₦airaland Forum

Gma2012,
I hope you won't mind if your wife keeps male friends, interacts with them, call them, as long as she shows you love and care at home. Afterall, her fidelity and faithfulness should be to Allah. I really hope you do not mind that.

Tbaba and Mac, may Allah increase you in wisdom.

I'll still go for akpo oche. (Chaircover)

1. That most women have partners/boyfriend when they're young.
2.They have more than one partner.
3.Everyone knows about this 'females' escapades'.
4.Young boys don't have the means to keep a girlfriend.
5. Most men want to 'play' after been married...

Bless my father! Whether son or daughter, he knew and asked everything there needed to be asked about us. And he had a way with us that you will readily tell him if he asked. Try telling a lie and he'll catch you and let you know later that you haven't told the truth.

It was very much my father's business but he diddnt throw questions at our faces. He got all his facts through discussions and treating us like adults. That did the trick.

You make so many wrong assumptions and generalisations.

@ihediramma what language was that?

Op
People change at times to attune to what they perceive to be what suits their partner. But it's not usually the best because at the end of the day they'll still go back to been their original self. So it is better to remain who you are so that your partner will know you that way. It will be easier for both of you to thoroughly know each other and map out ways to deal with each others' differences.

^^ and they hardly say tasleem even to hijab wearing sisters. I think they feel this is a kind of piety but it's all wrong.

And btw Tbaba, Mac and all, you guys avoided my questions up there. Hmmmmmm.

Salaam sis, try and read this book 'The Ideal Muslimah'.

Your environment also matters a lot. You need to get close to muslims who would help you grow in faith and stay away from those who have nothing to offer in your journey to righteousness.

Even though we live in an environment where respect is rated high, It still has to be earned. If you think you're older than everyone around and start making noise about your age, you'll get more disrespect. Age is nothing but a number.

There are many ways to respect a person without calling the person anty/brother.

I know kulyie's type. They're many in offices and university environments. I encountered some of them while in UNI. They're suffering from inferiority complex. They see these young, beautiful, brilliant and gorgeous girls and can't help envying them. To top it all, these girls are going to badge uni certificates while all they have is ordinary pass on their OND certificate. They're office clerks who would go to any length to frustrate students, especially females because of the little power they hold: issuing out course forms, receipts etc.

They demand respect and if you don't give it, you're in trouble. Some like kulyie will ask for it, others who are not so vocal would nurse resentment against you and make things difficult for you in the department.

I particularly hate this brother, anty, daddy, mummy thing. Very irritating. I don't call anyone that and will not have anyone call me that except those I'm truly related to. At a point in school then, some of my course mates started calling our HOD daddy. I was marvelled to say the least. And the man too was happy with it.

Whatever happens to 'Mr, mrs, miss'?

I concur: kulyie and her likes. You're bullies!

Interesting. Tbaba winning unopposed.

Where are you going? Ki lode?

I don't like goodbyes!

I don't know if this place is appropriate or I should create a new thread for it:

Is there anything like fidelity/faithfulness in the dictionary of a Muslim man? Many married muslim men would interact with single females, keep their numbers, call, text, chat etc with or without the knowledge of their wives. I once challenged my brother on this and he jokingly told me that what if he's looking for mathna? Though in his own case, he was joking. But many of them would say and do same claiming they aren't doing anything wrong.

And then, a man intending to go into polygyny and is constantly on the look out for mathna, thulaatha.m. Can such be said to be faithful to his wife?

Men, over to you.

Thank you very much deols.

Let's assume a man becomes a hypocrite and breaches the agreement, the wife gets a good lawyer and they go through all the proceedings, what does the woman stand to gain? Or what do both of them stand to gain or lose?

Will the judge rule that the man must go back to his promise and drop the idea of re-marrying? Whether this man agrees or disagrees, what would the couple's relationship be like afterwards?

Will the judge grant the woman divorce? In which case she loses her man/marriage afterall?

Tbaba

I would also like the penalty for a man who breaks the prenup agreement.

@op

An ex should not even get the opportunity to say such.

Don't mind sisters who extend their righteousness to sharing their husbands. Most of them do it only on the face level. Deep down, they do not want it.

I know of two friends, one got married and few years later started taking phensic for her friend's headache because the latter had not gotten married. Married friend, in the name of piety, invited the other to come marry her husband and was even begging the husband to marry her friend. Husband 'reluctantly' agreed. Before we knew it, first wife started making noise about that her husband no longer looks at her side, her friend has taken over completely.

I agree with you @deols that any woman who's happy with her husband taking another wife or offers her husband another woman has completely fallen out of love with that man or has an ulterior motive to it.

I have never said it's a woman's fault if her husband takes another wife. Where in my post did you get that?

Perhaps I need you to give me a little education on this prenup thing. How does it protect a woman whose husband decides to break it?

From my little understanding of Islam, I think a woman can still opt out of a marriage at any point where she feels the marriage is threatening her mental and/spiritual stability, and this could be because of the eventuality of a co-wife. Wrong?

Definitely, there are many many men who love their wives and yet take on more wives. I know of two brothers who would tell anyone that cares to listen how good, near-perfect their first wives are. Yet they took on 2nd wives.

