Toks2008:

I really need your prayers o. To think that as a believer i have remained faithful to her right from the day i met her in 2002 till date,these 4 months have been hell,and everyday i doubt if i will not fall into temptation, but its the fear of GOD that have been keeping me.

I cant imagine myself wooing another lady just to get intimate with her when my heart is with another lady. I really need you to pray that she comes back home before a colossal damage occurs.

Thanks

WhyMe222: Thanks everyone for your contributions. You have all spoken well. I love my wife and I love my daughter silly.

In the last 8 months I have tried to heal, I have tried to see how we can work around it, I have also tried living like it never happened. In all this, none seem to be working. I loved my wife and that is why I have made all these efforts but the torture I live through will never go away and for this singular reason I feel there is no need going on like this.

God help me.

WhyMe222: Thanks everyone for your contributions. You have all spoken well. I love my wife and I love my daughter silly. I leave no stone unturned in taking care of my family cos that is the only reason I go out daily (To provide for them). Her friends are a testimony to my capability in taking care of her. Her colleagues in both her former work place and the present one all appreciate for her what she has in terms of her marriage and husband. So there is no gain saying I may not have been leaving up to my expectations as a hubby.

In the last 8 months I have tried to heal, I have tried to see how we can work around it, I have also tried living like it never happened. In all this, none seem to be working. I loved my wife and that is why I have made all these efforts but the torture I live through will never go away and for this singular reason I feel there is no need going on like this. At the moment, I am only tolerating her and that is not good for marriage; reason I said marriage is not meant to be endured. Can there ever be a time I will not remember the incident? Can there ever be a time I will laugh it off and not hurt instead? The sex is dead; No urge because she repulses me and there is no way I will think of S£X with her without remembering what they did. So how can one live in this manner?

God help me.

*Semuhle*Baby*:
I"m sorry but i dont understand some men. Instead of sending her away, could you not perhaps listen to her and see what she is feeling? What if she decides not to come back? Hmmm

blink182: Dissolve the marriage, take your child and move on before she gets bold enough to mistakenly poison you.

ileobatojo:

Have you tried professional counseling? Sine you love her so much and you're trying everything possible you could try that. Individual and couples counseling would be the thing to do. It may or may not lead you too back together, but it should make aid your decision making process along. Active word here is professional, add experienced. I'm not talking about church leaders or elders please. God help you.

armyofone: Yes there will be a time you won't remember. Work on it more, see a counselor, you will be surprised to know what brought it all in the first place, negligence, lonely, stress, no shoulder to cry on etc. Why didn't you use the last 8months for both of you to see a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist? you might have been working to provide that you forgot her emotional need.
Many women have been there in your shoes and they. They learn to live with it for the sake of the marriage/children.
Hang in there and don't give up, all will be well with time.

ileobatojo:

Have you tried professional counseling? Since you love her so much and you're trying everything possible you could try that. Individual and couples counseling would be the thing to do. It may or may not lead you two back together, but it should make aid your decision making process along. Active word here is professional, add experienced. I'm not talking about church leaders or elders please. God help you.

biolabee:

Why don't you calm down and stop hassling the man

This is part of his therapy and let him take his time

And you will accuse men of not opening up their feelings
When they do you call them pitiful

OP carry GOOOO
Na wa




Even me sef i bow.. i no know if i fit ooo

biolabee:
I think he wants her to come home of her own accord
Then she made up her mind in her own way
if not she may still look back

My thots.

WhyMe222: Thanks everyone for your contributions. You have all spoken well. I love my wife and I love my daughter silly. I leave no stone unturned in taking care of my family cos that is the only reason I go out daily (To provide for them). Her friends are a testimony to my capability in taking care of her. Her colleagues in both her former work place and the present one all appreciate for her what she has in terms of her marriage and husband. So there is no gain saying I may not have been leaving up to my expectations as a hubby.

In the last 8 months I have tried to heal, I have tried to see how we can work around it, I have also tried living like it never happened. In all this, none seem to be working. I loved my wife and that is why I have made all these efforts but the torture I live through will never go away and for this singular reason I feel there is no need going on like this. At the moment, I am only tolerating her and that is not good for marriage; reason I said marriage is not meant to be endured. Can there ever be a time I will not remember the incident? Can there ever be a time I will laugh it off and not hurt instead? The sex is dead; No urge because she repulses me and there is no way I will think of S£X with her without remembering what they did. So how can one live in this manner?

God help me.

