OkikiOluwa1: Dear mods of this section, I ll appreciate it if this thread is moved to the frontpage to gain more viewers & contributors who may benefit from it. It's a thread that tries to analyze how fathers neglect their wife & kids & possible solution to it.
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Now to the content...
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I v observed a particular trend in some places in Nigeria. It's a situation where fathers neglect their kids only to their mother's care.
These kids may not get proper feeding, moral, education & any other thing that ll make such child excel in life due to the negligience of their fathers. Some are drop outs from school.
I researched into the families of these affected kids & found that some fathers v been cooperative before but suddenly changed. Mostly due to the fact that they are having extra marital affairs.
They ll refuse to give their wives feeding allowance, refuse to pay for their children's school fee & up bringing.
Whatever they earn ll now be spent on their new mistress or mistresses. There's one that's so appaling. A situation where a man ll be feeding & paying the school fee of his concubine's kids which were from another man & he ll abandon his own biological children even when they didn't offend him.
This kids are now left with their mothers to survive. Some wives of these men don't even v a reliable source of income because they v always been full time house wives.
In the future, some kids that went through hardship with their mothers survive.
Their fathers may end up looking up to them for assisstance.
Do they deserve it?
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I v seen real life scenarios where a father that didn't labour on his son wanted to eat from his success. After pleading for forgiveness, he was allowed into the family. 3 months after enjoying from his son's wealth, he died from an unknown illness.
I v also heard about similar cases when parents want to eat from where
they didn't labour & end up dying few months or years later. In Yoruba mythology, there's a thing called 'Owún'.
It's a punishment for parents that are eating from the wealth of their children which they didn't labour for.
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Aside Yoruba myth, common sense is talking to us here that those fathers died earlier cos they are reaping where they didn't labour.
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It's now a casual thing for father's to give birth to 5, 8, 10, 12, 15 or more children & atimes with different women. Yet they wont take good care of them.
These kind of fathers can be held responsible as agents of over populating the country with kids that they wont take good care of. Most of their children may also end up living an unaccomplished life because they had a poor up bringing.
A child that is not raised well has little chance to succeed. It is the duty of the father to give optimum support for the family.
Seriously, I think the government should start picking some irresponsible dads as scape goats.
Girls from this kind of fathers are likely to fend for themselves. Getting money from menial jobs, house help, prostitution, from boy friends etc. Some end up getting unwanted pregnancies, some get married at a tender age. Worst of it is when the owner of the pregnancy is also a young boy who was raised poorly like them. They are likely to continue the circle of poor family, poor orientation & so on.
What about the boys, they may end up as touts, area boys, the no future ambition youths & start creating problems in their community. Why?
Cos they were raised poorly.
Last Bullet
It pains me each time I see poor children. I empathize with them.
It ll be easier for families when both father & mother raise their children well, providing moral, spiritual & financial support, provision of education, food, clothing & shelter. These are the necessary things needed by a child to excel in life.
A situation whereby fathers are neglecting their duties & shifting their responsibilities to the wives alone when they are able bodied & alive is bad.
Fathers must be responsible & stop breeding bastards!
It is a very irresponsible act when a man abandon his wife & children & family & start spending on another woman & her children. But neglecting his own biological children. I also advise mothers to always try their best to be entrepreneurship. They should stop the idea of full-time housewives & take advantage of opportunities that comes their way to set-up business. This ll be like a plan B when their husbands becomes irresponsible or incapable.
I want every Nairalander (especially males) that reads this thread to take the path of becoming a responsible father.
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Written by OkikiOluwa.
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Mods, do the needful.

aisha2:

Bless you and bless her. I know someone like you, and I saw the struggle the mother went through. I am so happy when I look at him now, how responsible and kind he is with his mother and family. God bless her for not sowing bitterness in you. She will reap the fruits of her labor, and it shall be well with you and your future family.

bigheart2013: So on point. The trend is worrisome dear. But everyone has a hand in the mess not just irresponsible fathers.

- irresponsible girls who dated married men and caused grief to wives but they eventually marry and expect to have happy marriages forgetting there is karma. - Chai, there's God o!

