Nextworldnx: They too much, wich one i go talk sef?......they plenty die

back in d days when boys were terribly broke in school (200level in 2005), i took dis fine chick out but all i had on was 1000 naira. for ma mind i say patapata transport to and fro plus our food no suppose pass dat amount. Na so we reach the eatery, dis girl come order for fried rice plus salad and chicken.. shoi.. naim i ask waiter how much?... waiter con talk say na 600naira !!! waiter con ask say "yes, hw about u, what shud i bring for u?" Men, at dat instant, wit 300naira left, i had no choice but to order for just a chicken wing which cost 100naira. D chick was like "is dat all, why dont u eat real food?" I replied "Nah, am ok with just meat and mineral" (big lie, me wey hunger dey fire for belle!). As if devil wan punish me finish dat day, as we were eating and gisting, just after two bites d chicken wing mistakenly dropped from my hands to the floor. Damn!! what dey heck! shud i pick up back or not?(but i go fall ma hand na: immediately ma head and belle con ring and tell me say i beta pick dat thing up, say no food remain for house dis evening o!)....all dis while the chick just dey look me quietly with a calm look on her face . Damn it, ..i con bone, bend down go under table pick ma precious "last meal" up....anything wey one happen, make e happen. Walahi, e no easy dat day. d shame and falling of hand too much. dat was d last i saw dat chick.

LWTMB!!!!

dokunbam: Mine was with my ex, she insisted I follow her to a time vigil but I wasn’t feeling too well but because she was invited to sing in that church so I decided to go and see her perform that day. So we went together to her place, I ate rice with fresh fish( cat fish). Then from her place to church.

The vigil started around 10pm. The praise and worship started na so shit start to dey catch me. See how I was sweating under the fan. She was like what is wrong with you? I said nothing ooo. I com dey shake, I couldn’t clap again. I was gonna faint. Pple beside me don dey notice say something dey happen. i com dey think if I no do something fast and I faint here they might think naa bad spirit wey dey inside me won commot.

I quickly confess to her to help me that serious shit they catch me. I quickly signalled to the nearest usher to help me to the toilet cos I couldn’t walk mehn. I have to get a sit close to the toilet o cos I cant go home. Inside toilet com see how the shit dey commot dey make sound. No be small thing oo. I visited the toilet like four times before day break. By day break my stomach was empty and I was like a paper. I could walk home I have to take the next bike home. I can’t forget that day.

Am seriously laughing in my room and my brodas are like 'na d drink still dey high u?' Gosh dis one is crazily funnyy ohh

mega jay:
guy, u no try at all, u for allow am make em go tel ur babe if em like, den if ur babe wan com ask u u tel am sey u drink dat nyt, or u tel am sey u just wan check weda em sis cheap
guy, u no try at all, u for allow am make em go tel ur babe if em like, den if ur babe wan com ask u u tel am sey u drink dat nyt, or u tel am sey u just wan check weda em sis cheap

Lol! Dose ones no even enter my head dat time sef.

Mine:
Back in those days when l was at University, there is this babe in another DEPARTMENT THAT l HAVE BEEN WOOING FOR "ETERNITY"!

I know she likes me but she was going out with another guy and she said we can only be friends for now except a miracle happens!.

Well, it was after our second semester exams and like Mother luck decide to "smile at me" for no good reason.

I've just written my last paper and was so drained of energy that l planned to sleep for the next two days and guess who knocked on my Hostel room door? The Same Babe!

She told me: Do you remember what l told you about the "a miracle happening"?
I said: Why wont l remember, you never left my mind for one minute but l guess l understand your position.

She then said: Well, it happened, we broke-up just before exams started and l just needed to focus on my exams, now that exams are over, l guess you still want me?

I said: I want you like yesterday!
She said: Well,from now on, you call me yours!


Just like that o, babe entered my bathroom and showered, came out NAKE.D in front of me!

I was so shocked that my "third leg" failed me and refused to get up!

She calmed me down and said "it happens, maybe you are too tired from your exams..... we have all the time in the world".

Well, l was so embarrassed, l looked at my 'thing' and gave it a smirk it on the 'knob'!

Next morning, it regained "consciousness" and it was its usual vibrant self.

Dont ask me what happened that morning....it was better than l could imagine!....after almost two years of licking my lips for this babe!


Lastpage!

(my wife read this and asked why l never told her this story before.... she wan know who was the babe! I beg help me tell her that it happened over twenty years ago now )
Make she share her own, she refuse! Women, heen?

