KarmaMod:


I know I'm going to step on toes with this comment but to be honest i really DONT understand why "foreign" women esp American women bother with Nigerian men. Seriously. It's mostly Naija women that know how to deal with their bullshit and keep them on their toes.
He knows you love him thus why hes taking advantage. Imagine running away from such a silly argument. Yea he must have been annoyed but being the "man" he should be the one to sya "we have to SERIOUSY discuss this", not running off like a kid where you go frantic calling family. What a coward.

anyway hopefully he comes back to his senses. When he gets back, apologize for the sarcastic quip but also make sure he understand that you didnt appreciate his behavior, then talk it out

that's the most you can do now

As regards "foreign" women bothering with Naija men, I have news for you: Nigerian women, especially in America, climb mountains and swim the seven seas to get Naija men. However, most Naija guys don't trust Naija women in America, especially those that did not complete their first degree in Naija.

As regards sistawoman's situation, I'll echo what davidylan said earlier: we do not know the whole story! Women have a penchant to alter the reality of an event, when reporting to a third party (NL in this case). This is mainly done to seek some form of sympathy from the listener (reader in this case).

Anyway, from what sistawoman has narrated, she drew first blood, and should learn from this unfortunate situation.

Naija men do not tolerate idle talk that makes them the object of ridicule (aka sarcasm). American men may bask in it, Naija men don't care for it.

RichyBlacK:

American men may bask in it, Naija men don't care for it.

It is not that they bask in it more that they know how to deal with it:

Sistawoman: Sarcastic comment
AM: F,uck you SW
Sistawoman: F,uck you too AM
AM: Go head wit dat girl you not gonna say f,uck me too many more times, ya heard
Sistawoman: It is what it is, make it do what it do
AM: *shoots SW a look* go on in there and get me something to eat or drink and sit your ass down someplace I aint got time for your shit. You were wrong and i will deal wit that ass tonight in the bedroom
Sistawoman: Alright baby i'ze sorry.
AM: Yea yea yea save that shit for tonight when i am pounding that ass.

He would have never left the house and i would have gotten the message that i should never do it again.

sistawoman:


It is not that they bask in it more that they know how to deal with it:

Sistawoman: Sarcastic comment
AM: F,uck you SW
Sistawoman: F,uck you too AM
AM: Go head wit that girl you not going to say f,uck me too many more times, ya heard
Sistawoman: It is what it is, make it do what it do
AM: *shoots SW a look* go on in there and get me something to eat or drink and sit your ass down someplace I aint got time for your shit. You were wrong and i will deal wit that ass tonight in the bedroom
Sistawoman: Alright baby i'ze sorry.
AM: Yea yea yea save that shit for tonight when i am pounding that ass.

He would have never left the house and i would have gotten the message that i should never do it again.

Aight. I see your point. It will be well.

Just curious, do you cook for him?

Yes.

Please dont ask me to name the different soups but i took lessons from a Yoruba woman that my neighbors husband knows.

Are we still talkin about sarcasm, coz things r kinda getting explicit!

tammyswits:

Are we still talkin about sarcasm, because things r kind of getting explicit!

Yes just the difference in how an AA Male would have handled my sarcasm.

sistawoman:

Yes.

Please don't ask me to name the different soups but i took lessons from a Yoruba woman that my neighbors husband knows. 

tell us d names of d different soups do u cook okro,ewedu and egusi?

mesmya:

tell us d names of d different soups do u cook okro,ewedu and egusi?

LoL   

I am really trying my best to learn the language, learn the foods and trying to remember it all is sometimes confussing. We try to only speak those words i know when i learn them so that i wont forget them but sometimes we dont. Some times we speak English. But I am learning der der (little by little).

Even Nigerian women don't understand Nigerian men, let's just clear that up right now. If we did, many of us won't be here wondering. . . What planet these men come from, How they can't seem to grasp the principle of give and take, How they are absolutely convinced showing they care is going to somehow reduces their lifespan, Where they get the idea that life, love and marriage is about THEM, How they can take the slightest offense and turn it to capital offense. . .  I mean sarcasm for goodness sakes! What sense does that make??

