donguutti:

and he told you that? considering her kids, what do you think she has been doing?.

A man that cheats on his wife SERIALLY does not care if she exists. Quote me on that

ajokealako:
Thank you. I guess I might eventually talk to someone who can talk with him.

Please do! And be quick about it...

Its obvious you wouldn't get good counsel here, please go solve your problems elsewhere..

Jeez! I fear some men here! A woman still thinks she can fight for her marriage and she's labelled "desperate to be married"?

Una try!!

sunnshyn:

Please do! And be quick about it...

Its obvious you wouldn't get good counsel here, please go solve your problems elsewhere..

Jeez! I fear some men here! A woman still thinks she can fight for her marriage and she's labelled "desperate to be married"?

Una try!!

And what if it was the woman who was cheating and cheating a lot, would your response be different? You too try
the truth is that she has her mind made up to stay with the cheat and she only came here looking for someone to join her in that thought. Read though all her comments and you will see a woman scared of being alone

ajokealako:
We've never lived apart except maybe occasional traveling

Ok.....I have gotten the facts I needed since divorce is not an option for u. I'm gonna say something but you have to know I'm not married, I don't know what it is like her to be married or be in your shoes......so I might be wrong, so sieve everything I'm gonna say ok.

1. Stop flirting with the other guy, it will confuse you the more and land you into bigger mess.
2. Be the best wife you can be now, oh God its gonna be hard I know, but you have to try, be charming, sexy, full of smiles, no more nagging or crying, just be unpredictable ok, do the things you normal don't do often, make him his favourite meals all the time. Do those things you used to do when you were single, u remember those breath taking outfits? Now is the to rock them more! Oh God, I understand u rather punch him right now but you have to fake it if you can!

Reason: it will make him wonder! "What's this woman upto?" It will draw him closer to you cos he would wanna find out what's up with you. Keep doing that and don't tell say a word to him yet.

3. Since you have a job, concentrate on it, take a step higher if you wish, go for a course if u want. I'm assuming you can balance these two aspects of your life.

4. Concentrate more on your kids......be charming to them, teach them something new!

5. Rearrange your bedroom, repaint it if you can. Just change this about your bedroom.

Remember you haven't said a word to him about your problem all this while. And trust me by now he is very curious to know what's up with you......now is the time to talk. Send your kids on a play date, choose a conducive atmosphere, hand him a plate of his favourite,this will make him comfortable. Now he is happy, comfortable and curious, this is the time to talk to him with a heavy heart.........Now let your tears flow freely without saying a word.......let those anger out in just tears, let him see how hurt you are, he is your husband, let him see how his habit has affected you, if he is a man who can't stand your tears he will be more confused now......then open your mouth and talk to him, you know how best to reach him, remind him of your special days, the love you guys shared and what you have built together, while you do this don't get your eyes off his face......maintain the eye contact, look him deep in the eyes and then ask him this "is this all worth it? Is those ladies outside worth our marriage? Are u willing to sacrifice all we have laboured and built over the years? Put yourself in my shoes, the you know how much this hurt me and the kids? While u still do that, maintain the eyes contact........pause a little, and be silent, let him break the silence himself..........depending on what he says, tell him how much you love him and how much you are willing to forgive him.
I believe by now he will feel remorse unless he is really a beast......go into his arms and cry, when you are done crying, listen to his heartbeat.

Now he has felt remorse (assuming),,,,,,start from there! Start working on your marriage, go see a marriage counsellor........do the things you did when you were dating......be young and silly(pls I'm not being offensive) again.

Madam work on yourself! I believe you are not completely innocent here, no more nagging! Be a wife and not a competitor!

Above all, invite God into your marriage (especially the places that talk about marriage), read the bible together, make sure everybody says what he/she understands, pray together especially every morning holding his hands.......all pray for him always in your lonely times!

I don't even know if I'm making sense at all but what more can I say? I'm just a child.

I feel your pain and frustration but all I'm gonna do is wish you GOODLUCK.

@poster, before looking at the divorce route that some people are spewing on here, look at their posts history in this forum, that would give you an idea of the quality of your advisers.
Any action you take, is no more about you, but will affect your kids for life.

From what you have said, your husband is not a bad guy judging by the standards of men we have now, the only problem he has is with his weakness, which is the weakness of all men (some men however can control this weakness, some due to religious reasons, others as a matter of principles).

You alone can decide on what is best for you to do, either you pray and take precautions during sex, or you sit him down and make your stand on his behavior.

