4 Him:

Even men make mistakes, that is why we marry so we can have a second opinion. It will surprise you that so many women who look very timid outside are actually in control of the home. Its because they've learnt how to manipulate their husbands to do their bidding without necessarily upsetting his ego.
My father is one man who has a huge ego but he will NEVER take a decision without asking his wife first.

Yea, but who is sure that they'll have the same result as those "timid" women? What if my husband can't take it?

@ the poster your man is not an alien.
That you are "American " and he's a JJC doesn't mean you can't adjust to each other.
Most likely your parents are Nigerians and hopefully your mom set a good example for you to follow.

[b]The divorce rate in America is over 50% so marriages amongst Americans are not particularly encouraging.[/b]Forget all those textbook, Dr Phil and Oprah crap of what marriage ought to be.
No one is perfect
Any 2 people in a marriages be they of one culture or not will have to make compromises for it to work.

He may not do the dishes,he may not bake the cookies or share the laundry duties.
Marriage has no set formula.
You both have to be determined to seek out what works for you.
At the end of the day it is your marriage,your happiness or your sorrow not Dr Phil's.

Cadet:

kai! Look here, I stand by my choice. I can't marry a "new" Nigerian because there's equal Nigerian and American filled in me. Compare to someone still 100% Nigerian. That's a match in @#@$.

Of course I know my Nigerian culture, but I do not agree with all of them. Now that is where the problem comes in, if he's expecting to be who I am not.

The above is bull. Even white americans get married to nigerians and have happy homes.
Na wa o, its unbelievable to see nigerians live a few yrs in america and then suddenly they can no longer relate to people who were once their neighbours.

StephenP:

[size=13pt]Ok guys, forgive I'm going offtopic for a second but it's necessary.

@wendy, I've been trying get at you. I am truly sorry for what I said the other time. It came out wrong and I apologize. Despite the fact I know it's just the Internet and it's unreal in a sense, I still need to know you've forgiven me.[/size]

So sweet of you. You really have nothing to apologize for because you were honest about Rebellious and all. Yes it is the internet so I forgot about it, it was kinda good you made that comment because I quickly got back to the paper I was writing rather than deferring it. I guess I forgive you although nothing to forgive.

wendymanda:

So sweet of you. You really have nothing to apologize for because you were honest about Rebellious and all. Yes it is the internet so I forgot about it, it was kind of good you made that comment because I quickly got back to the paper I was writing rather than deferring it. I guess I forgive you although nothing to forgive.

[size=13pt]Thank you.[/size]

Sheniqua- I have been with him for 4 years (5 in August) read the post carefully,

4 Him:

The above is bull. Even white americans get married to nigerians and have happy homes.
Na wa o, its unbelievable to see nigerians live a few years in america and then suddenly they can no longer relate to people who were once their neighbours.

Seeing that you don't see where am going, I'll leave you to what you believe!

Who said I can't relate to them? So not marrying them is not relating to them? what happened to friendship and acquaintances? Must I marry them to relate to them?

By Americana, I meant Nigerians born and bred in the US That guarantees U nada!!!

For instance, how many Nigerian men in Lagos will u expect to tolerate serving their wives breakfast in bed? Many are brought up with the idea that housework is not for men, this will pose a big challenge to a woman brought up in an environment of women's liberation.

That is where adjusting comes in . . .

Im confused, so the wife should adjust to the fact that because Nigerian men are supposedly not used to doing housework(my dad would get a kick out of that Btw), the wife should "adjust" to that and be expected to do eveyrthing on her own cos after all that's what Nigerian men born/raised in Nigeria are used to?

thumbs up stephen.

sheniqua:

@ the poster your man is not an alien.
That you are "American " and he's a JJC doesn't mean you can't adjust to each other.
Most likely your parents are Nigerians and hopefully your mom set a good example for you to follow.

[b]The divorce rate in America is over 50% so marriages amongst Americans are not particularly encouraging.[/b]Forget all those textbook, Dr Phil and Oprah crap of what marriage ought to be.
No one is perfect
Any 2 people in a marriages be they of one culture or not will have to make compromises for it to work.

He may not do the dishes,he may not bake the cookies or share the laundry duties.
Marriage has no set formula.
You both have to be determined to seek out what works for you.
At the end of the day it is your marriage,your happiness or your sorrow not Dr Phil's.

preach it sister.