We do not understand these men either, we've just been brought up to accept their ways.



@ Sisterwoman
It's nice you're in love with your husband but I think because you of your feelings, you have the same expectations of him. I'm sorry but you shouldn't because you'll end up getting frustrated. I'm not saying he can't love you or you are wrong for loving him but you gotta remember how you guys started, what your purpose of your marriage was. So while you have taken it a step further by wanting to create a real family with him, he might still be stuck on the reasons for the marriage. If i were in your shoes, I'd stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and get back to. . . being formal (for lack of a better word)

By the way, Amos sounds like a reasonable man. . . are you sure he is related to your husband?

Wow, siswoman, didnt know things were this bad, just thought u said somethin' sarcastic at your man, and now u r giving each other the silence treatment, till one of u swallows their pride, just read the post above n am freaking out!

See what we are saying about not understanding these men.

Here we are talking about a dodoyo leaving his marital home for days, not picking his wife's phone calls and acting like a spoilt brat, ignoring the fact that he has more to lose should the marriage end, all because his wife dared to be sarcastic and someone is asking if she cooks for him.

What in hades does that have to do with anything?

I swear, if I had my way all male creatures no matter how big or small would come with a user guide

Sisikill:

Even Nigerian women don't understand Nigerian men, let's just clear that up right now. If we did, many of us won't be here wondering. . . What planet these men come from, How they can't seem to grasp the principle of give and take, How they are absolutely convinced showing they care is going to somehow reduces their lifespan, Where they get the idea that life, love and marriage is about THEM, How they can take the slightest offense and turn it to capital offense. . .  I mean sarcasm for goodness sakes! What sense does that make??

We do not understand these men either, we've just been brought up to accept their ways.



@ Sisterwoman
It's nice you're in love with your husband but I think because you of your feelings, you have the same expectations of him. I'm sorry but you shouldn't because you'll end up getting frustrated. I'm not saying he can't love you or you are wrong for loving him but you gotta remember how you guys started, what your purpose of your marriage was. So while you have taken it a step further by wanting to create a real family with him, he might still be stuck on the reasons for the marriage. If i were in your shoes, I'D stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and get back to. . . being formal (for lack of a better word)

By the way, Amos sounds like a reasonable man. . . are you sure he is related to your husband?

But he keeps telling me, prior to this, it is not about the papers.  He says he will go back home and live nicely.  His parents are both dead and the family homes are both in his name or control.  He says he would enter a life in politics if he returned that althou it started out at that he is with me because he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

But I know that things will have to be a bit more formal between us because this behavior that he has shown over the past two days is out of control.  He is trying to punish me and make me suffer and that is not how you treat someone you love.  My heart is actully breaking because of the way he is treating me.  And I never imanged in my wildest dreams that this man would act like a 12 year old child and not the 42 year old man he is.

@sisikill: and even then we wouldnt understand them!

sistawoman:

But he keeps telling me, prior to this, it is not about the papers.  He says he will go back home and live nicely.  His parents are both dead and the family homes are both in his name or control.  He says he would enter a life in politics if he returned that althou it started out at that he is with me because he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

But I know that things will have to be a bit more formal between us because this behavior that he has shown over the past two days is out of control.  He is trying to punish me and make me suffer and that is not how you treat someone you love.  My heart is actully breaking because of the way he is treating me.  And I never imanged in my wildest dreams that this man would act like a 12 year old child and not the 42 year old man he is.

u r so emotionally fragile and anybody can easily deceive u ,cos of ur soft nature,im not saying dat he's lying,but a man can say and do anything for a woman to get wat he wants

mesmya:

you're so emotionally fragile and anybody can easily deceive u ,because of your soft nature,im not saying that he's lying,but a man can say and do anything for a woman to get what he wants

Yes i am. I tend to believe in the best in people and sometimes get bit in the ass because of it. But I can say that those that f,uck me over always get thiers in the end and althou i let it go and let God it comes back to me what Karma has done to them.

