₦airaland Forum

What if . . .one of those men would bring his Nigerian child(en) to the USA or Europe and raise them alongside his mixed/USA/European children . . . all of them as brothers and sister in one household and the Nigerian mother would came and visit . . what if . . . all were ok with it
Black people would shout the USA or Europe wife is stealing the Nigerian children
The white folks would said “He is just using you . . . the African children are different
Therefore which hope is their . . . to be hornet . . .
I never ever heard that same thing like that was tried . . . and worked out in the long run . . . all what I heard ended in disaster . . .
Enlighten me!
What is the solution here!

I hate this kind of thing!
If you love to have 2,3, 4 or a millions wife(s)
Why lay? To any of them, for a Green Card
And if you have children with one and then with the other.
What will happen, if the children meet up at university or on a holiday back home and the start something . . . how would you feel, if you have Bleep with your own sister or brother
Useless! All of that! It will kill the men sooner or later

Never mind

.

Better from a poorer or middle class back ground, then all those spoiled brats from rich families! Those children do not have a sense what live is all about and go to university for ages . . .

What is wrong with being a young mum or a teenage mum in the USA or UK?
If the girl made to America, good on her! Please do not tell me call this grap , that would not have happened in Nigeria.
I am asking myself, why this girl did not use contraception.
That should be a warning if you have a girl, but her on the pill by the age of 13 or 14 and give her condoms. Let her know, if she wants to do it, it is o.k. but she have to be save!

Honey, you are 7 months pregnant. There is no way you can hide that any longer!
Go to your parents! Go to him! Face reality! You are about to be a mum!
Stop crying! Tell this guy, he has to marry you! Let him call his family and let them do the induration to yours! You have to grow up very fast. I would advise you to talk to your mum very fast, she might help you to brake the “good news” to your father.
It is too late for an abortion! Do not do it! I will harm. All might work out very well. You are not the first young mum. Your parents might be shocked first, but surely will settle later.
Where are you based? Nigeria? UK? USA? Please let us know. Perhaps we can point you to an organization, which can support you.

The Respect and the right titles – yes, for an outside it can be very funny or strange
I had the same problem. Basically if somebody is around your age and does not have children you call him or her brother or sister follow by his/her first name, if you do not know the name just brother or sister, if you do not feel like this, because you might not like this person just say “Oga” which means “Sir or Mister” or “Ma” or Madam”. If somebody has children mama or daddy follow by the name of their children, if they have more than one and you know the name of the first born child use this, if not just use the use of their child, which you know. You can mix thing up by saying Iya (mother in Yoruba) or baba (father) or papa follow by the child’s name.
By our in lows, you could say Sister and Brother or Iya and Baba, if they have children. If they are younger than you, just call them “my small wife” or “or small wife”. You can say “my husband” to your bother in law, if you feel like it.
Anyway, if you call anybody uncle or aunty – you cannot go wrong.
It is funny; my friends call my two year old her husband. And told me, she would like to marry him. She is 38 years old. It just means he is her favourite.
Or my son (11) sometimes calls his sister “aunty”, if he wants something from her.
You will see, your husband, your in laws will loosen up with all this later on. They just have an eye on all this in the beginning.
And all this stuff can be a good source of gossip, if you give somebody a nick name.
If you do not like to be called “our wife” or any of those names, just say so.
By the way, how to you call your husband in front of them? By his first name? Well, it is not the best thing to do. Do you have a nice nick name for him.. I call my one “sweetheart” in my own language. That works well for both of us, the in laws and the friends, too.

Wondering – heard tribal marks are used as a form of medicine – heard the Yoruba are only doing is to their children if they are extremely ill, as a kind if putting traditional medicine under the skin, (injection) for the child’s protection, how long are the marks? Where are they? Why did not mother left her child?

Babysitting – well, how much money do you have? Looking for a Babysitter? As dad is so busy doing business and mummy has a well-paid full time job, the four to five this looked after by a nanny.
Just kidding, most parents in London share the work, it is not possible otherwise. Even neighbours help each other. My hubby has sometimes daddy’s day care or daddy’s after school club. By 5 to 8 pounds per child no wonder!
If the men do not role up the sleeves and dig in, our live stile just sucks.
And any lady, who comes down from Nigeria, is just after money.
So Mr. Baby-Sitting or No Process.

I must be very mean to my kids and my husband.
I do this every Sunday.
Stand up 8 am or so, cook the Sunday roast and the timings
Husband and kids get a quick break first aka bread with jam , tea or cereal
And they can smell the nice food cooking along.

