₦airaland Forum

ibkayee:
I doubt any of them are scrambling to be your friend either

Gay people will just be minding their business and heterosexuals (usually guys) will be chasing after them just to let them know how much they dislike them

That's the funny thing. The so called straight people would create threads about gay people just to say they don't like talking about gay people. It's almost as if they can't keep their mind off what these guys do in the bedroom. I don't even understand homophobia. You see a man and what matters to you is who he's having sex with??

People are gay cause they are gay. Nobody gets an IV to choose the gender they'll be attracted to. OP, did you choose to be straight? Didn't you find yourself attracted to ladies?

Fact is, there's no aspect of nature that doesn't have exceptions. People are born with complexion (melanin), some are not. Some people are tall, some are short, etc. So it's surprising that you guys expect sexuality to be a man/women thing for everyone. That's not how nature works.

blackboy:
Amina school no get name?

The fact that the guy was called by his full name, title and school while the lady only got referred to by her first name shows she's got no focus whatsoever. Sexism is real!

lexy2014:
U dont get it because u dont have answers. Who and who makes up d society u are referring? Who is d society?

Can u pls show me where I asked u about who pays d bills? No wonder u are having problems answering simple questions. Pls read again. Take note of point (iii) and d follow up question.



Meanwhile, every other issue raised in d above still stand as well as d questions below which u are having a hard time navigating:

"Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?"

You don't really come off as someone who's got the ability to have a fallacy free argument. I honestly find it hard to know exactly your stance. Is that the society does not frown at ladies who ask guys out?

The questions you type are insults I chose to ignore. What do you mean by "is it my imaginary society?"? Are we kids?

I have told you the part of his post I was addressing and you keep running in circles. You haven't said anything to dispute my stance.

You are just tiring and I'm beginning to feel I'm arguing with a kid. The guy asked what's wrong with a lady asking a guy out and I said it's not easy for a lady to do that cause the society shames women who do so. Taking it from there, what exactly is your argument? I don't even know what I'm arguing against.

State your position clearly first. If you can't express yourself succinctly, you might as well move on.

lexy2014:
If u aren't a lady that's good but that doesn't answer d questions I asked. If u feel u are telling d truth, then answer d simple questions.



Then cast ur mind back to d comment by d gentleman:



Do u see anything about bills in d comment above? Did u understand this below?:

Which question please? The society I'm referring to? Isn't it clear I'm referring to the Nigerian society and that of Africa at large? Why the petty questions? I seriously don't get it.

Again, my response was an obvious answer to 'what's wrong in asking him out?'. Who pays the bill is inconsequential to my argument. If you want us to talk about who pays the bills when a lady and a guy goes out, I will be extremely happy to share my view on that as well.

lexy2014:
Madam answer simple questions. By avoiding and deflecting d questions, u clearly demonstrating d same self denial that u accuse me of. Kindly answer d simple questions I asked:

"Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?"

Now let's go to d comment by d guy and see whether u even understand anything he said.


Let me break it down 4u point by point.
(I) Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship.

Does "society" prevent a woman from enquiring about a man that shows interest in her?

(ii) let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

Does "society" prevent a woman from asking a man to perform d above mentioned task?
(iii) what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date?

Does "society" prevent a woman from paying d bills on d first date? Regarding ur unverified about what d reality is in Nigeria, u will get my take as a response on ur previous comment

You assume I'm a lady. That's your first undoing. You see this as a tussle between the male and the female folks. This is clearly not letting you be objective. Which question do you want to to answer? You self-answered sarcastic questions? You don't know the society I'm referring to? You want to me to get petty with you?

(iii) what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date?

Does "society" prevent a woman from paying d bills on d first date? Regarding ur unverified about what d reality is in Nigeria, u will get my take as a response on ur previous comment

Who is talking about bills? Did I mention bills or money in all my responses to you so far? Do you think asking someone out is all about going to the restaurant to eat? We are talking about taking the lead in starting a relationship. And yes, the society makes it difficult for the female folks to do that because most times, they are shamed when they do so. This is my stance. You can run around all you want but deep within you, you know it's true.

