₦airaland Forum

Even if it's not the actual stuff in those bottles, it's very morally wrong to portray kids with such. At the very least, it teaches other kids that it's ok to take beer. Again I SMH for this generation and the next.

World population will invariably affect Nigeria. If the male specie is endangered the world over, will it not affect Nigeria? My take is that the writer only used Nigeria as a case study in paragraph 1. I don't have facts and figures to support or debunk OP but I think we should get our facts right when writing and not get carried away by emotions.

@sissie
How can you love someone that does not fit your criteria? Are you talking about a love-at-first-sight kinda love? Because for me, I believe there must be some things someone possesses that'll make the other love them.

Love is a strong word. I can't imagine myself falling in love with a random stranger. There must be some things in him that'll make me love him. This is why I don't believe in the saying 'loving unconditionally' or how do they put it again?

People experience love differently. While I believe that two people must have felt some level of attraction and likeness towards each other for them to agree to settle down together, real love actually grows with the marriage. This is why it's important for two people to be compatible, have a lot in common and share common dreams, so that when the inevitable misunderstandings in marriage occur, they've go back to the drawing board to resolve their issues.

If that initial compatibility isn't there, they may grow apart and rather than grow stronger in love as they get to each other more, resentment may be setting in.

So for me, I don't see love as a spontaneous thing, I see it happening gradually as the marriage advances.

Sorry I'm on phone and can't quote properly.

Seems the two paragraphs below from the OP are self-contradictory:

The official sex distribution ratio of the Nigerianpopulation is approximately 1.04males to every 1 female. In other words, Nigeria has more menthan women; you wouldn’t however deduce this by observing the Nigerian populace. After a cursory examination of the everyday interactions between the average Nigerian male and female, one is not left with the impression that women are a scarce commodity, and in fact in shortage. You would not believe that there are 3 million potential Nigerian husbands who have little or no chance of marrying a Nigerian wife. Let me put this in perspective, the entire population of Abuja, Nigeria's capital city, is under 1.5million, so imagine everybody in Abuja, times two, all male, all looking for women, the result; crisis. In a country where more than half the population is Muslim, and Muslim males are allowed to marry as many as four wives (a lot of them actually do), the situation is even more alarming. Ironic but factual, the impression one gets on observing Nigerian inter-intimate interaction is quite to the contrary. Thus I arrive at the beginning of my quest; In search of the cause of this aberration

And-

Current scientific studies have gone as far as to label the human male as endangered; case in point it has recently been discovered that our Y chromosomes are under a constant barrage of chemical assaults, and are deteriorating at an alarming rate. Women conserve energy more efficiently, and also live longer. Biologically speaking the human male has been defined as little more than a crude genetic sift in the human reproductive process. Cloning is not possible in the absence of a female surrogate, but theoretically a woman can clone herself almost indefinitely. Other studies have shown women have a more effective memory and store fat more efficiently.

Sudocream works fine too. And then a lot of exposure. If the infection is around the buttocks, reduce the time that the baby wears diapers, allow plenty of fresh air on the affected parts because ela thrives in such concealed environment like buttocks and around the neck.

I think I can relate with what @pataki is trying to say. While growing up, my parents, dad especially didn't hide it that I was his favourite kid. He was so protective and bought me things more than the others. He took me out during weekends and holidays more than my siblings and traveled to see me in school more than he did with them. Through all of this, my brothers only makes jest of me to be daddy's girl. There has never been an iota of jelousy in them. They only tease me with it.

I think if siblings begin to hate their parents' favourite child, there's other underlying problems in the family. I have families around me now where the favourite kid is clearly identified without trouble.

But in a polygamous home identifying a favourite child can cause big trouble.

Tbaba mentions that women should collect a tangible mahr so that it could be their source of sustenance in case their husbands misbehave. Honestly this got me laughing. Are you joking or in dreamland? Maybe in other countries sha. But here in Naija, na so so preaching to women on how they should be reasonable and not inconvenient their spouses by demanding exorbitant mahr. That's when they'll give examples of female companions that collected rusty rings and those that 'collected' the Shahadah and even those who said their husband becoming muslim is enough for them as mahr. This is what I hear from most alfas here.

If a woman demands for a good amount of money or property and the likes, even if the man can afford it well, they still look at her like she's not good muslim enough or is covetous.

We muslims need serious education on these things. There should be a compulsory marriage counseling and/or seminar for muslim youths. Not the types we have now where only the men give the talks and say only things that'll benefit the men folk but one that is balanced and given with the fear of Allah in mind.

@deols
My bad

@tbaba

Good topic. It's usually more worrisome when domestic violence occurs in muslim homes. Unfortunately, some men hide under the some quranic verses and misinterpret to suit this vice. This problem increases and persists largely because men are hardly chastised during halqa, lectures etc as much as they do women. Our contemporary alfas should try to balance their lectures rather than hammering on woman's submission, obedience etc. Almost all lectures you listen to, it's women women women.

But IMO, it seems a physically abusive man is easier to correct than a verbally abusive woman. May Allah help us.

It's always interesting in here.

Hmm, how do you picture what a person is like from posts on a forum? @olawalebabs oya tell me my own o. Lol.

Yes I remember enjoying the status of grandma sometime ago, even Mukina thought so too. Well, the way we interact on here makes us picture others in our mind's eye in certain ways. I'm guilty as well. For example, I've always seen deols as average height, chocolate complexion, speaks loud, distinct and confident. I used to see @olabowale/sweetnecta as one very tall, huge, gracefully aging man with a quiet but very tough personality. Ayinba too is in my 'mind-eye' and on and on.

