Yuzedo's Posts
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 Celebrities › Re: Rita Dominic Dazzles In New Photoshoot by yuzedo: 5:17pm On Mar 19, 2015*. Modified: 12:19pm On Apr 08, 2015 |
 5 Likes |
| Culture › Re: Nigerian Native Names And Their Meanings by yuzedo: 5:38pm On Mar 11, 2015 |
Ucheemmanuelll: 1 Like
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| Family › Re: Uncle Charlie... by yuzedo(op): 2:39pm On Mar 04, 2015*. Modified: 4:21pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
The usual evening conversation between my mother and I while she cooked was interrupted at 7 o’clock. Opening the door to our flat, I let in an extremely downcast Nomso, who upon greeting my mom, asked for my presence in their home on his dad’s request. I was perturbed! As the official neighborhood rascal and serial mischief-maker, I could hardly keep track of which debauchery committed was responsible for my summoning, and Nomso’s stoic countenance and reticence was not helping my frantic recollection efforts. We arrived their downstairs apartment in less than a minute, and my heart thumped as Papa Nomso welcomed me with a forced cheeriness, his pseudo-joviality being an attempt at keeping me relaxed. I knew from painful experience that it was most definitely the usual grown person trick to lull me into a false sense of security and so kept my guard up, even as my brain stayed churning plausible excuses and alibis to utilize in the inevitable eventuality of whatever accusation(s) being thrown at me. Dumebi, the second son and my playmate stood morose in a corner, devoid of his customary liveliness. I knew this was big. “Dimma, how was school today?” Papa Nomso asked. “Fine?” I responded tentatively. School was NEVER fine, after all, and surely, I was not there to discuss the goodness of education. Or was I? As if reading my thoughts, Papa Nomso continued, “I know you are busy helping your mom upstairs and I don’t want to keep you for long. You see, your friends and I are reviewing their homework and can’t get past a particular math question. Want to know if you can help?” Simultaneous feelings of relief at not being called out to answer war crime charges, and amplified anxiety at the strong possibility of failing whatever Rocket Science that my friends could not answer immediately took hold of me. However, I knew I was not being given a choice as to whether I wanted to answer on not; I was there to either console or fuel the anger of Papa Nomso on account of his sons’ temporary lack of wit, and probably give him reason to tear at the falling academic standards characterized by our collective obtuseness. I nodded my readiness to attempt this great, perhaps cancer-curing equation I would be required to solve. I didn’t feel very optimistic. “What is a quarter of one hundr………. If a boy has a hundred kobo and is asked to divide it amongst four friends, how much would each person get?” For a second I stared in confusion.  Confused, not at difficulty of the question, but the utter simplicity. My rapidly gaping mouth and expression of ridiculous confoundment must have given my friends a false sense of hope as they silently willed me to fail the question, even as their dad looked on in that second that lasted forever. “Twenty-five kobo.”, I answered with a mixture of assured conviction and lingering doubt as to the true motive of what was surely a trick question. Papa Nomso vibrated with what was undoubtedly a cocktail of emotions including righteous anger, happiness, pride, disappointment and the sweet, sweet feeling of justification for what(ever) course of action he was going to take next. These feelings were so overwhelming, he couldn’t contain himself as he rushed towards me, hands outstretched to shake mine, and concomitantly reaching to hug me. Dumebi and Nomso cursed me in crestfallen despair, surely weeping in their hearts. The next few seconds saw me being hastened out of the house by a man who needed immediate gratification through the expression of a well of emotions. A man who, neither for all the silver in the world, nor all the entreaties of its noblemen would deviate or reconsider his next course of action. His exact feelings needed conveyance, and a second’s delay could not be afforded. I said a prayer for my friends. But even I knew it was futile. I got back upstairs just as the first peal of thunder broke the tranquility of the night. It was as strange as it was ironic, given that the weather remained as clement as paradise is imagined to be. Rapid claps of cannon-sounding, pain-dispensing cane lashes interjected by the anguished cries of two young souls in torture rent the air. It was a deadly day. The thrashing was not the only stiff measure Papa Nomso took against the boys, as their TV and video gaming privileges were withdrawn, as were the daily Mr. Biggs treats. He personally undertook their coaching on an intensive scale. Result of that vehement intervention? Dumebi left me behind the next year when he achieved an effortless double-promotion in a special exam at our school, which I spectacularly bungled. Nomso was admitted on merit to Federal Government College, Warri to commence his secondary education. ME? My backside remained welt-free for the duration of my education, and I went ahead to not only supply the last four digits in Pi, but was also responsible for finally bringing peace to the Middle East.   Ya. **insert visuals of my most idiotic, drooling face here**  # 66 Likes 12 Shares |
