₦airaland Forum

^^ thank you mod.

Mac, where is the thread on Good Islamic schools? It used to be one of the first threads here. Why is it removed? Please put it back. It's very important and relevant for all times. Infact, I'm in need of it now.


Thanks.

Interesting read peeps. I'm learning!

And noting the word coinages too: halalness, halally, halalful, halality. . .

Yes o. Even some of my family members are always like, what's wrong with me when they see me write my name with my father's name.

Ok thanks.

Many men, even some muslims still prefer that their wives use their (the men's) surname.

Admittedly, it gets a bit twisted in some cases sha. For instance, I use my father's name, hubby uses his father's and the kids use hubby's first name. So basically, three surnames operate in the family. On one occasion that I was traveling with my daughter to join hubby, I had so much explaining to do while obtaining daughter's visa who wasn't up to a year then. And at times when I have to fill forms involving the kids, I get funny questioning looks like "are you the parent or guardian?"

We need to emphasise this Islamic ruling in order to create more awareness about it. Its still not very common around here.

Asalam alaykum

Tbaba, are you still around? I'm interested in the video too. Hope I'm not asking too late.

Not all step-mothers are bad but tales of the bad ones usually outweigh the good. A woman who has the fear of God in her and truly loves her husband would not go on hurting her step kids either openly or secretly, especially if she has kids of her own. Also, law of karma applies.

And BTW, there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding your baby for one year and beyond, everything is right it. Your husband should commend you for giving your baby the best and you should be proud of yourself too.

To wean a baby from breastfeeding should be done gradually, to ease things for both mother and child. Reduce the number of times she feeds first, for example, if she feeds like 8 times a day, reduce it to like 5 times and after a couple of weeks, reduce again till you finally stop.

Your baby is already used to sleeping with you and her dad so changing that abruptly won't go down well with her. Maybe you should move her bed into your room so when she sleeps you'll put her in her own bed to give you and your hubby space. I can not leave a one year old to sleep alone in her room especially when she has not been used to such.

Alternatively, let the cousin whom she's fond of be the one to sooth her to sleep and if possible, lay with her when she wants to have her daytime naps. As time goes on she'll get more used to seeing her around at sleep times and so, feel more comfortable around her at night. But this can only be achievable if night breastfeeding has completely stopped. As long as you still feed her during the night, she will refuse to sleep with anyone except you.

@Ify
She said she's in the east, I think.

@op
Staying away from school can't help your situation. If your immediate problem is accommodation, you can still "squat" with other students for now. Many other people have been in your shoes and many others are still passing through same. Be proactive. Come down to Lagos. Get to meet colleagues in your department and before you speak to 2 to 3 of them, you may be lucky to find one who'd accommodate you temporarily.

You'll do better with a job hunt if you're on ground.

Good luck.

You sound a bit selfish here. Have you forgotten that that wife of yours is her own daughter? Do you expect your wife to cut her mother off because she's now married to you? Are you aware of the kind of closeness between them before you married her?

Your mother in law may be lonely and see her daughter as the only person she can call when she needs someone to lift her spirit. Is your father in law alive?

Your wife too should be able to apply wisdom since it is obvious her relationship with her mother bothers you. She can answer her mother's calls away from you where you won't be bothered or woken up. But really, I fear for your kind of person. Will you welcome this mother in law in your home at all? If you can be here complaining about your wife's closeness to her own mother! What if she comes to live with you? You'll get jealous or angry if you see them sitting together chatting?

Please let mother and daughter be! If your problem is the night calls, tell your wife as subtly as you can to try not to disturb you with the calls but don't make the mistake of telling her to tell her mother to stop calling. If it does not bother her, it should not bother you. Don't let resentment set in.

Used to look forward to Sundays too. Sunday morning was always yam and egg with sardines or corned beef. Afternoon was jollof rice and chicken. We ate rice minimum of 4 times in a week but jollof rice was specially for Sundays.

Boiled or fried potatoes with eggs/ fruit drinks.

Fried plantain

Golden morn with milk (that's if the teacher will help mix it for the child and feed him/her)

Jollof rice/boiled eggs

Spaghetti with sauce.

All of these accompanied with drinks and snacks and/or fruits like apple, banana etc.

I wouldn't recommend noodles because of how it turns out after a few hours.

I didn't use to pay much attention to children around me, was rather impatient with them but now, I pay attention to every child that comes my way. I listen to them and pay a lot of attention to their needs even if I may not be able to satisfy those needs.

I was very quiet. I could decide not to talk a whole day. But now, for where? I talk and shout all of the time.

Congrats Tbaba.

^^
Seems people are opening new threads to make their comments/ask their questions regarding parental stuff rather than coming in here to ask.

No!

How are Op and pastor's wife certain that the baby belongs to Op and not pastor? I did not read anywhere in the story where he said the pastor and his wife were not copulating. Whether true or false, the story has loopholes.

Chaircover

Thanks wizeboy, good post. May Allah make us all experience bliss in our marriages.

@tbaba
Whether you like it or not, you're our e-ustadh.

we had househelp in my home almost all through my growing-up. I can't remember any of them helping me or my siblings to do anything. Even the house chores:sweeping, washing, cleaning etc were shared among us. And they were usually much older than us.

I love everything about mine. She treats me the same way she treats her children. I don't even remember I'm her DIL when with her. I see in her, a woman who has done a lot to bring up very good children, and yet sits back to let her children (and their spouses) live their lives. She's a rare gem.

And before you ask, oh yes, she has lived with us and all the time she spent with us was bliss!

My mum is also a great MIL to her DIL. They relate so well and gist like old friends. My SILs often joke with me that they've taken my mum from me and I tell them I also have another mummy!

It's not as if we do not have cause to disagree, but we handle one another with respect and don't do everything with the 'in-law' stereotype in mind.

@OP
It's just a fun thread. Just like there are TV reality shows showcasing families, this one is a kind of on-line version. We do not have to take everything serious. Life in itself is complex enough so if some people decide to create some fun FOC, those interested partake and those who are not walk- by.

While I may not be able to partake in this kind of on-line show, I still admire the spirit and freedom of the thread starter and participants. It takes a comfortable person who's at peace with him/herself to engage in such.

My opinion.

I was joking too jare. But really, come to think of it, it'll be good to peep into the minds of men too to know what they want but will not tell. So now Ustadh Tbaba, give us the men's version.

@op
Asalam alaykum sister. How are you?

Good one there Tbaba.

Maclatunji, why are you asking for the men's version. Read and sink in this one first.

Not only safety pins, some also tie little stones maybe 3 or 7 or so to their wrappers instead of or alongside the pins. All superstitious protection.

Whether you breastfeed or not, breast will sag.

Advantages of breastfeeding can not be over-emphasised. And no, it does not stop the baby from taking other foods in all cases.

What I just see is that weaning is more difficult for both baby and mother for exclusively breastfed babies.

Just seeing this. Thanks for the reminder.