but be firm. Throwing your mum out should be the final resort after diplomacy fails.

I would also add that you look into whatever problems your mum is complaining about as well, however, do it covertly and with an open mind lest you start seeing thing where there aint.


Your wife comes before your mother.. Until your mum realizes that, she wouldn't stop.

_{This is the advice of Okija Juju..} for further counselling on this issue, both spiritually and otherwise, send me an e-mail or visit my website www.alusiokija.juju [/b]

5 million dislikes (thumbs down)

MAURI: Well, u come across as the old school type. lol. Well, so you are implying the mothers are always right? I wonder how such a mother would react if her daughter is faced with the same situation she is putting her daughter in law through presently.

Is it the mum's place to make her son's life a hell / miserable? Is that the reason she gave birth to him? If she gets her way on this issue now, next time it will be something else.

And some of these our African parents should endeavour to stop their blackmailing behaviours by making reference to breast feeding, feeding and putting their children through school. Whose responsibilities is it to take care of such if not the parents? And btw, the kids where not asked whether they wanted to be born or not? It's often out of their selfish idea of pro-creation.

Your comment is coated with Hypocrisy and Double Standard... If it is parents responsibility to take care of children, it is also their responsibility to guild them as elders throughout life... It is absolutely silly and unproductive to assume that this old woman hates the wife in question or intend to give her own son problems or make his life miserable... Which mother would wants to do that?

kitty kat: Abali, I feel u. No mind all these ppl hatin u. Until they feel what u feel. I hv been there and I agree with u perfectly. Some mothers can be very unreasonable and are willling to move heaven and earth to make their illogical reasons valid. And we Nigerians always put sentiments first before d truth. A mother has d right to upset a perfect relationship just cos she is a mother. 9ja go beta

Abali1: I Love my mum more than you can imagine. But op's thread touched a festering wound. My mum is not happy that am yet to settle down and am equally not happy. But I once had a chance to settle down with a woman of my dreams, if only mama had given her consent.

Op, it is your life, do with it what you will.
Am out of here.

I have been through the same situation. Mine happened back in 2008. I have now grown to realize that my mother (R.I.P) was right...

It is always not wise to act on impulse. Wisdom is needed. If i had cut my mother off then, i would be blaming myself by now.

Abali1: Ken, if you an only son, you will agree with me that mama is just trying to tell girlfriend indirectly that "her son will always listen to her". So if op plays along with mama's wish, then he can as well kiss his babe goodbye.
No single woman wants a man who is little more than a puppet for mama. And no matter what, mama will not die if op refuses to grant her this one wish. Rather she will start acknowneldging the fact that her son is now a MAN.

LOL just listen to yourself... I take it that you don't like your mother (perhaps unknowingly to you)...

Ace Ventura: @Youngsalute

You have to choose whom you wish to spend the rest of your life with. Is it your mother or your wife?

I believe your mum has had her time (@ least 30yrs) with you. It's now your wife's turn. As far as I'm concerned, your mum is a 3rd party to your marriage so she has no right whatsoever to ask your wife out of her matrimonial home. She ought to be ashamed of herself for over-stepping her boundaries.

What is it with her investment in ur education? Didn't someone else raise her up b4 she married your father? It was her responsibility @ that time to give u food, clothing, shelter & a sound education so let her look for something else to use as a ransom.

My friend, man up & take charge over your life & marriage or she'll run & ruin it for you. Any person that isn't you or your wife is a 3rd party.

Bro, that's a big Grammar i tell you.

Actually it is true if you want to see it like that or from that angle. But it still doesn't change the fact that your mother is your mother and can not wish you bad. she also can serve you as an elder that is supposed to settle issues in your home should there be any problem...

See, we can say the mother is a third party to his marriage(family) affair or we can also say the wife is a third party to his family(parent and siblings) affair... If the two parties are involved in misunderstanding would you advice him to cut his family(parent and sibling) off because his has/is starting a new family now?

Ok you look at it this way, mother(parent) cared for you so that when they are old you will take care of them. This is a good reason to secure and protect their investment from both eagles,doves and vultures my bro.

Many things are involved when it comes to family issues and this is why wisdom needs to be applied.Because if you shit for church, and things spoil for future you are on your own. The best thing to do is to carry everybody along.

Let there be a compromise...

Since your mother(parent) spent all their money and time training you through primary to the university school, it is only normal that they protect and secure their investment.

You own as a grown and "independent" adult is to try to manage the situation on ground...

Your mother is your family birth blood but your wife is somebody who you choose to be your family....
If you are the a person that value the family thing then you should find a way to settle this matter wisely and beware of the advice that people are going to give you here...

I rest my case.

Illuminati

ehie: all this our tin gods,aka dictators,take away the soilders and trigger happy policemen,u are left with fat,out of form middle aged men,money has made them poputu like akamu,women-men,everything that has a begining must have an end..lazy bloated,decandent men who act on impulse and cannot wait for anything,a result of the instant gratification....they call themselves leaders but just bloody oppourtunists...wateva...u see them jogging in abuja and their[b] fat a**es[/b] shaking up and down.gluttons

blubbers

LOL ~ Govo Amaechi, se you see your life for public? You are a disgrace to your family.

Comparing you with an ex doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing, at least in my experience... I just don't feel any threat probably because i am confident that if she breaks up or go back to her ex wouldn't mean a thing to me. All my own is poke and go home. If i send you to cook for me and you begin to make yanka because i don't give you money , well, bully for you because, that's how it's going to remain... and when you are tired you can call for a quite. But if you can act like a wife then i will treat you like a wife also if you act like a mate then i will treat you like a mate...

