SirShymex:

Well, you and the OP need to always add, "In Nigeria" next time you lot make sweeping generalisations about men.

I'm sorry I don't know how Nigeria operates, that isn't my experience...from my experience, most of the women who cry about deadbeat dads are scandalous imps.

Virgindove: There is beauty in diversity and strenght in polygamy if well managed. Polygamy shouldn't be blamed for irresponsibility of men that jettison their homes for angels outside. There are many other factors that could b responsible(greed, drunkiness, bad company, voodoo etc). This our idea of one man,one wife is directly linked to d growing number of single mothers and over-ripe single ladies in d society. Am an advocate of polygamy and a polygamist. Ladies should please try to be less possessive and sacrifice a bit for d world to b a better place. I love my wives and children and nothing except death could make me denied them.

ayobase:

now that everybody wanna be baby mamas.

"I just need a rich man married or not married who can give me a house, a car, and a kid while he comes to visit once in a month"

thats what some of my female friends talk o.

they plenty for abuja......those estates for abuja.........CITEC.

Sophyrocks:

Good. Since you know nothing about Nigeria, sit down and allow those who know to tell their stories/experiences/occurences rampant around them. As you can see, some people in this thread have also testified to it according to their own experience. So read and learn.

SirShymex: How about fathers who're denied access to their kids by their mothers?

Some women are just nutters. And just as there are deadbeat dads - psychotic mothers abound.

bigheart2013: So on point. The trend is worrisome dear. But everyone has a hand in the mess not just irresponsible fathers.

- irresponsible girls who dated married men and caused grief to wives but they eventually marry and expect to have happy marriages forgetting there is karma. - Chai, there's God o!

- irresponsible woman who marry men because of money and not love, then the marriage becomes a theater of war because of lack of love - Chai there's God o!

- Irresponsible girls who abandon men who labored and trained them for years and married a man from oversea just to travel out - chai, there's God o!

- Irresponsible in-laws who help scatter their children's marriage because of greed - chai, there's God o!


- Some irresponsible wives who divorce their struggling husbands abroad in order get child support and wire money to Nigeria to build houses - chai, there's God o!

- and that irresponsible he-goat, man who dates his secretary, students, neighbor's daughters and keep mistresses everywhere- chai, there's God oo!

- that irresponsible pastor who sees fake visions for single girls telling them they have 'spiritual husbands' but yet sleeps with girls in his church - chai, there's is God o. No, in fact there's ifa, orunmila, sango, shopona, ela, amadioha,

SirShymex:

Well, there's absolutely nothing to learn since a lot of naij women out here are scandalous. So I'd wager that's how the ones in naij are.

Anyway, I'm out!

Nobleval: Well...I don't know what to say. Most fathers can be seen as irresponsible. Now looking at it from the Op perspective...your article is talking about poor Dads who spend the little they earn on concubines and their bastards...you see them as irresponsible because their wives are 'housewives' thereby leaving the legitimate kids at the mercy of fate.


Hmmm lets see...what will you call the rich Dads that take care of their family...and on the other hand has a second "family"? Responsible?...if yes..because they have money? {thereby giving them the right to reap where they sowed in the future?} being responsible is not about having MONEY to cater for the family {all hands are not equal} which the Op seems to be hitting on.
There are other ways a father can be a responsible personality to his family.....

OkikiOluwa1:
What you are talking about happens mostly in the west.
I v read some of your posts on this thread. They are lamentations about what women also do.
But my thread is about Nigeria. What I wrote happens alot in the western part of Nigeria.

Ephemmm: One thing that always comes to my mind is that our fore-fathers are more sensible than most of us that we call ourselves elite. For instance, my patternal grandpa married 18 wives, and 48 children, but he used them to facilitate his business ventures - farming.

He had huge farmland and he has no choice than to use his numerous children and wives for harvesting whenever the needs arise. And none of them can never complain of hunger or lack of care in the sense that there will always be enough and much was not spent on educational activities as at then.

See what is happening in Naija now: unless those in the villages, it is glaring that 75% of your salary if not more than that are being spent on your children's upkeep - education, health, food, clothes, books, etc and we keep breeding like a pig despite the fact that this children contribute little or no source of income to us unlike our forefathers and the subsequent effect of this action is what we are experiencing today in our society. Go to big cities and northern part of this country and you will understand what I mean.