4 Him:

What is primitive in being submissive to your husband? If you treat him well he will do the same to you. A husband who truly loves you will work hard at trying to please you and do those things that you want him to do. All this gungho mentality takes us no where.
I havent met a man yet who wants to marry a househelp so you people are living with unfounded rumors.

That question is almost redundant. Being submissive to your husband is primitive. If it is based on true love then it would actually be based on equality on not submission. If you have to submit for him to treat you well and love you then whats the sense in that. Its a marriage not a job you should not have to work to impress your significant other. I thought it was being yourself was what matters, guess I was wrong.

4 Him:

The above is bull. Even white americans get married to nigerians and have happy homes.
Na wa o, its unbelievable to see nigerians live a few years in america and then suddenly they can no longer relate to people who were once their neighbours.

Isn't this why our girls are all over the place begging even Myanmar people to marry them
Some will arrive here,2 months after their names become Jennifer and they can no longer eat eba because they might choke.

I'm confused now. What is everyone on about really?

Oh David, hush! You're absolutely not getting my point. I can associate with my people, I can marry my people (yes), but I'll marry the ones am accustomed to. Not because of superiority, which I am not, but b/c of my choice.

I can't marry someone that might mess up my house or leave me just because am too "American". It's happen here more than often, but I won't let out anyone's personal story

D-reloaded:

I'm confused, so the wife should adjust to the fact that because Nigerian men are supposedly not used to doing housework(my dad would get a kick out of that Btw), the wife should "adjust" to that and be expected to do eveyrthing on her own because after all that's what Nigerian men born/raised in Nigeria are used to?

Is exactly what am saying. Thank God others see it the way I do. Also if the man can't do house work how the heck did he survive all these years on his own or was he living with his mom. . . which is another thing.

wendymanda:

Is exactly what am saying. Thank God others see it the way I do. Also if the man can't do house work how the heck did he survive all these years on his own or was he living with his mom. . . which is another thing.

Dn tmind them jare. esp. David here

wendymanda:

That question is almost redundant. Being submissive to your husband is primitive. If it is based on true love then it would actually be based on equality on not submission. If you have to submit for him to treat you well and love you then whats the sense in that. Its a marriage not a job you should not have to work to impress your significant other. I thought it was being yourself was what matters, guess I was wrong.

You certainly dont understand the term "submissiveness" in the context of marriage. It has nothing to do with inequality, it is about one giving the other the space and opportunity to be a leader.
You had class captains in school, that did not suddenly make you his househelp. you still remained equals even though he had to shoulder the bulk of the responsibilty for your class.

4 Him:

You certainly don't understand the term "submissiveness" in the context of marriage. It has nothing to do with inequality, it is about one giving the other the space and opportunity to be a leader.
You had class captains in school, that did not suddenly make you his househelp. you still remained equals even though he had to shoulder the bulk of the responsibilty for your class.

Must one be a leader? What does partnership means to you? seriously, answer thant question

ievbuomw:

Sheniqua- I have been with him for 4 years (5 in August) read the post carefully,

I have.
He's  a man like any others.
The problems you'll encounter is no different from the regular problems in all marriages.
People can scream their heads off all they want
There are only 2 ingredients to a succesful marriage

1.A man wants to know that his wife submits to his authority as the head of the home
(submission does not mean being a door mat)

2.A woman wants to know that her husband loves,cherishes and is there to protect her.

I just met you here but my dear write these 2 things down and if it's lacking you will not have a happy home.

@ the poster your man is not an alien.
That you are "American " and he's a JJC doesn't mean you can't adjust to each other.
Most likely your parents are Nigerians and hopefully your mom set a good example for you to follow.

The divorce rate in America is over 50% so marriages amongst Americans are not particularly encouraging.Forget all those textbook, Dr Phil and Oprah crap of what marriage ought to be.
No one is perfect
Any 2 people in a marriages be they of one culture or not will have to make compromises for it to work.

He may not do the dishes,he may not bake the cookies or share the laundry duties.
Marriage has no set formula.
You both have to be determined to seek out what works for you.
At the end of the day it is your marriage,your happiness or your sorrow not Dr Phil's.

Thank you!!!!!!

