sista - You know full well that you have to pick your battles. Don't think that you have to win every argument. Let him have this one, there will be plenty more.

Try writing him a letter and sticking it in his wallet, pocket or something. The surprise and humility of this should turn him around.

wise words nalija, pick your battles wisely. Be creative and try to get to him somehow.

Honestly speaking he has overreacted, but it seems to have been 'brewing' off a set of other issues - the constant missing of the appointment and his feeling that she was babying the kids. Now combine those two (the man being a little upset here) with some misplaced sarcasm, likely at the end of a long day and you can see how this went wrong.

Is this the first time ever you've used sarcasm on him? In the light of him trying to figure out the truth about a situation, your attempt at sarcasm was received as both insulting and nonchalance towards a serious issue by him. Frankly, the comment was completely misplaced in that situation. I think you need to drop the adversarial thing a bit, though your attempts to reach him are commendable.

Isn't there someone you both know that he WILL listen to? Sounds like a stubborn, proud Ekiti man to me.

debosky:

wise words nalija, pick your battles wisely. Be creative and try to get to him somehow.

Honestly speaking he has overreacted, but it seems to have been 'brewing' off a set of other issues - the constant missing of the appointment and his feeling that she was babying the kids. Now combine those two (the man being a little upset here) with some misplaced sarcasm, likely at the end of a long day and you can see how this went wrong.

Is this the first time ever you've used sarcasm on him? In the light of him trying to figure out the truth about a situation, your attempt at sarcasm was received as both insulting and nonchalance towards a serious issue by him. Frankly, the comment was completely misplaced in that situation. I think you need to drop the adversarial thing a bit, though your attempts to reach him are commendable.

Isn't there someone you both know that he WILL listen to? Sounds like a stubborn, proud Ekiti man to me.

i get that feeling myself

debosky:


Isn't there someone you both know that he WILL listen to? Sounds like a stubborn, proud Ekiti man to me.

Debosky

You want a response for that abi. But I have to admit, some Ekiti men do overreact ugh

debosky:

wise words nalija, pick your battles wisely. Be creative and try to get to him somehow.

Honestly speaking he has overreacted, but it seems to have been 'brewing' off a set of other issues - the constant missing of the appointment and his feeling that she was babying the kids. Now combine those two (the man being a little upset here) with some misplaced sarcasm, likely at the end of a long day and you can see how this went wrong.

Is this the first time ever you've used sarcasm on him? In the light of him trying to figure out the truth about a situation, your attempt at sarcasm was received as both insulting and nonchalance towards a serious issue by him. Frankly, the comment was completely misplaced in that situation. I think you need to drop the adversarial thing a bit, though your attempts to reach him are commendable.

Isn't there someone you both know that he WILL listen to? Sounds like a stubborn, proud Ekiti man to me.

Yes he will listen to Amos (his brother).  I am not sure if i should share the details with him because i know that he has not told amos of other tiffs we have had.  Amos is his best friend from infency and they follow each other around the globe.  I did call Amos this am looking to find out if he was ok and Amos tried to learn what was the issue then.  But I don't want to make this matter worse by talking to him and asking him to mediate.

But I do feel that it is going to take a third party to resolve this. We are married I dont want to go anywhere and I am hoping he does not want to either.

Sisikill:

On a serious note, that's a very good question and this talk about not wanting to disappoint him gives me pause.

I understand why she did it, obviously she didnt want to hear the "you need to stop babying them amd let them be tough" drivel so she figured it'D be easier to make something up. Unfortunately that didnt work out.

Like I said, next time don't even bother lying. If you want to baby your kids. so be it. Apparently your husband thinks he's in Nigeria where it's fijne for a 6 yr old to roam about. Someone should remind him that here their faces end up on milk cartons/Missing posters.

Stop calling him. Dont brong his brother into it either. Let him be. When you see him, explain why you felt to tell him that. If he still wants to sulk, na his own. At least no one will say you didnt try

Cant stand overgrown babies, personally.

lmao shut

debosky:

wise words nalija, pick your battles wisely. Be creative and try to get to him somehow.

Honestly speaking he has overreacted, but it seems to have been 'brewing' off a set of other issues - the constant missing of the appointment and his feeling that she was babying the kids. Now combine those two (the man being a little upset here) with some misplaced sarcasm, likely at the end of a long day and you can see how this went wrong.