I hope you aren't reading me wrongly. I'm also a woman and my worst nightmare would be my hubby taking another wife. I don't even want to imagine it. And I'd try all in my capability to prevent it the peaceful way. But if he's hellbent on doing it...

The long and short of my story is that a prenup can not stop a man from doing what he wants to do.

Leave those who want to dwell on chauvinism. We'll all stand before Allah to account.

I can relate prenup agreement to a man's love for his wife because in a way, both are means to an end. The woman who wants the prenup is doing so so that her man will have her alone. A woman who has earned the total love and respect of her man is most likely not going to have a rival.

Tbaba, your last post is so true.

@topic
I almost had an experience with jinns. My dad was very fond of me and took me out a lot. On that particular day, we were coming from somewhere (can't remember where) and he said we should stop by his friend's. This friend happened to be an 'alfa' who also dealt in herbs and stuff. After spending some time with him, he told my dad that he's observed that I'm always with him and my dad began to tell him the many things that endears me to him. The friend said if that be the case, dad should do something to protect me from 'aye'. Lol. My dad agreed.

This man then told me to stand up and face the wall. He'd earlier asked my dad for my age and whether he was sure I was a virgin because only a virgin qualified to see 'the great one' he was about to call. I was already trembling inside as I stood to face the wall. Then the man warned that I must remain facing the wall while he called 'the great one' through incantations. The great one would appear, I must not show any sign of fear. And I should ask him for whatever I wanted in life. At this point my dad said ah no no no, he didn't want this kind of power for his daughter. Even me too had already left the wall area and was visibly shaken. The man laughed at both of us saying my dad was acting soft. Need I say that that was the last time I stepped into that man's compound?

@Busar

Amin.

Jum'a mubarak everyone. May we witness many more.

@Mac
Amin and thanks.

My sister deols,
Even if a woman makes the full benefit of the prenup, it still does not stop a man who wants to take a second wife to do so. The only benefit for the woman is that she'll have an evidence to protest in case the man still strays. Prenup CAN not make your man love or cherish you better. Your outstanding disposition towards him can.

I have this 'big aunty' who left Islam as a young woman because she did not want to marry a Muslim man for fear that he may go into polygyny. Well, she ended up with a nice christian brother and they both became born again. Fast forward to a decade plus into their marriage, my big aunty became utterly shattered when she discovered that her dear born again hubby was having a secret affair. He had already rented an apartment for the concubine, bought her a car and taking full responsibility of her schooling (uni). Even the secret woman's family members are well acquainted to aunty's hubby. This is the kind of thing a man would resort to if he's bent on having multiple partners. But the one who loves you whole heartedly, respects your feelings deeply and has the fear of Allah in him does not need a prenup to hold on to you for life.

This is my own belief sha.

@deols

As much as I agree that there can be signed agreements before marriage and that both parties must honor such agreements, we still must tread on the path of caution regarding what constitutes such agreement. I wouldn't advise a sister to include in it that her future husband must not take a second wife nor would I encourage a brother to agree to sign such contract. My main reason been that this is what Allah has permitted for our men. The man should be the one to decide whether he wants to make use of this opportunity or not. Without saying it, a woman may earn the love and respect of her husband so much that the man would never want to take a second wife. Note that I use the word EARN. This is what a muslimah who wishes to be the only apple in her husband's eye try to achieve, rather than giving the man pre-conditions.

Moreso, the only one who has absolute control of the future is Allah. Contract or no contract, a man may just wake up one morning and decide he wants to take another wife. Honestly, there's nothing his wife can do about it except make trouble, take him to court, fight him, ask for divorce... At the end of the day, she'll still be the worse for it. Though the man too will surely have his share of trauma and discomfort.

All in all, its best to pray, work and strive to have a blissful marriage and have a genuine friend as partner rather than been headstrong on whats and what-nots which we may not be able to handle in the long run. And which may earn us Allah's displeasure.

Infact, the reverse is most likely the case. That is, a woman who senses that her husband may likely take another wife would want to be her MIL's best friend so that if it eventually happens, she'll have the support of her MIL in case the husband or other wife try making life difficult for her. I've even seen cases where MILs stand by their DILs and tell their son they won't accept him marrying another woman.

Haba! Gma2012, ki la gbe, ki le ju?

Your line of reasoning is so so outrageous! 99% of women do not want/wish their husband to have another wife, does it mean all of these women hate their mother-in-law? Is MIL relationship same with co-wife relationship? Put some logic and sincerity in your talk abeg. You don't have to go this far to make a woman look bad because she's not willing to share her man with another woman.

You're one very strong woman and my heart really goes out to you. By God's grace, you shall come back here to give many good news. God will surely answer your prayers and give you much reasons to forever be a truly happy woman. The time is nigh.

1. Yes. Absolutely.
2. Politely and immediately as long as there are no 3rd parties there. I prefer he lets out his anger to bottling them up and using them against me later or even going about it indirectly.

First know that feeling sad is only natural and happens to everyone at one point or the other in their lives.

Then, call up family/friends you know can lift up your spirit. Don't tell them you feel sad. Just call to say hi and chat about this and that. Go outside (if its safe) and take a walk, suck in the fresh air. Visit NL's jokes section or politics.

Tell yourself this is only a short phase and you'd soon be fine.