Exactly, Let's cheat away,

I'll ensure that my son takes your advice.

I'm out of here! Chao!

Nothing stops you from doing what you want to do.
If i want to sleep around , i will stand to it no matter what people say. Only my kids will suffer under it,
I have never  heard of  father fucker, its mother fucker.
I have never heard your dad is a Huhr but your mum

mamaput:

Nia if you think we are in a modern world , you are deceiving yourself.
See what happened to Bill Clinton. Do you think if it had been Mrs Clinton  they would have forgiven her just like that.
Do you see what happened to lady DI .
Even in the schools in Europe today , single mothers are "frowned" upon.
A man talking to the teacher and a woman dose not have the same impact.

@ mamaput
Clearly you can tell the difference between what goes on in the modernized world and what goes in countries like Naija.  You will never hear people of the modernized world come up with propagandas like:

"YOU SHOULD NOT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE CHEATS CAUSE NO MAN WILL EVER MARRY A DIVORCED WOMAN"
-Truth: Divorced women re-marry all the time. You say things like this to enslave people when they can leave an unhappy marriage and find someone else who can make them happy.

PEOPLE WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOU AND TALK ABOUT YOU IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND
-Truth: This makes no sense. Marriage and individual happiness should not be based on such flimsy reasonings. People used to criticize and make fun of those who thought the earth was round.[/color][color=#990000][/color]

YOUR CHILDREN WILL BLAME YOU FOR LEAVING THEIR FATHER
[color=#990000]i'll tell you that Chelsea Clinton would not have blamed hillary if she had chosen to leave

MEN SHOULD CHEAT CAUSE IT'S IN THEIR NATURE: WOMEN SHOULD NOT CHEAT.
Truth: Men and women cheat at almost the same rate in the deveoped world.

YOUR HUSBAND WILL LEAVE YOU IF U CHEAT ON HIM, BUT YOU SHOULD STAY WITH HIM IF HE CHEATS ON YOU:
Truth: Some men DO stay and work things out with their spouse, just like the women you mentioned. Saying something like the above is another attempt at "DO AS I SAY, BUT NOT AS I DO" because I can't handle being cheated on, but I want others to handle it when I cheat on them.  


Truth: Most people in the west leave when their partner cheats

I can go on and on about the lies Naijas try to feed women to continue to enslave them.

@ Nia,

There's no need; You've done perfectly well!!!!

I have 3 daughters and if any of them come to me because their husband cheated on them i will never advise them to dump the man if thats the only problem.
Its different if it is one of many .And it has nothing to do with not getting another husband.
I am devoiced myself and for the past 8 years am not even dreaming of a husband   or even moving together with a man.

Chelsea Clinton  would have been more embarrassed if it was her mother that got the Mouth Action.

PEOPLE WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOU AND TALK ABOUT YOU IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND

Yes people always talk oneway or the other . Most devoiced people do not have the same friends anymore

Truth: Most people in the west leave when their partner cheats

. were did you get your statistics
.

@ mamaput
Clearly you can tell the difference between what goes on in the modernized world and what goes in countries like Naija.  You will never hear people of the modernized world come up with propagandas like:

mordernized world my foot. The world is only as modernized asthe size of the sozial welfare.
and the child support men are forced to pay. take that away from the women and we will see how morden they really are.

@ mamaput
Sorry, ma. I was a little busy, but i'm now available to answer your questions.

mamaput:

I have 3 daughters and if any of them come to me because their husband cheated on them i will never advise them to dump the man if thats the only problem.
Its different if it is one of many .And it has nothing to do with not getting another husband.
I am devoiced myself and for the past 8 years am not even dreaming of a husband   or even moving together with a man.

Chelsea Clinton  would have been more embarrassed if it was her mother that got the Mouth Action.

