SPACE FOR RENT

shoerack6:
The thing is I don't even nag. I've never done that before since we got married. I don't even talk when he's angry and lashing at me.

We women are the cause of our problems. He probably did this when you were dating but instead of you to confront him, you were doing 'good girl' so that there won't be trouble. And now you think he can stop it? For where? Endure it dear, you saw it coming but pretended not to.

shoerack6:
Thanks for your advice but the thing is we have separate room but when it's time to sleep he comes to my room. So practically, when he's angry, he'll decide to sleep in his room.
Yes I have two kids. I've stopped cooking for him whenever is angry cos if I see d food there on the table, I get more heart broken.

Keep trusting God for a change.

wetin make i come do

shoerack6: Hello house,

Whenever I have disagreement with hubby, he'll decide not to talk to me. He won't eat my food and also will not sleep on the same bed with me. I'll have to beg and beg before he finally decides to talk to me.
I'm so sick and tired of his attitude. I tried discussing with him that we should look for a better way to resolve issues but he said he doesn't want to discuss anything with me.
We are presently not talking and have promised myself that this year, no more begging and begging. Have apologised to him like thrice since yesterday, i've sent him messages apologising even though I know that i've done nothing wrong.
Now i'm always in my room because even when I go to where he is, he'll stand up and leave d place.
This is killing me inside. Don't know what to do.
Pls mature advice only.
Mod pls I don't want this thread on front page.

shoerack6: Hello house,

Whenever I have disagreement with hubby, he'll decide not to talk to me. He won't eat my food and also will not sleep on the same bed with me. I'll have to beg and beg before he finally decides to talk to me.
I'm so sick and tired of his attitude. I tried discussing with him that we should look for a better way to resolve issues but he said he doesn't want to discuss anything with me.
We are presently not talking and have promised myself that this year, no more begging and begging. Have apologised to him like thrice since yesterday, i've sent him messages apologising even though I know that i've done nothing wrong.
Now i'm always in my room because even when I go to where he is, he'll stand up and leave d place.
This is killing me inside. Don't know what to do.
Pls mature advice only.
Mod pls I don't want this thread on front page.

Why are you letting someone else determine your happiness? If he bones you no mind am. Continue to do your thing. My husband used to do that one too, me wey no like to cook, when he starts boning thats the day I will grill chicken, make ofensala. I cannot be begging anybody biko, he is turning you to his slave.

Can you just quit this begging!!!

awesomeness:

Hey Shoerack6! Did u steal my story? Or did u sneak into my crib to see all that is happening?
Lol... Seriously, I used to experience all that u have said except that mine has nofin to do with language 'cos we speak same language. My husband doesn't laugh nor play/crack jokes wif me neither does he to his two kids that I bore for him. Somx he cld just return frm work angry n vent his anger on us @ home, he cld wake up frm sleep n be angry, we cld even be talking and then mayb l ask to leave for saturday rehearsals in d church of which I go wif my kids, upon my return, I'l meet an angry man @ home who will refuse to talk to me and d more I ask to know wat happened n y he is nt tlking to me, d more angry he gets n ends up not eating my food. Wenever he is angry, aside not talking to me, he doesn't eat my food neither does he sleep in our room, he'l rather sleep in another room. This cld go in for days/ weeks and d more it breaks my heart. Wen I cry, I seem to worsen d situation because he will get angry d more, tell me I'm disturbing him wif my cry n that if I shd shed blood, that wouldn't move him, worse still, he walks out leaving me to cry. Most times I ask myself hw I ended up wif him. I used to think I'm d only one in this shoe until I saw ur post. I'm only trusting God for a change n I also want u to do same.

I wanna throw up

awesomeness:

Hey Shoerack6! Did u steal my story? Or did u sneak into my crib to see all that is happening?
Lol... Seriously, I used to experience all that u have said except that mine has nofin to do with language 'cos we speak same language. My husband doesn't laugh nor play/crack jokes wif me neither does he to his two kids that I bore for him. Somx he cld just return frm work angry n vent his anger on us @ home, he cld wake up frm sleep n be angry, we cld even be talking and then mayb l ask to leave for saturday rehearsals in d church of which I go wif my kids, upon my return, I'l meet an angry man @ home who will refuse to talk to me and d more I ask to know wat happened n y he is nt tlking to me, d more angry he gets n ends up not eating my food. Wenever he is angry, aside not talking to me, he doesn't eat my food neither does he sleep in our room, he'l rather sleep in another room. This cld go in for days/ weeks and d more it breaks my heart. Wen I cry, I seem to worsen d situation because he will get angry d more, tell me I'm disturbing him wif my cry n that if I shd shed blood, that wouldn't move him, worse still, he walks out leaving me to cry. Most times I ask myself hw I ended up wif him. I used to think I'm d only one in this shoe until I saw ur post. I'm only trusting God for a change n I also want u to do same.

