iamsaved:

I wish you will act like your username.

sheniqua:


You don't need any more explanations dear,the people you are explaining things to have no interest in your well being,you can tell by their responses to you.Your very first post here painted a gruesome picture.
How many men walk out on a marriage 2 weeks into it and return 4 months later
None that I know of
A man,I believe debosky wrote earlier that it is not normal,believe him,it isn't.ask anyone you know it is a strange behavior.
Then again you tell us he never even saw his own baby for months
What type of a man is that?
After a mere argument?
Refusing to wash dishes or iron a child's shirt is no big deal IMHO but running away for weeks after an argument emanating from that is a huge deal
Many married women here or anyone in a relationship know that couples disagree from time to time and if you discuss with friends you will find out that the most the decent men do when the woman won't shut up is to grab their car keys and drive off till she cools down and they cool down or go into their study and lock themselves in Or go to a bar and hang out with the boys
They don't run off for months to an unknown destination.
And if you were a violent person,he wouldn't come back if he was scared and wouldn't leave a deadly woman with an infant child if he is normal.

Prepare your mind,this marriage may not last no matter how much you want it to
You cannot be in a marriage by yourself
If your partner is not willing to be married and this one has shown you time and again,he isn't ,there is nothing you can do,frankly speaking.He doesn't want the responsibility of marriage. And he couldn't have said it any louder.

Don't allow anybody guilt you into anything and twist this to put you on the defensive
And please for heavens sake stop begging this loser when he wants to leave,it makes him feel powerful
And he has you where he wants you to be,begging for him to stay and fighting to keep him
Don't fall for it,how long will you live your life that way? On your knees for a man who doesn't care about you,your child and your unborn child
The duty of a husband is to protect their territory , animals in the wild know that fact but that husband of yours has no clue and feels no qualms leaving a young wife and a baby alone in a house by themselves because he doesn't know what it is to be a man
Next time he decides to leave,look Him in the face and call him by name and say "look,if you walk out on this marriage again this time rather than sit and talk about the issues in it,please stay out and don't return."
he needs to hear you sound firm and strong and you must mean it,let him leave,He is useless to you.


If you have parents and siblings ,get together with them and tell them what you are facing.His people will do you no good,you already told us he ran away fom his own mother for 5 years rather than do chores so they already know the sort of son they have and may be actually surprised that he has a wife.
You picked a loser
You can't change him
Allow him to walk
Thank God you have a job
If you are a Christian,the Bible says you are free to re marry when a spouse walks out on you
I pray you find someone who will truly love you and cherish you for you.
This eediot Sperrm donor is not the one
Cut your losses now while you are still young.
God bless u for dis bitter truth u just vomited.

freecocoa: I know NL is filled with fake stories but believe it or not, there are men like the one described by the OP.

I personally know one who leaves every time he comes into money(he is a contractor), he leaves for months and comes back crying after spending the money saying he doesn't know what is wrong with him, that he thinks someone in his village is responsible, funny enough his wife is still married to him.

These things really do happen.

Fhemmmy:

The wife is to be blamed, cos she is not good enuf spending the money on, but to be cried on her shoulder?

freecocoa: How is it her fault that the man takes off whenever he has cash?

I just think he does that cos he knows she isn't leaving him and many of these women who suffer in their marriages stay because of their children as they all claim and they just don't know how to start over again.

Don't blame them for the men's attitude, I personally have noticed that some men take women that treat them nicely for granted.

Efemena_xy:

Stories like these make the MrBrownJays and their attitudes to pregnant women look acceptable.

@OP, why should you be having mild to heavy arguments with your spouse frequently? Sounds like you instigate them. Please explain 'heavy arguments'. Do you get violent? Throw things around? Do you have a sharp, caustic tongue that's quick to insult the hell out of the man??

You're pregnant. The least you can do is respect yourself and keep your mouth shut. Why must you have an argument with your husband? Pls don't give the excuse of being hormonal this and hormonal that! Aren't you aware of the complications that can arise from having a high bp, which can be induced from unnecessary arguments?

I'm sorry to say this, but your husband sounds like the more mature one here. Rather than entangle himself with a battle of words, he chooses to walk out of the situation till things cool down. Or what do you expect him to do? Sit down quietly while you heap insult upon insult upon his head? Do you even know what might happen if he snaps?

Or maybe, you really are one of those who has a fetish for violence and only feel loved if your husband plummets the living daylights out of you.

Sorry, but from what you've posted, I support your husband 100%. You on the other hand haven't learnt your lesson. If sitting down to discuss amicably, and keeping your mouth shut while he airs his grievances is too much for you to bear, then don't blame him the day he walks out on you for good... straight into the arms of a more accommodating missus.

Oh, and I need to ask this of you: Didn't you guys date at all before getting hitched? Didn't you study the man before tying the knot and saying "I do"?

freecocoa: How is it her fault that the man takes off whenever he has cash?

I just think he does that cos he knows she isn't leaving him and many of these women who suffer in their marriages stay because of their children as they all claim and they just don't know how to start over again.

Don't blame them for the men's attitude, I personally have noticed that some men take women that treat them nicely for granted.

iamsaved: I am extremely confused at this point as I need to plan my future and my kid(s) future.

