coogar:

na lie jor!
until i speak to a caucasian, i would keep hanging up and redialling. you would reel out your bank details to a nigerian customer care officer? i laugh in efemena.

coogar: of course it's nothing new - it depends on what role they play in the banks. personally, i wouldn't want any contact with any nigerian where personal banking details would be exchanged.

coogar: i don't doubt that. my white butt attracts black women.

jidegirl12: Lol at inferiority complex..... Enti ko no eni Lon feni sere( person wey no no una dey spew rubbish about una) .... no be ya fault na.....

David you know what? Deduce what you want..... I really don't care what you think of my hubby....... you said you lead and so he does ......and so do I sotan? .....

if I talk now people will say I dey make yanga.... He just doesn't do peeps like you and I respect his decisions period!

davidylan:

if not for the internet, you and i would never meet and life would go on just fine. So i find it quite odd when you proudly wave the "my husband just doesnt do blacks" as if it is some badge of honor.

Secondly, the prison security guard does "lead" as well... Just saying.

If there is anything i have learnt in the last few years... it is that you can be just about anything you want as long as you have the anonymity of the web as a cloak.

jidegirl12:

orisirisi ...... say what you want as long as it pacifies you about me .... prison guard lol.... Is that what you do? in style?

davidylan:

many nairalanders are in worse jobs. but of course they all come here and pretend as if they live just a stones throw from the white house. I cant count the number of times i have been unpleasantly surprised at noisy nairalanders who turned out to be no better than your local shoe shiner down the street.

Thank God for the internet... you can be a warrior with just a few key strokes.

davidylan:

many nairalanders are in worse jobs. but of course they all come here and pretend as if they live just a stones throw from the white house. I cant count the number of times i have been unpleasantly surprised at noisy nairalanders who turned out to be no better than your local shoe shiner down the street.

jidegirl12:

Story story ..... you know what David? Lets make a deal.....my man will be coming home next year ..... you can meet up for drinks so you see yourself

but Wait !

What if you're just a riffraff ?

Winneygirl: I dnt knw who 2 react 2.
We are all getting personal here!
Ileobatojo, baby mama, davidylan, jidegirl, coogar...let's put references 2personal issues/marriages aside.

Ileobatojo and babymama ar advocating divorce.
Jidegirl,coogar, winneygirl And davidylan say 'work it out'.

Let's base our advises on how much we knw abt Op and her hubby.
@Op, u hav som questions 2answer...Am sure U knw dat...

coogar:

i can bet she would be happier with a spitting husband than being alone. there are children involved here as well. wouldn't it be a tad selfish to just quit with innocent kids in the middle of this? abeg na, this is not a boyfriend/girlfriend matter. until all the options have been exhausted, a woman must do everything humanly possible to keep her marriage even if it means seeking the services of ileobatojo(africa's most potent witchdoctor).

davidylan:

I actually live in the northeast US. Somehow you just assumed i must be living in Lagos ko?
Nah i would hate to "meet up for drinks" with a man who "does not hang out with blacks". I typically have a low tolerance for folks who have identity issues. I prefer the company of confident and secure professionals.

Efemena_xy: ***sniggers***

"...I don't hang out with blacks..."

Now that is the most myopic, dumbest, inferiority complex laden statement of the year! Uttered by a black for that matter.

What's so special about non-blacks if I may ask?

baby_mama:

I actually thought it was joke
I am still assuming it is,

baby_mama:

I actually thought it was joke
I am still assuming it is,
A black woman,Nigerian through and through with an accent hates hanging out with her kind?

Ticklishmummy: OP,first of all I have to say I kind of feel sad that a woman like me is going through this.Its just unacceptable and its good you are speaking up.

Just so you know,no relationship is devoid of its own challenges,but the most important thing is getting the right help and at the right time.God forbid me to tell you to consider divorce,not because I belong to the school of thought advocating enduring marriage but because you are in a better position to decide what's best for you and when the time is right at that.