Only a very stupid rich man would marry a lazy, sit-at-come, i-can-not-take-care-of-my-children woman(s), what is the benefit of such a woman? She will only eat his money and the man will not be rich for long!
Polygamy, was this not done in the old day’s that man hand enough hands to work in the field, many woman and many children = many helpers.
In Islam polygamy was introduced by the prophet after a time of war, where men dead and the woman where left a widows , was not done this they do not have to re-marry outside their faith.
If a woman has co-wives does she not have to work harder to keep the interested in her.
Her children have to be trained well and be a blessing to the family, if they are not, it looks bad on her.
She must take good care of her home, herself (looks) and her business, is she not in instead composition, with the other wives?
Men are not so stupid, they might take a command looking girl, which has a good reception, is hard work and is healthy over the lazy beauty queen.
A woman might take a men, which is not reach and work with him to be rich together.
Would a father sell this daughter to a rich men, which is with many wives ?

What is there to learn? Not to give a job to a girl fresh out of high school?
Did her husband not tell her, he would prefer a boy in her shop?
He could not have sleep with him? Could he?
Anyway? That is Nigeria for you?
Men are dogs. He saw a nice, free meal in her shop and he ate it. And the girl saw a free meal ticket, too.
Surly, if the man has a good business and can give the first wife a nice shop, he can do the same for me, she must have thought or at least he can pay for my higher education.
What was stopping her from having a baby, wail building a house?
A good faithful wife . . .
Stand up woman, run your business, make sure you have a lot of sex with your husband to have your own baby, invest the earrings of your shop well, remember him; you are his first love AND forget about the small girl.
What she got to do, with you anyway.
The broom to sweep her out is waiting for her anyway.

What are you talking about? Are you justifying his behavior? How would you feel if you were the wife? Except you do not have a problem with polygamy?
No, I do not justifying HIS behaviour!
If I were one of the wife’s, I would think well, before marring into such a family.
However, my partner were a polygamist, a womaniser or love to sex around AND he told me this clearly before the marriage, I know what I let myself into! When I can clearly see, all men in this family are link this. WHY do woman always believe they can change their men?
My main point is and was, WHY do this sister in low keep her months shout and keep stumm by wife number two and informed the first wife about number three?
One more or less, does this matter, if all of her brothers are ploygam or have different baby mamas.
She is the second wife, herself.
Did she do favour by involving herself in her brothers matters.

People, Are YOU mad !!!
Not to let in your husband’s brother! He should call his brother first to register and asked for permittion to stay over for a week.
What next, if his mother would like to come, he has to ask his wife first, if this is alright?
LOL. SCHEISSE IST DASS.

One of my husband friends was very disappointed with his sister. They are from a polygam family background; their father had two or three wife, a lot of girlfriend and 20 kids. Now this lady, herself second wife in her late 30, early 40, tried to convince her brother wife, which was leaving in the UK with their two son, to divorce him because, he was having a long-term girl friend in Nigeria.
Reason long –term girl friend became pregnant and was on her way to become wife number three.
When the brother was in money nobody said a word to the first wife, when he was taking number two back home, number two was from the same village, when number three came, the brother did not have so much money anymore and was on his way back to the UK.
What a mess, all of the men of this family have two to three wife ANS sleep around as, if there is no tomorrow. All the wife which are marring into this family, know this!
So why now the sister in low opened her mouths to the first wife of her brother, what is behind all this?

Have you heard the words assimilation and association
French assimilation and association far back 1800-1900 in Africa?
There are lot of Nigerian all over the developed Countries
Some time you have to ask yourself? This Dude or lady have lived here for over 30yrs
The state of being assimilated; people of different backgrounds come to see themselves as part of a larger national family.
as•so•ci•a•tion
Noun: 1. A group of people organized for a joint purpose: "the National Association of Broadcasters".
2. A plant community defined by a characteristic group of dominant plant species.

Are you aware of the London Riots?
There is not much assimilation and association going on.
And even some of the 2 nd or 3 rd generation is classified with an immigration background.
There might be a lot of disappointment going on with those people.
That brings me back to Mr. Obama in the White House.
Sorry, what I have seen is shocking, broken family with no men in the home, parents working 24/7 to make a living, divorce, ect.
Sometimes, I feel like cry out, where is your shame, where is your partner, men and woman alike, what are you doing to your children, “why” oh “why” you take the bad habits, the arrogance of us and make it your own, if we hardly do it.
People are running to church praying for a good wife or a good husband, praying, crying, shutting and even screeming to god, and, then you hear, oh, I had somebody and I send him or her packing, because of he/she was not for my likeness or he/she make a mistake.