We have been married for 4years now, blessed with a child and expecting the second. For weired and unexplained reasons, my hubby is fond of abandoning our home whenever we have mild to heavy misunderstanding. He first abandoned me 2weeks after wedding over a minor arguement, came back, 4months later after wedding, same thing for one month and finally when I was pregnant with our first child over a little misunderstanding but this time for a long time. Yes I know it sounds funny. We reconciled late last year after he came with his family to beg, my major reason of going back being cos of my child. Now am some months pregnant and he attempted to leave again last two weeks. It was his friend who stopped him from leaving. During the meeting held last, Hia friend asked him exactly the reason he keeps doing that, he said he just doesn't want wahala or stress.

This didn't start with me, he once said he ran away from home for 5years when he was in his early 20s cos his mum was telling him to o house chores.

I regret reconciling with him. If I wasn't pregnant, I know i would have walked out finally since its still the same thing happening all over again.
I am scared for my future and the future of my kids.

Efemena_xy:

Well, if I'm being shockingly one-sided, perhaps it because I refuse to join the pity-party band wagon of women who tell stories aimed at making people bash the husband. There are always two sides to a story. The man isn't here to give his version of events. So the least she can do for her readers, under the circumstances, is to give us a balanced view of what really is happening there.

If she's bold enough to seek help on an internet forum full of faceless strangers, she should be bold enough to state what part she played here, no matter how unappealing it may sound. So far, all I've seen from her initial post so far is her painting the husband out to be some irresponsible devil hell-bent on destroying a still new marriage, while she, the woman, is the saintly-all-suffering pregnant wife. Sorry, it doesn't quite wash jare.

As per your last statement, now come on debosky! You are a man. Women are generally more vocal than men so I have no doubt this woman would have scored dozens of goals against her husband during one of her numerous verbal tirades. Most men rather than argue with such a woman would simply pick up their coat, phone and car keys and leave her to stew in her own juices.

She's already pointed out that he's left home in the past under similar circumstances, so she should understand that the last thing this man wants from her is a litany of insults guised as having medium to heavy arguments, whatever those are.

Efemena_xy:

I never said it's about your pregnancy.

What I did say is that ladies like you, if asked would attest their fishy behaviour and mood swings down to hormonal changes induced by pregnancy. Okay tell me something...do you have a job? i.e do you work for an employer? And if you do, do you argue with them the way you argue with your husband? No? I guessed as much. That's even by the way. You're pregnant. The last thing you need is the stress caused by an argument. You aren't a child so why not quit the bickering with your hubby?

Secondly, and most importantly, what on earth could you be arguing about, that could be so bad as to warrant your husband leaving home for weeks on end? Do you not know that sometimes, words hurt even more than being physically hit? One can heal from physical wounds, but the emotional wounds inflicted by a caustic tongue such as your may never heal.

Yes, it's normal to have disagreements, but not the sort of arguments you've described here as normal to heavy. You dey even grade your arguments!

Having said that, you still haven't answered the questions I posed you. Did you guys date before tying the knot and saying "I do"??



I don't have to go back and do a sentence-by-sentence analysis of your story, nor do I need to twist your words. It's simple enough to deduct that you argue like a shrew, hence your hubby can't withstand it from you and disappears. FACT.

omatss: You have the solution to your problem. Stop having argument with your husband, after all he is the head of the house and NO man want to stay with a nagging wife under the same roof. This man don't want problem so stop looking for his trouble.

iamsaved:

I regret reconciling with him. If I wasn't pregnant, I know i would have walked out finally since its still the same thing happening all over again.
I am scared for my future and the future of my kids.

DailyNews: Lol, ok, lol...now I have something to say...lol

Pls forgive my lol around, just can't help it.

See, it is normal for a man to grab his car key, jump into his car and run after a disagreement with his wife, but running away for months that's kinda weird, I am sorry to say that pls.

Not that ur hubby is weird, but his attitude of running away for long after a disagreement with his wife, not girlfriend per se, is really unwelcoming.

Reason I asked if he is the last born child of his family in my first comment. Most last born childs are spoilt and over-pampered by their parents, especially their mom...and this usually affect them even at old age

Some even find it hard to keep a girlfriend to talk of wife due to that fear of responsibility and facing quarrel.

What can resolve this

Time. Time solve virtually all human problems if and only if we are patient enough to wait. No one here can give u a magical solution...we can only profer solutions and suggestions based on our own little or versed knowledges...but no one here can resolve this automatically, so be patient.

At least, he isn't violent like some men...thank God for that...believe me, if u didn't pressured him into marrying you, and u are sure he rightfully walked up to u to pls marry him, believe me, he will come back to his senses someday...just be nice, calm and coordinated.

Don't listen to anyone advising u to divorce or separate...its easier said than done...society doesn't favour single-mothers....so be wise, it must surely be over!

He may as well need counselling, and the best people that can counsel him and make him change are his best friends, guys. Find them, pour out your heart to them and tell them to pls counsel him. Men listen more to their best friends than any other...another person is their mom, men respect their mom a lot.

Finally, make sure u aren't the one fuelling the misunderstandings purposefully...pls and pls...no man want a nagging wife. Goodluck