He could be depressed
He has a mood disorder
There are many people who need to be under the care of a psychiatrist and they are not
This is obviously not normal
Such an unhealthy environment
But first he has to admit that he has a problem and that is the hardest part
I hope he doesn't get angry to the point of violence towards you or the children

How does he relate with people outside?

Op, I sympathize with you. Your hubby knows d silence treatment hurts u that's why he persists to use it. However any advice u receive here needs to be adapted to d type of Man U have....don't take it hook, line n sinker.
My take is: stop begging so much, it empowers Hs bad behavior. For now just let him be. Continue to perform your roles, talk to him if u need to, don't worry if he doesn't answer. With time he will come around....he's only being immature....some men can be so childish!
Chin up girl....he's your hubby, have no fear!

awesomeness:

Hey Shoerack6! Did u steal my story? Or did u sneak into my crib to see all that is happening?
Lol... Seriously, I used to experience all that u have said except that mine has nofin to do with language 'cos we speak same language. My husband doesn't laugh nor play/crack jokes wif me neither does he to his two kids that I bore for him. Somx he cld just return frm work angry n vent his anger on us @ home, he cld wake up frm sleep n be angry, we cld even be talking and then mayb l ask to leave for saturday rehearsals in d church of which I go wif my kids, upon my return, I'l meet an angry man @ home who will refuse to talk to me and d more I ask to know wat happened n y he is nt tlking to me, d more angry he gets n ends up not eating my food. Wenever he is angry, aside not talking to me, he doesn't eat my food neither does he sleep in our room, he'l rather sleep in another room. This cld go in for days/ weeks and d more it breaks my heart. Wen I cry, I seem to worsen d situation because he will get angry d more, tell me I'm disturbing him wif my cry n that if I shd shed blood, that wouldn't move him, worse still, he walks out leaving me to cry. Most times I ask myself hw I ended up wif him. I used to think I'm d only one in this shoe until I saw ur post. I'm only trusting God for a change n I also want u to do same.

does he attend church with you? If yes, why don't you get your pastor to help talk to him, and when he's in good mood, why don't you recommend a pyschariatic doctor to him, because what you described here isn't normal at all, God forbid he gets so annoyed one day and decide to maim you or the kids, he really needs to be treated, please im not being sarcastic o, im damn serious, he needs a counsellor as well as a doctor, please, don't just look at him as a perpetual angry man, see him as someone who neeeds help and do help him out.
May God direct you rightly.

awesomeness:

Hey Shoerack6! Did u steal my story? Or did u sneak into my crib to see all that is happening?
Lol... Seriously, I used to experience all that u have said except that mine has nofin to do with language 'cos we speak same language. My husband doesn't laugh nor play/crack jokes wif me neither does he to his two kids that I bore for him. Somx he cld just return frm work angry n vent his anger on us @ home, he cld wake up frm sleep n be angry, we cld even be talking and then mayb l ask to leave for saturday rehearsals in d church of which I go wif my kids, upon my return, I'l meet an angry man @ home who will refuse to talk to me and d more I ask to know wat happened n y he is nt tlking to me, d more angry he gets n ends up not eating my food. Wenever he is angry, aside not talking to me, he doesn't eat my food neither does he sleep in our room, he'l rather sleep in another room. This cld go in for days/ weeks and d more it breaks my heart. Wen I cry, I seem to worsen d situation because he will get angry d more, tell me I'm disturbing him wif my cry n that if I shd shed blood, that wouldn't move him, worse still, he walks out leaving me to cry. Most times I ask myself hw I ended up wif him. I used to think I'm d only one in this shoe until I saw ur post. I'm only trusting God for a change n I also want u to do same.

A happy monogamous home

All is well mam.

@ awesomeness, i will start by saying that, effective communication is important in marriage, sometimes if your emmotional life is poor then automatically d communication will be poor. I will give u some key points-. 1. Ensure to start each day with God as a family. 2. Try as much as possible to comunicate even d worst thing to him, talk what is talkable, 3. Impove on ur emmotional life, for instance, is he the one that is emmotionally active or u?, pls work on urself, always give him a remarkable & wonderful exprience. In a nutshell, always pray for God to change him.