Mamaput, how you choose to educate your children is fine by me. It's really not my concern. Personally your view is not something that I subscribe to, as experiences tell me differently. I would prefer to harm my children with enough knowledge and wisdom about the world and how the world is, let them know they have options and allow them to make the decisions for themselves instead of feeding them lies and propagandas like:
"YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR NOBODY WILL RESPECT YOU", or
"YOUR CHILDREN WILL HATE YOU FOR LEAVING THEIR FATHER JUST CAUSE HE CHEATED" or
"YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD BE ABLE TO SHAG ANYONE BUT YOU SHOULD JUST ACCEPT IT AND IF YOU EVER GET Hot TOO WITH A CO-WORKER, DON'T YOU DARE ACT ON IT OR ELSE HE WILL LEAVE YOU"  and so on and so forth.

Instead, I will let them know that what they do with their lives should be something they are comfortable with (after they have been given proper access to the options available to them)  and not because they are too concerned about what people will say about them. After all, it is (s)he who wears the shoe that knows where it hurts.
About the bolded part above:  How do we know Chealsea herself is not an expert in giving proper BJs? But I don't think this is enough reason to assume she would be angry at her mother if she leaves Billy.

mamaput:

Yes people always talk oneway or the other . Most devoiced people do not have the same friends anymore

This is how you know who your real friends are.

mamaput:

mordernized world my foot. The world is only as modernized asthe size of the sozial welfare.
and the child support men are forced to pay. take that away from the women and we will see how morden they really are.

I don't know what this has to do with women leaving their spouse when they cheat. I have said earlier that women who are more financially stable and able to take care of themselves are more likely to leave a cheating husband.
Another difference between what Naija has and the modernized world is that you don't have friends and society telling you that you should stay with a cheating spouse. That is a decision you make ON YOUR OWN, not based on what society thinks. Families don't force their daughters to go back to a cheating husband, as is the case in the modernized world. Your family are people who will help you until you are able to get back on your feet if you leave your husband and find it hard to adjust financially.

mamaput:

were did you get your statistics

I will post an article from NEWSweek. It's a little long, but it illustrates the more realistic aspect of what actually goes on in the real world (the modern world, that is) and the lies been preached here.

@ mamaput, here's a link to the newsweek article on the issue:

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/5359395/site/newsweek/

faa:

@ Nia,
There's no need; You've done perfectly well!!!!

Thanks.

Nia do not mis understand me i am not a typical "learn who to do this and that because of a man"
I teach them learn to do this and that so that you will not be dependent on a man.
But we have to be realistic there are more reasons for living a man than just cheating.
(except he don't use a condom) If at all because of the Aids stuff and not the cheating.

Be very sure that am bringing up my kids to be very independent women when they grow up.
Hell no i do not even tell them they have to marry and have children.

your article is about a bunsch of unhappy people (unhappy in a marrage) if you are unhappy in your marrage then go and go fast.
But we are talking about cheating if thats the only reason.
maybe we should find out why the man cheated.
But women do not cheat for the same reasons as men.

mamaput:

Nia do not mis understand me i am not a typical "learn who to do this and that because of a man"
I teach them learn to do this and that so that you will not be dependent on a man
(except he don't use a condom) If at all because of the Aids stuff and not the cheating.
Be very sure that am bringing up my kids to be very independent women when they grow up.
Hell no i do not even tell them they have to marry and have children.

mamaput:

But we have to be realistic there are more reasons for living a man than just cheating.

You seem to be saying that your "reality" should be other people's "reality". But that's not realistic.

