Danfo: OP,

Having examined all your comments thus far, I can tell you from John Street that she was not prepared to stop the infidelity, if not that you found out unexpectedly.

The implication of the above statement is that SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN under permitting circumstances.Take it or leave it alone.

The call is definitely yours bro... but know that if she stays SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN.

yoddy01:
if u say so sir. Immaturity is a disease too you know.

Iykeponti: I LUV U GUYS FROM NAIRALAND :¤ you guys r doing gud.... Take heart my man....whenever fowl or doggs dey fight to regain their ladies, u no dey learn something from there?? Man fight back! Don't let dat guy win you-ooo, because if u let her go, na u go lose.... OPEN UR EYES MAN! DON'T BE A LOSER... because I CAN SENSE U LOVED HER

logica: You don't need to regale us with tales of diseases of which you are afflicted.

Toks2008: Hmmm, Adultery,Adultery,Adultery. I am so so confused here.

I am equally married but separated from my wife at the moment. Reason? Incompatibility as she Claimed but i simply told her she is carried away by another man which she denied vehemently and presently staying with here sis.

Though i don't know whether she is seeing another man at the moment but the mare taught of her with another man drives me crazy so i can imagine your case knowing that the act really happened.O gosh.

Asking you to forgive her seems ok but you definitely can't forget. Each time you touch her, kiss her and make love to her the flashes must come no doubt. I really feel for you and i believe GOD will help you in making your decision.

But whatever happens, Love forgives all things.

WhyMe222:

You have just spoken like you were living inside my head. The few times I have tried ĺ♡√Ɛ making, it was appalling. I could not be the man I use to be. All through the brief session I struggled and I couldn't help the flashing images on my head. Worst when she makes a sound in pleasure. Oh God help me.

Winneygirl: @Op,
I'll say one thing.
.
Breath.
.
Stop analyzing. Stop trying 2 be logical abt anything. Just take a step back and breath.
.
Clear Ur head. Empty Ur mind of all thoughts.
.
Truth is, a dissolution of d marriage will not give U peace. Letting go of d hurt/pain will.
It will be hard, but I'll advice dat unless U have taken in some fresh air, any decision U take now will be rash.
.
Most pple may not want 2 hear d word 'pray', but believe me God knws Ur every thought/pain. Pour out Ur heart 2 him. U hav been trying 2 deal wt this alone. Now's d time 2 handover everything 2 God.

Iykeponti: AJO NWA si azu ulo ba nne ya afo!

yoddy01:
Do you even make sense to yourself? does the fact that the child remains unknown change the fact that a child is born out of wedlock? If you are to even look at it from a compassionate point of view, the woman having the child is better, because that way the child has the love of two parents, even if one of them is not the biological parent. Whereas in the man's case, the man might not even acknowledge or have a relationship with the child. Children in this kind of case grow up with lots of self esteem issues. Cheating is cheating, be it man or woman. Nobody should define infidelity by sex. That is just crap

Toks2008:

Lets face it, its not an easy thing to forgive and forget but if you are married, you will realize that its not equally easy to divorce your spouse. GOD will help you OP. Just find a place in your heart to forgive her.

Jman06: It means go and chew soap

lorretta u: Perfect husband.(Make I hear)
Anyway op ur wife isn't sorry,she only is sorry she got caught.yeah.
I don't support infidelity.at all.
But something tells me that if it was a woman who's suffering this now,majority of the people would be saying 'forgive him'
'Show him love and respect,
'Are u sure u r doing ur duties well as a wife'
'Anyway just thank God he's not doing it to ur face'
And bla bla bla.
Hypocrites!
Op sorry o.at least one man now knows how we ladies feel when u go around sowing ur wild oats.

coogar:

he should take his daughter n relocate......
there's no way i can trust such wife ever again. it wasn't a one-off incident and the 2 philandering coyotes work in the same office which means they are inseparable!

Vernor: My question to you is this will divorcing her help you? Will it bring you back to shape? My brother ask we the married, how are you sure the next one you want to take wont do the same, anywhere in the world women are the same(not adulterous)? They have the same attitude(not adulterous), do like Jesus did the adulterous to the woman in the bible, i know its not easy but tell her go and sin no more please note, not because of your daughter she does not come in the picture here because you loved her first before the baby came, if say because of your baby that's conditional. Vernor

Danfo: OP,

Having examined all your comments thus far, I can tell you from John Street that she was not prepared to stop the infidelity, if not that you found out unexpectedly.

The implication of the above statement is that SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN under permitting circumstances.Take it or leave it alone.

The call is definitely yours bro... but know that if she stays SHE WILL DO IT AGAIN.

Best wishes to you in arriving at a wise decision on this very sensitive matter.

Winneygirl: @Op,
I'll say one thing.
.
Breath.
.
Stop analyzing. Stop trying 2 be logical abt anything. Just take a step back and breath.
.
Clear Ur head. Empty Ur mind of all thoughts.
.
Truth is, a dissolution of d marriage will not give U peace. Letting go of d hurt/pain will.
It will be hard, but I'll advice dat unless U have taken in some fresh air, any decision U take now will be rash.
.
Most pple may not want 2 hear d word 'pray', but believe me God knws Ur every thought/pain. Pour out Ur heart 2 him. U hav been trying 2 deal wt this alone. Now's d time 2 handover everything 2 God.