Nextworldnx: They too much, wich one i go talk sef?......they plenty die

back in d days when boys were terribly broke in school (200level in 2005), i took dis fine chick out but all i had on was 1000 naira. for ma mind i say patapata transport to and fro plus our food no suppose pass dat amount. Na so we reach the eatery, dis girl come order for fried rice plus salad and chicken.. shoi.. naim i ask waiter how much?... waiter con talk say na 600naira !!! waiter con ask say "yes, hw about u, what shud i bring for u?" Men, at dat instant, wit 300naira left, i had no choice but to order for just a chicken wing which cost 100naira. D chick was like "is dat all, why dont u eat real food?" I replied "Nah, am ok with just meat and mineral" (big lie, me wey hunger dey fire for belle!). As if devil wan punish me finish dat day, as we were eating and gisting, just after two bites d chicken wing mistakenly dropped from my hands to the floor. Damn!! what dey heck! shud i pick up back or not?(but i go fall ma hand na: immediately ma head and belle con ring and tell me say i beta pick dat thing up, say no food remain for house dis evening o!)....all dis while the chick just dey look me quietly with a calm look on her face . Damn it, ..i con bone, bend down go under table pick ma precious "last meal" up....anything wey one happen, make e happen. Walahi, e no easy dat day. d shame and falling of hand too much. dat was d last i saw dat chick.

ma broda u too much jor, e beta as u pick d chicken wing, i think sey u for leave am for dia dey claim big boi make hunger squander ur life

hei, lol, weti carry me enta nairaland? see as i dey laugh ppl just dey look me inside bus here as if i dey mad, make una take time ooo be4 dem tie me chain

olajide_07: Some weeks ago I went to her feeling very uncomfortable with my inner round neck t-shirt rim showing outside my traditional attire around the neck area, and she said in the presence of her friend that I should go and remove it, also in the same vein I was wearing this very expense lace but it looked local, I just came in from church and didn't want to change into something else so, I wore it their and bam!!! she said, nah Aso ebi, thingz, today ha, well I felt quite bad, she should have just told me up close and personal, I would have explained why I wore the lace, I didn't know what to wear again just got tired and the rest of my clothes were dirty.

WHO DOES DAT? DATS MESSED UP...WHY WOULD U WEAR A ROUND NECK UNDER UR TRAD? DATS FFFUCCCKKKEEEEED UP

It was a friday nite in UI, my friend femi came around with his 5 series BMW, so four of us drove to a club (koko-dome)enough efizy se ass chicks surround us na. I was feeling so cool. Along d line some1 got femi angry so he stepped out, as an omo boy I was inside rocking one chick and chiking her @ d same time I even told her dat I wud drop her with my car. After d partty naw na so I and my oda guys go outside hoping to cruise on d 5 serie, imagine femi done go house and non of us had a penny OMG!! D babe was like so where did u park? I just looked @ her with shame and told her dat my friend just drove out with a chick dat she shud find her way. I and my friends sleep for club until 7am before we started walking back to campus. Shame kill us as people way see us leave with d series kon see us dey trek come back.

princecemo: It was a friday nite in UI, my friend femi came around with his 5 series BMW, so four of us drove to a club (koko-dome)enough efizy se ass chicks surround us na. I was feeling so cool. Along d line some1 got femi angry so he stepped out, as an omo boy I was inside rocking one chick and chiking her @ d same time I even told her dat I wud drop her with my car. After d partty naw na so I and my oda guys go outside hoping to cruise on d 5 serie, imagine femi done go house and non of us had a penny OMG!! D babe was like so where did u park? I just looked @ her with shame and told her dat my friend just drove out with a chick dat she shud find her way. I and my friends sleep for club until 7am before we started walking back to campus. Shame kill us as people way see us leave with d series kon see us dey trek come back.

falls from balcony

(This one happened 2 weeks ago in d office, I was in d open office alone on wednesday. The management staff went into d conference room for a meeting, so I sat @ d open office busy browsing and releasing fats dat almost killed me.. D mess was so horrible dat I cudnt bare it but all d same I kept on releasing as much as possible inside full airconditioned office... As soon as I released the last and heavy one members of the management staff started coming out....I almost entered inside my computer cos dey all ran away and looking at me with disgust... I almost murdered maself dat day.

.

=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=)) kpele na so º˚ºOoOoº˚º‎​

Mr..Cork:
Running out na,ked from the bathrooom when I saw a rat

Running from your responsibilities abi? Lol
He only wanted to get to know his father.