| Family › Re: Uncle Charlie... by yuzedo(op): 1:07pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
The pain of not being fully relieved of grief.... Of an inability to let it all out. Of thinking everyday of the faithful departed, but more, of those left behind, without "adequate" comfort... Some crosses are heavy. ..... Peace to all those mourning, amen. 30 Likes 2 Shares |
| Family › Uncle Charlie... by yuzedo(op): 1:00pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
GOODBYES REALLY ARE THE WORST For a long time, I have put off writing an eulogy for a man I regarded as my father and friend. I cannot tell if my unwillingness is the result of grief, or rather, questions about the legitimacy of my grief in relation to that of his two sons, my bosom friends and brothers, Dumebi and Nomso, for you see, if the death of their biological father can hurt me so much, even till tomorrow, how much more is the sorrow they feel and will continue to bear till their last days, and what right do I have to claim to feel anything akin to their pain when mine can be at best described as a secondary pain? LOVE, RESPECT AND THE PRECIOUS NOSTALGIA OF BLESSED MEMORIES My earliest consciousness of life and family involved our sole neighbors, the Ochugbuas’. Growing up and sharing experiences, it was not hard to tell that they were a trusted extension of our family, for in an age where we were admonished not to eat or receive gifts from outsiders, no such caution extended to them. I remember a lot of kind deeds by Uncle Charles, or Papa Nomso as he was fondly called, and for the life of me, cannot recall any instance of ill-will or characteristic adult malevolence on his part. Personally, many fond memories exist of his good-natured and accommodating personae. Perhaps, my favorite two include: - His alarmed reproach of me trying to set off what looked like a stick of dynamite in their apartment - The occasion of delivering my elaborately wrapped birthday present to Nomso that turned out to be a lone potato. Every rascally antic of mine was ultimately brushed aside with a hearty, elongated bout of laughter on his part. He called me a rascal a lot; with much fondness, perhaps a tinge of trepidation too, but always tempered with an appreciation for my juvenile tomfoolery, trusting I meant no harm and would grow out of it eventually, as I rightly did. I remember fondly, occasions of his temporary adoption of me, including our trip to Kankon, on the outskirts of Lagos to visit Dumebi in Boarding School. I was always welcomed for sleepovers at their Ojodu home when they finally moved in the 2000s from the building we shared for two decades, and there were the sincere invites to Asaba which I had hoped to honor as soon as feasible. You can imagine my sadness at arriving Asaba earlier in the year to participate in his utterly unanticipated funeral, rather than spend quality time enjoying his wonderful company and hospitality. Life indeed throws the cruelest curve-balls! THE ESOTERIC ONE Papa Nomso had an excellent appreciation of the arts. His sense of music was second to none, and I particularly loved his extensive Jazz collection. His paintings and other mundane memorabilia collected over his years of travel, including a very fascinating sheathed sword, intrigued me to no end, and growing up we could not resist the temptation of regularly utilizing this wonderful article in our dexterous simulations of valiant warriors and swordsmen on glorious quests. Papa Nomso held his own in the kitchen. It was his forte, and he relished the daily opportunity to whip up ever-perfect magic for his boys and guests. I remember the utter embarrassment and total lack of fidelity on my part on account of my understandable preference for his cooking to that of my home. You must understand at this point that it was only natural that exposure to his Michelin-quality meals would turn anyone against his kin. We often talked about the possibility of commencing a small restaurant or food-service business which I was convinced beyond doubt would be an instant hit. Uncle Charlie’s Kitchen never happened. Alas. TRANSITION We last spoke when I called him as is customary on his November 14 