Mboi:
Men are polygamous in nature. A man can decide to marry more than one wife, live with both under one roof if he likes. Men have mistresses which people closer to them know, some theirs wives know too but! A woman cannot marry another man while she's still married to her husband. So you see the difference.cheating by women is more dangerous and more degrading than cheating by men because a woman will give the man another persons child which the person might even come after the child after many years and all the woman will say is "am sorry". This is Africa, get that into ur skul and stop misleading other women. If a woman sleeps around because she thinks her husband does, that woman is in for a doom.

lorretta u: if not for some of Seun's new rules,I'd have told u something u won't like now.nonsense.man is polygamous bla bla bla.
Are u men better than ur counterparts in the developed countries?or u think we women don't have feelings?can u live with under men under ur roof sharing ur wife?but u expect a woman to bear it without grudge.u men,ur thinking,ur selfishness and stewpid ego can be quite astounding!u think we r stones and don't have feelings?truth is as long as our men keep reasoning this way,we r going nowhere in civilisation.cosq what's good for the goose is also wonderful for the gander.and I do know any man who tries to impose polygamy on me in future.will first meet his grave before I can accept that bullshyte from him.rubbish!

WhyMe222:

You have just spoken like you were living inside my head. The few times I have tried ĺ♡√Ɛ making, it was appalling. I could not be the man I use to be. All through the brief session I struggled and I couldn't help the flashing images on my head. Worst when she makes a sound in pleasure. Oh God help me.

Danfo:

OP,

If you can still say the above with the amount of quality advice people have given you so far, then it is clear that you are not a realist, and only your un-emotional self can see clearly enough to reach a sensible decision that will be good for you and all concerned in the long term.

Let me help you to understand using extracts and apt deductions from your initial post and one subsequent comment:

1. ‘I found out my wife was having an affair with her senior colleague in the office who also doubles as a family friend. (Deduction: She can kill you without much thought or regret if situation demands it)

2. The subject of the mail that excited my curiosity. The subject says "Ifemi" which in Yoruba means "My Love".
(Deduction: She does not love you one bit. The sex with the ‘family friend’ was more than sex for it has love as a component. Your discovery of the affair cannot erase that love that easily)

3. What is more disturbing is that they were having unprotected sex while my baby was still bosom feeding (no wonder my smart girl stopped suckling at 5 months).
(Deduction: She values the illicit affair more than any physical, spiritual impact it might have on her daughter. If her newly-born daughter’s health could not inhibit the affair, then you stand very little chance of doing so. Especially if she can sleep with him while still fresh from childbirth, then you safely assume that he was sleeping with her while she was pregnant with your ‘adorable daughter’. Sad but true.)

4. Our marriage will be 4 years in a couple of month’s time and is blessed with an adorable daughter.
(Deduction: Yes you are right it appears the innocent little girl is the only blessed thing about the union, and even that blessedness has been tainted by the circumstances during her pregnancy and immediately after. Imagine a child in the womb of a woman having sex with a family friend. That action has some deep spiritual connotation I can’t even start explaining here)

5. They both claimed it was a mistake. While I am battling to believe them, it will be of interest to note that, they didn't go to bed just once which nullifies the claim of it being a mistake. And it will be foolhardy for anyone to believe that. One cannot make a mistake twice. The second time usually is a choice that is dully premeditated.
(Deduction: This shows you as a wimp and a laughing stock to both of them. I will be willing to bet they have slept with each other again since your so called ‘discovery’)

6. Funny enough, because I didn't want the news to go ballistics, I covered up for them when the man's wife stumbled on their BBM chat too and stormed my house with the man spoiling for war.
(Deduction: This shows you as a wimp and a laughing stock to both of them. I will be willing to bet they have slept with each other again since your so called ‘discovery’. You are a strange one for sure!)


7. My wife has it all; beauty and brains. Like the few people both male and female will say when they see her picture either on my phone or ipad "Guy, you carry eye enter wife market".
(Deduction: You are infatuated with her and very much afraid to lose her because you have low self esteem and opinion of your worth. You have concluded that you may not find her type of beauty and ‘intelligence’ again. And this is why you even refuse to tell any family including the family friends’ wife, because even you know they will drive her away without hesitation. Bro, you are on dangerous ground because you are dealing with an intelligent mind that has no morals or inhibitions. You are dealing with a knowledgeable mind without character. Tread carefully bro!

Also remember the Bible says: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

I conclude by saying that, do not allow emotion or even logic to rule you, rather let barefaced naked truth and self-preservation guide your decisions so you may remain safe to live out your life happily. If you think you can ever trust her again, or that somehow the memory of the betrayal will fade away then the joke is certainly on you bro, because the mind never ever forget.Indeed. The mind of man doesn't do FORGET.If it happened your mind will recollect it, unless you have amnesia, which is another line of topic entirely.