Yes, she does.

Watch people come to insult her and Tonto as if they are the cause of hardship in Nigeria.

realstars:
The Way Of God Is Different From Man, He Has Put Man In Confusing Test, That Man Should Know That He Is God Not Man And Must Fear Him And Keep His Commandment.

So you think the virus is from god and not the devil?

lexy2014:
Let me take it from here. if u were able to honestly answer d questions I asked, u wouldn't seem lost in how d society which u say u live in and observe functions. Are women afraid to go after a man because of society? Once again, read d points made by d gentleman u said u responded to



Then observe d questions I asked as a follow up. If u can answer them, then u have d answers to d questions u are asking which like I mentioned earlier are irrelevant.



Kindly engage these questions first as a follow up to d issues d gentleman raised in his comment then we can make progress. All I can see u doing is engaging in feminist rhetoric which is about shifting d blame for ur inadequacy as a person (not as a woman& hiding under d garb of womanhood) on society.



I can see that d word "here" still gives u jitters. Its a pity that u can't change d universal meaning to suit ur narrative. Regarding ur point made about "running after", every girl/woman (whether its my sister or u) who is in love with a man/guy, "runs after" d man/guy. Every man/guy who is in love with a woman/girl, runs after that woman/girl. If they don't "run after" each other, how do u expect them to get married? "Running after" is a normal thing.

Let's stop burying our heads in the sand like the Ostrich.

You just jumped into my conversation with the guy and you clearly do not understand the caveats of that conversation.The guy I quoted submitted his opinion and ended it with a question which I moved to answer. He said the lady should inquire more about the guy. That's great. Then he proceeded to ask: what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date? And I started my response with "the issue with this is that...". And then you come saying you don't see how my response tallies with the post. Really? How clearer could that be?

Now, I posit that there is nothing wrong with asking him out but our society does not make it easy for the female folks to do that. Our society, sadly, does not roll that way. This is a clear fact and only a chauvinistic individual would claim not to know that. There's no point even arguing that. Even you if you, as a person, do not have issues with women going after men; are you going to pretend not know that people slutshame ladies that do? Have you ever heard the expression "he is throwing himself at her"? I bet not. But on regular basis, women who take the lead are said to be throwing themselves at the men in question. And you think that's not loopsided? I'm afraid you're letting sexism becloud your senses.

I don't know what feminism is to you. I don't know how I got labelled one. But I know what reality is back there in Nigeria and what I have stated is a clear fact. You can choose to deny or ignore it, that's your choice.

lexy2014:
Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?

Ok. Let's concentrate on the seemingly relevant part of your post. So you do not think that the African society - whose culture is steeped in the concept of a man approaching a woman for a relationship - is bias towards women who do the wooing? Are you just trolling or are really serious? Where are you from, the moon?

When a guy goes after a girl, he's termed "my guy", "sharp guy", etc. When a lady slides into the dm, she's "spoilt", "a slut", "destiny killer", etc. Guys post pictures of endowed ladies online (let me not use the word "here", before you get turned on, lol) and drool over them. When a lady does this, she's no longer a wife material! Men, regardless of their age, go after girls of almost any age. If a grownup lady goes after a younger guy, she's an old milf looking for whose destiny to kill. When the marriage falls apart, 'olosho marriage no dey last'. The examples are endless.

The bias is all around us, even the blind can see it. You, what would be your reaction if see your younger brother going after a girl on your street? Would you have the same reaction if your younger sister is even slightly rumoured to be running after a particular boy in your street?

There's no point arguing this sir. It's the most obvious thing ever. You may try to deny or claim not to notice but I live in a country where - though the bias is there - it is not as bad as it is in Africa. And the difference is so clear. The women on this side are bolder and more confident.

