freecocoa: I know NL is filled with fake stories but believe it or not, there are men like the one described by the OP.

I personally know one who leaves every time he comes into money(he is a contractor), he leaves for months and comes back crying after spending the money saying he doesn't know what is wrong with him, that he thinks someone in his village is responsible, funny enough his wife is still married to him.

These things really do happen.

LoL very true like some1 I know let him get paid he'll come back when he's broke
Some men r scared of their responsibilities I tell u...smh

Efemena_xy:

Stories like these make the MrBrownJays and their attitudes to pregnant women look acceptable.

@OP, why should you be having mild to heavy arguments with your spouse frequently? Sounds like you instigate them. Please explain 'heavy arguments'. Do you get violent? Throw things around? Do you have a sharp, caustic tongue that's quick to insult the hell out of the man??

You're pregnant. The least you can do is respect yourself and keep your mouth shut. Why must you have an argument with your husband? Pls don't give the excuse of being hormonal this and hormonal that! Aren't you aware of the complications that can arise from having a high bp, which can be induced from unnecessary arguments?

I'm sorry to say this, but your husband sounds like the more mature one here. Rather than entangle himself with a battle of words, he chooses to walk out of the situation till things cool down. Or what do you expect him to do? Sit down quietly while you heap insult upon insult upon his head? Do you even know what might happen if he snaps?

Or maybe, you really are one of those who has a fetish for violence and only feel loved if your husband plummets the living daylights out of you.

Sorry, but from what you've posted, I support your husband 100%. You on the other hand haven't learnt your lesson. If sitting down to discuss amicably, and keeping your mouth shut while he airs his grievances is too much for you to bear, then don't blame him the day he walks out on you for good... straight into the arms of a more accommodating missus.

Oh, and I need to ask this of you: Didn't you guys date at all before getting hitched? Didn't you study the man before tying the knot and saying "I do"?

Thank you for this beautiful analysis. This woman surely has a killer tongue even from her brief write up and seems to suffer from excessive uncontrollable anger. The husband is a matured man who walks away from his pregnant wife who may be a violent type, instead of staying behind and allowing himself to snap and the next thing will be inflicting injury on his wife or even death and the first question asked whenever we hear such news is why didnt you just leave the house for her.
Madam I will advise you examine yourself by keeping your tongue in check, respect, respect and respect your husband. Allow him to be the man of the house. Like my mum will do to dad whenever she asks him for money for our school fees, feeding or for anything, he will vibrate and shout and ask her what she did with the last money he gave her the other day, she keeps quiet and allows him to express himself as the man, at the end before he leaves the house in the morning, the money will be lying on the table for her to pick. But some other women will start exchanging words and talk back at their husband and give him and make him dread coming back home.
Your husband from your explanation seems to be a real gentleman, who would rather walk away than inflict harm on you or get his BP rising.
You are the problem here am sorry from your explanations.
Pray for God to help you overcome the spirit of not being in control of your emotions and temper which leads to constant arguments and quarrels before he falls into the hands of another accommodating woman. Dont leave him because you will be carrying this same problem to another man if you think you can remarry as you are.

iamsaved: @Efe did you read my post well? Its not about my pregnancy, I don't do all you mentioned. What I mearnt by arguement is normal marital disagreements and it doesn't happen everytime.
The way you described and changed the entire story seems like you are the original writer.

You saw it coming and embraced it,so live with it.It's not like you just discovered this now. You found out before marriage. Whatever gave you morale to enter matrimony with such a man should keep you there.The sooner you start being self reliant the better. I hope he still picks the bill or does he wish to abandon responsibility?

rapmike: u guys are just analyzing the situation as kids.
first of all, DID THIS COUPLE DATE AT ALL?i mean the lady sounds as if she just noticed this after marriage and this seems to be like a behavior the man exhibited before marriage.
for you ppl saying that it is childish for him to leave the woman after every argument, then u have not seen some women argue. some women can argue senselessly for hours and they love displaying their arguing(and at times) fighting skills in front of neighbors. so if a woman is like that and she starts such with a man, there are only two options, which are for the man to join in her madness or to walk away.
the only place where i will blame the man is that he spends too much time outside and he is always shrinking back like a kid that is expecting cane. he needs to gather courage at times
i will advise the woman to analyze all the arguments she had with her husband that leads to him leaving the house, sometime must be there that sets him off.
and please she should be wary and pray because home breakers are always pawing at such men

My brother, dating is never a guarantee that a couple won't quarrel when they finally marry. Most people hide their true person during nowadays dating when virtually all tactics for deceiving people and making them love u and feel u are the mr. or miss right have been exposed on every internet website.