I live my life doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. I do that knowing full well that most people will not return the respectful, loving way in which i treat them. But I will not change who I am.

God has blessed me in more ways than one and if a little heart break is what i walk away with then so be it but I looked his children in the eye and told them by this time next year they will have SSN and be able to have the rights that I experience as an American Citizen. I will not break my promise to them. My word is my bond.

he has kids?i tot it was just a 16 yr old daughter?do y'all live together?

mesmya:

he has kids?i tot it was just a 16 yr old daughter?do y'all live together?

We get his kids on the weekends. He has a 16 and 12 year old.

do they relate well wt your own kids?are they in school?what exactly does your husband want?a residence permit or a green card?

@sistawoman, now i see, theaz more to this behaviour than just simple sarcasm, what he wants you to do is feel bad and suck up to him, here is what you can do, apologize once and very firmly, no tears, no begging, do your own things as usual and dont show him you are breaking, its what he wants, show him you are a strong woman with her own life to live who can apologize for being a bit sarcastic but will not tolerate verbal abuse!

tammyswits:

@sistawoman, now i see, theaz more to this behaviour than just simple sarcasm, what he wants you to do is feel bad and suck up to him, here is what you can do, apologize once and very firmly, no tears, no begging, do your own things as usual and don't show him you are breaking, its what he wants, show him you are a strong woman with her own life to live who can apologize for being a bit sarcastic but will not tolerate verbal abuse!

apologise for wat?d foolish man should be d one apologising

Looks like the whole thing started wen she was sarcastic, and the idiot of a man is acting like a baboon! I was thinkin she cud say this: listen ,i am sorry 4 what i said i could have put it in a better way, but i dont think thats reason enough to treat me like this, if you have other issues lay em down but am not going to take your ill treatment anymore, its not the reason i married you!' what d'you think!

d best thing is to completely ignore d man ,such men should be thrown into d lions den,nonsense

mesmya:

d best thing is to completely ignore d man ,such men should be thrown into d lions den,nonsense

Inordinate anger only consumes itself. I wonder why you sound angrier than the woman in love with the man in question.

RichyBlacK:

Inordinate anger only consumes itself. I wonder why you sound angrier than the woman in love with the man in question.

and i wonder why u men are full of shits

sistawoman:

Yes i am. I tend to believe in the best in people and sometimes get bit in the ass because of it. But I can say that those that f,uck me over always get thiers in the end and althou i let it go and let God it comes back to me what Karma has done to them.

I live my life doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. I do that knowing full well that most people will not return the respectful, loving way in which i treat them. But I will not change who I am.

God has blessed me in more ways than one and if a little heart break is what i walk away with then so be it but I looked his children in the eye and told them by this time next year they will have SSN and be able to have the rights that I experience as an American Citizen. I will not break my promise to them. My word is my bond.

@sistawoman,

You're rare among women! Mighty respects for you woman! Keep up the spirit of defiance optimism - only the truly bold at heart can live the way you live.

As regards your husband, I don't think he's going anywhere. I'll tell you what makes a typical Naija man happy with his wife:

1. Respect for him, unalloyed loyalty to the union, humility of self and an undying sense of optimism about the future of the union.
2. Good home-cooked meals from you.
3. An eagerness to please and be pleased  .

It is practically impossible for a Naija man to find all these in one woman, and dare think of leaving her. You're a beautiful woman, so there's no problem in that department.

Many of the women up in arms here, either cannot or are unwilling to fulfill on or more of those three essential ingredients.

Tactical advice: Do not call or contact him again! He'll call you soon. Do not call or contact him again, except it is absolutely necessary, like "cops at your door looking for him" kind of necessary. Okay? Show him respect, love and care when he comes home.

mesmya:

and i wonder why u men are full of shits

Nne, wetin happen now? You just dey vex anyhow. How far? Which ones?