*Semuhle*Baby*:
I"m sorry but i dont understand some men. Instead of sending her away, could you not perhaps listen to her and see what she is feeling? What if she decides not to come back? Hmmm

StateOfMind:


Don't sweat it bro. The marriage is over. No matter how hard you try to fix things, you'd never trust your wife again. It wasn't once, neither was it with a stranger.. Kai..She is a wicked wife and a heartless mother and she doesn't deserve you. I honestly can't wrap my head around sleeping with another man when you have a less than 1 year old baby and a husband at home.


But Er er ermmmmm....oga, please spare us the self control story. Why would you lay a finger on her in the first place? Your wife cheating on you is not an excuse to beat her. Send her back to her parent's house if you can not stand her. Shikena!

bettymafy:

How am I hassling him? Read his posts again, u will see he has made up his mind to seek for divorce. People have been advising him from the first page till now, he still hasn't said anything like him trying once again to make his marriage work.

I'm all for him doing whatever he feels will make him happy and if that includes divorce, who am I to stop him?

Toks2008:

If this post is referring to me then maybe i should send you a copy of the fb chats where you will see series of posts appealing to her to retrace her steps but you see, sometimes this love thing must be tested. If you love someone and the person wants to go, try to make that person stay but if that partner insists, allow him/her to go, if they love you truly, they will come back but if they don't come back believe hey were never meant to be part of your life and move on.

See, the fear of GOD conquers all. I am an extremely attarctive young man but the fear of GOD in me will not just allow me sleep around with ladies.I have tried all i can to get her back and the last post i sent to her 2 days ago is to either retrace her steps or stay put but i will not force it. You don't need to beg someone to give you a space in their lives, if they love you enough, they will create one for you.

So i still advice you OP, forgive and GOD will help you forget.

Toks2008:

If this post is referring to me then maybe i should send you a copy of the fb chats where you will see series of posts appealing to her to retrace her steps but you see, sometimes this love thing must be tested. If you love someone and the person wants to go, try to make that person stay but if that partner insists, allow him/her to go, if they love you truly, they will come back but if they don't come back believe hey were never meant to be part of your life and move on.

See, the fear of GOD conquers all. I am an extremely attarctive young man but the fear of GOD in me will not just allow me sleep around with ladies.I have tried all i can to get her back and the last post i sent to her 2 days ago is to either retrace her steps or stay put but i will not force it. You don't need to beg someone to give you a space in their lives, if they love you enough, they will create one for you.

So i still advice you OP, forgive and GOD will help you forget.

yoddy01:
I have been through this before. It has been almost 2 years now and still remember, I still feel repulsed. The healing does not come overnight. You have to decide to forgive again everyday. As long as she is repentant, you can recover from this. Please if you love your wife, do not leave her. Try to work it out, do not chicken out by divorcing her. Anytime you remember while trying to have sex, push those thoughts aside and think of the good times. You will get through it. Infidelity is one of the worst things that can happen in marriage. Take heart bro

biolabee:

Powerful words
May you receive guidance in this trying time

devour129: I have. Marriage is not easy o. I thank God for my mum whom brought us up to know that everything that last comes from hardwork.i don't know your story but the little you and the op said has renewed my faith in my marriage. I usually ask people if a man can do without sex and the ans is usually nope,if your husband is not doing it with you all the time or one in a month he is doing it outside or he is a gay. Sometimes it's a thing if worry but av got a business to run n kids I don't dwell on it.its well Jare,the devil will not use us to shine.

ocelot2006:


Read his post again. SLOWLY.

biolabee:

you called him running a pity party hence the hassling

frankly i believe that only 50% of guys would have waited this long to still consider after eight month.; some will have called the marriage off

Out of 50% remaaining, only 20% will forgive after a while so i dont think this guy will take her back

But however to ensure he has a wholesome life again, he needs time to sort himself and his feelings out
You already mentioned it could take 2 years so lets allow him to be himself

He does not have to take her back.. even me sef I bow.. 8 months

StateOfMind:

Make your point known or get lost

Idowuogbo:
Amen o!!!! Gawd! Dis guys are something else.

bettymafy:

Ok. Point taken.

Toks2008: OP Let me give you a true advice.

I am a married man, i met my wife when she was 19, made her a woman, at 25 i married her now at 30 she says she is disconnected from me because of incompatibility issues and i kept wondering if i have been pretending all thee years so i sternly told her that she is simply carried away and that whenever her brain settles she can come back home provided she has not defiled herself with another man. For about 4 months now she has been staying with her sis.