Let me ask you a question,this husband of yours,has he ever attempted to hit you?If the answer is yes,you need to be very careful and seek help asap.If your answer is no you also need to be extra careful because violent people will tend to get to that point(first it starts with destroying items and trust me that stage of hitting others will come) because at that point when all such a person knows is blind fury,anything can happen and it will be blamed on the devil,that will never be your portion.

Let me tell you,forget about reporting him to church,friends and the likes.Get your parents and his to meet,except of course it was marriage of "no-choice" if not,if it indeed happened that they asked for your hand in marriage,please,ejo,biko ensure your parents tell his entire family that NEVER again must it happen.In this case,the two families are the parties concerned,serious family meeting must be held abeg.

I bet your husband didn't know that now,abuse,assult or domestic violence(whichever one) once reported is now regarded as a very serious offence purnishable by jail term.If you had ever called the police when he was throwing any of his tantrums,trust me he would never ever try it again,the next time,he feels like it,he would pick up his car keys and just go for a long drive to douse his temper (I know this because it happened to my cousin's friend here in London,infact the wife regretted calling the police because the guy was only allowed to speak to a lawyer,he escaped jail by grace,the wife begged and begged that she wanted her husband back and all sorts,infact she was asked if she would like a restraining order placed on the guy,if she wanted to be re-housed etc.and according to the couple it was just a little spat gone out of hand but he's NEVER abused his wife again since then,anytime they think WWE is about to occur,someone leaves the house asap LOL).
Again,this will never be your portion but just a heads up you need to seek help asap.

Then about your personal wellbeing,I think you need to speak to your GP.You might not necessarily tell them you are having marital issues because,they will keep suggesting you might be battling with depression(typical of them) and try to get you on some anti-depressants.Just talk to them and see if they can get you referred to support groups where you can get neutral,friendly advice and support,meet with people,build a network outside of your comfort zone which will help you boost your self esteem and morale.I purposely did not mention church because I know they way people are here,you tell someone about your issue and you can be sure sister something is indirectly making reference to it.

Asides that,if you don't work presently,please try to get a job,if there is anything a woman needs financial independence is one of it.You might not realise it but it goes a long way in a relationship.No matter how little,you know you are earning something for yourself and not depending totally on your hubby.

Lastly,don't forget that family meeting,its important,at least his parents will be able to talk some sense into him and make him realise the potential dangers he is embracing with his volcanic acts of eruption.

My sister it is well.
Thank you for reading my epistle too

jidegirl12:

No it's not .... get used to it!

tarababy: I have tried my best to save this marriage and i don't know what else to do.I separated from him for four months last year, but he was calling the pastor,my mum,brother and friends to plead on his behalf.

He is a typical nigerian man who wants a wife he can walk on and dictate how she can live her life.How do you live with a man who does not agree with you before taking major steps in life.
he wants to be a leader but does not set good examples.He wants automatic respect but forgets it is earned.
Unfortunately am not one of the women,any man can boss around.I am not claiming to be perfect but i definately know what i want from life.

He believes he is the head and so i should not question his authority.This is 21st century where man and woman work together in partnership.He still lives in the old age,where he believes the husband is always right.

He is a businessman who is always home most of the time cos he has people working for him but he still expects me to come back from work to make his meal eventhough there is always stew in the fridge and he is a good cook.

he complains that i don't wake up early enough to cook and get the kids ready for school but he wakes up earlier but will not lift a finger cos he believes it is a woman's duty.

He said am not been submissive cos i have questioned why he can't cook his meal and have the kids shower since he wakes up earlier.

The only thing he is responsible for is the mortgage and i pay the rest of the bills,just to let people know that am a fair person.

i have to mention that he graduated from beating me to spitting.

I am quitting the marriage cos am fed up and not cos some people advised me to do so.

jidegirl12:

No it's not .... get used to it!

jidegirl12:
[/b]

So you must be stone throw from us then.... why are you shying away from what you desperately seek David? .. .... doesn't sound like the ^^bolded character .

