Interesting

La Parisienne:

I'm sorry but your advice is just wrong. So according to you, women should put up with cheating men cos most men cheat? That's not fair. I grew up where marital vows are adhered to, so I know a lot of men and women who don't cheat on their spouses.

I wouldn't call cheating a weakness, moreso one that should be overlooked. It's a deliberate and selfish action, it should be discouraged.

I personally would never stay with someone who cheats on me, even if we have 20 children and granchildren together. It's just wrong, demeaning and disrespectful.

The OP says she didn't know he'll be turn out like this. But I beg to disagree. There are always tell tale signs that a man will stray, some women just choose to ignore those signs in the name of love. Women should wake the fvck up and stop being desperate. Good men are still out there, not all men are cheats.

goooooo lie somewhere else we all know understand why western societies hold the records of divorces and single mom in the world....u never heard the word mistake? So the man come back late u dvorce forgot to buy the oranges u asked u divorce ..forgot to pick u up u divorce..forgot or didnt pickur call u divorce ..smh marriage still has a value in our societies unlike in yours..so go spit ur venum in ur women head .our African queens are enough mature...

I'm with Mynd_44 on this.
@OP you already believe that all men cheat so why are you bothered? Some of us don't believe in cheating that's why Mynd_44 thinks you are desperate. Your husband will not stop cheating he will only get smarter.

PS: For the guys saying all men cheat, please speak for yourself. Some of us Men are faithful and we demand that from our partners.

A-ZeD:
I'm with Mynd_44 on this.
@OP you already believe that all men cheat so why are you bothered? Some of us don't believe in cheating that's why Mynd_44 thinks you are desperate. Your husband will not stop cheating he will only get smarter.

PS: For the guys saying all men cheat, please speak for yourself. Some of us Men are faithful and we demand that from our partners.

You made me smile, thank you

CAMEROONPRIDE: +100 for my gurl chinaza..@op u should follow what she said...myn44 how old r u if i may ask? No offence r u gay?

You better leave Mynd and he's cohorts! You cnt break them! they are cabals!! stronger than the ones we have in Aso Rock I tell you... You touch one, you touch all...


Smh!

CAMEROONPRIDE: goooooo lie somewhere else we all know understand why western societies hold the records of divorces and single mom in the world....u never heard the word mistake? So the man come back late u dvorce forgot to buy the oranges u asked u divorce ..forgot to pick u up u divorce..forgot or didnt pickur call u divorce ..smh marriage still has a value in our societies unlike in yours..so go spit ur venum in ur women head .our African queens are enough mature...

I actually respect a divorcee than a woman who has no self respect and believes all men cheat just because she wants to stay married. The hypocrisy that prevails thought our Africa especially in the institution of marriage is why Africa is backwards. A woman that can't demand self respect how will she teach her children to do the same?

Mynd_44:
Sholly has replied you

she insulted me ..m still waiting ur answers. Are u gay? How old r u..ps u r free to say i dont want to answer .after all its ur sexuality

CAMEROONPRIDE: goooooo lie somewhere else we all know understand why western societies hold the records of divorces and single mom in the world....u never heard the word mistake? So the man come back late u dvorce forgot to buy the oranges u asked u divorce ..forgot to pick u up u divorce..forgot or didnt pickur call u divorce ..smh marriage still has a value in our societies unlike in yours..so go spit ur venum in ur women head .our African queens are enough mature...

You go into hibernation. What would you do if your wife cheats and tells you it was a "mistake" where would you put your silly culures and values then?
Y'all are just sexist plain and simple

CAMEROONPRIDE: she insulted me ..m still waiting ur answers. Are u gay? How old r u..ps u r free to say i dont want to answer .after all its ur sexuality

Answer d question you posed to him and I'll beg him to give u a reply. Till then, stop talking sh*t.

I bet d whole situation would hv been different if it was the wife cheating, rit?? SMH!

CAMEROONPRIDE: she insulted me ..m still waiting ur answers. Are u gay? How old r u..ps u r free to say i dont want to answer .after all its ur sexuality

Okay simple answer, I am not gay.
Ny age on the other hand is none of your effing business that's why this is a faceless forum silly.
Stop asking questions that makes you look like an id'iot.