Again, the person I quoted knows not to expect such bold moves from the female folks when there's no equal playing ground.

lexy2014:
Aren't u d one who wrote others off with this?:

"The issue with this is that if something goes wrong in future and she comes here to share her story, the same people that gave her this advice will be the ones to call her olosho who threw herself at a man. It's never really easy for the women folks to express such desires."

Ur ability at self denial and shifting blame is amazing. Even if u quoted d guy, I don't see how d things u said are relevant to what d lady said. U are trying to isolate ur comment & that it isn't related to what d lady said. How's that? Ur plenty grammar is leading nowhere. U just digging deeper & deeper.

So ur definition of "here" is everywhere? Have u ever heard of "here" and "there"? There can't be a "there" and then u say it means "here". That's a distortion of English language. "Here" doesn't connote a lot of things. It simply means "in this place at d present time" and "there" means in that place. Take note of where u said "...she comes here to share her story...". Pls where did she come?

So u can't have used "here" at d time u used it and say u meant somewhere else. Ur claim therefore of monopoly of understanding of d word because u used is a fallacy except d meaning of d word has been changed in d dictionary without d world being informed about it.

Sir, "here and there" will not fit into that context. I'm not going get low with you on English grammar so I'll let you be on that.

You didn't make much point here against my initial submission about ladies being disadvantaged when it comes to making the first move so I really find it hard responding. I'm being honest with you.

Are you saying that ladies are not disadvantaged or that it shouldn't stop them from making the first move? Cause the guy I quoted said the lady should have made the move and I explained why it wouldn't be so easy for her. He has responded and we have come to some understanding. So I'm honestly struggling to see what you're on about.

Mind making your argument clearer? Please.

lexy2014:
I didn't miss ur point. Truth is that I don't see d relevance of d issues u raised to what d lady said in her comment regarding d guy. U also seem to be contradicting urself because here u say

I don't no if d word "here" has a different meaning from d one we know in d dictionary. And what u said earlier is polls apart from d explanation u are giving. Its like u talking about two different things:

"The issue with this is that if something goes wrong in future and she comes here to share her story, the same people that gave her this advice will be the ones to call her olosho who threw herself at a man. It's never really easy for the women folks to express such desires."

Like I noted earlier, I fail to see d relevance of what society has done or hasn't done to ladies. D author of d thread said she has a guy that is very friendly with her. From what she said, she is expecting d guy to toast her. She also said she doesn't know where d guy lives. Does d society prevent a woman from finding out about d life a perceived suitor? How'd it d fault of society that d lady isn't making enquiries that she is supposed to make? By telling us on nairaland that she doesn't no were d guy lives, what does she want nairaland to do for her? Does she want nairaland to locate d guys address for her?

Pleae, do not be too fast to write-off others when you are clearly the one mixing things up. My post was not a response to the author of the thread. It's was a response to the guy I quoted. His post was what got my attention. I didn't even contribute the OP's story. If you read the person I quoted and still think you do not see the relevance of my post to it, then quote me and I'll explain further.

As for the word "here", it could connote a lot of things depending on context. The dictionary does not give connotative meanings but only denotative meanings. I used it; the context is mine so I'm to tell you exactly the meaning in that context. And like I said, it was npt specifically refering Nairaland, it refers anywhere this kind of advisers are gathered.

oyigah:
Your hiv/wart infested d*ck is the only thing that needs to be cut off cause its prolly of no use to a p*ssy *ss n*gga like you... Please stop picturing me in ur mind cause I don't do men..**spits on your disgusting head**

Hahaha... my posts do to you what salt does to earthworms. It's entertaining watching you wriggle helplessly.

No one can really tell you anything significant about cost until the person knows the idea.