Again, I say all the best to you!

Danfo:

OP,

If you can still say the above with the amount of quality advice people have given you so far, then it is clear that you are not a realist, and only your un-emotional self can see clearly enough to reach a sensible decision that will be good for you and all concerned in the long term.

Let me help you to understand using extracts and apt deductions from your initial post and one subsequent comment:

1. ‘I found out my wife was having an affair with her senior colleague in the office who also doubles as a family friend. (Deduction: She can kill you without much thought or regret if situation demands it)

2. The subject of the mail that excited my curiosity. The subject says "Ifemi" which in Yoruba means "My Love".
(Deduction: She does not love you one bit. The sex with the ‘family friend’ was more than sex for it has love as a component. Your discovery of the affair cannot erase that love that easily)

3. What is more disturbing is that they were having unprotected sex while my baby was still bosom feeding (no wonder my smart girl stopped suckling at 5 months).
(Deduction: She values the illicit affair more than any physical, spiritual impact it might have on her daughter. If her newly-born daughter’s health could not inhibit the affair, then you stand very little chance of doing so. Especially if she can sleep with him while still fresh from childbirth, then you can safely assume that he was sleeping with her while she was pregnant with your ‘adorable daughter’. Sad but true.)

4. Our marriage will be 4 years in a couple of month’s time and is blessed with an adorable daughter.
(Deduction: Yes you are right it appears the innocent little girl is the only blessed thing about the union, and even that blessedness has been tainted by the circumstances during her pregnancy and immediately after. Imagine a child in the womb of a woman having sex with a family friend. That action has some deep spiritual connotation I can’t even start explaining here)

5. They both claimed it was a mistake. While I am battling to believe them, it will be of interest to note that, they didn't go to bed just once which nullifies the claim of it being a mistake. And it will be foolhardy for anyone to believe that. One cannot make a mistake twice. The second time usually is a choice that is dully premeditated.
(Deduction: This shows you as a wimp and a laughing stock to both of them. I will be willing to bet they have slept with each other again since your so called ‘discovery’)

6. Funny enough, because I didn't want the news to go ballistics, I covered up for them when the man's wife stumbled on their BBM chat too and stormed my house with the man spoiling for war.
(Deduction: This shows you as a wimp and a laughing stock to both of them. I will be willing to bet they have slept with each other again since your so called ‘discovery’. You are a strange one for sure!)


7. My wife has it all; beauty and brains. Like the few people both male and female will say when they see her picture either on my phone or ipad "Guy, you carry eye enter wife market".
(Deduction: You are infatuated with her and very much afraid to lose her because you have low self esteem and opinion of your worth. You have concluded that you may not find her type of beauty and ‘intelligence’ again. And this is why you even refuse to tell any family including the family friends’ wife, because even you know they will drive her away without hesitation. Bro, you are on dangerous ground because you are dealing with an intelligent mind that has no morals or inhibitions. You are dealing with a knowledgeable mind without character. Tread carefully bro!

Also remember the Bible says: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

I conclude by saying that, do not allow emotion or even logic to rule you, rather let barefaced naked truth and self-preservation guide your decisions so you may remain safe to live out your life happily. If you think you can ever trust her again, or that somehow the memory of the betrayal will fade away then the joke is certainly on you bro, because the mind never ever forget.Indeed, the mind of man doesn't do FORGET.If it happened your mind will recollect it, unless you have amnesia, which is another line of topic entirely.

Again, I say all the best to you!

jjgirljay: Yes you can divorce in lagos.

It a shame when I hear stories like this,I keep asking myself why some women will risk it all for just a few mins of pleasure. You need to know that getting a divorce will not solve the big problem which is seeing all women as cheats,you need to start having more female friends and understand them.
Trust me der are still few women out there who are faithful no matter what.

Good luck

Toks2008:

CHAI! You are mean. See analysis. Bro all you wrote make sense but not too impossible to pardon.

This sex thing sef is like a feeling that once gratified becomes non and void habba!

My point is clear, if you check the past and you believe she is worth forgiving then do just that.

Nothing will ever make me give up my wife for another man simply because she got intimate with another man, maybe for 4 months when i have been having sweet moments with her for years.

So i should give her up to that man to have her permanently abi?

OP if you love your wife and she is willing to sincerely repent then forgive her haha na wetin? We all have turned divorce to two for one naira.Whether Adultery or not, The word of GOD says in Malachi 2:16 "For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel.To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.".

This is a painful story no doubt but protect your wife and protect your marriage. Your wife is also your daughter, your sister and your friend. Let love override your anger.

chymystique: My dear wah ever decision u make now think thoroughly abt et.. I wnt advise u to seperate or divorce her..buh Why dnt u seek d face of God in dis matter for Direction... #mythoughts

logica: You call this a fight? OK, on a lighter note to make it even, the OP MUST do the same to the man; meaning he must sleep with the man's wife. That's how Gees do it.