It was one cool evening,hubby and I decided to go photocopy some documents.i have been purging all day but thought I would make it back home before any Bleep up.

10minutes later,hubby was in the office photocopying while the kids and I waited in the car.Then the stomach rumbling began,I was sweating profusely under the AC,I pinged my hubby"E don beooo".He peeped out of the window and gave me the"I am rounding up signal".


O boy!!!I had to start knotting my 30inches braz sharp!sharp!,The kids where asking wats wrong but I was too erratic to answer.Thank God my hubby always leave some kiddies wipes and pampers in his car.I emptied the papers and searched frantically for the wipes,while searching,hubby came and offered a nylon he got from the nearby akara seller.We had to wind down and speed,while I gladly do my biz squatting at the back seat.Omo see yapping but my mouth still dey sharp upon my disgrace lol.I didn't really feel embarassed sha but nah Bleep up.He reminds me of that when he needs a good laugh.

SAFO:

falls from balcony

.........and dies

Bleep.ed up maybe. But sometimes you can't be all pep and trim, there are sometimes, you just get it wrong and please wearing a round neck t-shirt is not a taboo, its equal to wearing an "armless"/neck"less" white singlet, wearing an under garment, so far it stays under, its when we sometimes don't know its showing that it becomes a fashion offence.

Topeedo: WHO DOES DAT? DATS MESSED UP...WHY WOULD U WEAR A ROUND NECK UNDER UR TRAD? DATS FFFUCCCKKKEEEEED UP

byvan: It was one cool evening,hubby and I decided to go photocopy some documents.i have been purging all day but thought I would make it back home before any Bleep up.

10minutes later,hubby was in the office photocopying while the kids and I waited in the car.Then the stomach rumbling began,I was sweating profusely under the AC,I pinged my hubby"E don beooo".He peeped out of the window and gave me the"I am rounding up signal".


O boy!!!I had to start knotting my 30inches braz sharp!sharp!,The kids where asking wats wrong but I was too erratic to answer.Thank God my hubby always leave some kiddies wipes and pampers in his car.I emptied the papers and searched frantically for the wipes,while searching,hubby came and offered a nylon he got from the nearby akara seller.We had to wind down and speed,while I gladly do my biz squatting at the back seat.Omo see yapping but my mouth still dey sharp upon my disgrace lol.I didn't really feel embarassed sha but nah Bleep up.He reminds me of that when he needs a good laugh.

Chei and were the kids spying while you were @ it?

The thing even still dey smell here self

byvan: It was one cool evening,hubby and I decided to go photocopy some documents.i have been purging all day but thought I would make it back home before any Bleep up.

10minutes later,hubby was in the office photocopying while the kids and I waited in the car.Then the stomach rumbling began,I was sweating profusely under the AC,I pinged my hubby"E don beooo".He peeped out of the window and gave me the"I am rounding up signal".


O boy!!!I had to start knotting my 30inches braz sharp!sharp!,The kids where asking wats wrong but I was too erratic to answer.Thank God my hubby always leave some kiddies wipes and pampers in his car.I emptied the papers and searched frantically for the wipes,while searching,hubby came and offered a nylon he got from the nearby akara seller.We had to wind down and speed,while I gladly do my biz squatting at the back seat.Omo see yapping but my mouth still dey sharp upon my disgrace lol.I didn't really feel embarassed sha but nah Bleep up.He reminds me of that when he needs a good laugh.

Lol! You know you have a lovely healthy relationship when you can laugh over stuff like this. Nothing do you

Can't jst stop laffin.such hillarious stories.ℓ̊ gt xam nxt wk oh.nairaland no allow M̶̲̥̅Ƹ read 2day.off †̥ klass.mite av sumtin †̥ share wen am bk buh until den,kip †ђξ stories cumin.