A-ZeD:


I actually respect a divorcee than a woman who has no self respect and believes all men cheat just because she wants to stay married. The hypocrisy that prevails thought our Africa especially in the institution of marriage is why Africa is backwards. A woman that can't demand self respect how will she teach her children to do the same?

where did she say that all men cheat she said besides cheating her man is perfect they have 3 children ...etc u guys come here and say divorce like if the man cant change ..how many couples overcome beating cheating ? If u dont know a lot of couples went trough difficulties they talked to each other moved-on .and r now perfect. We cant live as if weakness and mistake dont exist

sunnshyn:


You better leave Mynd and he's cohorts! You cnt break them! they are cabals!! stronger than the ones we have in Aso Rock I tell you... You touch one, you touch all...


Smh!

u should have told me that earlier...lol shaaaaaa

can men here stick to their wives if they find out that they are cheating on them and she is not willing to stop ,that is a big no, majority would not .why will people advice a woman to stick to cheating and not do something about it, this is emotional abuse we are talking about here, and if you think he will stop cheating no way he has nothing to loose, he has a family at home that is going no where to show to people that he is a responsible man and side sex for his enjoyment he is living his life to the fullest why will he stop ? believe me this will continue for years like this, that is the truth but if the wife wants to stick with him you will have to pray very hard because if he encounter any girl that turns his mind he might abandon you, one day or he might beat and you and treat you like shit because of the girl or worse if he is not using condom you might contact std from him. you just have to think of solution believe me your husband will never stop cheating .

Shollypopz:
Answer d question you posed to him and I'll beg him to give u a reply. Till then, stop talking sh*t.

I bet d whole situation would hv been different if it was the wife cheating, rit?? SMH!

how did u figue that? M agaisnt cheating ..but marriage is for the best and the worst ..u dont divorce when come the bad days.period ..u carry ur marriage and try to fix it ..cause at the end of the its shat u went through and overcome that give a contebnue to ur marriage

cooker: can men here stick to their wives if they find out that they are cheating on them and she is not willing to stop ,that is a big no, majority would not .why will people advice a woman to stick to cheating and not do something about it, this is emotional abuse we are talking about here, and if you think he will stop cheating no way he has nothing to loose, he has a family at home that is going no where to show to people that he is a responsible man and side sex for his enjoyment he is living his life to the fullest why will he stop ? believe me this will continue for years like this, that is the truth but if the wife wants to stick with him you will have to pray very hard because if he encounter any girl that turns his mind he might abandon you, one day or he might beat and you and treat you like shit because of the girl or worse if he is not using condom you might contact std from him. you just have to think of solution believe me you husband will never stop cheating .

Thank you. Is that too hard for these people to understand?

CAMEROONPRIDE: where did she say that all men cheat she said besides cheating her man is perfect they have 3 children ...etc u guys come here and say divorce like if the man cant change ..how many couples overcome beating cheating ? If u dont know a lot of couples went trough difficulties they talked to each other moved-on .and r now perfect. We cant live as if weakness and mistake dont exist

Mistakes happen, but the OP said she caught him once, then he changed tact not repent. I'm willing to bet that he would only change when he gets hiv, loses all his money or something that puts his life at risk and he needs her to take care of him.

Cheating with one girl i can agree mistake, cheating with several? dude spare me.
I'm not saying she should get a divorcee but she clearly believes all men cheat and i'm pretty sure her husband knows this so why would he want to be faithful when he knows she will always take him back once he says he is sorry?

cooker: can men here stick to their wives if they find out that they are cheating on them and she is not willing to stop ,that is a big no, majority would not .why will people advice a woman to stick to cheating and not do something about it, this is emotional abuse we are talking about here, and if you think he will stop cheating no way he has nothing to loose, he has a family at home that is going no where to show to people that he is a responsible man and side sex for his enjoyment he is living his life to the fullest why will he stop ? believe me this will continue for years like this, that is the truth but if the wife wants to stick with him you will have to pray very hard because if he encounter any girl that turns his mind he might abandon you, one day or he might beat and you and treat you like shit because of the girl or worse if he is not using condom you might contact std from him. you just have to think of solution believe me your husband will never stop cheating .

marriage is for the best and the worst.so tell me what is the worst for u?