I will say again that I don't care if anyone chooses to stay with a cheating spouse if that's what they want. But there's nothing less realistic about leaving someone when they cheat on you. Human beings are different, depending on how they were raised and the type of values they grow up with. We are better off letting people make decisions based on what they feel they can or cannot handle instead of force-feeding them lies and threatening them through cultural propagandas.

mamaput:

your article is about a bunsch of unhappy people (unhappy in a marrage) if you are unhappy in your marrage then go and go fast.
But we are talking about cheating if thats the only reason.
maybe we should find out why the man cheated.
But women do not cheat for the same reasons as men.

hmnn. I know it was a little long, but did you read the entire article? Not all the women the article talked about were "unhappy" as your generalization implied. Some of them were just bored and "looking for an adventure" with other men, which is the same excuse some have used on here claiming that "you get tired of sleeping with the same woman all the time".
However, this brings us back to your earlier point. A spouse running around is generally something that makes women unhappy. If you are saying they should leave when they are unhappy in a marriage, then how can you say they have to stay with a cheating husband?

there are many hoddles in a marrage for some we have to master them some not we give up and go.
My first daughter is 17 the last one is 10 each has a mind of here own.
They know what and how i see things .But they have a mind of their own.
Like i and you said everybody dose what is best for them.
What i do not waht for my kids is to mbe dependent on a man or on sozial welfare.
I say i will not dump a man for cheating and i will not advise my kid to dump a man for cheating as in."Dump that bastard he cheated on you".
Go back and read what i wrote that i will not advise them dose not mean i willnow say "how can " if they want to do it let them.

many of my friends that ask me about dumping husband i tell them the advantages and disadvantage. But hell no i will not put my mouth in a marrage if the man is not beating them.

Word Faa. If a one-woman guy gets to u/stand his woman is a one-man woman he loves her the most. But when she gets another man in, he will protest angrily and if she doesn't clear the air or dump the new guy, the man should use the exit door. Period! You can't force or foist your belief on another. Ideas dovetail and only time and survelliance say when to depart. Women are not steady with their principles as they would likt ot do what their friends are doing and they seem to assume man's principles for some time. Time wears in on thier beliefs. Cheating can never be the rule but it just happens to be commonplace now.

Absolutely NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Unless he was under a spell

mamaput:

there are many hoddles in a marrage for some we have to master them some not we give up and go.
My first daughter is 17 the last one is 10 each has a mind of here own.
They know what and how i see things .But they have a mind of their own.
Like i and you said everybody dose what is best for them.
What i do not waht for my kids is to mbe dependent on a man or on sozial welfare.
I say i will not dump a man for cheating and i will not advise my kid to dump a man for cheating as in."Dump that bastard he cheated on you".
Go back and read what i wrote that i will not advise them dose not mean i willnow say "how can " if they want to do it let them.

many of my friends that ask me about dumping husband i tell them the advantages and disadvantage. But hell no i will not put my mouth in a marrage if the man is not beating them.

It's fine, mamaput, we're all entitled to our opinions.
I myself, do not go around putting my two-cents in how people should handle their unions or problems. Unless someone specifically asks me for my advice. But when they ask me I will aim to give them sound and well-thought-out advice, not lie to them and force them to make a certain decision by telling them "Society won't respect them" or "their children will be angry with them" et cetera and claim that this as a justification for staying when/if they don't want to.
there's a difference between giving someone a sound and well-thought out advice and threatning them and lying to them. Or using societal pressure to force them to make a certain decision.   

There's a problem with ignoring the differences between human beings, something I alluded to earlier as been unrealistic. People are different and different people have different things that they can or cannot tolerate. We (Naijas) often fail to RESPECT that as a society. Instead we resort to threatening people and using different modes of manipulation to force people to make certain decisions.

For example, you wrote that you will not say anything unless it's a matter of physical abuse. That is fine FOR YOU. According TO YOU, that is where a spouse crosses the line. Yours may be physical abuse and for some, it's cheating. Even if I don't agree with you that physical abuse is crossing the line, I will respect it. I will not say things like, "Your Children will be angry with you if you leave cause of the beating" and et cetera.
Again, While yours is physical abuse, for some people cheating is one of those "hoodles" that some find hard to jump through. And none of these is more or less relevant than the other, or more or less "realistic" like you claimed in your earlier post.

