Hello house,

Whenever I have disagreement with hubby, he'll decide not to talk to me. He won't eat my food and also will not sleep on the same bed with me. I'll have to beg and beg before he finally decides to talk to me.
I'm so sick and tired of his attitude. I tried discussing with him that we should look for a better way to resolve issues but he said he doesn't want to discuss anything with me.
We are presently not talking and have promised myself that this year, no more begging and begging. Have apologised to him like thrice since yesterday, i've sent him messages apologising even though I know that i've done nothing wrong.
Now i'm always in my room because even when I go to where he is, he'll stand up and leave d place.
This is killing me inside. Don't know what to do.
Pls mature advice only.
Mod pls I don't want this thread on front page.

Why dont you stop doing whatever it is thats pissing him off?
You have made up your mind to stop begging?
Then you have made up your mind to be a divorcee.

If something is not working try other methods.

Begging is not working, try ignoring.
Nagging is not working, trying keeping quiet.


Maybe wear red pant and bra to seduce him, if it didn't work, your husband is cheating

Poster, what kind of disagreements. Do you insult him, shout at him or nag him. Or are you talking about simple disagreement on how to do things. Try give us examples.

Childish husband. He drops money for food and refuses to eat. Smh

He stoped talking to you bcox of a disagreement. You don't expect him to nag with you, instead, silence is the best answer. I LIKE THIS STRATEGY, it kills women.

Alikaxon: He stoped talking to you bcox of a disagreement. You don't expect him to nag with you, instead, silence is the best answer. I LIKE THIS STRATEGY, it kills women.

Is this an advice?

Chillisauce: If something is not working try other methods.

Begging is not working, try ignoring.
Nagging is not working, trying keeping quiet.


Maybe wear red pant and bra to seduce him, if it didn't work, your husband is cheating

The thing is I don't even nag. I've never done that before since we got married. I don't even talk when he's angry and lashing at me.

shoerack6:
The thing is I don't even nag. I've never done that before since we got married. I don't even talk when he's angry and lashing at me.

Just chill then, there is nothing to be afraid of if you are clean,
Give him his food if he refuses to eat.
Just take a glass of wine, cross leg, get your sweet food and glass of wine while watching your favorite tv program.
When he sees the sweet food, na only him go wake up for night chop cold food.

If you offend him, ensure that you appologise accordingly. If the cause of your misunderstanding is not your fault, ignore him for a while, ensure you prepare his food even when he refuses to eat.

If you guys don't have kids yet, wear some skimpy cloths at home, and try so many ways of seducing him without talking to him.

Walk out of the bathroom unclad most times, he may behave as if he's not noticing your moves, just continue. To break him, at night, just pretend to feel cold and tell him to hold you, beleive me, he will gladly hold you and from there one thing leads to another.

When you guys are done making love then you can have a 'brief discussion' with him concerning his attitude, Bleep him after the discussion then sleep off. If you get it right, he will change with time and learn how to talk issues over.

Chillisauce:

Just chill then, there is nothing to be afraid of if you are clean,
Give him his food if he refuses to eat.
Just take a glass of wine, cross leg, get your sweet food and glass of wine while watching your favorite tv program.
When he sees the sweet food, na only him go wake up for night chop cold food.

It's very easy to say this when it is not your own husband.

Poster, what exactly makes him angry. He has to be angry at something.

Nashville: Poster, what kind of disagreements. Do you insult him, shout at him or nag him. Or are you talking about simple disagreement on how to do things. Try give us examples.

I don't even want to explain what happened cos if I do, u people will help me insult him.
Ok, let me explain. Hubby is a tribalist. He said he doesn't like me speaking this particular language and that's the language I use when communicating with my family.
So yesterday, my aunty called. I tried as much as possible not to speak this language so was just answering her hun, ehn ehn but at the same time I don't want him to think i'm talking with someone I don't want him to know, so I decided to ask after her son in the language. That's where the trouble started oo.
I'm so sick and tired of all this. When I tried begging, he asked me to leave his presence and that was when I asked him if he was trying to frustrate me. He now said these days that my mouth is becoming too sharp and even threatened to slap me.

Nashville:

It's very easy to say this when it is not your own husband.

Poster, what exactly makes him angry. He has to be angry at something.

I don't have that experience with hubby, him self no go gree refuse my food.
That being said, I always did it with my folks back home, Popsi will always beg me.

Then one day like that Popsi travelled and Mumsi didn't even look my face while eating the sauce-peppered chicken laps.
I cry tire, only to wake up mid night to eat cold food.
After then, I stopped because it was my stomach suffering..