Now get this straight, even if she sleeps with another man and she realizes her mistakes and comes back to me, i will forgive her and move on like nothing ever happened. You know why?

What is the guarantee that the next lady i will marry will not do worse things? and what is the assurance that the new lady have not slept with the whole men in Nigeria.

Wake up man, she is your wife. the question you should ask yourself is:

1. Is she a good wife to you?
2. Has he always made you happy?
3. Is she worth forgiving considering what you guys have been through together?
4, Is she genuinely repentant?

If all these answers are positive abeg forgive her if she is sincerely sorry.


See, the only difference between a man and a woman are the genitals and some hormones, they can also get carried away like we men and i believe if it was you who defiled the marriage bed you will ask her to forgive you abi? Abeg forgive your wife and pray to GOD to help you mend your broken heart.

I have been married for 6 years now so my advice is worth considering.

bettymafy: Yoddy and toks2008, God will restore your marriages. U will not labour in vain. U and your spouse will look back and no longer feel any pain, hurt or sorrow. Your marriages will blossom that people will envy you.

I'm just so touched with the way u guys are so committed to your marriages. Shows we still have men who are determined to keep their homes through thick and thin. Just hang in there buddies, joy awaits u.

I repeat, your labor of love will not be in vain!

Toks2008:
I am equally married but separated from my wife at the moment. Reason? Incompatibility as she Claimed but i simply told her she is carried away by another man which she denied vehemently and presently staying with here sis.

WhyMe222:

Wow! So touching. Life oh life. You have touched one of my biggest fears. What guarantee do I have the next woman will be better than her? It might not be in terms of cheating but she might have her own faults that will make cheating seem like a child's play. I have also thought of not remarrying but the fear of growing old alone and lonely prevails over not remarrying. Sincerely it would have been easy for me to forget it and assume it was temptation if it happened just once and also if I did not stumble into evidences that what they shared permeates the S€X they shared. To add to that, these things were happening 4 - 5 months after the birth of our adorable daughter. Where I come from, it is sacrillage. I am at a loss of which way to go. I wish I could find and press a delete button to wipe it all away. Going on a cheating spree too is not an option (at least at the moment) because every woman at this point has the mark on their forehead. God help me.

WhyMe222:

Wow! So touching. Life oh life. You have touched one of my biggest fears. What guarantee do I have the next woman will be better than her? It might not be in terms of cheating but she might have her own faults that will make cheating seem like a child's play. I have also thought of not remarrying but the fear of growing old alone and lonely prevails over not remarrying. Sincerely it would have been easy for me to forget it and assume it was temptation if it happened just once and also if I did not stumble into evidences that what they shared permeates the S€X they shared. To add to that, these things were happening 4 - 5 months after the birth of our adorable daughter. Where I come from, it is sacrillage. I am at a loss of which way to go. I wish I could find and press a delete button to wipe it all away. Going on a cheating spree too is not an option (at least at the moment) because every woman at this point has the mark on their forehead. God help me.

Toks2008:

Let me give you a hint.

Call her and sit her down for a real heart to heart talk.

Just maybe there is something she really wants that is lacking. We men must really know how to make her women happy in all areas.

I laughed my head off when my wife wrote to me that the only thing she missed is the massage i usually give to her but i know she is missing much more.

We are all adults here so please pardon me to tell you this, do crazy things to her in bed like licking her snail, explore her G spot, make her squirt and many more because women love good sex so really talk to her.

And anytime you make love to her, do it with serious vendetta by doing it real good always trying to prove to her that you are better.

But the bottom line is that you need to move on, forgive her and in no time GOD who sees your heart will make you forget. Stop bothering yourself about whether she had it 100yimes or once with another man.

Toks2008:

Let me give you a hint.

Call her and sit her down for a real heart to heart talk.

Just maybe there is something she really wants that is lacking. We men must really know how to make her women happy in all areas.

I laughed my head off when my wife wrote to me that the only thing she missed is the massage i usually give to her but i know she is missing much more.

We are all adults here so please pardon me to tell you this, do crazy things to her in bed like licking her snail, explore her G spot, make her squirt and many more because women love good sex so really talk to her.

And anytime you make love to her, do it with serious vendetta by doing it real good always trying to prove to her that you are better.

But the bottom line is that you need to move on, forgive her and in no time GOD who sees your heart will make you forget. Stop bothering yourself about whether she had it 100yimes or once with another man.