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4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship - Romance - Nairaland

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How To Manage Anger In Relationship/marriage. / How Do You Deal With Anger Issues. / 4 Tips To Keep A Woman's Attention (1) (2) (3) (4)

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4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Nobody: 7:35am On Mar 04, 2013
Early in our marriage, my wife and I agreed to never go to bed angry. When we made this promise, we were still love struck newlyweds who didn't want the honeymoon to end. However, the weight of our promise became evident soon after our first major argument.



I can't remember what the argument was about, but I do remember both of us sitting on the edge of the bed stewing in our anger. Since we are both stubborn and strong-willed, we were content to sit there until the other made a concession. Fortunately, my wife reminded me of our agreement. Her gentle nudge diffused the tension and allowed us to work on a resolution.

I must admit that sticking to our agreement has not always been easy, especially after having kids. Over the course of our 15 year marriage, it gets harder to find the time to kiss and make up, and quite frankly, our arguments are harder to resolve. There have been nights when we've gone to bed angry with each other. We've also stayed up until the wee hours of the morning trying to hash out our problems. Sometimes we come up with a solution and sometimes we don't. But we always try to reach a point where we can speak rationally and without anger.

David and Vera Mace, pioneers in the marriage enrichment movement, developed an acronym (AREA) to help couples deal with anger:

A - Admit your anger to your spouse
R - Restrain your anger and do not let it get out of hand by blaming or belittling
E - Explain in a very calm manner why you are angry
A - Take Action to do something about the cause of the anger

These tips are useful and have helped us to approach our arguments without being overcome by negative emotions. They've also helped us to get a good night's sleep.

My wife and I realize that our time on Earth is short, and we don't want to waste it by holding on to anger. If one of us were to die in our sleep, neither of us would want to live with the guilt of knowing that our last words were not spoken in love.



By Frederick J. Goodall

SOURCE

21 Likes

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Dondav(m): 7:42am On Mar 04, 2013
I'll just roughen her up pretty bad... I'm sure I'll digest the anger after that... (Kidding)
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by tchidi(f): 10:30am On Mar 04, 2013
Nice...make I send am to friends....

1 Like

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by born2fuck(m): 10:35am On Mar 04, 2013
tchidi: Nice...make I send am to friends....
seh waheedi?
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by xynerise(m): 10:36am On Mar 04, 2013
The truth is I hardly get angry except when am hungry grin.

3 Likes

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by momodub: 2:22pm On Mar 04, 2013
A - Admit your anger to your spouse
R - Restrain your anger and do not let it get out of hand by blaming or belittling
E - Explain in a very calm manner why you are angry
A - Take Action to do something about the cause of the anger

good one
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by momodub: 2:23pm On Mar 04, 2013
smileynice one
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by vision2050: 2:29pm On Mar 04, 2013
i neva married
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Nobody: 2:32pm On Mar 04, 2013
For what it Stands, this cant still work for a Choleric!
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by huninaija(f): 2:37pm On Mar 04, 2013
I'm a very hot tempered person, once i'm angry all these points will fly out the window!

Some good points raised tho!
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Legalplayerz: 2:40pm On Mar 04, 2013
I usually just take a walk, and come back later to talk to her. smiley

1 Like

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by buchibabe: 2:41pm On Mar 04, 2013
It takes d grace of God for me to remember all dis points because my anger no get season 2. I'm workin on it seriously and asking God to help me because him alone can soften my heart n take control

4 Likes

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by HerryT: 2:50pm On Mar 04, 2013
wonderful
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by buoye1(m): 2:55pm On Mar 04, 2013
Are you a lesbian?@OP!!!!your wife!!!!!or husband......mtchEEeeeeew
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Pacesetter2: 3:03pm On Mar 04, 2013
vision2050: i neva married
Is it only a marriage that is tagged relationship here....what about your relationship with your parents,sibling & friends....i don tell you say make you no drink that sepe again but you no dey hear word...see it affecting you now...

1 Like

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by buoye1(m): 3:07pm On Mar 04, 2013
huni_naija: I'm a very hot tempered person, once i'm angry all these points will fly out the window!