Anyway, OP...you have begged, just try ignoring like nothing happened or pretend you don't even recognized he is angry.

shoerack6:
I don't even want to explain what happened cos if I do, u people will help me insult him.
Ok, let me explain. Hubby is a tribalist. He said he doesn't like me speaking this particular language and that's the language I use when communicating with my family.
So yesterday, my aunty called. I tried as much as possible not to speak this language so was just answering her hun, ehn ehn but at the same time I don't want him to think i'm talking with someone I don't want him to know, so I decided to ask after her son in the language. That's where the trouble started oo.
I'm so sick and tired of all this. When I tried begging, he asked me to leave his presence and that was when I asked him if he was trying to frustrate me. He now said these days that my mouth is becoming too sharp and even threatened to slap me.

This is another problem altogether .

shoerack6:
I don't even want to explain what happened cos if I do, u people will help me insult him.
Ok, let me explain. Hubby is a tribalist. He said he doesn't like me speaking this particular language and that's the language I use when communicating with my family.
So yesterday, my aunty called. I tried as much as possible not to speak this language so was just answering her hun, ehn ehn but at the same time I don't want him to think i'm talking with someone I don't want him to know, so I decided to ask after her son in the language. That's where the trouble started oo.
I'm so sick and tired of all this. When I tried begging, he asked me to leave his presence and that was when I asked him if he was trying to frustrate me. He now said these days that my mouth is becoming too sharp and even threatened to slap me.

Try a change of tactic like Chilli said.

Oh and don't worry, there'll even more people telling you never to speak your language to your people like your husband has asked than there will be people who will say he was wrong.

Maybe you need to get to the root of whats causing the fight in the first place.

Some ppl are very quiet and dont like trouble rather than exchange words with you that would aggravate the situation its better to keep quiet

Rather than take insults from you because they want food e.g na only when food reach you go see him long throat, He would rather eat outside

Rather than deal with physical encounter like shirt holding finger pointing at face etc he avoids contact as much as possible

What exactly causes all these quarrels

Bantino: If you offend him, ensure that you appologise accordingly. If the cause of your misunderstanding is not your fault, ignore him for a while, ensure you prepare his food even when he refuses to eat.

If you guys don't have kids yet, wear some skimpy cloths at home, and try so many ways of seducing him without talking to him.

Walk out of the bathroom unclad most times, he may behave as if he's not noticing your moves, just continue. To break him, at night, just pretend to feel cold and tell him to hold you, beleive me, he will gladly hold you and from there one thing leads to another.

When you guys are done making love then you can have a 'brief discussion' with him concerning his attitude, Bleep him after the discussion then sleep off. If you get it right, he will change with time and learn how to talk issues over.

Thanks for your advice but the thing is we have separate room but when it's time to sleep he comes to my room. So practically, when he's angry, he'll decide to sleep in his room.
Yes I have two kids. I've stopped cooking for him whenever is angry cos if I see d food there on the table, I get more heart broken.

ileobatojo:

Try a change of tactic like Chilli said.

Oh and don't worry, there'll even more people telling you never to speak your language to your people like you husband has asked than there will be people who will say he was wrong.

my dear, I just dodge that one.
Except hubby thinks I have a hidden agenda I see no reason why he would ask me not to speak my dialect.

Tribalist, acting childish and behaving like a demi-god. I am out of here

Chillisauce:

my dear, I just dodge that one.
Except hubby thinks I have a hidden agenda I see no reason why he would ask me not to speak my dialect.

The most annoying thing is that he understands this dialect, but can't speak well.

Silence treatment is a very cruel approach to matters not to mention family matters. If he can't listen to you, I believe there's someone he listens to. That should be your voice for now.

What do women want exactly? You fight man

He screams at you - Na wahala, He is evil and a bully.
He keeps quiet - Na wahala, He's insensitive and keeps malice.
He stands and look when you abuse him mercilessly- He is mumu and coward, not man enough for you!
He returns your abuse with a stinging slap - Devilish and evil, divorce a potential wife killer.

So it is easier for you to make a resolution not to beg him again rather than to make a resolution not to offend him again?

Take note of this, men have different ways of resolving issues within themselves, whether you beg him or not he needs that time to resolve the issue within himself before he can resolve with you. Men are generally analyst, they need to analyze the impact of that your so called "simple offence" before they can move on, some do it in shorter time and some take longer. Some of you women would intentional repeat a behavior you have been corrected about thinking what it takes is just to say "sorry" and you would now complain he is not accepting your apologies. You can go ahead to stop begging him, when that time comes you would discover that it was easier to beg than to hold a 40 days fasting and prayer in Shiloh or RCCG camp for a failing marriage.

shoerack6:
Thanks for your advice but the thing is we have separate room but when it's time to sleep he comes to my room. So practically, when he's angry, he'll decide to sleep in his room.
Yes I have two kids. I've stopped cooking for him whenever is angry cos if I see d food there on the table, I get more heart broken.