Dating is way different from marriage. In fact, if I am to decide for all humans, I would cancel dating entirely. People should never taste, or test, they should taste, test and learn in marriage.

Dating isn't an internship...human behaviours can change at any moment in life based on condition, environment and situation.

The guy's attitude of running away after a mild argument with his wife isn't nice. Though the woman in question may have issues, but first, the guy' s attitude isn't nice. The mother of his baby Oh come on guys...if he can't respect any other person, what about the lovely, innocent baby, huh

Any man that has the heart to abandon his child should be shot!!! Babies are the best creatures on earth, so innocent and lovely

And I wonder why women cherish sharing their marital issues online...na wa o...today women and this their internet craze eh...may God save una o....

If at all the threadstarter has made up her mind to quit the marriage, and is using indirect way to seek for a replacement hubby on nairaland...then she shud enrol for miss nairaland soon or upload her pics for nairaland guys to check her out, maybe the solution lies there

DailyNews and troublemaking eh

Have ever take your time to ask him when he is in a good mood why he does that any time there is an argument between both of you. If yes what is his response to you? If his response is I don't know why, you need to seek a spiritual solution

freecocoa: I know NL is filled with fake stories but believe it or not, there are men like the one described by the OP.

I personally know one who leaves every time he comes into money(he is a contractor), he leaves for months and comes back crying after spending the money saying he doesn't know what is wrong with him, that he thinks someone in his village is responsible, funny enough his wife is still married to him.

These things really do happen.

some people will break my ribs with laughter today o

AVRS: Dear, I wouldn't advise you leave your hubby. He's simply maladjusted, meet a Counselor, there's sure a way out.
Its would be more complicated if he has a mistress but since you don't suspect infidelity, a professional advise should do the job.
Don't neglect prayers too.

ok

tellwsdom: You are living with a mad man ..But if dem call ur husband mad man now, u go dey vex

OMG oh not again

iamsaved: Quite alot to say but this is the most disturbing part. Should I prepare myself for the inevitable? should I inform my parents that my husband is still the same run-away soldier?

Still you learn nothing about why he runs?
Dont you think it is better for you to do
without unecessary arguments an things that
will bring about misunderatanding? Cant you
do without always playing the right person an
remain a wife as a compliment an help met
than an authority? Even making decisions to
leave the house has already make people see
the kind of woman you are already...not just
submissive at all. Do you ever see him as the
head of the family or as partner you can scold
anytime u have an opportunity to? Im not
judging you but there cant certainly br smoke
without fire.. whatever you use as base for
judging him is very wrong(his past)

Wen he leaves... I bilv he alwz has a place to stay or to camp..
Cuz a persin dat dsnt have a place.. To stay must come bck home in few hours..

But den again.. Where does he work?? Who are his frnds

D day he runs and dies.. No body will knw what happend to him..

Pls live with him as he is. Don't expect much from him. He just wants peace. I am in same situation.

I take breaks wen my woman is furious. Becos its dangerous

AVRS: Dear, I wouldn't advise you leave your hubby. He's simply maladjusted, meet a Counselor, there's sure a way out.
Its would be more complicated if he has a mistress but since you don't suspect infidelity, a professional advise should do the job.
Don't neglect prayers too.

nollywood movie: Runaway Groom..jim iyke and omotola in lead role

iamsaved: @Efe did you read my post well? Its not about my pregnancy, I don't do all you mentioned. What I mearnt by arguement is normal marital disagreements and it doesn't happen everytime.
The way you described and changed the entire story seems like you are the original writer.