Fukc up plenty but one of the most embarrassing was when I finally got a working colleague to go clubbing with me. During the night I could see she was on heat perhaps the alcohol and the chocs were the afrodisiac. So as a sharp man with tight game, I asked her why she was insisting on going home when she can pass the night at mine and I drop her very early the next day. She simply refused giving some reasons, so I said why don't we just park and see how big the car is ? She said how? So I drove into a quiet street in V/I turned off the lights , left the engines running and went to the middle row of the car seats (Lexus LX 470). She said wat, I said come Na becos i have never done it in a car ( a very big lie ) after some hesitation, she came over and we did deed while she came twice. She is the type that comes only when she is on top . In doing the bicycle style, I had to be on top. As I hammered away ( totally oblivious of my surrounding) I just heard a sound and two hands grabbing me while forcefully dragging me out of the car. On landing, I discovered they were police. They asked the lady to come out as she is. They said they must take us pictures and take us to their station. I had to beg and beg. And finally parted with 4000 nairaland after lieing that the car is my oga's own and that I quickly came to Bleep and V/I ashewo as dem dey enter my eyes since my Oga don dey Bleep dem. They then allowed me to dress up and leave.
Needless to say, we didn't utter a word during the journey back to her house and I couldn't look her in the face for a long time till I made sure she was posted to our PH office. The memories still hurt me.
My lessons learnt:
1. Never Bleep in the car in a street with police access ( I still Bleep in my rides).
2. Never Bleep in the car with the doors not lucked. Those guys could have been robbers.
3. Never Bleep with ur engines running.

:

honeric01:

Chei and were the kids spying while you were @ it?

The thing even still dey smell here self

The kids were disintrested.Nah your nose dey smell you,try disinfect am bros.

byvan: :




The kids were disintrested.Nah your nose dey smell you,try disinfect am bros.

it's well

Chinwem:

Lol! You know you have a lovely healthy relationship when you can laugh over stuff like this. Nothing do you

Thx babe,nothing do you my sister!!!

Some years ago, there was this hausa babe that had a crush on me in my office, though she was doing her IT, decided to visit her one lovely evening. that day i noticed she wanted me real bad, so we drove to this dark garden and i bleeped her there. i didnt use a condom and decided to do withdrawal method. i withdrew in an handkerchief, it was in d process of withdrawing into the hanky that police men came around.
Na so they hold the handkerchief as exhibit. i beg them so tey i offered 2k. that was exhibit 2. na so we land police station ooh. they make us write statement come say we go sleep inside cell. omo, na so i beg so tey i use 13k bail us that nyt.
since that day, i no bleep inside motor again ooh
But still i still bleeped the hausa gal wenever i wanted.
Even wen she complete her IT she still come drag me say make i bleep am for inside server room.

Years ago at the boat house in forest park. I had to have been 15. I saw a guy I thought was sooo cute. I tried all evening to get his attention. So my dad rented a canoe for himself, me and my brother and lets just say. I got his... and everyone's attention that day. I was the last on the canoe and I guess I was scared getting into a boat so narrow. I Rocked to keep my balance and we all fell out into the lake. I was wearing a white tee shirt that day. Lmao. Talk about being mortified. My brother lost his shoe as he went up under the canoe. Two men had to help and convince me out the water. I didn't want him to notice me then! Ahhh too late. So embarrassing LOL. When I got out the water I had green algae stuck to my hair and it turned my white shirt green.

reach4it: Some years ago, there was this hausa babe that had a crush on me in my office, though she was doing her IT, decided to visit her one lovely evening. that day i noticed she wanted me real bad, so we drove to this dark garden and i bleeped her there. i didnt use a condom and decided to do withdrawal method. i withdrew in an handkerchief, it was in d process of withdrawing into the hanky that police men came around.
Na so they hold the handkerchief as exhibit. i beg them so tey i offered 2k. that was exhibit 2. na so we land police station ooh. they make us write statement come say we go sleep inside cell. omo, na so i beg so tey i use 13k bail us that nyt.
since that day, i no bleep inside motor again ooh
But still i still bleeped the hausa gal wenever i wanted.
Even wen she complete her IT she still come drag me say make i bleep am for inside server room.

those police guys are spoilers. Very similar to my experience above.

valicious1:
Lol! Dose ones no even enter my head dat time sef.

if em go tel ur babe and ur babe com meet u dey rake, just kwukuma tell am sey u jusst wan test ur lyrics sey e don tey, sey u no serious do am

Akinagirl: Years ago at the boat house in forest park. I had to have been 15. I saw a guy I thought was sooo cute. I tried all evening to get his attention. So my dad rented a canoe for himself, me and my brother and lets just say. I got his... and everyone's attention that day. I was the last on the canoe and I guess I was scared getting into a boat so narrow. I Rocked to keep my balance and we all fell out into the lake. I was wearing a white tee shirt that day. Lmao. Talk about being mortified. My brother lost his shoe as he went up under the canoe. Two men had to help and convince me out the water. I didn't want him to notice me then! Ahhh too late. So embarrassing LOL. When I got out the water I had green algae stuck to my hair and it turned my white shirt green.

dis one no be Bleep up again, na set up

byvan: It was one cool evening,hubby and I decided to go photocopy some documents.i have been purging all day but thought I would make it back home before any Bleep up.