birthday. He was gone in a month. I never got the opportunity to send yuletide felicitations, or to express the depth and profundity of my appreciation and respect for exposing me to such high standards of fatherhood as he had done. He knew, no doubt, and the feeling was mutual, but voicing it over and again would have been the validation which while admittedly redundant, should undeniably have offered some heartwarming value, regardless. In hindsight, I think that this is my only regret; that I never asked him how he did it; how he achieved a perfect score at fatherhood, because that was the basis for my unflinching esteem of him - his absolute and infinite devotion to his sons. I make bold to say that I never met any father who did a better job considering the circumstances. Most would take for granted the near impossibility of a man being able to simultaneously function as a father AND friend. He raised his sons SINGLE-HANDEDLY from the ages of eight and ten years respectively. He won at fatherhood. It was with the greatest honor that I read the third and final lesson at his Service of Songs, alongside his other sons. The burial saw me say the most painful goodbye I have ever said in my life, complete with all the choking, blurry emotions that come with the cheerless experience. And I realize going forward that even the unshakable conviction of his heaven-dwelling status is barely enough mitigation against the ubiquitous pain and sense of loss that will perpetually remain in our hearts at his untimely departure from this world of fleeting pleasures and interminable strife. We pretended to be strong at your funeral. But it was the hardest day of our lives, our faux-strength only necessary to fulfill the final rite of honoring you with anguished goodbyes. There were several testaments to your goodness and blessed impact in the lives of old and young, just as members of your club turned up en-masse to pay you full honors, as you so rightly deserved. BY GOD, WE MISS YOU VERY MUCH. Love, ALWAYS. 103 Likes 2 Shares |
| Culture › Re: Igbo Language And Its Downward Trend by yuzedo: 3:02pm On Mar 03, 2015*. Modified: 12:39pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Ndigbo kacha nu! Rie nu! Muo nu! Zuo nu! Funny this topic should be on the front-page at the exact same time I am compiling my favorite Igbo proverbs and anecdotes, while listening to the high-life goodness of Sir Stephen Osita Osadebe, Oliver de Coque, and Prince Morocco Maduka. I just tweeted 10minutes ago about how Igbo men aged 25years and upwards should check themselves if aspects of our culture don't appeal to them till now.. and I must confess that even in the present comfort of my Ikoyi location, I am currently fighting the sweet nostalgia of (missing) the East. I hold two Chieftaincy titles from my Anambra home. And I hope to acquire more. In fact I discussed the possibility of "ichi ozo", mana, man proposes..................  As I just mentioned in my discussion on Twitter, I deliberately test every girl I am interested in by speaking solely Igbo to her. 99% respond in English (Like say dem speak pass me), the remaining 1% was going to be my Oriaku 1.. Mana, again, man proposes........... (no pun) I'd simply explain this peculiar situation with a proverb that says "Ugo chara acha adi(ghi) echu echu".. My nephew and niece aged 3yrs and 2yrs respectively hear Igbo to an at least 70% proficiency. Meanwhile, some of us cannot boast of a 20% understanding, talk more, fluency. Ndi igbo siri na adighi eji na alu gbara afô, we kpô ya ômenala. I hope we wake up from our slumber. Daalu nu. Chief Dikeanagbalizu 1, Anwulu Nna Ya, Eze Nna Ya, The Onwanetilora-Nwachinemelu writes from Ikoyi, Lagos. 30 Likes 2 Shares |
| Family › Re: Help! I Am Being Physically Abused By My Wife! What Will I Do? by yuzedo: 8:06pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
Iamsynord:I fûcking CRIED!!!!!!!!! |
| Jobs/Vacancies › Re: Why She Said, "Don't Hire Someone With A Hotmail Account." by yuzedo: 12:56pm On Feb 19, 2015 |
Valid. Up to a certain point. ......... Convince me that this isn't a ploy from the Marketing Department of Google to boost Gmail usage (against Yahoo). Don't believe everything you read on the Internet - Abraham Lincoln (1994) 5 Likes |
| Sports › Re: Who Are Your Best Footballers Of All-time? (the Players You Watched Play) by yuzedo: 10:36am On Feb 19, 2015*. Modified: 4:49pm On Feb 23, 2016 |
GOALKEEPER Oliver Kahn (Germany) DEFENDERS Japp Stam (Holland) Roberto Carlos (Brazil) Paolo Maldini (Italy) Alessandro Nesta (Italy) MIDFIELDERS Zinedine Zidane (France) (C)* Austin Jay-Jay Okocha (Nigeria) Dennis Bergkamp (Holland)* ATTACKERS Rivaldo (Brazil) Ronaldo Luís Nazário de Lima (Brazil)* Thierry Henry (France) SUBSTITUTES Vincent Enyeama (Nigeria) Fabio Cannavaro (Italy) Edgar Davids (Holland) Ronaldinho (Brazil) Lionel Messi (Argentina) Romario (Brazil) * = Denotes Most Respected/Absolute (All-time) Favorites in the team. The most brilliant, most technically gifted, game controlling/changing maestros I have ever had the pleasure of watching. Personal Rating Indices: Ball Control, Vision, Set-Pieces, Shooting (Power and Accuracy), Team-Work, Decision-Making, Influence. 12 Likes 2 Shares |