CAMEROONPRIDE: marriage is for the best and the worst.so tell me what is the worst for u?

you got that "for better for worse" bit from the bible and that same book said the only reason that God will support a divorce is infidelity. Even God himself said it so go pick another argument you lost this one already

Mynd_44:
you got that "for better for worse" bit from the bible and that same book said the only reason that God will support a divorce is infidelity. Even God himself said it so go pick another argument you lost this one already

abeg give the link where God said .that ..i know the bible and even the church is agaisnt cheating but how about forgiveness? Arent we supposed to forgive those who offended us. Esp and more in the marriage...divorce is a no no only for extreme case

for worse is sticking to a cheat right marriage is to be enjoyed not endured can the op husband´s accept cheating from his wife and be happy about it ? emotional abuse is also part of; for worse in marriage right ? it is her choice any way it is either she look for a solution to his cheating or accept anything that comes out of it maybe std. i do not know; but why should one individual be enjoying marriage and the other enduring abuse.

CAMEROONPRIDE: abeg give the link where God said .that ..i know the bible and even the church is agaisnt cheating but how about forgiveness? Arent we supposed to forgive those who offended us. Esp and more in the marriage...divorce is a no no only for extreme case

Now I have heard it all.

cooker: for worse is sticking to a cheat right marriage is to be enjoyed not endured can the op husband´s accept cheating from his wife and be happy about it ? emotional abuse is also part of; for worse in marriage right ? it is her choice any way it is either she look for a solution to his cheating or accept anything that comes out of it maybe std. i do not know; but why should one individual be enjoying marriage and the other enduring abuse.

m asking u? Whats the worse for u? Btw who asked her to be happy..we asked to try to fix it with her husband ..means divorce is the extreme solution.did u even consider that she still loves him ..?

I totally agree with you Cameroon pride. I'm sick and tired of people bowing out of stuff at the slightest opportunity. No one is saying what the guy did-cheating is the right thing to do. However finding the exit is not the solution. What gives you the thought that the next guy is not going to cheat or beat her? Humans are capable of doing anything- even the ones you think are prim and proper. For heaven sake Bill Clinton cheated on his wife; Hillary went past that. It takes the grace of God and discipline for anyone to stand. Hence the bible says let he who thinks he stands take heed lest he falls.

This is why they stress marrying in God's will- if God gave you this man go on your knees and pray. Even if you went into it on your own- God is merciful - go pray. The Devil comes to kill, steal and destroy- don't let him steal your home. Take your stand. It might seem like the foolish thing to do but trust me its not. I certainly would not want my husband cheating- so therefore its important for me to know that marriage entails more than Mr and Mrs. One has to know especially a woman how to interceed for her home. Other issues asides cheating would come up- finding an exit shouldnt be our first option!

For those advocating divorce if family does something crazy do they cease from being family? If no why do we take this institution called marriage lightly?

you can only fix it with someone that is willing to change, marriage is about two people not one person, if only one person is fixing the marriage that will never work. she can only decide what she wants for herself i am just giving out my point of view, if she want to stick fine , if not oh well it is her life the choice is for her to make.

the poster has clearly stated that divorce is not an option so why are you people still talking about it?
like it or not, it's her marriage and her family so she is the one to decide what is the best for her and the family. whatever decision she makes, it won't be easy. consider it before you criticize her.

poster: I wish you all the strength that you need now and in the future. may God bless you.

please, be careful. some people have already said it aids and other STDs are real.

CAMEROONPRIDE: goooooo lie somewhere else we all know understand why western societies hold the records of divorces and single mom in the world....u never heard the word mistake? So the man come back late u dvorce forgot to buy the oranges u asked u divorce ..forgot to pick u up u divorce..forgot or didnt pickur call u divorce ..smh marriage still has a value in our societies unlike in yours..so go spit ur venum in ur women head .our African queens are enough mature...

I didn't tell the OP to divorce her husband, that's her choice to make not mine. If she wants to stay with a cheat, it's her life. I only pointed out that not all men cheat, and that I wont put up with a man who disrespects me by cheating on me. In my book, cheating is not a mistake. It's a choice.

