Goldenboy007: What do women want exactly? You fight man

He screams at you - Na wahala, He is evil and a bully.
He keeps quiet - Na wahala, He's insensitive and keeps malice.
He stands and look when you abuse him mercilessly- He is mumu and coward, not man enough for you!
He returns your abuse with a stinging slap - Devilish and evil, divorce a potential wife killer.

So it is easier for you to make a resolution not to beg him again rather than to make a resolution not to offend him again?

Take note of this, men have different ways of resolving issues within themselves, whether you beg him or not he needs that time to resolve the issue within himself before he can resolve with you. Men are generally analyst, they need to analyze the impact of that your so called "simple offence" before they can move on, some do it in shorter time and some take longer. Some of you women would intentional repeat a behavior you have been corrected about thinking what it takes is just to say "sorry" and you would now complain he is not accepting your apologies. You can go ahead to stop begging him, when that time comes you would discover that it was easier to beg than to hold a 40 days fasting and prayer in Shiloh or RCCG camp for a failing marriage.

@ the bolded is very correct. U r lucky he doesn't even bit u up. He only sends u to conventory bcox u hav done wat he hates, the reason u mentione above is untenable, u jus wana gain sympathy, but sympathy here woun't do u any good. U beta say the truth. No man can ever say u shouldn't speak ur language with ur family, ur claim is false, no right thinkin person would bliv u I perceive u to b a nagging woman...sorry. Stop doing that thing u kw irritates him.

ypepe: I really feel for u. At times u don't blame women for fighting for equality.
These things can drive one crasy, I tell ya.
Best of lucks.

But na she open eye enter/stay in the situation. Most moslems are open to polygamy

If you marry one Young Alhaji and later he marries 3 more wives who do you blame?

Goldenboy007: What do women want exactly? You fight man

He screams at you - Na wahala, He is evil and a bully.
He keeps quiet - Na wahala, He's insensitive and keeps malice.
He stands and look when you abuse him mercilessly- He is mumu and coward, not man enough for you!
He returns your abuse with a stinging slap - Devilish and evil, divorce a potential wife killer.

So it is easier for you to make a resolution not to beg him again rather than to make a resolution not to offend him again?

Take note of this, men have different ways of resolving issues within themselves, whether you beg him or not he needs that time to resolve the issue within himself before he can resolve with you. Men are generally analyst, they need to analyze the impact of that your so called "simple offence" before they can move on, some do it in shorter time and some take longer. Some of you women would intentional repeat a behavior you have been corrected about thinking what it takes is just to say "sorry" and you would now complain he is not accepting your apologies. You can go ahead to stop begging him, when that time comes you would discover that it was easier to beg than to hold a 40 days fasting and prayer in Shiloh or RCCG camp for a failing marriage.

@ the bolded is very correct. U r lucky he doesn't even bit u up. He only sends u to conventory bcox u hav done wat he hates, the reason u mentione above is untenable, u jus wana gain sympathy, but sympathy here woun't do u any good. U beta say the truth. No man can ever say u shouldn't speak ur language with ur family, ur claim is false, no right thinkin person would bliv u I perceive u to b a nagging woman...sorry. Stop doing that thing u kw irritates him.

Goldenboy007: What do women want exactly? You fight man

He screams at you - Na wahala, He is evil and a bully.
He keeps quiet - Na wahala, He's insensitive and keeps malice.
He stands and look when you abuse him mercilessly- He is mumu and coward, not man enough for you!
He returns your abuse with a stinging slap - Devilish and evil, divorce a potential wife killer.

So it is easier for you to make a resolution not to beg him again rather than to make a resolution not to offend him again?

Take note of this, men have different ways of resolving issues within themselves, whether you beg him or not he needs that time to resolve the issue within himself before he can resolve with you. Men are generally analyst, they need to analyze the impact of that your so called "simple offence" before they can move on, some do it in shorter time and some take longer. Some of you women would intentional repeat a behavior you have been corrected about thinking what it takes is just to say "sorry" and you would now complain he is not accepting your apologies. You can go ahead to stop begging him, when that time comes you would discover that it was easier to beg than to hold a 40 days fasting and prayer in Shiloh or RCCG camp for a failing marriage.

@ the bolded is very correct. U r lucky he doesn't even bit u up. He only sends u to conventory bcox u hav done wat he hates, the reason u mentione above is untenable, u jus wana gain sympathy, but sympathy here woun't do u any good. U beta say the truth. No man can ever say u shouldn't speak ur language with ur family, ur claim is false, no right thinkin person would bliv u I perceive u to b a nagging woman...sorry. Stop doing that thing u kw irritates him.