| Crime › Re: I Have Good News Today! My Mom Has Been Released From SARS by yuzedo: 6:10am On Feb 14, 2015 |
Ekene dili Chukwu. Hope there are measures to prevent a return to detention? That devious Naomi woman might not be done. She will get her comeuppance. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Family › Re: His Wife Is Always Tired At Night For Sex by yuzedo: 2:05pm On Feb 13, 2015 |
OP bro did his two hand amputated? anyway he neeeed to higher a sweet big-boobsie ice-cream lap house-made from Akwa-iBUM dat wear waste-bead + ankle chain. is devil dat will convince d wive to do her job. 49 Likes 1 Share |
| Romance › Re: Memo To The Good Nigerian Men Who Are Tempted To Cheat by yuzedo: 11:37am On Feb 13, 2015 |
You can't eat Egusi everyday for 20years - Abraham Lincoln (1983) 22 Likes 1 Share |
| Nairaland General › Re: What's Your Advice To Help.. Mom Is In Detention. by yuzedo: 12:30pm On Feb 07, 2015 |
Lincolnburrows:Because shìt happens, that's why! And that is the exact purpose of that thing they call "collateral". RISK MITIGATION. The issue isn't default, because despite your best laid plans, no matter how superior your business model is, sometimes forces out of your control instigate poor performance. The bone of contention is the extemporaneous, HIGHLY ILLEGAL debt-retrieval method adopted by the bank in concert with the SARS operatives. Nope. Two wrongs don't make a right! 11 Likes |
| Nairaland General › Re: What's Your Advice To Help.. Mom Is In Detention. by yuzedo: 11:10am On Feb 07, 2015 |
My God!! This matter dey pain me personally!!!! Fùcking hell!!! Did banks harass Ifeanyi Ubah, Jimoh Ibrahim and other criminal-minded "fat cats" like this when they were owing N1b and above? That's how they also came to our house at 4am because of N2m. Ogun kill them all!!! Aunty, SARS means Special Anti Robbery Squad. Is your mother involved in armed robbery? No? Good. Dem don shìt for church! You see that overzealous new manager? What are the terms of the loan facility as regards default? Liquidate collateral abi? But because of the obscene interest rate, amount due is now x4 principal + collateral. Yet, management will not write it off as bad debt because your mama no be Oduah or Anenih. Again I say, ogun kii dem! Let a lawyer institute fùcking action against the bank for all the infringements thus far. If the collateral does not suffice (even though it was supposed to be far greater in worth than the principal) it is the fault of the former manager and compliance officer for their shoddy (desperate) credit approval process. You guys have a big case. DO NOT BUNGLE IT! Ogun kii dat bank for gross incompetence and devious policies. In fact, I'm surprised the lawyer has not petitioned the IGP on his boys, and called the attention of Civil rights to the case! 7 Likes |
| Romance › Re: Why Is It So Difficult To Meet A Decent Igbo Guy In Lagos?? by yuzedo: 5:16pm On Jan 30, 2015 |
Lol, I REALLY like this chiggiee's attitude on this thread. You can sense an unforced realness that surely translates to real-life geniality and practicalness. I have mailed you. Although I do not think my motive is to fill the vacancy, as my "groom-price" has been paid.  Still, it would be awesome to make your acquaintance. Cheers! 13 Likes 2 Shares |
| Nairaland General › Re: Most Popular Nairalanders by yuzedo: 11:34am On Jan 20, 2015 |
[quote author=SELENAqueensy post=29946048][/quote]GOOD F*CKING GRIEF! Look at THE body on that young girl! Hey God, if not for principles.. If not ................................ 5 Likes |
| Car Talk › Re: LAGOS Free Vehicle Car Scan Ended. by yuzedo: 2:05pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
It was an absolute pleasure meeting a bonafide legend and enjoying his unrivaled expertise. I hope you set up in Lagos. All my respect and goodwill, Gazza! - Yuzedo 2 Likes |
| Jobs/Vacancies › Re: I Started ICAN Exams Out Of Boredom- Jarus by yuzedo: 8:28am On Jan 05, 2015*. Modified: 3:51pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
All my respect, Jarus.. 1 Like |
| Crime › Re: Father Christmas Arrested For Defiling 5-year-old Schoolgirl by yuzedo: 10:45pm On Jan 04, 2015 |
Psychedelia:OH GOD I SHED FUCKINGGGGG TEARSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 Likes
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| Politics › Re: Soludo: What Obasanjo And Yar’adua Told Meby Charles Soludo On January 23, 2013 by yuzedo: 4:11pm On Dec 27, 2014 |