You have to change certain things, first, it's wrong for a couple to have seperate rooms, yours should just be a ceremonious room that has your name tag on it "mummy's room'. The master bedroom should be the main bedroom for you guys where the kids don't come in at will.
Secondly, even when he refuses to eat, kindly put the food in the fridge, next day cook for him again, just take your mind off his childish behaviour to avoid more heartbreaks.

Thirdly, you must let us know ur response when he asked you not to use the native language to communicate ur people, if u just accepted without letting him know you have every right to use your language, your mistake. Then you have to live with it and avoid using that native language. With time after adhering to his instructions then you can revisit this issue and let him know speaking it means no harm.

you married an adult that refuses to outgrow babayish tedency,so its either you pamper him out of it,or you leave him there..
You hubby is egoistic person who takes pride in people begging him,you can call his bluff off,or maassage his ego by begging him. Choice is yours.

From your post, it seems you two are from different tribes, if yes, doesn't he speak his own language when his folks are around.


That being said, the truth is that you married an insecured baby,(is he the only male in the family) because if not, how can speaking one's language with one's people becomes a problem to him?

All in all, since you have begged him and he's still adamant, i will suggest you ignore him for now but make sure you do everything you're suppose to do as regards him, cook his meal as usual, invite him to the table, remind him of something he's used to but which he's not doing. In general, keep on being dutiful and nice with him, after some time, i'm sure he will come back to his senses.










Before i leave, one major reason for having prolonged disagreements is your consent to different rooms from the beginning, if you're always on the same bed, this issue might have been likely settled before now.


When things seems to be normal again, both of you need a marriage counselor, if you're a christian, you can liase with your marriage counselling groups in your church, you people really need it.

And as for you as the wife, i think you need a book, "the power of a praying wife", get one and use it to pray for your hubby, i pray the Lord give you the wisdom to do things rightly.

shoerack6:
I don't even want to explain what happened cos if I do, u people will help me insult him.
Ok, let me explain. Hubby is a tribalist. He said he doesn't like me speaking this particular language and that's the language I use when communicating with my family.
So yesterday, my aunty called. I tried as much as possible not to speak this language so was just answering her hun, ehn ehn but at the same time I don't want him to think i'm talking with someone I don't want him to know, so I decided to ask after her son in the language. That's where the trouble started oo.
I'm so sick and tired of all this. When I tried begging, he asked me to leave his presence and that was when I asked him if he was trying to frustrate me. He now said these days that my mouth is becoming too sharp and even threatened to slap me.

He asked you to leave his presence. Like head girl and principal.

The most painful part is when it comes to begging. I can stand for 1 hour begging him.
Just how many days ago, he was angry that my aunty's husband called me.
He's so jealous and practically controls my life. If not that I already have kids, I would have asked him to divorce me.
He has another wife (i'm the first) so whenever he's not talking to me, he'll just face the other wife and abandon me. This breaks me down.

shoerack6: The most painful part is when it comes to begging. I can stand for 1 hour begging him.
Just how many days ago, he was angry that my aunty's husband called me.
He's so jealous and practically controls my life. If not that I already have kids, I would have asked him to divorce me.
He has another wife (i'm the first) so whenever he's not talking to me, he'll just face the other wife and abandon me. This breaks me down.

More twists and turns?

Superstory tinz.

shoerack6:
I don't even want to explain what happened cos if I do, u people will help me insult him.
Ok, let me explain. Hubby is a tribalist. He said he doesn't like me speaking this particular language and that's the language I use when communicating with my family.
So yesterday, my aunty called. I tried as much as possible not to speak this language so was just answering her hun, ehn ehn but at the same time I don't want him to think i'm talking with someone I don't want him to know, so I decided to ask after her son in the language. That's where the trouble started oo.
I'm so sick and tired of all this. When I tried begging, he asked me to leave his presence and that was when I asked him if he was trying to frustrate me. He now said these days that my mouth is becoming too sharp and even threatened to slap me.

Honestly, I think your husband is angry at you for something completely different. I dont think speaking one's language can be that annoying. You need to get to know why he is angry. Has he complained about something else in the past? Does he have any other problems, challenges at work or health challenges. Surely, it cannot be because you speak your language.

shoerack6: The most painful part is when it comes to begging. I can stand for 1 hour begging him.
Just how many days ago, he was angry that my aunty's husband called me.
He's so jealous and practically controls my life. If not that I already have kids, I would have asked him to divorce me.
He has another wife (i'm the first) so whenever he's not talking to me, he'll just face the other wife and abandon me. This breaks me down.

Basically you are in a Polygamous marriage.

You cant demand 100% attention from your husband when he has other wives. Or what do you expect the other wife to do?

he needs separate room for each wife or do you want him to put you all in one room?