Unlimited long distance calls to you even .... seek and it shall be given... your choice . ASHI!

tarababy: I have tried my best to save this marriage and i don't know what else to do.I separated from him for four months last year, but he was calling the pastor,my mum,brother and friends to plead on his behalf.

He is a typical nigerian man who wants a wife he can walk on and dictate how she can live her life.How do you live with a man who does not agree with you before taking major steps in life.
he wants to be a leader but does not set good examples.He wants automatic respect but forgets it is earned.
Unfortunately am not one of the women,any man can boss around.I am not claiming to be perfect but i definately know what i want from life.

He believes he is the head and so i should not question his authority.This is 21st century where man and woman work together in partnership.He still lives in the old age,where he believes the husband is always right.

He is a businessman who is always home most of the time cos he has people working for him but he still expects me to come back from work to make his meal eventhough there is always stew in the fridge and he is a good cook.

he complains that i don't wake up early enough to cook and get the kids ready for school but he wakes up earlier but will not lift a finger cos he believes it is a woman's duty.

He said am not been submissive cos i have questioned why he can't cook his meal and have the kids shower since he wakes up earlier.

The only thing he is responsible for is the mortgage and i pay the rest of the bills,just to let people know that am a fair person.
[size=18pt]
i have to mention that he graduated from beating me to spitting.
[/size]
I am quitting the marriage cos am fed up and not cos some people advised me to do so.

davidylan:

I mentioned this earlier on and i was called an idiot. Ma'am... your life is in your own hands... much as i hate divorce, i would prefer that you live single to raise your kids in an environment that is conducive to your sanity. Appears to me that you married the wrong man and paid very little attention to who he really was BEFORE the marriage. Let this be a lesson to those who think it is more important to have the "MRS" title at an early age than to make sure you are prayerfully marrying God's choice for you however long it might take.

baby_mama:

It is an unfortunate mindset to have
I won't even move into a neighborhood with no black people
My neighbor across the street is an anesthesiologist,my next door neighbor is a retired police chief ,3 houses up is my neighbor who just ran and won the seat for district judge
They are all whites
But down my same street are two Nigerian couples and a Cameroonian
I don't know the type of black people you have near you for you to utter such a thing
Quite unfortunate
I love hanging out with my kind anyday anytime

ileobatojo:

Wow! Where did that post you quoted from the OP come from? Did she modify an old post? Did we all just completely miss it?

Once again, I am not surprised to hear all this although it seems contradictory to the OP saying he was fine with her spitting on him. What I still can't understand is why the OP has been using the spitting issue as a front. Not that it's not bad enough on it's own though..

ileobatojo:

Wow! Where did that post you quoted from the OP come from? Did she modify an old post? Did we all just completely miss it?

Once again, I am not surprised to hear all this although it seems contradictory to the OP saying he was fine with her spitting on him. What I still can't understand is why the OP has been using the spitting issue as a front. Not that it's not bad enough on it's own though..

davidylan:

Lol projection much?
I might be a stones throw from you but just for example, there is a world of difference between living in Union NJ and living in Princeton NJ. Just saying...

Not everyone who lives in NYC lives in Westchester... Just saying...

davidylan:

lol it was right there on page 8. I could have given my entire yrs wages that a man who spits on his wife would be beating her as well. The OP simply clarified what we all knew... i bet Jidegirl12 is now revising her useless book that differentiates spitting from physical abuse ko?

Jidegirl will tell her to try harder since spitting is milder than beating

It is just a matter of time and his fists land on her again
I would have betted that he hit her too

baby_mama:

I was wondering too
Is David a witch

davidylan:

lol it was right there on page 8. I could have given my entire yrs wages that a man who spits on his wife would be beating her as well. The OP simply clarified what we all knew... i bet Jidegirl12 is now revising her useless book that differentiates spitting from physical abuse ko?