For you to say that shows how arguably you can become when it come to matters... I can say i fully support your husband.

Efemena_xy:

Stories like these make the MrBrownJays and their attitudes to pregnant women look acceptable.

@OP, why should you be having mild to heavy arguments with your spouse frequently? Sounds like you instigate them. Please explain 'heavy arguments'. Do you get violent? Throw things around? Do you have a sharp, caustic tongue that's quick to insult the hell out of the man??

You're pregnant. The least you can do is respect yourself and keep your mouth shut. Why must you have an argument with your husband? Pls don't give the excuse of being hormonal this and hormonal that! Aren't you aware of the complications that can arise from having a high bp, which can be induced from unnecessary arguments?

I'm sorry to say this, but your husband sounds like the more mature one here. Rather than entangle himself with a battle of words, he chooses to walk out of the situation till things cool down. Or what do you expect him to do? Sit down quietly while you heap insult upon insult upon his head? Do you even know what might happen if he snaps?

Or maybe, you really are one of those who has a fetish for violence and only feel loved if your husband plummets the living daylights out of you.

Sorry, but from what you've posted, I support your husband 100%. You on the other hand haven't learnt your lesson. If sitting down to discuss amicably, and keeping your mouth shut while he airs his grievances is too much for you to bear, then don't blame him the day he walks out on you for good... straight into the arms of a more accommodating missus.

Oh, and I need to ask this of you: Didn't you guys date at all before getting hitched? Didn't you study the man before tying the knot and saying "I do"?

Any other analysis na WASH! Sooooooooo on-point!!

This 'Efemana' of a character seems to be the husband, walahi. Or she dey dey on top roof weneva the couple dey get issues. How person go condemn/pass judgement one sided and be so certain of the cause of disagreement between the couple is beyond me. It won't make men see u as a champion.

Efemena_xy:

I never said it's about your pregnancy.

What I did say is that ladies like you, if asked would attest their fishy behaviour and mood swings down to hormonal changes induced by pregnancy. Okay tell me something...do you have a job? i.e do you work for an employer? And if you do, do you argue with them the way you argue with your husband? No? I guessed as much. That's even by the way. You're pregnant. The last thing you need is the stress caused by an argument. You aren't a child so why not quit the bickering with your hubby?

Secondly, and most importantly, what on earth could you be arguing about, that could be so bad as to warrant your husband leaving home for weeks on end? Do you not know that sometimes, words hurt even more than being physically hit? One can heal from physical wounds, but the emotional wounds inflicted by a caustic tongue such as your may never heal.

Yes, it's normal to have disagreements, but not the sort of arguments you've described here as normal to heavy. You dey even grade your arguments!

Having said that, you still haven't answered the questions I posed you. Did you guys date before tying the knot and saying "I do"??



I don't have to go back and do a sentence-by-sentence analysis of your story, nor do I need to twist your words. It's simple enough to deduct that you argue like a shrew, hence your hubby can't withstand it from you and disappears. FACT.

Oga u mumu sha o... U dey talk like small pikin. @Op, I don't knw wat to advice. Get a gun and shoot him in d head. My mum and dad argue a lot but I av never taken sides. I view things from both persons perspective and come to a logical conclusion. The major cos of argument is lack of communication and understanding btw couples and humans generally. Before you argue, try and see things in the other persons view. If u "think" u are right den prove ur point. Its an argument, not a fight. Arguments are meant to bring pple to a point of mutual compromise or total change. We Africans take tinz too personal, including me.

I always do the same but i always return in the morning to dress for work
@Poster i think you should stop doing what normally chase him away

HotNaijaBabe: @Op..I feel your pains oh cos many people won't understand what you are going through.