One thing i tell you though, is that finding a man with the combination of good qualities you have described is very very difficult.

claremont: I honestly don't see any problem with your marriage. Your husband is MARRIED to you, and you have agreed that he is taking good care of you and your kids financially. Yes, he may be getting some s-ex on the side, but most men in stable relationships do indulge in this from time to time. It does not mean that he doesn't care about you and the kids, he is just trying to express his s-exual fantasies with a bunch of slags.

If you want to also indulge in a bit of s-ex on the side yourself, that is your decision to make. There is such a thing as an open relationship. . .

O ma se ooo and a woman agreed with this man, I cry for Nigerian women. I really do.........

KAI, this is the same mentality she'll pass on to her sons and daughters and then the cycle repeats itself over and over again, SMH!

ajokealako:
Thank you. I guess I might eventually talk to someone who can talk with him.

Madam right now talking to someone about him is the wrong move.........play his emotions for him first before you suggest any third party, preferably a marriage counsellor or your pastor/priest.

Shollypopz:
O ma se ooo and a woman agreed with this man, I cry for Nigerian women. I really do.........

KAI, this is the same mentality she'll pass on to her sons and daughters and then the cycle repeats itself over and over again, SMH!

I never knew things were so bad out there. People are literally asking her to accept a man who is cheating and move on. Seriously what is the world turning into?

Mynd_44:
That is the problem with you people. You keep on making excuses for him and he keeps cheating and hurting you. Are you so silly that you don't realise that he will cheat whether or not he has money? A man that will be unfaithful will be no matter how much he has.
I don't forgive infidelity from men or women and any man who cheats on his wife only shows that she is incapable of meeting his standards. In other words ma'am, you are less of a woman to your husband and he need the other women on the side to complete him. To him, you are not enough and you never will be.
All men are not like this and you don't have to live like that either. Do you really want your kids to grow up with the mentality that it is okay for their husbands to cheat and they can also flirt and eventually cheat? Please stop being silly.
And yes I still say you are desperate to be or stay married

I'm in the computer science lab acting like someone touched by the Holy Spirit. The wisdom in this post is deep.

You spoke the truth my brother and it might be hard for the op to accept it, I understand. The truth is sharp as a sword, very bitter!

KAI, I used to look @ u as one bush Ekiti boy ooo, I never knew u had sense like this.

@poster, the assumption that a man that sleeps with another woman hates the wife is totally false, and we all know it.

Many years ago, when i was serving in the bank, i just couldn't figure out why these men were sleeping with university students and yet are so passionate when they talk about their wives
I just couldn't reconcile these things then.

Now i know why, a wife is a WIFE, that is why you married her, and the Slut is a Slut whom the man uses to gratify his sexual desires.

Though am not married, i have learnt a lot and pray that i don't get myself involved in this mess.

A drastic measure, would be probably to get the Blackberry off him, and ask him never to buy one if he truly loves you, as i have found that these SLUTS all have BB's and their hands are so swift at pinging, you just need to see them pinging, so annoying

Shollypopz:
I'm in the computer science lab acting like someone touched by the Holy Spirit. The wisdom in this post is deep.

You spoke the truth my brother and it might be hard for the op to accept it, I understand. The truth is sharp as a sword, very bitter!

KAI, I used to look @ u as one bush Ekiti boy ooo, I never knew u had sense like this.

I have my moments

vivian chinaza:

Ok.....I have gotten the facts I needed since divorce is not an option for u. I'm gonna say something but you have to know I'm not married, I don't know what it is like her to be married or be in your shoes......so I might be wrong, so sieve everything I'm gonna say ok.

1. Stop flirting with the other guy, it will confuse you the more and land you into bigger mess.
2. Be the best wife you can be now, oh God its gonna be hard I know, but you have to try, be charming, sexy, full of smiles, no more nagging or crying, just be unpredictable ok, do the things you normal don't do often, make him his favourite meals all the time. Do those things you used to do when you were single, u remember those breath taking outfits? Now is the to rock them more! Oh God, I understand u rather punch him right now but you have to fake it if you can!

Reason: it will make him wonder! "What's this woman upto?" It will draw him closer to you cos he would wanna find out what's up with you. Keep doing that and don't tell say a word to him yet.

3. Since you have a job, concentrate on it, take a step higher if you wish, go for a course if u want. I'm assuming you can balance these two aspects of your life.