Is this the first time ever you've used sarcasm on him? In the light of him trying to figure out the truth about a situation, your attempt at sarcasm was received as both insulting and nonchalance towards a serious issue by him. Frankly, the comment was completely misplaced in that situation. I think you need to drop the adversarial thing a bit, though your attempts to reach him are commendable.

Isn't there someone you both know that he WILL listen to? Sounds like a stubborn, proud Ekiti man to me.

While I agree, the reason for the missed appointment IS cos of the kids. That should be a god enough reason for him not to be mad about it.

How does one "overbaby" a 6 yr old?

KarmaMod:

. Apparently your husband thinks he's in Nigeria where i[b]t's fijne for a 6 yr old to roam about. [/b]

Not anymore o.
Any woman who cherishes her kids should even be more concerned that her kids 12 or less are roaming about without any guidance, esp. in Nigeria

If a 3 yr old can hawk food, what's to say about a 6 yr old.

He probably thinks that's how you "toughen a child"

KarmaMod:

If a 3 yr old can hawk food, what's to say about a 6 yr old.

He probably thinks that's how you "toughen a child"

He hit me with his own bit of scarsicm yesterday too:

Me: But he (my 11 yr old) is my baby and I wanted to be sure he got home ok
Him: Oh yes he is your babbbeeee you have to babbbeeeee him.

What was that?

Sometimes, I just can't help but to thank the Lord that I won't have to raise a kid in naija.
I think it's absolutely dangerous!!

But back to topic, I understand SW's stand on this issue, I'D do the same.
But not wanting to call him just because he's angry is just ^flashback

@Sistawoman,
which state is your Husband from?

sistawoman:

He hit me with his own bit of scarsicm yesterday too:

Me: But he (my 11 yr old) is my baby and I wanted to be sure he got home ok
Him: Oh yes he is your babbbeeee you have to babbbeeeee him.

What was that?

He also doesnt take your concerns seriously.

You both need to thrash the issues out and leave the sarcastic quips outside. Get it over with once and for all.

how can you call an 11 year old a baby?

Is that really helping him develop? Granted he isn't old enough to do everything on his own, but calling him a baby is going a bit overboard in my opinion.

anyways, the point with the example of his own sarcasm stated above was not to insult you, but to tease. Besides, the situation was not as intense (missing appointment, wondering why you lied and all)

PS - She did lie in the first instance, telling him the other person canceled while she in fact canceled the appointment. In the light of that, I don't see anything wrong in the man doubting her at that moment, given that he had just discovered a lie - I guess he was just pressing to see if he had actually heard the truth or not.

Ruby_Pearl:


@Sistawoman,
which state is your Husband from?

Anambra

@Sistawoman,
which state is your Husband from?

and i tot this poster was male

The hell?

Why did I think he was Yoruba?

Alabajo sha

Didnt you say one time that he claimed to be a prince and that in Yoruba land men dont go down on women or some lame myth like that

debosky:

how can you call an 11 year old a baby?

Is that really helping him develop? Granted he isn't old enough to do everything on his own, but calling him a baby is going a bit overboard in my opinion.

anyways, the point with the example of his own sarcasm stated above was not to insult you, but to tease. Besides, the situation was not as intense (missing appointment, wondering why you lied and all)

PS - She did lie in the first instance, telling him the other person canceled while she in fact canceled the appointment. In the light of that, I don't see anything wrong in the man doubting her at that moment, given that he had just discovered a lie - I guess he was just pressing to see if he had actually heard the truth or not.

Baby is a term i used to refer to children, no matter the age.  I refer to his 16 year old as his baby.

I did lie and did not omitt that part and after telling him over and over again that I was now telling the truth i just got frustrated.  He does that often to me, it is like he is waiting to catch me in a lie.  and keeps asking me over and over again thinking I will change my mind.

KarmaMod:

The hell?

Why did I think he was Yoruba?

Alabajo sha

Didnt you say one time that he claimed to be a prince and that in Yoruba land men don't go down on women or some lame myth like that

That is exactly what he said he is. He is Yoruba.

He has a 16 yr old too?
Aye le!!

Yorubas are not from Anambra.

Unless he's half Igbo Half Yoruba?