Lastly, i think our reactions are often based on pride and jealousy.

Maybe i am stone cold or maybe i am just exposed

@mystiqueem ~ for your mind

tny60: to me this is just a symptom of guys reaching above their level.

if an ugly or old man want to date a beautiful or young woman, he has no chance naturally because they are on different levels. the beautifully young woman is not naturally attracted to such an old or ugly man. but when money comes into the equation, it levels the playing field so that the beautiful woman agrees to date the ugly man. money in this case is used as a bribe to woo the lady who wouldn't otherwise be interested.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this. In fact, there is a positive in it because it encourages men to work hard. ie. work hard, make money, and you will get the woman of your dreams. type thing. but why the woman is being abused and portrayed as a gold-digger is beyond me.

so the point is:
society is so sexist that we have abuses and derogatory words for women. But no such word exists for a guy.
we have a word for prostitute but no word for a guy that patronizes a prostitute.
we have a name for a gold-digger but where is the word for a guy that's chasing after an arm-candy rather than find true love or date on his level?

a rich man is to a woman what a beautiful woman is to a man. end of story.

Sometimes i wonder about these people called women... Always want to eat their cakes and have them back.

We have equal rights. We need to see more women charming guys with candy,flowers,and fanciful stuffs to get in their pants too.. (Men are human beings too just like women and we think alike believe me).

But NO. Women will never do that because they enjoy the attention and the benefit they get from it all. I am not saying it's not good but it's double standard and we know it. There is no need denying it. We are ready to take care of you people, but cut the BS.

The prove that women are gold diggers is:-

1. When they are dating a rich guy, they use him to climb to a certain stage and then dump him for a richer guy.
2. It is rare for a working class lady to date a poor guy. (Unless she is out of date. LOL and even at that she still tries to belong)

Q. why are they always in need of a rich guy no matter their status?

The only time you see a hard working woman is after child(ren) birth(shakara don end) and the man is not responsible...

Virgin Finder: Wow!

Do you still intend to continue the relationship?

Why did you ask?

Horlawoomey: I have seen a CROSS inside a glass bottle before. I fear SELE guys from then on. Though there was no camera phone then, it was around 1998.

You were fast...

sycamore: If it was done with a Glass Bottle, then I would be awe struck... But its a plastic bottle, so I have my doubts

I have seen it on glass bottles believe me when tell you. I have attended a cherubim church way back where you can find bottles with small cross in them and other stuffs... It's such a site believe me. But i know it's a trick...

Libkid: 2nd to comment.na real yoruba jazz be dat

Crown me with walnuts... But you need to travel often. Ok? Widen your circle. Yoruba is not the only tribe with tricks in Nigeria. I am yoruba and Edo and i have seen this from both sides. Obo buruku...

It happened to me on xmas day. I only smiled and said, "but, i am not your ex babe. I am a diff person entirely believe me". I take it that she was drunk. She even went further to confess to me that she has a 1yr plus baby at home later that night. LOL

@OP ~ Don't bother about it. People will see what they want to see in you.... Just don't loose your sense over it. Know thyself...

MOBBDEEP: I'm indeed sorry to reply your post late.
If you read well my post, you'd have noticed that I digressed a bit & my post was in response to an element in Kulyie's post.

Meanwhile, I slightly differ to your opinion as regards the goal of Eve's creation.
The utmost goal was companionship while others e.g procreation, intimacy are, at best, secondary.
By the way, how does one dissociate sex from procreation?

Perhaps i am not as articulate as you but i still think we are saying the same thing... I said and i quote, "... the purpose of marriage is procreation".

If you say it's Companionship it's also correct because that's what marriage is... But the purpose of that marraige is to multiply the earth...

Adam needed a help meet(companion) and God gave him his heart desire and then with the utmost goal to fill the earth and replenish it with their seeds... Do you understand?

MOBBDEEP: Apart from companionship, what kind of benefits will a couple gain mutually ?
God said they should help each other!
But they have almost the same body parts e.g 1 head for 1 head, 2 legs for 2 legs, 2 eyes for 2 eyes!
The only thing that distinctly differs in both is the Instruments/pudenda & breast-tissues!
Does that not tell us that we are probably going to complement each other more in that aspect?
Why then are we now suppose to be interminably living an ascetic self-restraining life only when sex is involved?

Don't feel insulted pls!

The bible also say we should fill the earth and replenish it... So the main purpose of marriage is for procreation

D'Banj is finished this time.

Tusky44: Stop hoping on FG to create jobs. They simply CAN'T. We should force them to provide electricity, favourable tax, security, and transport infrastructure. We can farm and transport our produce to the supermarkets. We can open a barbers' shop, we can even open more brothels and license it All na job!

you just took this outta my mouth... some of us want to work from our homes, if they can give us constant light and a good banking system that works life would be easier for the common man...

vanstanzy: Okija, because our fore-fathers did it doesn't mean it was ok. What they did then, they did out of Ignorance.

lol. so our fore fathers were not wise people? bro, there is nothing new under the sun...

Impulse80: Honestly i don't see why all the fussing i want my baby gurl to be pregnant before we wed and someone is quoting bible for me

lol

ciphoenix: She's a human being not a piece of equipment about to be bought. She has as much right as the guy demanding a child. She should stick to her values.

before you buy fairly used cars you must try am well right?

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