₦airaland Forum

Interesting thread

Juzzybabe:
No dear,am going back to Ghana my mother's home,to put my life back on track. Am sure if my husband really wants me,he will come looking for me,then he will appreciate me.

Good then, at least they cant come to Ghana to take the child from you.

He will come looking for you by the time he realises his mistake.

Juzzybabe:
Before I wedded,I had a job and a biz of my own.when husband proposed I left everything and came to be with him. During the wedding preparation,he told me he will like us to have a baby ASAP,he specified he wanted me to be pregnant before he returns and i will join him in a short while.After the wedding,he left and few days after I realized I was pregnant. I told him,but to my surprised he got very angry and asked how come? Well,he made up a story which he hold unto till now that he told me not to get pregnant and I went against his order for that reason I will have to stay back with his family. That was the beginning of our problem. While pregnant i asked when will i join him,he said 6months after delivery which led to the begining of this thread. While with his family,I got a job with a bank through the help of a friend just a little mile from home,but my inlaws called meeting again and said I should not work. For peace to reign,I quit. And that's how I spend the whole past months just home doing nothing. After delivery when I asked about his previous plan which I yet objected to,he change the story. When I insisted on getting me a seperate place of my own to stay and move on with my life he insist I remain with his family until he is ready to take me out. I made up my mind to leave,because the insults from his family is just too much,especially since after I put to bed,things have been so awful. My MIL obviously,wants to take the child,same with my husband,they wants to kick me out and take the child,they are only buying time with me cuz the kid is still young and breast feeding. Long story dear. But am leaving because if I don't I will loose in all ways.

I m so speechless.

Anyway I guess you are moving to Ogun from Ibadan.
You should start searching for jobs as soon as you have recovered from the surgery so that by the time your baby is old enough to be left with your mum you can have a day job.

Its well sis, be strong

Juzzybabe:
He refused picking my calls,n even if he picks up my dear,he will only deny Wat he told her n if I insist he will insult me n hang up.

This one get as e be, I dont understand why a man would behave this way to his wife and the mother of his child, and how a whole family would call a meeting to ask you if you still want the marriage.

If i may ask do you have a job or business you do. something you can take care of yourself and the baby with.

I believe you have decided you are leaving the house which I think is right but I would advise that you and your mum leave in a way that doesnt suggest to your in-laws that you are leaving the marriage because the next thing they might say is she left her husbands house and would definitely use it against you.

Lets hope your hubby realizes his mistake soon enough

I pray God gives you the wisdom to handle this matter

Floodgater:
Op, you have not really convinced me your wife is a spend thrift but you have given me a concern to warn you to watch it. You are gradually building resentments for your wife steming basically from her not working so that you are angry when you see her watching tv, buying fuel etc with "your money" to the point of asking if you didnt mistake marrying her.

Btw why is she not working? did you open a business for her that she refused?

You can make good savings from the 400k (80%), encourage her to work, focus on her good side too or you want her to only see you as stingy, you have bad sides too.

OP take note of the 3 points above

Juzzybabe:
My inlaws called a meeting last night to ask me if I am still interested in the marriage between their son and myself. in addition my MIL stated that her son told her some of the issues we had while courting and that he regrets marrying me,and the mum went on to say that sincerely if she knew all this earlier the marriage wudnt have been. "BUT IT IS NEVER TOO LATE" my MIL words... I was surprised at some of the issues she stated because my husband actually lied aganist me! It is very clear to me now that my husband is just not interested in the marriage again. But why did he choose to waste my life? Y me? My husband was and is my first love,the first man I knew,that would tell you how much I sacrificed to keep us together until today. When he proposed he said I was his better half,y the sudden hatred after marriage Obviously my baby is the only reason I am still sleeping under their roof!
The hardest part is that the catholic church doesn't grant divorce

Have you spoken to your hubby after the meeting, If yes what is he saying.

@Juzzybabe please dont stress your self too much for the sake of your health. I cant even imagine the emotional stress you are passing through. I have had people that delivered via CS and @ 2 weeks you still need to be resting.
God strengthen you dear.
I really don't know what to say again dear.
It is well

tearoses:
I feel really sorry for the girl
We all know our society
The man walked away when she was 8 months pregnant. . . but where can she run to? Nowhere.
She went through labour all alone and the shame of naming her own first child in her own mothers house . . .no husband or man to stand by her. The baby wasnt even given a name by his biological father.