Some programs require interaction with paid APIs. That's cost. You'll definitely have to host the backend business logic somewhere. That's cost. You'll definitely need the Internet while at it. That's cost. Etc. These are just technical expense sources.

iammo:



Scammers them... what exactly in the world do they need 20 million for in an isolation ward.. Isolation is a closed room for quarantine and not like its a treatment facility or an ICU


.

People are never satisfied!

If you see a terrible isolation room now, you'll be the first to compare it to the standard ones in the western word and then proceed to insult Nigeria. Now funds are being released to put up a standard one, you're still here saying it should be just a closed room. Haba!

oyigah:
How about you shut the hell up you f*ggot!!...get lost h*mo.

Lol...
You know what happens when you cut off a fowl's head and it starts running around splashing blood everywhere before it eventually dies? That's exactly the way I picture you in my mind now.

oyigah:
Ok... Keep getting your anus wounded, it's your cup of tea after all.

So why are you so interested? How about you stop quoting me?

Or11:
The silly woman cannot even do a simple job to keep the phone still while recording.

How much did you pay her for this simple job, Mr Entitled?

oyigah:
Which kind yeye talk be this?

I admire the OP. ADMIRE

lexy2014:
If that's d case, then ur earlier comment to which i responded has no basis. because d people u are accusing also have d advantage of anonymity just like she does:

"The issue with this is that if something goes wrong in future and she comes here to share her story, the same people that gave her this advice will be the ones to call her olosho who threw herself at a man. It's never really easy for the women folks to express such desires."

You got my post wrong. When I used the word "here" in my initial post, I wasn't specifically referring to NL. It could have been anywhere; even face to face interaction. I was only saying that it's the same set of people that want you to be expressive that would roast you at the slightest opportunity.

You get my point, sir? This thread is just an avenue. And first post isn't against people giving their opinion. It's against the societal perspective of the female folks. We have boxed them into a corner where it's become extremely difficult for them to freely express themselves like their male counterparts without being labelled so we shouldn't expect them to develop the boldness to woo men overnight.

adewale6588:
A typical awkward thinking of black people.

what if the guy in question asked her out and things fall apart later in time.

my dear if u re reading this... use your HEAD and let ur heart follow.
afterall all nah black market. nobody knows....

Not saying things wouldn't fall apart if the guy asks her out. But the reaction from the public will be different. That's your society, skewed to favour the men folks in relationship issues. I have not been in Nigeria for a while but nothing has changed.

segun18:
From an African perspective you are right.

Nairaland is an African forum.

lexy2014:
D question is why is she sharing her story here? If she does, she should take whatever she gets from d forum

Cause it's a public forum where you can hide behind the screen and get ideas from people. No one knows her so it's kinda easier for her to talk here. This is a basic functionality of an online forum.

FuckHomophobes:
Thank you so very much. I hope your day is going on well?

Yeah... sure. Can I dm you?

deltateam:
Then she should let him see her with another guy and see his reaction.

If he complains, she should let him define it and give him max. of 2 years to see her parents.

If no reaction, she should move on for real.

I hate guys keeping girls for years without any commitment only to dump them 8 years later.

I agree with you.

Akuruoulo:
YES WE KNOW .
SO , LET HER KEEP ON WAITING.




WHAT IF IT DIDN'T GET WRONG ?
WILL PEOPLE STILL CALL HER AN OLOSHO ?

Most we call her names either way? The point is, if we want the ladies to approach guys like guys do ladies, we must provide an equal playing ground for both genders. We give guys the free hand and even encourage them to make these steps. But we slut-shame ladies and call them hoes, destiny killers, olosho, ashawo, etc. if and when they try to peg a guy. How do you really expect the same outcome? A lady goes for a younger guy, we call her shameless. She goes for the old one, we call her shameless. She tries to hit on her age mate, we call her ashawo. Haba! Funny thing is, ya'll don't even see anything wrong with the way the feminine gender is perceived back there in Nigeria. Terrible.

OP, I admire you a lot. Respectfully speaking.