[size=13pt]@4Him, thanks.
I don't think it's only Nigerian men who don't do the housework. I think it applies to men of all races. However not all men, because my dad (born and bred in Nigeria) would wake up early every saturday morning, wake me and my sisters up, and we'd (himself included) clean the house. I don't think it matters where the man grows up but what he thinks is right.[/size]

Thank you, and as a Christian woman, I know without those 2 a house is not a home. Thank you Madame Sheniqua

D-reloaded:

I'm confused, so the wife should adjust to the fact that because Nigerian men are supposedly not used to doing housework(my dad would get a kick out of that Btw), the wife should "adjust" to that and be expected to do eveyrthing on her own because after all that's what Nigerian men born/raised in Nigeria are used to?

compromise is a 2-way street. Sheniqua said it best, marriage is an individual thing and not a prescribed formular.
It is not about the woman trying to prove she too can be leader. If you know how to play ur cards well u'll have ur husband doing things for you that you never expected.

My aunt hates house cleaning, her husband does it or gets someone else to help . . . some men i know do the cooking in their homes . . . it is all a matter of choice.

trust me its take lil to please a real nigerian guy, n u gat d essentials, since u can cook and do house works, u jst have 2 be good in bed, and then u have d greatest understanding in the world

@4Him, thanks.
I don't think it's only Nigerian men who don't do the housework. I think it applies to men of all races. However not all men, because my dad (born and bred in Nigeria) would wake up early every saturday morning, wake me and my sisters up, and we'd (himself included) clean the house. I don't think it matters where the man grow up but what he thinks is right.

Thank you!!!!!

4 Him:

You certainly don't understand the term "submissiveness" in the context of marriage. It has nothing to do with inequality, it is about one giving the other the space and opportunity to be a leader.
You had class captains in school, that did not suddenly make you his househelp. you still remained equals even though he had to shoulder the bulk of the responsibilty for your class.

I thought marriages was an equal opportunity front but since in terms of marriage there is a difference in the meaning of submissiveness then. . . You remember when you said Lagos men will not do housework? I think if I have to do it all then yes, I am basically his house help. There is a difference between shouldering responsibility and expecting me to do all the housework. Besides what kind of responsibility will he have if am doing all the chores? (I hope you don't think I will not have a career because am married. Not planning on doing all this school to get certificates for dust collecting and baby pushing)

acidrop:

trust me its take little to please a real nigerian guy, n u gat d essentials, since u can cook and do house works, u jst have 2 be good in bed, and then u have d greatest understanding in the world

LOL, bluntly said  

StephenP:

[size=13pt]@4Him, thanks.
I don't think it's only Nigerian men who don't do the housework. I think it applies to men of all races. However not all men, because my dad (born and bred in Nigeria) would wake up early every saturday morning, wake me and my sisters up, and we'd (himself included) clean the house. I don't think it matters where the man grow up but what he thinks is right.[/size]

Thats how my dad is except he usually doesnt wake us up. . . .he really enjoys cleaning and cooking _{even though if doesnt taste too good}

@poster
Every man is diffferent just like every woman is different. . . the two of you should talk about how you'd like married life to be, you both wont agree on everything but you'd have to compromise

ievbuomw:

Thank you, and as a Christian woman, I know without those 2 a house is not a home. Thank you Madame Sheniqua

Love you dear.
I pray you have a very happy home.
I am married and I couldn't be happier.
Marriage is not as scary as people say
It has it's challenges but love and a desire to make it work makes the difference.
Don't listen to all these women lib talk about equality blah blah
Most of those people saying those have been divorced many times over and are looking for marriages to ruin.
They are frustrated women who need to be by themselves.
The Bible calls the kind of control they preach witchcraft.
From such keep away.

It is kind of funny when they  point out cooking as if it is a unique problem witht the Nigerian men. Which American person would cook for U? Not the ones I know around here, definitely. They cant cook for shit!!!! What about the ladies? Well, if U cant make do with Pizza and ordering in, then forget about dating them.

Cadet:

Must one be a leader? What does partnership means to you? seriously, answer thant question

trying flying an aircraft as a partnership.

Uche2nna:

It is kind of funny when they point out cooking as if it is a unique problem witht the Nigerian men. Which American person would cook for You? Not the ones I know around here, definitely. They can't cook for shit!!!! What about the ladies? Well, if You can't make do with Pizza and ordering in, then forget about dating them.

Depends on how each person is brought up. If your parents dnt teach you how to cook or if you're not willing to learn how to cook, then ofcourse you won't be able to cook jack