All depends in the society you are living in

mamaput:

All depends in the society you are living in

This does not mean we should continue to threaten people and force them to accept a particular mentality. Our society should not continue to disrespect individuality, especially when it comes to women. Culture is not static but dynamic, and even now I've noticed some differences between Naija some several years ago and the current naija. I have read several of your post on Nairaland trying to tell women not to endure abusive marriages. Why do you bother? I suspect it's because you know that things change, and with each generation societies and cultures change.
There was a time when the word "love" was practically none existent in the Naija marriage. Marriage was more or less a business/social arrangement, for convenience, etc  Now we are having a discussion called "can a man LOVE a woman and still cheat on her. 
hmmn

I tell them because someone has to make the first move.
Mothers have to stop telling raising their daughters for the only aim of finding good husbands.
If we can get this generation to change it will be some thing good. But in this topic we are talking about facts. It is good to see things from the other side. And there are more important things to me than a cheating husband. A husband that runs around making Dept's is a reason for me to get a devoice because am not about to want to inherit Dept's from a fool of a man.
A lazy man that dose not go to work is not a good role model for the kids i can also devoice on these grounds.
The list gose on.
I guess that we all have different last straws that break the camales back.

mamaput:

I tell them because someone has to make the first move.
Mothers have to stop telling raising their daughters for the only aim of finding good husbands.
If we can get this generation to change it will be some thing good. But in this topic we are talking about facts. It is good to see things from the other side. And there are more important things to me than a cheating husband. A husband that runs around making Dept's is a reason for me to get a devoice because am not about to want to inherit Dept's from a fool of a man.
A lazy man that dose not go to work is not a good role model for the kids i can also devoice on these grounds.
The list gose on.
I guess that we all have different last straws that break the camales back.

I am glad we agree we should respect people's decisions and not force them into what we think they should do.
Now, I'm not sure what you consider "facts", but telling people not to leave a cheating husband because their children will hateor blame them is not a matter of fact. That's an opinion. But I will go out on a limb and assume what you're referring to is the idea that "it's in men's genes to cheat". We have had some males who have been honest enough to come out and address this without the one-sided propangas and their view on the issue I find more balanced. I will also refer you to the following article: http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-barash10may10,0,7632432.story?coll=la-home-commentary

A few quotes from the article: 

When it comes to human behavior, there are actually very few genetic dictates. Our hearts insist on beating, our lungs breathing, our kidneys filtering and so forth, but these internal-organ functions are hardly "behavior" in a meaningful sense. As for more complex activities, evolution whispers within us. It does not shout orders.

People are inclined to eat when hungry, sleep when tired and have sex when aroused. But in most cases, we remain capable of declining, endowed as we are with that old bugaboo, free will. Moreover, when people indulge their biologically based inclinations, nearly always it is to satisfy an immediate itch, whose existence is itself an evolved strategy leading to some naturally selected payoff. A person doesn't typically eat, for example, with the goal of meeting her metabolic needs but to satisfy her hunger, which is a benevolent evolutionary trick that induces the food-deprived to help out their metabolism.

Nia many of my friends (we are in the right age) that are planning on leaving their husbands tell how they are going to deal with him , he will not get to see the kids Bla bla bla, i do not have to tell you what am sure you too have geard the same lines.
My answer to them is that these children will grow and go and ask their dad what happened.
It may end up that the dad did not see them grow, but at the end it may be the mum that will not see her grand kids. depending on what so ever from case to case.

I understand what you're saying. It is important for children to have the opportunity to be raised by both parents. What I have a problem with is FORCING PEOPLE either through lies or deceit or threatning them. Most of the men defending cheating are afraid of what you just mentioned--losing their family. If that's the case, then the thing to do is to take care not to put that family in Jeopardy, is it not? The onus should be on the person who cheat to take the right actions, do the right thing instead of forcing the person being cheated on to be forgiving and accepting. That should be a free choice. Do you not agree?

mamaput, I have to leave now, but i'll be back in case you wish to continue the discussion.