10minutes later,hubby was in the office photocopying while the kids and I waited in the car.Then the stomach rumbling began,I was sweating profusely under the AC,I pinged my hubby"E don beooo".He peeped out of the window and gave me the"I am rounding up signal".


O boy!!!I had to start knotting my 30inches braz sharp!sharp!,The kids where asking wats wrong but I was too erratic to answer.Thank God my hubby always leave some kiddies wipes and pampers in his car.I emptied the papers and searched frantically for the wipes,while searching,hubby came and offered a nylon he got from the nearby akara seller.We had to wind down and speed,while I gladly do my biz squatting at the back seat.Omo see yapping but my mouth still dey sharp upon my disgrace lol.I didn't really feel embarassed sha but nah Bleep up.He reminds me of that when he needs a good laugh.

Amadioha!! **puts hands on head and opens mouth** .... WTF!!!! Why you no enter boot do the thing nah...
So as you fine reach,you det sh*iit... Mehn,you husband na real man oh.. If na me be your husband ehn,my diicck no go rise for complete 6months..walahi

Nextworldnx: They too much, wich one i go talk sef?......they plenty die

back in d days when boys were terribly broke in school (200level in 2005), i took dis fine chick out but all i had on was 1000 naira. for ma mind i say patapata transport to and fro plus our food no suppose pass dat amount. Na so we reach the eatery, dis girl come order for fried rice plus salad and chicken.. shoi.. naim i ask waiter how much?... waiter con talk say na 600naira !!! waiter con ask say "yes, hw about u, what shud i bring for u?" Men, at dat instant, wit 300naira left, i had no choice but to order for just a chicken wing which cost 100naira. D chick was like "is dat all, why dont u eat real food?" I replied "Nah, am ok with just meat and mineral" (big lie, me wey hunger dey fire for belle!). As if devil wan punish me finish dat day, as we were eating and gisting, just after two bites d chicken wing mistakenly dropped from my hands to the floor. Damn!! what dey heck! shud i pick up back or not?(but i go fall ma hand na: immediately ma head and belle con ring and tell me say i beta pick dat thing up, say no food remain for house dis evening o!)....all dis while the chick just dey look me quietly with a calm look on her face . Damn it, ..i con bone, bend down go under table pick ma precious "last meal" up....anything wey one happen, make e happen. Walahi, e no easy dat day. d shame and falling of hand too much. dat was d last i saw dat chick.

**CLASSIC**

byvan: It was one cool evening,hubby and I decided to go photocopy some documents.i have been purging all day but thought I would make it back home before any Bleep up.

10minutes later,hubby was in the office photocopying while the kids and I waited in the car.Then the stomach rumbling began,I was sweating profusely under the AC,I pinged my hubby"E don beooo".He peeped out of the window and gave me the"I am rounding up signal".


O boy!!!I had to start knotting my 30inches braz sharp!sharp!,The kids where asking wats wrong but I was too erratic to answer.Thank God my hubby always leave some kiddies wipes and pampers in his car.I emptied the papers and searched frantically for the wipes,while searching,hubby came and offered a nylon he got from the nearby akara seller.We had to wind down and speed,while I gladly do my biz squatting at the back seat.Omo see yapping but my mouth still dey sharp upon my disgrace lol.I didn't really feel embarassed sha but nah Bleep up.He reminds me of that when he needs a good laugh.

byvan: It was one cool evening,hubby and I decided to go photocopy some documents.i have been purging all day but thought I would make it back home before any Bleep up.

10minutes later,hubby was in the office photocopying while the kids and I waited in the car.Then the stomach rumbling began,I was sweating profusely under the AC,I pinged my hubby"E don beooo".He peeped out of the window and gave me the"I am rounding up signal".


O boy!!!I had to start knotting my 30inches braz sharp!sharp!,The kids where asking wats wrong but I was too erratic to answer.Thank God my hubby always leave some kiddies wipes and pampers in his car.I emptied the papers and searched frantically for the wipes,while searching,hubby came and offered a nylon he got from the nearby akara seller.We had to wind down and speed,while I gladly do my biz squatting at the back seat.Omo see yapping but my mouth still dey sharp upon my disgrace lol.I didn't really feel embarassed sha but nah Bleep up.He reminds me of that when he needs a good laugh.