Now the man is still walking on and living his life like nothings happened but she is left with the baby and the stigma of being a single mum.
Any fight she has in the area and that is the first thing that she will be abused with

In a few years time when the man is all settled with a good job and wants to get married, he wont go for a single mum. He will want a no baggage tear rubber lady to be his wife (another of societys unwritten rules)

The woman on the other hand may struggle to find a decent man that will love her and love her son like his own. How many families will allow their sons to marry an after one? (those will be their exact words)

Girls need to take a few minutes to think long term of what they are getting themselves into and with who and what a 5 minute sexual encounter can result to in the long term, especially as its the girls suffer the most when things go wrong as this girl is suffering now.

I havent heard anything about this girls education. Probably put on hold due to the pregnancy. She may even never go back and finish it. No man to support her. No education, no husband and a single mum . . . It is well.

I just had to quote this. I hope we ladies will learn.

Simran94:
Good morning. I had a dream that it was raining, I was inside the house and my dad just came back from work. He was soaked in the rain. What does it mean?

Vibesking:
Good day sir, please kindly help me with this whenever you're less busy.
I've got couple of dreams to share,
first being that ;
I dreamt seeing myself preaching as a catholic priest in my church, wearing the exact garments and vestments of a real priest. in the congregation was the actual rev.father of the church (in reality) who seemed to be evaluating and observing my sermon, and he was kinda pleased.
In another dream, before I had the one above, I have had several dreams (like 3times) of being scolded by a catholic priest.
DREAM 2:
recently I was in a dream where I saw my late brother who passed on years ago.
He appeared to be attending a private university and he was lecturing me about how the university is run and how school life is like.. We Were in a public bus while he spoke and he pointed and showed me the school he was attending, the building was painted with white and a blue roofing.
We then came down from the bus and took a little walk to a football pitch. The pitch was very much neatly taken care of with fine low grasses.. But a part of the field which wasn't used had some grown grasses, only the part which was used in playing football was properly done.
Approaching the field, I saw my friend who was trying to hit a target with the ball but he missed though he was very close, the people around were all clapping and congratulating him that he tried alot.
When I got close to the pitch, I called him and he hurried approached me with a smile only for my late brother who was walking by me called him and started beating him up.. He said my friend had spoken to him rudely somedays ago.
I felt sad thereafter.
Then I woke up.
Any idea sir?
Thanks.

Simran94:
Good morning. I had a dream that it was raining, I was inside the house and my dad just came back from work. He was soaked in the rain. What does it mean?

They have moved to www.dreamtorchlight.com
post your dreams there

HumbledbYGrace:
I thought all was okay and was ready to face the person again, you know. But the fear of betrayal kept me on bay and I realised that I was still emotional, and everything that happened before happened again which kinda triggered all the emotions.

okay, I have replied your mail. Do add me up dear.all is well

HumbledbYGrace:
Hi guys, thanks for stopping by.

Well, its something I cannot discuss in the open but all I can say is yes something happened and since then every little thing related to that thing makes me cry.

Like right now, if we are talking and you just tell me to get lost or something close to that I'll start crying. I've been called childish and tried to guard my emotions but fail woefully, it pisses others off that I cry all the time over such small things.

One more thing please do not let people have power over you. Their actions or inactions should not dictate your mood. Whatever is said just keep your cool.

Do not give people too much power over your emotions please.

HumbledbYGrace:
Hi guys, thanks for stopping by.

Well, its something I cannot discuss in the open but all I can say is yes something happened and since then every little thing related to that thing makes me cry.

Like right now, if we are talking and you just tell me to get lost or something close to that I'll start crying. I've been called childish and tried to guard my emotions but fail woefully, it pisses others off that I cry all the time over such small things.

I thought as much. The major way to solve this is to heal completely from the major issue. If you have been hurt by someone forgive and let go. Any aspect it may be you have to heal or else you will keep hurting, deal with that major hurt and you will see that you wont be teary every time. The major issue is the root, uproot it and every "small issue" will no longer be significant.

Its not easy though, but thats virtually the only way

I m so sorry dear for whatever caused your hurt, all is well

HumbledbYGrace:
Happy Easter guys.

