₦airaland Forum

Those kids are too young to be left alone like that. They'll just get pushed around in the village when everyone is busy with activities of the festival. The fact that your in-laws are not communicating with you makes matters worse. They may take out their resentment for you on your kids. When they grow older and are able to stand for themselves, then they can go anywhere with their father. But for now, limit their meeting to what is already on ground.

I doubt if the kids would even enjoy a christmas where their mum is absent.

What is your own position in your family? Have you got siblings yourself?

When I tell my folks that I remember things that happened when I was 2yrs old they look at me as if I'm weird.

Well this one happened when I was 4. My mum dropped me in school that morning and we encountered the school proprietress. I don't know what happened but my mum and the proprietress got into a short argument. Later on during break, the school used to serve us fruit juice and cream crackers, but to my astonishment, the woman serving it just walked past me and served everyone else. You wouldn't know how painful this was unless you know how much I looked forward to this mid-day treat.
I asked the nanny (or whatever we called them then) why she's not serving me and she said my mum had ordered that they stopped giving me. I couldn't wait to get home to give my mum a piece of my mind. ‎​

When I got home and asked her, she said she never gave such order and we ended it there. The following dayn same thing happened and for the next few days to follow. Now I was really beginning to hate school. What's there to look forward to if I can't have my juice and crackers? Well, I increased my whining at home and my mum had to go back to school with me to find out what was happening. She asked the nanny and the latter told her that it's madam (proprietress) that told her to stop serving me. My mum got angry, matched to madam's office to demand for an explanation.

I can't really remember all they exchanged but I remember my mum telling her that she ought to be ashamed of herself for taking out their issue on a small girl like me. Honestly, it was at that moment that I believed my mum had nothing to do with me not getting my juice. Afterwards, all that mattered was that nursery school days was happy-ever-after!

I didn't run away from NYSC o, only ran away from camp and I spent half the time I was to spend there. I no try? That camp wasn't for me abeg.

My response is to coogar

^ I can only agree with the first part of your post but not the last. True, we're our true selves when no one is watching. But been unhappy in a marriage is no excuse to sleep around. On camp then, some of the husbands of these wayward girls would come and you'll see the way they relate as if they share real love. Husband would come with different kinds of gifts and wife would act like she'd die if her hubby leaves, but let the man turn his back... Another disturbing thing I noticed then was that they had a circle of friends whom they discussed their escapades with! They used to exchange notes once they get into the rooms at night.

I do not think they're unhappy. They're simply wayward!

It's really disgusting to think about a married woman sleeping with other men. And people are ready to find excuses for them: they're not happy, husband isn't satisfying them etc. All these are just silly excuses. A woman who has problems with her marriage should quit the marriage before she starts any rubbish. Interestingly, the first place I witnessed such really was on NYSC camp ground. Though I ran away from camp myself, the few days I spent there, it was an entirely new world to me.

Yes, married women (though if you see them, you'd hardly call them married) were taking off their wedding bands in order to catch up on the fun. It was as if they've been caged and were suddenly let loose. I was marveled.

But I think it's less prevalent in the society outside. Or perhaps, they're more discreet than the men because of the dictates of the African society.

Tbaba

Would you mind modifying your topic to read more positively? For example, instead of having 'a backsliden muslim sister', we could have something like 'an upcoming muslim sister'. You know, there's power in words. And the things we say, hear, read often have an impact on us.
I hope you understand what I'm saying.

And yes jum'a day is a special day for Muslims, it's regarded as a small eid. We're required to put on our best clothes, suspend other activities and go for the jum'a prayer. After the prayer, we can always go back to doing our businesses.

Well done Sis. I'm happy for you.

The time of jum'a varies depending on the your area and the particular mosque you want to pray. In Lagos, it's between 12.30-2.30pm in most mosques. You should try and get to the mosque early enough to listen to the sermon, the sermon is the main thing you should target.

I think kabsun wants to get a recommendation from someone trusted rather than just pick someone he knows next to thing about. This isn't a bad idea.

Lasinoh sounds so much like Blazay

@kabsun
Sure you'll find what you seek especially if you Move close to Muslim students on campuses. Pray about it. There are many sisters out there waiting for Mr Right.

^ no practising muslim, Yoruba or not, would get involved in 'juju'.

And even generally, the idea of 'juju' has become very very unpopular in the present generation.

Exercise. Cycling, tennis, push-ups etc.

^ what do you mean by 'possible danger'? Is it in marrying someone between 20-25 or marrying outside your tribe?

^^ why is it the ideal thing for husband's mum to stay?

@Siena

Are you a writer? You write so well. I feel like I'm reading a novel when reading your episodes.

@Jarus

Give us good gists please!

@naijababe

I don't envy you at all. With all those trip wahala. I'd have broken down in tears with those things you encountered at the airport.

I hope you will not start comparing your dad to your husband when you get married because that may bring strain to your relationship with your husband.

And please type out your words fully/normally.

Why use relaxer on a 6 year old? Is her hair very tough to comb? Even at that, there are better remedies. I wouldn't use relaxer on a 6 year old, too much chemicals that may eventually damage her hair. At that age, they look sweeter with everything natural. My opinion.

How exactly does it affect you that he's trying to please his mum? Does it affect your relationship with your hubby in any way? Does your MIL live with you?

If your MIL is not giving you any problems and your husband is not complaining, why don't you let sleeping dogs lie?

Depends on several factors: the standard of living you want for yourself, the kind of private school you want to teach (some pay well, some don't), how well you plan your spending etc. These factors must be considered to answer your question.

What inexcusable ignorance! What will I not encounter on Nairaland? SMH

Miss Bola May Allah continue to bless your marriage. No evil shall come between you and your husband and may your household continue to grow in faith.

You and your hubby shall remain one even in the hereafter. Amin.

@miss bola
Of course that's not flirting. Even in the outside world, brothers and sisters (in Islam) can interact within specified limits.

@bahpulo

I'm married too and I've been a part of this thread almost from the beginning. So your inputs are most welcome.

I can understand what you mean up there. There's no way your relationship with your hubby will remain the same if he's into a second wife. He will definitely begin to keep secrets from you. And where he's into calling and texting the other woman, then his phone becomes a no-go area for you. He'll take it to the bathroom even. Lol.

I've seen a couple of situations where the hubby will not even inform the first wife at all till the day of nikkah when bringing the second one home. And their claim is that it's not compulsory on them to inform their first wife of the decision.

Gma2012 is either very unrealistic or very self-centered. I'm sorry to say.

Thanks for resurrecting the thread @Ayasunbo.

I think we've discussed hair attachments here sometime ago. Recently I started hearing this 'fatwa' on beads, that it's wrong to beautify the hair with beads, even for little girls. How true is this and what is/are the evidence(s) for it?

And also about uncovering the hair within the house, some say a woman's hair must be covered all the time because angels will not enter a house where there are women whose hair are uncovered. I'm still not clear about this.