4. Concentrate more on your kids......be charming to them, teach them something new!

5. Rearrange your bedroom, repaint it if you can. Just change this about your bedroom.

Remember you haven't said a word to him about your problem all this while. And trust me by now he is very curious to know what's up with you......now is the time to talk. Send your kids on a play date, choose a conducive atmosphere, hand him a plate of his favourite,this will make him comfortable. Now he is happy, comfortable and curious, this is the time to talk to him with a heavy heart.........Now let your tears flow freely without saying a word.......let those anger out in just tears, let him see how hurt you are, he is your husband, let him see how his habit has affected you, if he is a man who can't stand your tears he will be more confused now......then open your mouth and talk to him, you know how best to reach him, remind him of your special days, the love you guys shared and what you have built together, while you do this don't get your eyes off his face......maintain the eye contact, look him deep in the eyes and then ask him this "is this all worth it? Is those ladies outside worth our marriage? Are u willing to sacrifice all we have laboured and built over the years? Put yourself in my shoes, the you know how much this hurt me and the kids? While u still do that, maintain the eyes contact........pause a little, and be silent, let him break the silence himself..........depending on what he says, tell him how much you love him and how much you are willing to forgive him.
I believe by now he will feel remorse unless he is really a beast......go into his arms and cry, when you are done crying, listen to his heartbeat.

Now he has felt remorse (assuming),,,,,,start from there! Start working on your marriage, go see a marriage counsellor........do the things you did when you were dating......be young and silly(pls I'm not being offensive) again.

Madam work on yourself! I believe you are not completely innocent here, no more nagging! Be a wife and not a competitor!

Above all, invite God into your marriage (especially the places that talk about marriage), read the bible together, make sure everybody says what he/she understands, pray together especially every morning holding his hands.......all pray for him always in your lonely times!

I don't even know if I'm making sense at all but what more can I say? I'm just a child.

I feel your pain and frustration but all I'm gonna do is wish you GOODLUCK.

Thank you.

ajokealako:
Thank you.

You are welcome dear.

believe me he will never change that is the sad truth , he will only change if he does not have money to spend anymore on women or encounter a bad experience, but normally i do not think he will stop, so you have a choice stick with him , divorce me or get a male friend it is your choice but think very deeply about any choice you want to make ,if you do not want to divorce him and want to stay with him, get a male friend just a friend but without having sex with him, allow your husband to notice the relationship between you and your friend believe me he will tone down his cheating a bit or stop it depends on him, but if he does not care about your relationship with your male friend that means it does not care about you anymore then from this you can think deeply on solution to your problem, but this is just an advice.

Mynd_44:
And what if it was the woman who was cheating and cheating a lot, would your response be different? You too try
the truth is that she has her mind made up to stay with the cheat and she only came here looking for someone to join her in that thought. Read though all her comments and you will see a woman scared of being alone

If you noticed right from the onset, the OP didn't ask we thought. She just wrote what she was going through and what she intends to do...

Yes! It hasn't crossed her mind to divorce her cheating husband yet and I commend her for that. The truth is, No man or woman wants to be alone in this cold wicked world. That's some of the reasons people get married, abi isn't it?

If it was the woman cheating and the man comes to post, the same advice iv given so far is still the same thing I'll tell the man...


Couples these days really need to start giving their marriages a chance! Common! Not at the very slightest provocations they start thinking of opting out...


The one and only reason I would hv hinted divorce is if she had stated her man was HITTING her. That's it!!


And again, we should all respect each other privacy! Stop snooping...what you don't know would definitely not kill you.

I rest my case!!

So now cheating on her ain't bad?
Hitting her= Physically abusing her
Cheating her= psychologically abusing her.
There is no lesser evil here. I put them on the same level

Duke_Nija: Where is Shollypopz?? She needs to see this thread.

Those of You asking Madam to Condone a cheat will hear from her. Lmao

LMAO.....What hv u turned me into?

donguutti:
Divorce should always be the last option.

Abi o...not the very first thing! Tx donguutti

I am impressed by vivian chinaza once again

I'll never tell the op to get a divorce or not get one because that's not the responsibility of any of us here.

She has to come to that conclusion herself.

I really wonder what some ppl want God to do, touch his heart to stop sinning?? LMAO in Swahili. The absurdity!!

From d lttle hv studied from the op, I doubt she's the woman that will take a stand. The husband is just going to come up with better ways to cheat and not get caught.

Let me just shut my "fingers" because if I start on this thread, the first thing I'll scrutinize is the Nigerian Christianity.