Is it normal to cry @ every small issue? Since the beginning of April I cry at small things, I hate this.

8

Please define "small issue".

Is there any challenge you are facing. I asked because sometimes we may tend to be emotional about every other issue when we are hurt internally by one major issue

ihedinobi2:
Busy is very good, biko. God prosper the work of your hands.

Sorry about that. It was unavoidable.

Amen .

Folaski you are welcome. just read the first post of the thread.

ihedinobi2:
Busy is very good, biko. God prosper the work of your hands.

Sorry about that. It was unavoidable.

Amen .

Folaski you are welcome.v just read the first post of the thread.

ihedinobi2:
Ihedinobi is here o. How are you, Seyi? Been quite a while o. What's the discussion? Or did you already start it?

Hi everyone. dagr8, what's happening? I hope things are coming together even better. Is Reyginus still in this land?

I m here, just been very busy, yeah its been a while oooo. I have noy started the discussion joor.
You just disappeared like that diaris God ooo

Mintayo:
happy birthday to me!!!

Awww happy birthday.

Sorry i didnt remember.

hehehe hallo everybody

Happy belated birthday ATMC, mintayo i think your birthday is also march.

Where is ihedinobi2

I am thinking of a topic we can discuss.....

Hehehe the governor really has nothing to do with this.
Pure internal politics the VC really had it coming and LASU staff and students are always radical in their approach to things. Has anybody ever reasoned why both staff and students are against this VC. But then it serves the staff right, they were against prof Hussein the man who transformed LASU this one came in and is worse.

Most times people do not know what they have until they lose it, the greatest mistake they ever made was to 'chase' prof hussein.

This mans tenure has had too much scandals first it was students now its staff.

HumbledbYGrace:
Hiiiiii

Its been a minute, miss everyone.

Where is Judas

I miss him this days and toba? I hope the journey has ended?

How are you ma'am?

I am good ma'am

Hello everybody.

ATMC, mintayo, salc,dagr8, ihedinobi2 ,humbledbygrace, araregem and co miss you all. I guess we have all been very busy lately. I miss the discussions.

davroca16 hiiiiii

Proud to be an ex-Lasuite.

ma'am(s) efemenaxy, chaircover and yadoctura Thanks for your advice I just feel bad about the matter hoping something can still be salvaged. I just know marrying the guy is terrible. I just dont understand but she really is a good girl.

I guess I will just have to keep my opinions to myself and support her whatever way I can.

]

cococandy:
Let her not commit herself to that man.
Hmm.
She's just signing up for a life of misery.
I know one that pretends to be her husband's sister anytime he visits Nigeria with his American wife.
How desperate and pathetic is that?

^^^^^^^^ is my challenge with the whole kangaroo arrangement . I would have said she should have her baby and take care of it and hope to marry a proper man. She wants to cover shame and is deceiving her whole family in the process and also getting into a hotter mess. I just dont know.

delightful1:
I think she is blinded by desperation, that is what it looks like. Other than that i see no reason why a young lady would willingly want to go into such a complicated marriage. I honestly do not think she even wants to be advised, it seems to me that she has taken a decision already. Besides, she is already pregnant.

okay then

Yadoctora:
how old is she

she should be 29.

Good day everyone, I really dont want to create a thread for this but I believe I would get advice from here.

Please I need to know how to advise my flat-mate. We have been living together for some months now and have built a relationship. It all started in December when we wanted to go our parents for christmas, she travelled to the east and I went to my house still in Lagos but quite far from town and I jokingly added 'bring husband ooo from the village'.

By early January I was back to the apartment to resume There was strike so she stayed back at the village but I was shocked when she called about a week after I got back that she is escorting her hubby to Lagos and he would come to know where she stays before he leaves( His flight to the UK was the next day). I was shocked, husband how come within 3-4 weeks , I knew I would hear the full story when she came .Anyway the guy came after he left I asked her whats up she said she dated him once in the past but didnt continue since he was out of the country and he was not coming home soon and when he saw her late december he was talking about marriage etc.

I was like okay so you have now married him, she said they came to 'knock' I guess thats introduction. I was relieved but then I realised there was more to the story than what she was saying then she said he has somebody over there. I was like ehn thats not okay now. But she was saying she doesn't mind he would come home twice in a year. I asked what about companionship etc she felt comfortable with it so I kept quiet but I was just wondering how she would accept such . She even asked if I can do it and I said NO.