Some good points raised tho!
And u r proud of it?? U better pray about it if u wanna stay long in ur matrimonial home!!!!!!!
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by babysnogls: 3:25pm On Mar 04, 2013
buoye1: Are you a lesbian?@OP!!!!your wife!!!!!or husband......mtchEEeeeeew
SMH. Some pple sha. Dint u read d message to d end? Swallow ur hiss.
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by greatgod2012(f): 3:27pm On Mar 04, 2013
xynerise: The truth is I hardly get angry except when am hungry grin.


of course........an hungry man is usually an angry man. grin

1 Like

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by fitzmayowa: 3:58pm On Mar 04, 2013
Nice post
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Nobody: 4:03pm On Mar 04, 2013
Just take a bottle of beer and the anger will disappear.
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by joek: 4:12pm On Mar 04, 2013
What do u do wen ur spouse resorts to cursing wen angry wif u? As in telling u u will not make it. And hits u wif anything she finds wen anhry? Especially wen you are trying so hard not to beat her?
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by tabletop(f): 4:40pm On Mar 04, 2013
Goodevening all, please am new.And I came across this topic, honestly my home is like a warfield because of this issue, I have prayed and is like my husband is being posses by a devil, he likes arguement, we don't disscuse without ending it up with fight, I walk away to avoid it is trouble, I dnt talk is problem and he throws hurtful words that can make a dove go mad.

1 Like

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by labamo07(m): 4:41pm On Mar 04, 2013
Visit an Anger Manager............
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Elebiju(m): 4:49pm On Mar 04, 2013
xynerise: The truth is I hardly get angry except when am hungry grin.
finally a likemind comments.I hardly get angry too except when I'm famished,my wife knows I have a weakness for food especially a good one.
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Archmed: 5:04pm On Mar 04, 2013
when u're angry, DELAY YOUR REACTIONS.This principle has helped me a lot cos when i do delay,i come to realise most times dat the cause of the anger aint worth all the hype.
GOLDEN RULE: keep your ''dirty'' mouth shut as nothing good comes out of it when you're annoyed.IT HELPS

7 Likes

Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Nobody: 5:16pm On Mar 04, 2013
joek: What do u do wen ur spouse resorts to cursing wen angry wif u? As in telling u u will not make it. And hits u wif anything she finds wen anhry? Especially wen you are trying so hard not to beat her?

If you feel that staying in that kind of environment may lead to you retaliating, then I think it's best that you leave her while she's angry. That gives you some time to cool off and hopefully she'll do the same when she's alone. When you're calm, go back to her and ask her why she's angry. Then, tell her why you're angry. Try to discuss the situation and find a resolution for it.
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by Nobody: 5:19pm On Mar 04, 2013
tabletop: Goodevening all, please am new.And I came across this topic, honestly my home is like a warfield because of this issue, I have prayed and is like my husband is being posses by a devil, he likes arguement, we don't disscuse without ending it up with fight, I walk away to avoid it is trouble, I dnt talk is problem and he throws hurtful words that can make a dove go mad.

He sounds like someone who acts before he thinks and uses hurtful words to keep you down. Have you told him that his actions and insults hurt you?
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by milkymesh: 5:25pm On Mar 04, 2013
[quote author=born2fuck][/quote]
see mumu name. Hia! So them to Bleep. Na wao. Na Bleep u come do for life. SMH
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by vandarsar(m): 5:38pm On Mar 04, 2013
Me too. And I got told its normal.



xynerise: The truth is I hardly get angry except when am hungry grin.
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by tabletop(f): 5:40pm On Mar 04, 2013
ogugua88:

He sounds like someone who acts before he thinks and uses hurtful words to keep you down. Have you told him that his actions and insults hurt you?
.
Yes I have, many times. Even told him my weakness am not the arguing type, and the worst is I don't have a say what ever he says or want I must do. Anytime I tried discussing or try to know why we I must, he keeps reminding me he is the man of the house I don't dictate for him but he dictates and I must do whatever he says.
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by obix60: 5:52pm On Mar 04, 2013
smoke and drink a bottle of coke or beer.typically I don't smoke. It always breaks my heart tho. And I'm never able to sleep like the OP. Try to sort out things before the break of dawn.
Re: 4 Tips For Dealing With Anger In A Relationship by muaa(f): 6:15pm On Mar 04, 2013
Silence is the best option for me wen am angry cos i have a bitter tongue and I may nt have the opportunity to reverse wateva I might hav said during the course of my anger.

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