I was speaking for my self when i say cheating is not a reason for me to break up.
The Nigerian socity is what it is. you are right theoratically.
But we all fight for what we believe in . You may be the cheating husband and i may be the jobless lazy one.

IS NOT POSSIBLE TO CHEAT ON THE ONE U LOVE,IT'S MEANINGLESS.
HOW CAN U GO 4 ANOTHER ONE IF U R ALREADY IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE?THAT MEANS U DON'T LOVE THE PERSON

mamaput:

I was speaking for my self when i say cheating is not a reason for me to break up.
The Nigerian socity is what it is. you are right theoratically.
But we all fight for what we believe in . You may be the cheating husband and i may be the jobless lazy one.

mamaput, I'm not really trying to fight for this, I just decided to join the discussion to address some lies and the twisted versions of what others call BIOLOGY (i.e. men are not emotional). People should be able to make decisions based on facts, not lies or threats. I believe as women become more educated and liberated the changes will come. And I hope you understand that while I may not agree with your view, I RESPECT it.

@Nia No mater how you try , It's a Man's World , i didn't make , it was there before i came , it has always been there , and it will always be , Read the Bible and get to know the world we live in ,Stop playing the Feminist thang! Even in Remote Areas where they can hardly read not write , Men Are known to play a Dominant Role, It's natural, I'm not in support of Men Dogging around mind you , but Listen to Mamaput , She's educating you on the society we live in , Yes the Forum should be base on our cultural and Ethnic Background we live in and not some sort of Americanize or Modern World, whatever you call it , where Women are in Competition with Men , hmmmmm! shake my head!
Well I'll close my Version of it with , You can go ahead Educating People to Divorce their Husband when caught napping

bammidele:

@Nia No mater how you try , It's a Man's World , i didn't make , it was there before i came , it has always been there , and it will always be , Read the Bible and get to know the world we live in ,Stop playing the Feminist thang! Even in Remote Areas where they can hardly read not write , Men Are known to play a Dominant Role, It's natural, I'm not in support of Men Dogging around mind you , but Listen to Mamaput , She's educating you on the society we live in , Yes the Forum should be base on our cultural and Ethnic Background we live in and not some sort of Americanize or Modern World, whatever you call it , where Women are in Competition with Men , hmmmmm! shake my head!
Well I'll close my Version of it with , You can go ahead Educating People to Divorce their Husband when caught napping

My brother, you dey fear? Why fear dey catch you na? lol
Anyways, thanks for your concern, but you don't need to worry about me. Besides, Feminism is not something I should be ashamed of being associated with. That movement has done a great deal for women in the past. Who knows, without it, I might actually still believe things like: "It's a man's world and you have to learn to accept it" or "Go read the bible to understand the world" and blah blah blah. We all have a brain, and there's no reason to be afraid to use it. Cheers.

@bammidele.  They won't listen because the are die hard! Typical Nigerian behavior! Even Seun the Admin does not. Rather because of his almighty power on d forum he will delete any posting that directly contradicts his opinion. He's done that to me twice and it's not fair!

I won't be surprised if this posting disappears into the thin air after some minutes!

fear ? the last thang on earth . lol!

Nia:

My brother, you dey fear? Why fear dey catch you na? lol
Anyways, thanks for your concern, but you don't need to worry about me. Besides, Feminism is not something I should be ashamed of being associated with. That movement has done a great deal for women in the past. Who knows, without it, I might actually still believe things like: "It's a man's world and you have to learn to accept it" or "Go read the bible to understand the world" and blah blah blah. We all have a brain, and there's no reason to be afraid to use it. Cheers. 

FEAR ? THE LAST THANG ON EARTH , LOL!

bammidele:

FEAR ? THE LAST THANG ON EARTH , LOL!

tsk, tsk, tsk.  That your post read like a nervous finger terrified of the truth, lol. But good to know sey hin no be fear wey dey cause am.