I remember the Michael Adebolajo Character 'Woolwich bombing.. A lot of people now blame the parents for what the son did cos they separated and the child didn't grow up with mum and dad... Op, after all has been said and done, consider your children, and do the right thing. No matter how u try to convince us that your husband is the cause of all your woes, we can't jump to conclusions cos he is not here to defend himself. But again, u made the mistake of marrying him for reasons best known to you..if you can work it out...pls DO! If you can't, let HIM GO before he kills you one day so he can finally become the BACHELOR he wants to be.
********
Btw, there are too many men around today whose only Manly duty is sleeping around. I know one who stays at a house rented by his wife, eats her food, neglects the children and still beats and curse the wife..

There is another who abandoned his wife and 2yr old son for 10 months...Came home suddenly one day to steal all the money in the house and left again..He doesn't even call to ask after the child he fathered.

So I know that Op's case is not special or peculiar... These men are everywhere.

******
Single ladies, not all that glitters is gold. Desist from chasing handsome guys with no morals. Get a job first, love yourself and COURT for months before jumping into marriage.
*******
If only gals know what it truly takes to be a Wife and Mother and live with a man for so many years....They will realize that Courtship truly matters.

******
Finally..Women..be financially independent! Cos the kind of marriages we see around these days..ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!

Eh yaah...nice advice to ur fellow ladies.

I only disagree on d issue of courting- it doesn't guarantee a happy marriage.

Don't persuade a guy into marriage, ladies won't hear!

Don't blackmail a guy to marry u, ladies won't hear!

Don't entrap a guy with pregnancy, ladies won't hear!

A guy that cares less about kids and children can't make a good husband talkless of father.

Its really disheartening what the world has turned to- courtesy of overpopulation, over-modern civilisation and cultures.

I still remember the stories my parents told me of how each of their family members were tracing the other's family history to ensure they don't have traces of evil or bad marital conduct, etc.

But today, majority of young guys and ladies are ready to wed a guy or girl they stumbled on a road, one road-side church, internet website, or even at a party without minding to inform their parents to carry out deep findings on the background of the person they want to marry. And we are here crying that marriages are not as sweet as before, why would they be, tell me

When culture and tradition have been thrown to dust, and we now celebrate and embrace modern civilisation, marry him or her so long as u love him or her. Who told u all that love is all that's needed to sustain a happy marriage

Until people trace their ways back to what's right, we will keep hearing and reading more stories like this.

im sowie ooo but is ur husband possessedow can he leave a pregnant woman lyk u 4 dat long, plzzz ma dear lady pray for him very well ooooo

biolabee: Sorry this story is funny

A man fights with his wife and to blow off steam leaves for months at a go

Firstly what kind of work does your man do

Also are you working

Where you stay, who pays for it

Wat is the nature of arguments you have

Its not funny at all. My Uncle once married a woman, they both had 2 children ; very good job with a british company and very rich too.

Every thing is available in the house including official and private cars, but this woman would often nag and even violently smash the windshield of the car in which he was being taken to the office in the morning .

He devised a way of avoiding her hurting words and violence by frequently going to work from a hotel room in Ikeja anytime he smelled trouble in the house.

The marriage has since become history, some women can truncate your life ; my eldest brother died of stroke cos of a similar scenario.

iamsaved:

You hit the nail right on the head! Polygamous home of 30children with 7wives. One thing that bothers me is how he is always blaming his parents for his nature of life.

OP your husband has a wife elsewhere.that's just the truth.deal with it.if you're young and have a job.pls divorce him.I blame you if you knew about this his family issue and still married him.maybe you were under pressure to get married.but all is not lost.you can still get out of this mess and have a normal life. I won't be surprised if you come to NL sometime in future to tell us another woman is pursuing you with Acid to leave her husband alone for her.like someone said,he's probably the business-man husband of some unsuspecting lady/ladies somewhere.(Yea some men are like that)
I knew of one who had three wives already.one in china.(He does import business frm china)
And he came to marry my friend.even already done introduction before we found out.hmm.go test yourself for HIV .if you haven't gotten it from him, walk away while you still have your health.health is wealth.

Your handle or username is direct opposite of your story!!!

Guyman02:
Like my mum will do to dad whenever she asks him for money for our school fees, feeding or for anything, he will vibrate and shout and ask her what she did with the last money he gave her the other day, she keeps quiet and allows him to express himself as the man,

what a nice dad you have.