Sista woman i totally understand u
i cannot make a statement without my friends even close friends stopping to think
cos im very sarcastic
i cant help it
i met my match once in a friend he was also sarcastic
i need not say that most of our problems  fites were based on tasteless sarcastic comments that borderlined on insultive
but we finally figured out that the best way to remain friends and keep our sarcastic natures
is to quickly own up when the other partner is taking a clearly sarcastic comment either literaly or out of context
yes we did have many extrey awkward apology sessions
but we get along much better now
he is ur husband and u promised to live the rest of ur life with him and him also with u
this is clearly pent up anger or frustrations getting a lee-way and ur nicely constructed but wrongly placed sarcastic comment
gave him the opprtunity he needed
i believe every problem or crisis has a begining
u both need to sit down and discuss like the mature adults u are
my parents have been married for 18 yeas and never have they invited anyone to settle any of their problems
they do have misunderstandings
but they settle it between each other
when i asked my mom why,
she told me something and i hope te it when i get married
she said,
a marriage is first between a man and his wife
children and relations are third parties
the moment u allow third parties to come between u two
ur respect for each other will begin to diminish giving others unprecidented access to ur marriage
which is equal to steadily loosening the close bonds of the two partners
basically wat that means is
never let anyone come between u and ur spouse in the name of settling an argument
it's never good in the long run

Well either you have the state/tribe mixed up or he's playing games. . . . I hope its the former, or like Karma said half Yoruba half Igbo.

@ Sisterwoman
Hate, hate to ask this but are these his kids?


@ Debosky
Come on now! Are you telling me your mom has never said something like that? Let me put it this way. . . when was the last time your mom used the word "Omo Mi" [/i]for instance. . .  "[i]Ah, e fi omo mi si le" or "E de ba mi fun omo mi lonje"? It's not about babying the child, it is just natural maternal instinct. . . no matter how old their children are, they will always their baby.

I guess in an effort for the world to balance itself, when there is an "omo", there is an Agbaya. 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count, who the Agbaya is in this case. That's right. . . Brotherman!

KarmaMod:

Yorubas are not from Anambra.

Unless he's half Igbo Half Yoruba?

Thinking the same.

Abi se iro ni iya i wa so fun wa.

Sisikill:

@ Sisterwoman
Hate, hate to ask this but are these his kids?


@ Debosky
Come on now! Are you telling me your mom has never said something like that? Let me put it this way. . . when was the last time your mom used the word "Omo Mi" [/i]for instance. . . "[i]Ah, e fi omo mi si le" or "E de ba mi fun omo mi lonje"? It's not about babying the child, it is just natural maternal instinct. . . no matter how old their children are, they will always their baby.

I guess in an effort for the world to balance itself, when there is an "omo", there is an Agbaya. 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count, who the Agbaya is in this case. That's right. . . Brotherman!

ounje abi egba?

KarmaMod:

The hell?

Why did I think he was Yoruba?

Alabajo sha 

Didnt you say one time that he claimed to be a prince and that in Yoruba land men don't go down on women or some lame myth like that

LMFAO! You are not nice!!

Ruby_Pearl:

ounje abi egba?

Nah, when it's time for egba, they say "Omo Baba eh" or they wonder "Ibo ni mo ti ri omo yi?" LOL

@ sisiskill

I get that[i] e fi omo mi sile[/i] part, but saying he is 'only a baby' at 11 is a tad excessive to me - imagine his mates at school hearing that, he'll be teased to infinity. Anyways, that is an aside, like I said, that was a far less inflammatory situation in my opinion

Picture this: you missed an appointment (for the third time) you're pissed, you ask your wife why, she first lies, then she tells the 'truth'. You're confused, not too sure she's telling the truth, and you press further. How does she respond? With some smart alec comment seemingly telling you that you don't comprehend what a secret is?

Many a man or woman would get pissed off at that. He has now taking it way too far of course, but the initial umbrage at the comment is justified in my opinion. He should be the man and get over it.

Hmmmmn. . .

buh dat shuldnt cause any prob!!

Sisikill:

Nah, when it's time for egba, they say "Omo Baba eh" or they wonder "Ibo ni mo ti ri omo yi?" LOL

lmao

I will check on the state tonight. I hope he is not playing games but my stomach is not sitting easy.

If i dont respond anymore it is because I am headed home. I will get online later after the "babies" go to bed.

I wish you well sista.

I hope you just got the states confused

Make sure you ask. . . . .try not to be sarcastic this time