Erm...... You mean Hypo-christianity.
Combination of hypocrisy and Christianity

Vivi! Mawwrieee me! Gal..u something else.

Mynd_44: Erm...... You mean Hypo-christianity.
Combination of hypocrisy and Christianity

Nah, a lot of Nigerian Christians do not understand what it means to be Christ-like, salvation and what faith and grace entails. Most of them go to God for what he can offer, whatever they do is because of what God can give them in return.

All they do is read Psalms. They do not STUDY the bible, the individualistic relationship between man and God is not encouraged. You have to go through your pastor first. The closer you get to God, the more u understand his nature. I don't want to relate it to the op and some ppl's advice, because it's quite a touchy subject

a foundation built on lies cannot last, flirting with another man is an example of a foundation built on lies which will not last. The bible is very clear in matters like this, talk to him 1 on 1 if he will not agree, then take a 2nd person to talk with him and if he still does not change then report him to the church elders and if he will not change oh well, the rest is history. You also have to protect yourself lest he transfers them STDs, HIV to you.

Its a man's world in Nigeria so you must tread softly and have to be very diplomatic about this unless you really don't care anymore in which case the last option is to remain single till you die and perhaps even your children would be in the custody of the man and his family. Funny how the whole story may be turned around and they will say it is you that was jumping up and down all over the place, you have to wake up from your slumber and fast too.

vivian chinaza: Madam, this is a delicate issue, honestly I'm scared to say a word cos this is marriage we are talking about here.

So I'm gonna ask, pls answer me.....is divorce an option for you? Do you have a job?

Abah! Divorce ke? What manner of advice is this?? If she marries another guy what assurance does she have that the new guy is not worse. Pls note today that majority of men cheat. So if u want to divorce because of that pls dont try to marry another man. I will advise you settle it and look beyond that area. By that you will make yourself happy. It is difficult to get a man with just a weakness like that others combine so many like beating their wives, being a drunk, being poor, lack of care and respect for their wives,lack of jobs, infertility, criminality,etc. Pls call him to order and note our frame as men, we are sexually weaker than women that is why it is usually easier for women to seduce us. God bless your home.

Mynd_44: So now cheating on her ain't bad?
Hitting her= Physically abusing her
Cheating her= psychologically abusing her.
There is no lesser evil here. I put them on the same level

I agree with you here 100%.

Some women ehn, SMH.

La Parisienne:

I agree with you here 100%.

Some women ehn, SMH.

Even the French agree.
That was just a joke oo

veraponpo:
Abah! Divorce ke? What manner of advice is this?? If she marries another guy what assurance does she have that the new guy is not worse. Pls note today that majority of men cheat. So if u want to divorce because of that pls dont try to marry another man. I will advise you settle it and look beyond that area. By that you will make yourself happy. It is difficult to get a man with just a weakness like that others combine so many like beating their wives, being a drunk, being poor, lack of care and respect for their wives,lack of jobs, infertility, criminality,etc. Pls call him to order and note our frame as men, we are sexually weaker than women that is why it is usually easier for women to seduce us. God bless your home.

I'm sorry but your advice is just wrong. So according to you, women should put up with cheating men cos most men cheat? That's not fair. I grew up where marital vows are adhered to, so I know a lot of men and women who don't cheat on their spouses.

I wouldn't call cheating a weakness, moreso one that should be overlooked. It's a deliberate and selfish action, it should be discouraged.

I personally would never stay with someone who cheats on me, even if we have 20 children and granchildren together. It's just wrong, demeaning and disrespectful.

The OP says she didn't know he'll be turn out like this. But I beg to disagree. There are always tell tale signs that a man will stray, some women just choose to ignore those signs in the name of love. Women should wake the fvck up and stop being desperate. Good men are still out there, not all men are cheats.

^^
Thank you

+100 for my gurl chinaza..@op u should follow what she said...myn44 how old r u if i may ask? No offence r u gay?

CAMEROONPRIDE: +100 for my gurl chinaza..@op u should follow what she said...myn44 how old r u if i may ask? No offence r u gay?

+1000000 for keeping it real Mynd. No offense but are u daft??!! How old are u, fvcking hermaphrodite??!!

He is gay because he said she shouldn't tolerate a cheating husband??

CAMEROONPRIDE: +100 for my gurl chinaza..@op u should follow what she said...myn44 how old r u if i may ask? No offence r u gay?

Sholly has replied you