- irresponsible woman who marry men because of money and not love, then the marriage becomes a theater of war because of lack of love - Chai there's God o!

- Irresponsible girls who abandon men who labored and trained them for years and married a man from oversea just to travel out - chai, there's God o!

- Irresponsible in-laws who help scatter their children's marriage because of greed - chai, there's God o!


- Some irresponsible wives who divorce their struggling husbands abroad in order get child support and wire money to Nigeria to build houses - chai, there's God o!

- and that irresponsible he-goat, man who dates his secretary, students, neighbor's daughters and keep mistresses everywhere- chai, there's God oo!

- that irresponsible pastor who sees fake visions for single girls telling them they have 'spiritual husbands' but yet sleeps with girls in his church - chai, there's is God o. No, in fact there's ifa, orunmila, sango, shopona, ela, amadioha,

fellis: I support the move to take it to front page.

hensben: Bro you just described my home but fortunately, my mother was very strong to give us everything we wanted
As I type now,My worst enemy in this life is my father(ex-father), he made my mum went through hell, though, I have forgiven him but we can never be friends, he is my enemy, I don't even bear his name, not that him n my mum didn't tie knot, they did perfectly, I even saw their wedding pic.
I know people that haven't pass through this (which I don't pray you experience) will think what am typing now is nollywood, believe me, things like this do happen.
My mother is a down to earth woman and very hard working,then, I was wondering, what is now the problem of this man.
Thank lord me, my mother and siblings are doing good now.

tevinsolt: it is cuz the law doesn't require men to provide child support, trust me this one solution to men that sleep around without caring how many babies they end up having.

tatiana009:

That's the truth, the law should make provisions for women to sue such men for child support. I assure you Nigeria's population won't keep growing like this without control when people know that for every child you have you must take care of him/her.

Eleganza33: chai if i start writing wat my own fada did it wil ful lyk abt 10 or mur dictionary, my fada waz jus lyk dat evn as am stil writing .he waz rich bt he wud rada threw d money to goats dan to spend on d kids who did nt offend im,d kids who wer sharpest of al children in d whole extended family whom his brodas evn envy him 4.my mum is jus d head of d family as she did evry single tin 4 us while he spend time buying hauxes 4 wumen.nd he is evn.... Oh gosh i cnt continue, al i cn say is GOD wil alwaz b dia 4 us,evn afta al his brutal wickednes we stil feel 4 im so let God judge ur dad as wel,he is evn lucky he marid my gentle mum if 4 say na my mama sis he mari dat 1 wud av teach im a lesson cox she is a lioness she is evn begging my mum to permit her to deal wit my dad.

MizMyColi: Y'know, reading this post has caused me to pause and reflect for a bit.


I'm Proud of My Dad......indeed, I am my Father's Daughter.

coogar:

how has making men pay child support stop unwanted babies in the developed countries? it will even increase the frequency especially in a country like nigeria where cash is king! what stops a groundnut seller to get impregnated by a well-to-do man so she can be collecting monthly stipend from him?

people value money than kids in naija.

lupey: Modified...

OP has said it all, basically... I'm a good example of the above and its quite painful that some people have to go through a half-baked childhood and some don't.

I think the most painful part of having an irresponsible father is the absence of a father-figure...someone to scold you when you're wrong and to draw u back to himself. Someone to fear, cos whether we believe it or not, fathers would always carry that aura that would compel an erring child to fear them.
My mum has done an awesome job but no day passes without my wishing everything was just fine.
I have a male friend that has an extremely irresponsible father and he fears marriage like anything. He doesn't even trust himself enough to not over pamper his children because he never got love from his own father. He's a die-hard female fan and finds it hard to connect to his maaculine side. I sometimes pity him, notwithstanding that we're in the same shoes, because a lady could take advantage of his weakness for women. These are some sad effects of irresponsibility in fathers.

As I said, the op has said it all but lets still beg men to stick to the wives of their youth. Beautiful small girl will u like to marry my brother?
Big shout out to all the runz girls and huaband snatchers out there. Remember that God is watching u o! Also, remember that what goes around comes around. The law of karma awaits you!

A huge shout out to all the mothers out there acting as both fathers and mothers. May you live long enough to reap the fruits of your labour.

lupey: Modified...