Prayer and effective communication from both parties (with positive minds ) helps. Rather than hoarding issues that will further complicate matters. Why not talk it out, Let it go and live happily

dayokanu:

Do you think shouting matches and open confrontations help marriages either

Why do people suddenly feel it's a super story cos she said the husband has a second wife? They are Muslims and in Islam, polygamy is no big deal. They seem to be fine with it (or at least they pretend to). Not my business.

Poster, there is really nothing much you can do. Just try to avoid argument with him. When he starts With his tantrums, take it as your time off, concentrate on yourself, kids and your shop. Let the second wife continue from where you stopped. In no time, the second wife will also be in your shoes and then you take over again. And the cycle continues. . .

You are in a polygamous marriage, do not expect to resolve issues the normal monogamous way. Seek advice from your fellow Muslim polygamous wives as most people here do not know what it feels like to be in one. Goodluck!

Phema: Poster, there is really nothing much you can do. Just try to avoid argument with him. When he starts With his tantrums, take it as your time off, concentrate on yourself, kids and your shop. Let the second wife continue from where you stopped. In no time, the second wife will also be in your shoes and then [size=14pt]THIRD WIFE[/size] take over again. And the cycle continues. . . !

Bold part corrected

dayokanu:

But na she open eye enter/stay in the situation. Most moslems are open to polygamy

If you marry one Young Alhaji and later he marries 3 more wives who do you blame?

Dayo, did u read her postsw at all?
She is d first wife, married into religion that accepts polygamy.
So what do u advice her to do?
Religion and society boxed her into a corner. There r millions like her. Some r worst. What do u do except feel for them?
U can c that some pple don't know what to tell her either. Or do u want her to divorce?

dayokanu:

Bold part corrected

Fool!

Op, you are married in the polygamous setting, since you are a Moslem, let me give you my own advice that won't go against your faith.
*grabs kola nut *

1. Dress your bed with clean linens. If possible.white sheets. Make the bed very soft that would make any one die to lay in that bed.

2. Stop covering your body while at home, time to get those sex y lingerie. For a reason chose red.

3. This is a stiff competition. Since you have found yourself in that settings you have to fight hard. Learn how to make delicious meal. Buy plenty non alchoholic beer, massage oil. Rub his feet, massage him any time he comes for your round.

I would have added some things but...
If na me, the second wife for don run Tay Tay ... By the time I put some additives for the food she prepares for hubby. When hubby goes toilet 7 times in a day, no body go tell am how far.

Orishirishi

#redPants

ypepe:
Dayo, did u read her postsw at all?
She is d first wife, married into religion that accepts polygamy.
So what do u advice her to do?
Religion and society boxed her into a corner. There r millions like her. Some r worst. What do u do except feel for them?
U can c that some pple don't know what to tell her either. Or do u want her to divorce?

For Polygamy you have to adjust your expectation.

You cant say a husband is unfaithful when its a polygamy from the start, or he doesnt pay attention to you when he has multiple women in his life

Chilli Chilli! You wicked oooo.

She is not looking to chase the other wife out na. In fact, I'm sure she even likes her. She just wants the husband to behave.

dayokanu:

But na she open eye enter/stay in the situation. Most moslems are open to polygamy

If you marry one Young Alhaji and later he marries 3 more wives who do you blame?

Did you actually read all what I wrote?
There is no point answering you.

Chillisauce: Op, you are married in the polygamous setting, since you are a Moslem, let me give you my own advice that won't go against your faith.
*grabs kola nut *

1. Dress your bed with clean linens. If possible.white sheets. Make the bed very soft that would make any one die to lay in that bed.

2. Stop covering your body while at home, time to get those sex y lingerie. For a reason chose red.

3. This is a stiff competition. Since you have found yourself in that settings you have to fight hard. Learn how to make delicious meal. Buy plenty non alchoholic beer, massage oil. Rub his feet, massage him any time he comes for your round.

I would have added some things but...
If na me, the second wife for don run Tay Tay ... By the time I put some additives for the food she prepares for hubby. When hubby goes toilet 7 times in a day, no body go tell am how far.

Orishirishi

Lol at additives. But when will all these stop. I'm actually tired but don't want to leave because of my kids.

Phema: Chilli Chilli! You wicked oooo.

She is not looking to chase the other wife out na. In fact, I'm sure she even likes her. She just wants the husband to behave.

The man will always be confused as long as there is legitimate wife .
Op do you love this woman , I mean the second wife. If do, three some won't be a bad idea.

If you not, make her very uncomfortable.

Pls try and gain some independent, like that you have a choice.

Chillisauce:

The man will always be confused as long as there is legitimate wife .
Op do you love this woman , I mean the second wife. If do, three some won't be a bad idea.

If you not, make her very uncomfortable.

Pls try and gain some independent, like that you have a choice.

She didn't complain about the other wife, why make her uncomfortable? She is a wife, not a concubine. She has equal stakes with her. So, no one is going anywhere. They will have to learn to manage the man situation.