LOL, and some biased mind people were here posting as if polygamous home is one hell of a marriage and monogamous home is like a marriage in paradise alas we just read the irony.

Welcome to reality.

Record his childishness wt ur phone or something then send it wt a recordin of how his attitude affects u...end it wt I'l always love u.
Then come tell us hz reaction.

When u said, ur hubby has another wife honestly i was short of words, but beside this, make sure you serve his food always, whether he eats it or not. Dont ever make the mistake of avoiding his food. Then finaly did u engage in cutship before marriage? Have u ever speak in ur dialect when speaking to ur family in his presence? What was his reaction then? Did he speak in his language when talking to his own people? Did both of you ever love ur self before? Does he suspect every of ur movement due to lack of trust? Did you married him because of his money? Dis and many others. I want u to know, there is no smoke without a fire.

Bantino: If you offend him, ensure that you appologise accordingly. If the cause of your misunderstanding is not your fault, ignore him for a while, ensure you prepare his food even when he refuses to eat.

If you guys don't have kids yet, wear some skimpy cloths at home, and try so many ways of seducing him without talking to him.

Walk out of the bathroom unclad most times, he may behave as if he's not noticing your moves, just continue. To break him, at night, just pretend to feel cold and tell him to hold you, beleive me, he will gladly hold you and from there one thing leads to another.

When you guys are done making love then you can have a 'brief discussion' with him concerning his attitude, Bleep him after the discussion then sleep off. If you get it right, he will change with time and learn how to talk issues over.

Hi Pro!

tintingz: LOL, and some biased mind people were here posting as if polygamous home is one hell of a marriage and monogamous home is like a marriage in paradise alas we just read the irony.

Welcome to reality.

You're badt

Time I unfollow this thread.

As-Sabur - The Patient One.

Ewuro707:

You're badt

Time I unfollow this thread.

As-Sabur - The Patient One.

RoyPCain: ^ so you ladies have not seen co wives who are like sisters? and their children are like children of each co wife?

i come such a home. and i have seen many in america.

and those who called their husbands dogs, wow is what i say.


you women are so selfish that you do not want the good that you have for your sister in womanhood.

You are joking with your last paragraph right?

Sarcasm, I hate u.

We can do better without it.

If we don't wanna advice. We can also read and pass.

Cause we wanna extract our pound of flesh we bury emotions at d altar of pride and revenge.

Its even better we don't qoute somebody's outpouring of pains at all than qouting it to despite our supposed enemy.
Of course d @op might be wondering why her post generated such post or regreting why she posted.

Seun Osewa smiles to d bank every minute thru our silly behaviours and care less if we kill ourselves on or offline. There is even a disclaimer down there.
The greatest form of slavery is d slavery of d mind.

U've promised nt 2 beg him dis yr.My dear be ready 2 be a divorcee.D pillar of a woman is her husband.

The OP may be doing ikwokirikwo with the man and people are here giving advise
Nne tell us na
How far?

shoerack6:
I don't even want to explain what happened cos if I do, u people will help me insult him.
Ok, let me explain. Hubby is a tribalist. He said he doesn't like me speaking this particular language and that's the language I use when communicating with my family.
So yesterday, my aunty called. I tried as much as possible not to speak this language so was just answering her hun, ehn ehn but at the same time I don't want him to think i'm talking with someone I don't want him to know, so I decided to ask after her son in the language. That's where the trouble started oo.
I'm so sick and tired of all this. When I tried begging, he asked me to leave his presence and that was when I asked him if he was trying to frustrate me. He now said these days that my mouth is becoming too sharp and even threatened to slap me.

[size=13pt]The problem:[/size]

The problem is simple to understand. Your hubby has a "trust" issue with you. You must have done something or things knowingly or unknowingly that made him think you're cheating or hiding something bad from him. For the fact that you prefer speaking in your native language (which he doesn't doesn't speak or understand) in his presence while on phone, exacerbates the problem.

A cheating wife who is in your position could easily be speaking with her boyfriends or be planning evil on phone in her hubby's presence without him knowing.

I think your hubby doesn't hate your language and I also think he's not a "tribalist", if he was, I'm sure he wouldn't marry you in the first place.