It is not a White Woman, or a Black Woman, it is not a Christian Woman or a Moslem Woman, which respects her partner, husband or the dad of her children – IT IS A WISE WOMAN, WHICH LOVES HER CHILDREN.
The same thing goes for men, if you love the mother of your children, you respect her and show her affection, tried her right and take care of her needs.
A relationship is hard work! Our parents did know, this and they worked on it.
We trend to though him/her away, like everything else in this consumer society.
What will we though away next our children?

Oh, AND I a feminist by the way.

I love my job, I love to make my own money and I love my education.
I love my right to vote.
I love my freedem of choice.

AND I would like to see more woman in leading roles around the world.

So Nigeria People see the White Culture only from the distance ?
How come? If I walk the streets of London, Dublin or Austin Texas, Nigerian on mass, they have been there, since 30, 40 or even 50 years.
They work along side white people, their children go to the same school and universities, some of them are even are married to white folks or have Obama like grand children.
They are not back in the village back in Nigeria and do not have access to the main road.
C’mon Nigeria, not all your people are Oga’s with a Harem or Dogs.
Even, if you think about it, believe Now are days Nigerian might be just mix’ed.
When reading about this beautiful culture you guys had a good social system of doing things and managing them, well.
When it all did went wrong?

Owolabi - born to be reach, born to be wealthy.
Yetunde or Yewande - my mother has returned, female form of Babatunde

“Men should value their wives and have mutual respect for them, not to mistreat the woman because she is not his equal” _ WIVES? MORE THEN ONE!
For real, who here has more than one? Now are days?
Anybody here has more than one or call more than one woman his mother?

The family is the foundation of our society.
No wonder Nigeria is in such a bad stage!
Mummy believes the children “belong to the wife or to the mother” and “use” them against dad and dad punish mum by taking another girlfriend or wife.
I am wondering “why” Nigerian only copies the rubbish of the white folks and not the good things.
Is it because, they watch American TV show and believe that is the real living?

What is with your freedom of choice?
Where are the men, which are truly the head of their family?
The world has just gone creasy in the battle of the sexes?
He will leave father and mother to become ONE with his wife.
He shell loves his wife like Jesus Christ has loved the church/us.
God has given all of us a free will to choice to obey him.
I will ask my son and I will ask my daughter to obey the person, which loves him/her like Jesus Christ have loved us not more, not less!
A house, which is divided again it’s self is condemned.
Eastern, Jesus Christ washed the feet of his disciples.

Mixed children accepted in Nigeria?
Unsure?
In London, there is a trend among the Nigeria community
Some people say the children are not proper black?
They do not know the culture enough?
They do not speak our language?

Do your husband and you believe your children are prepared for their examen in Nigeria?
Do you have the capital to finance their education successfully?
Do you have any idea, what a good education costs.
And in five years, what, where should the go to university?
USA, UK, West Africa, Nigeria, Canada, West Europe?
And who, they should get married to?
Black, White or Asian
I got the feeling both of you are running for something?
If you do not deal with this matter in your live, it will follow you . ..

The trend in the UK?
What is the trend in your family?
Is the Trend better in Nigeria?
Drugs, Gangs, Sex ect.
It is everywere.
It does not stop on a border.


Suggestion
Let your husband go first; let him get a house, a business or a job, which can substation all of you.
Six months later, if everything is in place, let your children go to Nigeria
I would suggest they start a good English Boarding School and they come home on the weekends.
Then perhaps three months later you go.
Look for a job in an international company or your Embassy.

The first mail born of my husband family is a mess, I never meet a so selfish person in my whole live, he is robbing all his siblings aboard, he took expensive cars, land, building material and god knows “what”, he has been throw two international employers and throw contacts, throw wife’s and throw god knows “what”, but if you first meet him, he presents himself as a holy men, I am so sorry for everybody “how” cross his paths, the only thing, which makes me smile is god will deal with him more and more, very soon, I am sure of this . . . .

Jesus said to them, "My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working."

His reply to their accusation was, "My Father works unceasingly, and so do I."

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Jeus works, God works and your husband is not getting his butt out of the house!