Well gentlemen I guess y'all have a new lesson to learn today.
Vibrate and shout whenever you're expected to live up to your responsibilities.that's how to express yourself as the man.

Hmmm....
Where does he go, when he runs away?
Answering this question, is the key.

There is no marital squabble that should make a 'full grown' MAN desert his family for months., even up to one week! It is absurd. For a man to take that big step to be called a husband and father, he must be one capable of taking charge (control) of his home, not run away at the slightest rumble. Where do you intend to run to? Your married friend's house? Doesn't he have a wife too? Or your unmarried pal's house...Who doesn't yet know what marriage is all about? Leaving what God has entrusted to you?
Yes, sometimes some women can go too far in shouting/saying hurtful words when tempers are rife, ...but, no quarrel should last more than a day, no matter what it is. That would be the beginning of cracks in the home and marriage.
No one should come here and condemn one party as if you know them. Even If you have had such experience, every home cannot be as yours.
@OP, if you chase your hubby from the house with your mouth, that's not cool. You need to check/try to control it. Cos the tongue can play tricks on you, you might say what you didn't mean to/will regret later. God's grace is required there(for every woman). But, if it's the usual couple misunderstanding once in a while, then your hubby needs a check-in with reality., and urgently.
Running away from mummy's proposal of house chores is absurd, very absurd. But, this is marriage, he has married a woman, not his fellow man. And a woman must talk. Like counsellors will tell the men: a woman's tongue is to her what your physical strength is to you. She cannot fight you physically, so she uses her readily-aailable weapon, the tongue. So when she starts, if you are the short-tempered type, you either remove yourself from the environment momentarily so your anger doesn't escalate/you realize it's just the hurt- and try to calm her enough to discuss. You don't run away from your wife and family because you expect it to be sweet sweet lovey dovey 24/7, 365 days/yr. That's not being realistic. Step up and be the man of the home.

lorretta u: what a nice dad you have.

Well gentlemen I guess y'all have a new lesson to learn today.
Vibrate and shout whenever you're expected to live up to your responsibilities.that's how to express yourself as the man.

lmao

For the first time, i was gonna agree with DN until I saw the don't date or court part.
Like just meet a guy and jump into his house to start living together as husband & wife. Who says that
Apart from that, you're making sense today.

@guyman, i'm sorry to say but that habit of your dad is not good. I really hope you're not planning on doing same cos if you ask your mum very well, I'm sure she doesn't jump up with joy and happiness whenever your dad does that to her.

my sista the only advice i've u.change ur ways,ur characta n see what next.telling ur parents i does think is a bad idea but above all present the issue to almight god n be strong in prayer.

This is becoming a new trend for men to leave home whenever there is an issue with wife, I know someone who does this a lot too. But is better than beating a woman.

DailyNews: Eh yaah...nice advice to ur fellow ladies.

I only disagree on d issue of courting- it doesn't guarantee a happy marriage.

Don't persuade a guy into marriage, ladies won't hear!

Don't blackmail a guy to marry u, ladies won't hear!

Don't entrap a guy with pregnancy, ladies won't hear!

A guy that cares less about kids and children can't make a good husband talkless of father.

Its really disheartening what the world has turned to- courtesy of overpopulation, over-modern civilisation and cultures.

I still remember the stories my parents told me of how each of their family members were tracing the other's family history to ensure they don't have traces of evil or bad marital conduct, etc.

But today, majority of young guys and ladies are ready to wed a guy or girl they stumbled on a road, one road-side church, internet website, or even at a party without minding to inform their parents to carry out deep findings on the background of the person they want to marry. And we are here crying that marriages are not as sweet as before, why would they be, tell me

When culture and tradition have been thrown to dust, and we now celebrate and embrace modern civilisation, marry him or her so long as u love him or her. Who told u all that love is all that's needed to sustain a happy marriage

Until people trace their ways back to what's right, we will keep hearing and reading more stories like this.

daily news, how u dey?