OP has said it all, basically... I'm a good example of the above and its quite painful that some people have to go through a half-baked childhood and some don't.

I think the most painful part of having an irresponsible father is the absence of a father-figure...someone to scold you when you're wrong and to draw u back to himself. Someone to fear, cos whether we believe it or not, fathers would always carry that aura that would compel an erring child to fear them.
My mum has done an awesome job but no day passes without my wishing everything was just fine.
I have a male friend that has an extremely irresponsible father and he fears marriage like anything. He doesn't even trust himself enough to not over pamper his children because he never got love from his own father. He's a die-hard female fan and finds it hard to connect to his maaculine side. I sometimes pity him, notwithstanding that we're in the same shoes, because a lady could take advantage of his weakness for women. These are some sad effects of irresponsibility in fathers.

As I said, the op has said it all but lets still beg men to stick to the wives of their youth.
Big shout out to all the runz girls and huaband snatchers out there. Remember that God is watching u o! Also, remember that what goes around comes around. The law of karma awaits you!

A huge shout out to all the mothers out there acting as both fathers and mothers. May you live long enough to reap the fruits of your labour.

Nobleval: As you said. Most fathers rarely stay at home. Imagine a situation where a fathers goes out in the morning and comes back in the night. Surely you don't expect him to monitor his son then. And remember the saying "catch them young..." when a child gets older he takes his own decision himself. Now I believe the moral and religous wellness of a child should be the work of the mother and her main priorty too. Considering the bond that exist btwn mother and child. And talking about parent{s} that support their kids in crime..that's ridiculous. I doubt that.[\b]

bigheart2013: So on point. The trend is worrisome dear. But everyone has a hand in the mess not just irresponsible fathers.

- irresponsible girls who dated married men and caused grief to wives but they eventually marry and expect to have happy marriages forgetting there is karma. - Chai, there's God o!

- irresponsible woman who marry men because of money and not love, then the marriage becomes a theater of war because of lack of love - Chai there's God o!

- Irresponsible girls who abandon men who labored and trained them for years and married a man from oversea just to travel out - chai, there's God o!

- Irresponsible in-laws who help scatter their children's marriage because of greed - chai, there's God o!


- Some irresponsible wives who divorce their struggling husbands abroad in order get child support and wire money to Nigeria to build houses - chai, there's God o!

- and that irresponsible he-goat, man who dates his secretary, students, neighbor's daughters and keep mistresses everywhere- chai, there's God oo!

- that irresponsible pastor who sees fake visions for single girls telling them they have 'spiritual husbands' but yet sleeps with girls in his church - chai, there's is God o. No, in fact there's ifa, orunmila, sango, shopona, ela, amadioha,

OkikiOluwa1:
Why you dey abuse me?
Are you mad? Did you miss road?
Last Bullet
I won't try to be friendly with you o!
I never collect salary, plus + minus - plenty people owe me money!
I dey vex o!

deavicky: beautiful small girl will you marry my brother?

hensben: exactly my ex- father, he is very worst, I do challenge him now n he is very afraid to speak with me whenever we see cos he knows I will ignore him.

Dbestmax: Dnt blame fathers..most women force d hands of their husbands and end up termin dem "iresponsible"wen dey are d architect of the family's misfortune

whatlyf: If Only Original Poster will Create a Thread Appreciating Fathers.

dasparrow:
[s]
How do you know this? Have you considered husbands who married their wives when they were not rich but as soon as they became wealthy, they began to carry girls up and down the place, spending money on mistresses while neglecting the needs of his wife and children. How is this the wife's fault? What of husbands who start off being good but then change the minute their wife starts birthing only female children? What of husbands who are serial cheats regardless of how good their wives are and abandon their responsibilities to their wives only? What of husbands who allowed their mothers wreck havoc in their marriages and they stopped providing for their children?[/s] Let's face it, Nigeria is filled with irresponsible fathers and that is why our society is getting messier and messier by the day.

hayoakins: Spreads mat to read the post...brb to comment meaningfully

Edited:

Now, you are gonna make me cry.

Polygamy is a modafking BIITCH, it is responsible for the high rate of irresponsible FATHERS