[size=13pt]Soluition:[/size]

1. Focus first on what caused the problem. Good a thing, you know it already. You can't stop speaking your language because of anyone, that's is certain. But try to speak more of the language your husband understands while you're on phone in his presence.

Marriage is about caring, loving, understanding and being open to each other. Marriage as an ongoing process in constant need of nurturing. You must also assure your hubby everyday through your character that you're his and his only. The same applies to him.

If you must answer a call in his presence, then you should also speak in the language his understands, unless, you're hiding something from him. It's obvious you'll also be upset if you were in your hubby's shoes.

2. His attitude of silence whenever he's angry could be to avoid problem escalation, or just his own way of handling his anger. We don't have the whole story here and of course, you won't like to paint yourself black here, even if you are heavily at fault. I would have liked to hear from the other side before knowing exactly what happened and why he behaves that way whenever he's angry.

For now, I would say "silence" is not always the best answer to all marital conflicts. Some problems need to be ironed out through dialogues, to actually resolve them. After you guys have reconciled, discuss about his "silence" attitude with him, not the same day but any other day he's happy.

[size=13pt]Conclusion:[/size]

Your marriage should be far more important than doing things that could cause unnecessary problems. Show your hubby that you can be trusted by speaking the language he understands when you receive any call in his presence, so that he will start trusting you again. Lack of trust is at the root of many relationship problems.

So be wise. My two cents right there.

@bukatyne;

by bukatyne(f): 11:53pm On Jan 04

RoyPCain: ^ so you ladies have not seen co wives who are like sisters? and their children are like children of each co wife?

i come such a home. and i have seen many in america.

and those who called their husbands dogs, wow is what i say.


you women are so selfish that you do not want the good that you have for your sister in womanhood.

You are joking with your last paragraph right?

if you didn't see a smiley, it is your wrong assumption and since you live in england, you should have known better than that. i do not joke in matters as important as that of a revert into Islam and her smock headed husband is threading on her right. joke is inappropriate.

Now this is my conclussion, is eighter you re cheating on ur hubby, or ur hubby did'nt love you, period.

victorazy:

Hey! U can give any advice but don't generalize it that "men r not worth it" na women worth it. See woman wey man go train for sch bcuz her parents no get only to graduate and marry another guy or woman man go keep for house but she go dey sleep with driver etc, some women na curse. We'r all human, we can't be perfect weda na man or woman. Na stvpid ppl talk like u. The guy is foolish bcuz he think he has moni and another wife., I can never suppor him I won't bhav like him, ladies dey beg me to marry them, I swear no be brag and no be say I don make moni sef.

weda u accept or not, almost all men r not worth it! M married too nd knw wot's up. Pls if u r getting married, look for someone u will luv,despite all. Nd for ur information m nt stupid, rada u r immature!

Since he does not want to settle the dispute btw the two of you, I would suggest you stop doing the begging let see if your will change postively this time around.

Go for marriage therapy and psycho social counseling. This behavior is something he probably learned from his parents.

My dear don`t give up because of your kids, just try and do what ever he ask you to do for the sake of peace. When he is talk just be saying yes sir don`t allow those women to take over what belong to you my dear think. Use wisdom don't let him kill you woman have heart so try fore about his character just try to make him happy, and learn not to give him your whole heart to break but love him and care. To me I am married but a man can` kill me why

shoerack6: The most painful part is when it comes to begging. I can stand for 1 hour begging him.
Just how many days ago, he was angry that my aunty's husband called me.
He's so jealous and practically controls my life. If not that I already have kids, I would have asked him to divorce me.
He has another wife (i'm the first) so whenever he's not talking to me, he'll just face the other wife and abandon me. This breaks me down.

What? With two kids For him and he has 2nd wife? Mehn, men are something else.
It does not seems you guys are compartible. If I say to you, tell his relative about his attitude that might change the temperature of the already heated polity.
Find a suitable way to change him out of this. Probably when you guys settles soon, you may find a lasting solution afterwards and it better be binding on him.
God save your marriage...

the solution is simple if he is angry with u say am sorry if he refuse to eat you food after a weal stop given him food gust make for you self and eat it when he is around also enjoy it .

note this is the last result after all you have done has failed,
every marriage has it challenge yours is nothing,
communication is the key to every marriage.

there is more to it than meets d eye.d guy is nt jus angry cos of d dialect.he is tryin ti frustrate u cos of d second wife.jus b prayerful n ask b a dutiful wife n ask God to help ur marriage