FYI, I'm a Nigerian woman. I don't support people divorcing over trivial issues like the ones you listed. For me, divorce is ONLY acceptable on two conditions: if he ever hits me or cheats on me. I have self respect, I would never let a man treat me badly.

Mynd_44: ^^
Thank you

I've realized that no matter the level of awareness, some women will still settle for less and subject themselves to lifelong biterness. They'll never learn. They'd rather stay married and die young than break off from a bad marriage. It's quite sad.

I guess it's each to their own.

@ajokealako,

It's been a while since I commented seriously on NL but I had to respond here b'cus I know exactly how you feel and what is going on.

Vivian Chinaza made very nice points. Your husband asking for forgiveness the first time you caught him shows he "cares" about the marriage (he wants the marriage to stand). Now; he seems to be out of control; only you can get him back to the family. Trying to cheat back; or show him you can cheat on him will not hurt him emotionally or change him. It will only lead to the end of your marriage.

You need have a heart-to-heart discussion with him. Set out a nice romantic environment. Take him back to the years from when u guys started dating. Confirm and convince him you have been faithful to him since you guys began (if you have been); tell him about the dangers of cheating in marriage (diseases, broken home, the future of your children, setting examples for them, since you both go to church the spiritual implications); remind him on how much you love him and how you have always prayed for the "perfect" marriage. If he has a heart of human, he should be remorseful even if he doesn't admit it in your presence.

Then you have to check yourself and see where you have failed in your duties as a loving wife, good mother and a beautiful partner. Treat him nicely. Make him feel loved by you. Get his conscience to prick him; but never be rude to him or give him any reason to resent you.

Above all, get yourself to look sexy with him. Go on night outs with him. Take him back to those days you guys were dating. Whatever you did then to attract and keep him; rekindle it.

I pray he changes for good. Marriage vows is for better for worse. Be strong and always remember him in your prayers. I wish you guys all the best!

You guys are not seeing her issue: not only did he cheat, he even slept with a married friend of theirs. When she caught him, he begged for forgiveness, then devised new methods to hide his cheating. Does that sound like a man who loves his wife? Does that sound like a man who cherishes his family?
OP, gird your loins, dress lovely, stay out late, act like you are too busy for him. That man who knows how to cheat well will immediately start suspecting you and he'll be focused on you. When the confrontation comes, don't shout, but shame him that he has no self-control, quieltly. Start building your nest egg (saving up) because you never know when his head will craze n he'll impregnate one n decide he wants another family. But let him know you know and you don't condone it. Men are weird, they respect you when you draw the line in the sand, not when you patiently love him. They go crazy the day they realise they can lose you, but will never care if they know you're understanding. They have to keep fighting and trying to win something, your love, affection or attention. Make them work.

claremont: I honestly don't see any problem with your marriage. Your husband is MARRIED to you, and you have agreed that he is taking good care of you and your kids financially. Yes, he may be getting some s-ex on the side, but most men in stable relationships do indulge in this from time to time. It does not mean that he doesn't care about you and the kids, he is just trying to express his s-exual fantasies with a bunch of slags.

If you want to also indulge in a bit of s-ex on the side yourself, that is your decision to make. There is such a thing as an open relationship. . .

bro Claremont, you slipped on this one....... how can you say the above with a straight face, unless you were a cheating man yourself, and therefore understanding fully what the beast she married is doing?

here is a clue: the man has absolutely NO RESPECT for his wife and what he is doing is WRONG (let alone DEADLY), and a sure way to make children orphans. so let's focus on what is important here......unless of course, you will now claim that cheating on your spouse is RIGHT, simply because gazillion of donkeys are doing it?!

as for wifey wanting to cheat now, how the hell is that going to solve the issue at hand?

MRbrownJAY:

bro Claremont, you slipped on this one....... how can you say the above with a straight face, unless you were a cheating man yourself, and therefore understanding fully what the beast she married is doing?

here is a clue: the man has absolutely NO RESPECT for his wife and what he is doing is[b] WRONG[/b] (let alone DEADLY), and a sure way to make children orphans. so let's focus on what is important here......unless of course, you will now claim that cheating on your spouse is RIGHT, simply because gazillion of donkeys are doing it?!

as for wifey wanting to cheat now, how the hell is that going to solve the issue at hand?

Thank you