RichyBlacK:

@sistawoman,

You're rare among women! Mighty respects for you woman! Keep up the spirit of defiance optimism - only the truly bold at heart can live the way you live.

As regards your husband, I don't think he's going anywhere. I'll tell you what makes a typical Naija man happy with his wife:

1. Respect for him, unalloyed loyalty to the union, humility of self and an undying sense of optimism about the future of the union.
2. Good home-cooked meals from you.
3. An eagerness to please and be pleased  .

It is practically impossible for a Naija man to find all these in one woman, and dare think of leaving her. You're a beautiful woman, so there's no problem in that department.

Many of the women up in arms here, either cannot or are unwilling to fulfill on or more of those three essential ingredients.

Tactical advice: Do not call or contact him again! He'll call you soon. Do not call or contact him again, except it is absolutely necessary, like "cops at your door looking for him" kind of necessary. Okay? Show him respect, love and care when he comes home.

sistawoman please please please please please please please please please ,i beg u in d name of God,ive been married for years

so plssssssssssss don't listen or take d above advise posted by richyblack

thank u

mesmya:





sistawoman please please please please please please please please please ,i beg u in d name of God,ive been married for years

so plssssssssssss don't listen or take d above advise posted by richyblack

thank u

lmao
u guys are still on this story?

tope2000:

lmao
u guys are still on this story?

my dear we still dey ooo

@sistawoman

a man dat deserves such is a man wt brains,and respect for his family,tell me wat kinda man will leave his wife and step kids all by themselves cos of a little misunderstanding

every woman and child feels secure wen a daddy/man/husband is at home

now for a man to leave his house,refused to come back even after u called him on fone and explained to him?is not worth any romantic make-ups or moves

mesmya:





sistawoman please please please please please please please please please ,i beg u in d name of God,ive been married for years

so plssssssssssss don't listen or take d above advise posted by richyblack

thank u

[size=28pt]
SECONDED!!![/size]

Mr. RichyBlack obviously prefers his wife in servitude instead of in love.

Let them do their own to the front and leave the rest of us.

It is not that they bask in it more that they know how to deal with it:

Sistawoman: Sarcastic comment
AM: F,uck you SW
Sistawoman: F,uck you too AM
AM: Go head wit that girl you not going to say f,uck me too many more times, ya heard
Sistawoman: It is what it is, make it do what it do
AM: *shoots SW a look* go on in there and get me something to eat or drink and sit your ass down someplace I aint got time for your shit. You were wrong and i will deal wit that ass tonight in the bedroom
Sistawoman: Alright baby i'ze sorry.
AM: Yea yea yea save that shit for tonight when i am pounding that ass.

He would have never left the house and i would have gotten the message that i should never do it again.

Oh hell no!! No he didn't!!!

What attracted you to this kinda man? Desperation?

I know one thing for certain I have said i am sorry, in voicemail, text message and thru Amos.  But he still has yet to call me.  It has been 48 hours with NO contact at all from him on his part to me.  

Enough is enough.  i will not be contacting him and I can not ganurtee that when he comes home he will have a happy home to come to.

Had he come home last night or called today he would have a happy home to come to but this must stop and is very very childish.

I had to catch the bus two days in a row.  It looks like it is going to rain today and he wont answer the phone to come get me.  My sons b-day is tomorrow and I was supposed to get the cake and get his gift but i dont have the truck and my neighbors car is in the shop.  So I will get a cake from the store around the corner and give my son an IOU for his Ninedo DS.

I can do this w/o him as I did it w/o in the past.  If this keeps on much longer I will have to inform my dad so that he can step in and get us a vechile to get around town.  I really dont want to do that because once I go to my dad for help he will never forgive my husband.

My dad feels that the man should take care of his wife and any children and told him that when he met him.  He told my husband that if i should ever come to him for help that he will no longer respect him or invite him in his home.