Moreover, she must have known the man's stance as regards polygamy and consented to it. The other wife shouldn't bear the brunt.

Chillisauce:

The man will always be confused as long as there is legitimate wife .
Op do you love this woman , I mean the second wife. If do, three some won't be a bad idea.

If you not, make her very uncomfortable.

Pls try and gain some independent, like that you have a choice.

Lol at three some. Yes I do like her. She's actually a nice person and I don't have any problem with her.
Thanks so much. You've actually made me laugh out some of my sorrow.

shoerack6:
Lol at three some. Yes I do like her. She's actually a nice person and I don't have any problem with her.
Thanks so much. You've actually made me laugh out some of my sorrow.

It's not that bad after all. It's usually worse when the wives are at each other's throat. My dear, just keep calm. He does same to the other woman too and she is still with him.

By the way, does she stay in the same house?

OP, to be candid, this seems more of a personality thing. You must have noticed this behavior before you married your husband. It sounds like he doesn't forgive easily and likes to hold a grudge. He also fights dirty because he knows how much it will hurt to ignore your food. I can bet he always like to be right too (with either men or women!). I know men like this! Huge ego and control issues! You are already in this marriage. Your task now is to try to mitigate your situation (as much as humanly possible). If you love him, then you will have to learn new ways to massage his ego, don't do what he has said he doesn't like - especially not in his presence. This is under the assumption that he is normally good to you when there is no untoward situation. Otherwise, You cannot live your life on eggshells. Make sure you are happy.

Phema:

It's not that bad after all. It's usually worse when the wives are at each other's throat. My dear, just keep calm. He does same to the other woman too and she is still with him.

By the way, does she stay in the same house?

Yes we stay in the same house and we live happily.

chiebube:
1. Thank God 4 ur sincerity.
2. This kind of pain can be best handled by God alone. Not counselors, psychologists etc
3. [b]Since he made up his mind to get another wife, pls gather every possible courage and plan for your future.
4. Women suffer a lot. Just make sure you take care of ur kids by all means. Am short of words.
As they say, ***end time things***. Pls move on. Just make sure u have plans of becoming financially independent Cos he is going to make u run crazy. God save our men from ***careless decisions***[/b]

He has another wife!

FindUrHappy: OP, to be candid, this seems more of a personality thing. You must have noticed this behavior before you married your husband. It sounds like he doesn't forgive easily and likes to hold a grudge. He also fights dirty because he knows how much it will hurt to ignore your food. I can bet he always like to be right too (with either men or women!). I know men like this! Huge ego and control issues! You are already in this marriage. Your task now is to try to mitigate your situation (as much as humanly possible). If you love him, then you will have to learn new ways to massage his ego, don't do what he has said he doesn't like - especially not in his presence. This is under the assumption that he is normally good to you when there is no untoward situation. Otherwise, You cannot live your life on eggshells. Make sure you are happy.

Thanks so much for your advice. To be candid, he's a good man. The only problem I think i'm having with him is the silent treatment. Thanks once again.

ypepe:
Dayo, did u read her postsw at all?
She is d first wife, married into religion that accepts polygamy.
So what do u advice her to do?
Religion and society boxed her into a corner. There r millions like her. Some r worst. What do u do except feel for them?
U can c that some pple don't know what to tell her either. Or do u want her to divorce?

Divorce is allowed in Islam if she's not happy with the marriage but that shouldn't be the step now, she should try and work things out after she has tried herself she should go and meet the parent, elder in the family, imam, marriage counselor.

shoerack6:
Yes we stay in the same house and we live happily.

Good. To me, I don't think the problem is that big to cause a divorce, except he becomes abusive. Lower your expectations and concentrate more on yourself and the kids.

Phema:

Good. To me, I don't think the problem is that big to cause a divorce, except he becomes abusive. Lower your expectations and concentrate more on yourself and the kids.

Thanks so much phema.

OP, am really sorry I got things wrong. Since its from a polygamous home and religion permits it. It isn't a good idea to divorce. The man won't lose at all. Just try ur best and leave d rest 2 God. Don't loose ur head fighting. Just work on ur attitude cos the other wife could be very annoying.

Ur career, ur work, ur kids. Don't be a full time house wife pls. Most of all, strengthen ur faith in God!!!

Chai ! ! ! women don suffer,God forbid! .

When he fights you, he goes to her, when he fights her, he comes to you.

I'm having a hard time seeing the problem here.

When you fight, apologize once. Then start to plan how to occupy yourself for the next week till he comes around. Spa days, fun outings with the kids, girls night out, visit family etc.

Abi na wetin?

Polygamy
What a dreadful way to live

lorretta u: Polygamy
What a dreadful way to live

Lol! OP doesn't want to share the man when it's 'her turn' as wife.