@topic
The thread isn't meant for picking mates. It's a learning ground to prepare wanna-bees and been-in in marriage. But if ALlah has destined that some people will meet their spouses here, then fine. So if you want a picture, just picture that person in your mind's eye. Lol

^I wouldn't expect a sister to upload her pictures here for the purpose of getting marriage proposals. Don't get that hadith twisted. You won't get much from an online picture. It's pathetic that you think it's because of this that there are no nikkah testimonies.

@/greatGod OP wants you to give her 10 tips she can use to bring her straying hubby back home, having in mind that they've got 6 kids together.
Oya...

Congratulations. Your life is precious and spared for a special purpose. Thanking God for you.

Thought it's a new topic until I opened it to find that I'd earlier commented on it.

@sniper
You used the past tense which presupposes that you no longer cover. Do you mind sharing your challenges while in it and your reason(s) for taking it off?

Wa alaykum salam Mac. It is as you have stated. I've not been checking my spam folder. Will do that. Thanks.

I get NL notification of PMs in my mail box. How do I check them please? When I click on the link in my box it takes me to the profile of the person that sent me the PM instead of taking me to the message. How do I get to read my PMs?

Well done @Rukemi

@maasoap
You don't have to resort to insults. You need to have a thick skin to dwell on NL.

It's as if I'm reading this surah for the first time.

@op
JazakAllah khayran

Please help us tell them o. Some brothers carry on as if smiling is a sin, even at home with their wives and children. I know a particular one that laughs and plays with his wife when they're alone together but once they're outside or they have a visitor in the house, his countenance suddenly changes and he wears that straight face. I wonder why.

^and you shouldn't mind been hit back by her.

@Sino. Don't make the mistake of taking such woman back, undertaking or not. A woman that can pour acid on her husband, the father of her children, over a rumour of taking a second wife is not worthy to live with. Haba. She's a murderer in the making. If she claims to have repented and the man eventually takes another wife, be rest assured that that home will know no peace.

There's no person on earth that doesn't have his/her life challenges. How you deal with yours is what makes you different. All those people you see looking happy and spending large have what aches their hearts too. Money isn't everything. Some extremely rich peeps are dealing with health issues even their money can't solve

During the day distract him with other things, drinks that he likes etc and outings. Let him play with other people, to reduce the time he spends with you. At night, wear very good bra to sleep and clothings he can't pull off easily. Let him feed well before going to bed, feed on solid I mean not bosom milk. If its possible for you to have him pass the night with his dad or other relative staying with you, that'll be fine. But whether he sleeps in your bed or not, be ready for his cries cos he's going to cry well if he wants to suckle and you refuse to give him.

Get milk or beverages ready by his bed so that he can have thosee when he wakes up. He may or may not take this though if he suspects you're substituting those for his breast milk.

The good news is that he'd have forgotten about b/f after a week.

A timeless piece. May Allah safeguard us from these evils.

Zina and shamelessness is a problem not for the youth alone but affects all members of the society. Even married people should be wary of this evil as the society we live in is extremely bad that marriedd people aren't safe from it.

When I look at things happening around now, I get worried about how the next generation will be. May Allah help us...

@Jarus
Ok. may Allah reward you for the effort.

@olawalebabs
Your adopted town? I don't understand.

Sister Kauthar, we're with you in prayers.

@kauthar
Wa alaykum salam warahmatullah

Brothers and sisters in Ilorin and those familiar with Ilorin, come over here o.

Jarus, where are you?

@fellis
There's no verse in the quran that says it is compulsory for a man to consult with his wife before taking any major decision in the home.

Let me also point out to you that a woman has to seek the consent of her husband before spending her own money but the reverse isn't the case. That's how Islam has it and if we look deep, we'll find the wisdom in all of these things. There's no law Allah binds on us but they are to our own benefit as humans. It's just that in our own imperfection, we abuse power and disorganise issues for ourselves.

It all has to do with wisdom. A wise man would not become dictatorial because Allah has put him in the position of authority. A wise woman will not become heady because she is educated and does not want to get cheated. It's all about maintaining a balance.

You two, Mac and Fellis have been painting imaginary scenarios, now let me give you real life examples-
I have witnessed a family where the man buys cars without consulting the wife
I've seen where the man buys a new car and gives out the one the wife was using to his sister without mentioning it to his wife.
I've seen where the man brings his relatives to live in 'his' home without seeking wife's opinion. She gets to know as a matter of 'fyi'.

I can go on and on. Some men take this authority thing very far. While for some, they believe that since it is their money and they and they pay all bills, they can do whatever without consulting the wife. Can we say these men are committing any sin? I don't think so. Can we say they're been fair to their wives? Well, it depends on individual homes and how they decide to run it.

We have to draw a clear line between what is a sin and what is just socially unacceptable by the dictates of the present-day society.

Simple English comprehension is the problem of many Nigerians. If only our English teachers could solve this problem in primary and secondary schools, Nigeria would be a better place.

The OP is clear enough or so I thought but comments here make me think otherwise.

You guys are still on this?

Popular storyline. Take it to Literature section

Why do you keep allowing her to come everyday for 7 days? Have you told her in clear terms that you can't have anything to do with her? Does your body language agree with your speech?

If you have made it clear you won't have anything to do with her again and she still insists on seeing you, threaten to report her to her husband. You may want to bring it up with your wife too so that she'll be your witness in case ex decides to pull stunts.

And when you leave the town you're working, don't give her your home or office address. I don't know why you agreed to meet her in the first place. Let an ex remain an ex! I don't know how people reason, calling someone an ex yet sharing phone numbers and entertaining calls. This is what eventually happens in most of such relationships.