WhiteTechnology:Valid. My sentiments expressed. Chukwuma needs to remain visible (relevant) in the polity and to the electorate regardless of season. He is a good man, his time will come. 2 Likes |
| Celebrities › Re: Rita Dominic Shares New Pictures From Music Meet Runway by yuzedo: 5:14pm On Dec 25, 2014 |
Fùck my life, fam... Heyyyyyy!!!  1 Like |
| Culture › Re: Roles And Types Of Igbo Traditional Dances - By Godwin C. Nwaogwugwu by yuzedo: 11:55am On Dec 22, 2014 |
exposureworld:YOOOO!!!! THIS IS MY MOTHERF*CKING SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!! or literally translated: "Heyyyyyyy Chineke Nna!!!! Ihe a bu my motherfucken nsi!!!!!!!!"    10 Likes |
| Family › Re: Women With Rich Husbands Have Stronger Orgasm –study by yuzedo: 8:55pm On Dec 20, 2014 |
Studies like these are only engendering high financial benchmark expectations of potential partners by women.. In other words; RAISING GOLD-DIGGERS! ************************************** waow. Meaning rita gona death from d bigness and powerfulness of my organisms Am gona give her on wedding nite . 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Family › Re: HELP: My Husband Wedding Comes Up On Saturday by yuzedo: 9:24am On Dec 19, 2014 |
babyosisi:The hammer hitteth the nail on the head! 4 Likes |
| Car Talk › Re: Nigerians Should Stop Fighting After An Accident! by yuzedo: 12:59pm On Dec 11, 2014 |
pro01:Brethren, I had an experience that completely indicts me on this which I shared on another thread (my last post). I learnt the best way (through experience) that even engaging in and dominating a fight will count as at best, a pyrrhic victory. I demystified my gentlemanly personae on Tuesday night, but now I can confidently say, Nunquam Iterum. Do not judge so harshly, lest ye be subjected to same temptation - Mike 7:17 (KVJ) 1 Like |
| Literature › Re: Road Rage by yuzedo: 5:03pm On Dec 10, 2014 |
Hmmm... Last night I went visiting someone in Lekki and on my way back I passed the Alternative Route to get to Soccer Practice quicker. It seems Keke Tricycles are in the habit of entering on-coming lane to beat the traffic and I was steaming from having to slow down for two of them to get back into their lane when the third one grazed my car. Jumped down in rage especially as it seemed like he was driving off and jacked his shirt. The thug didn't show much remorse and eventually started increasing speed while warning me, that's when I punched him in the jaw. I don't know why, I'm normally very rational. But it happened. And then guy brakes hard and jumps down swinging, and I'm in the center of a street fight with someone who has nothing to lose. Anyway, man promises to spoil my "fine boy" face. Unfortunately for him, after 6years in Kings' College, nobody is an ajebo. So i square off with him one-time, concentrating on counter-hooks and quick jabs. He was mad surprised that this nigga, still dressed corporately (luckily I had taken off my tie) was bobbing and striking like Cus D'Amato had personally trained him, and actually looking to trounce him too. Took the intervention of the crowd to stop us, and then my head cleared. What the hell had I just done and why? Would killing him have pleased me? Would being killed by a thug over a minimal scratch have gratified my family? Nna mehn, I was damn ashamed of myself. The temporary adrenaline that fueled my anger had cleared. Lagos and its terrible danfo & keke drivers can make the pope pull out a shank, but that is no justification to ever lose it. I pray we don't fall into violent temptation. Amen. #TrueStory |
| Romance › Re: Nairalander's Tips On How To Communicate And Understand Ladies. by yuzedo: 3:20pm On Dec 10, 2014 |
Cork on Front Page. I can die happy now. Honor is FINALLY bequeathed whom it is due. Everlasting appreciation to whichever MOD made this great day possible. Of course, the message is worthy, but, still; It takes a special quality to act on genius. Goodbye Nairaland. I left FULFILLED. 10 Likes 1 Share |
| Crime › Re: Pictures: Policeman Tortures Man, Wife In Lagos by yuzedo: 11:12am On Dec 10, 2014 |
ifyalways:Nne, are you single? <3 |
| Politics › Re: APC Governorship Primaries: States & Lists Of Winners by yuzedo: 8:26pm On Dec 04, 2014 |
CFCfan:Unforgettable!! 20pounds:Lmaoooooooo!!!! 3 Likes |
| Fashion › Re: Rita Dominic Is Now Zaron Brand Ambassador by yuzedo: 9:14pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
bro seun if u like hide my poast. Am still d king of rita dumynick hat while u only watch mojo 6 time aday on ur mikano laptop in ota. 36 Likes 1 Share |
| Fashion › Re: Rita Dominic Is Now Zaron Brand Ambassador by yuzedo: 9:11pm On Dec 03, 2014 |
Seun:and wot have it done? U dis websight man better rimove ur eye from my babe if u dint want to eat amala + pap through straw. Dis ur last warnin 63 Likes 2 Shares |