She went back to her people at the village the next day and came back in february when the strike was called off. I was still looking for a way to discourage her from the relationship when she complained some days back about the guy.

I saw it as the opportunity it was and then spoke to her, I asked her if she is sure about the guy when she said its too late that she thinks shes pregnant. I didnt know what to say again. she was scared because of her family and shame and all of that and abortion is not an option

I had thought the pregnancy was just the issue but the shocker came this morning that the guy is planning to marry the lady for citizenship since his papers are expiring soon (and the lady has a 4year old child for him). And even the guys mum knows about it and told her that she should not let the foreign wife know that he has a nigerian wife. Infact she told me he had been planning to marry the lady and his family members were coming over to witness it but she didnt know she just knew he had a baby mama over there.

And the guy is saying its not a big deal because people are doing it. Now shes saying she wants them to quickly pay the bride price so she can be the real wife and it seems the guys people will come for list this week. Her family doesnt know about the guys foreign lady and the pregnancy.she says she doesnt want to have a child outside wedlock. Anyway the guy still wantsvto go ahead with the foreigner and also her.


I honestly dont know what to advise her.
I know marrying that guy would be a mistake,she doesnt want to be a single mother and as she is now shes kind of depressed although not showing it. She has a good job and can take care of the baby but then.... I cant tell her mum that would be breach of confidence.

I

Please what or how can I advise her.

I used to think these things happen only on Nairaland

Adedoks:
are you a unilag student

a PG student

Its about time.

Despite the fact that theres a huge poster outiside the headquarters and the headquarters youth church showing the kind of dressing not allowed, people will still wear them to church.

They were giving wrappers to indecently dressed girls at mfm headquarters youth church some time back to cover up and later they had to say no more wrapper dress decently or you will be turned back.

You will see skirts/ dresses that should only be found in the club house on a sister in church haba, and brothers that are trying to turn a new leaf from fornication will be distracted right where should be a solace.

I wonder what it will cost some ladies to wear a shirt/decent top and a knee length decent skirt or any other decent cloth to church.

For two weeks now i noticed some sisters would stand by the gate on the lookout for ladies with indecent dressing and they would stylishly call them to one side and say " sister pls pull you skirt down' (i overheard one) I just wonder what you want to pull when there's nothing to pull.

Especially that headquarters youth church.

It may sound harsh but i think it's about time.

ermm dollyparton

Cant really quote your last post


At least you agree that we manage resources loool. contrary to what you think we also do help people in genuine need.


The most important part of the post for me was the last paragraph where you said its about dealing with the individual first. That's just it.

Ermm sirshymexx happy holidays, are electronic devices prohibited at the Belly of the beast (where exactly is that dolly?)

And sorry to both of you for replying late.

SirShymexx:
I'm enjoying ya debate with dolly, never knew you had this in you lol.

Anyway, what is the average Ijebu chic like? I haven't met that many, apart from those in my immediate family.

I have an ex who is half-Ijebu(dad) from Ijebu Ode and half-delta Igbo. Had a short fling in Uni with a next chic whose parents are from Ijebu Ode...she was in Aston Uni back then. And some chic that got away late last year cos I didn't know a next girl I had a one-night stand with talks to her. Ol'girl snitched on me and we haven't been cool since then. That is like one of the most beautiful chics I have ever seen - a proper wifey. Her dad is Ijebu but it seems her mum is from Osun.

Apart from those three, I don't really know much, tbh.

@dollyparton1

Lol. Don't worry, keep shooting. I'm enjoying the posts and you are entitled to ya opinions.

Haaaahaa lets just say i observe more and I try to exchange ideas with people that are ready to see beyond their opinion. Some folks cant handle a discourse without hate words/subtle insults /direct insults and the likes especially when they feel the discussion is not going in their favor. I am sort of allergic to hate words/insults, Most times i may just keep quiet even when I have a contrary opinion and like someone I know said 'you can never quote silence:.


Average Ijebu girl hmm just normal like other girls i think. I have not really met much apart from my family members and they are great but then I cant generalize


3rd paragraph hmm no comment.