My advise for youth of nowadays is that we must not bite more than what we can chew in consideration of the economic situation of this country. Afterall, a good farmers should always be proud of the quality of his products and not the quantity

Irresponsible fathers! The cause of tremendous increase in population in northern part of Nigeria.

pickabeau1: You did not respond to this post from nobleval

OkikiOluwa1:
What you are talking about happens mostly in the west.
I v read some of your posts on this thread. They are lamentations about what women also do.
But my thread is about Nigeria. What I wrote happens alot in the western part of Nigeria.

OkikiOluwa1:
Look, I know your type.
You only believe what you choose to believe.
A father that's very busy is different from an irresponsible one. A busy father still make up time for his kids. Busy is not about going out from morning till night without doing something legal.
Last Bullet
@ the bolded part of your post, it happens very well.
I v seen parents that ll tell their daughters to find their way. Through prostitution, fraud etc. I v seen a father that ll not tell his that cybercrime is wrong. The list goes on.

Sophyrocks: The society itself encourages irresponsibility in men. So since we have many irresponsible men, then expect many irresponsible fathers. Many men believe in popping out babies but not in caring for them. We are begining to have a lot of sperm donors instead of fathers. A society that believes men are free to cheat, sleep around and have many wives, what do you expect will come out of such a society? Humans will continue to abuse privileges which is why the 'Man must cheat' mantra is everywhere, widely believed and defended like lives depend on it. Married men cheating on their wives like its a virus, expecting that the marriage will remain the same. MISTRESSES NOW BECOME DICTATORS IN THE HOME. Our moral values are low even though we like to pretend its the opposite and compare ourselves with the west. You can imagine married men spending millions on runs babes, building mansions and funding international trips for them, such privileges their family lack. And they will come out and boast of being Heads of their family. and what advice is given to the wives? to bear it all and take over his position to provide for their kids thence encouraging the circle of irresponsibility. Ridiculous!! No wonder the shout for submission from women is very loud.

There is so much emphasis on the training of the girl child to be good wives but nothing is usually said of training boys to be good husbands and fathers. That is why we are in this mess. What is the point of concentrating so much on raising good wives who will be good mothers if we are having more and more irresponsible men becoming irresponsible fathers? are we saying good wives dnt deserve good husbands? Are we saying children do not deserve good fathers?? this belief of men being free to do whatever they want is causing more dysfunctional homes. As you can see, many young men have irresponsible fathers as evident in the comments in this thread. Before you know it, it becomes a circle. some will learn not to repeat the mistakes of their fathers while others will follow their examples. Now they wonder why youths of now have low morals. Irresponsible men with bad lifestyles become bad examples to their kids. And it goes on like a circle. Poor training of men+low morals+bad parenting〓more and more dysfunctional children and homes.

Married men should learn to stick to their wives. Having children comes with responsibility. Being the head isnt about beating your chest and shouting submission submission submission. Its about responsibilities!! all parents should endeavor to train their boy child with diligence. Fathers should try to be role models to their sons so that this circle of irresponsibility passed from generation to generation can be stopped. Its shameful please.

cococandy: That's why I keep saying married people should be held to the same standards.
We are reaping the direct results of unbridled patriachy.

Even a good system can be abused when one party is left thinking that they can do as they wish.

Sophyrocks:
Since there is nothing to learn, there is absolutely no point commenting in this thread. If you want to be an irresponsible father or breed irresponsible sons simply because you have grudge against all women, its your cup of tea. Na your generation go suffer am. This thread is for men who want to be responsible fathers and good role models to their sons.

cococandy: That's why I keep saying married people should be held to the same standards.
We are reaping the direct results of unbridled patriachy.

Even a good system can be abused when one party is left thinking that they can do as they wish.

SirShymex:

Nah, I don't have problems with all women. I love cultured and decent women, however, I can't stand the angry ones and play game bandits a la pseudo-feminists. And like I said earlier, there's absolutely nothing to learn from women complaining everywhere - life isn't fair, and men go through a lot as well.

Finally, the probability of me being a deadbeat dad is: NIL/ZERO/ZILCH. I was raised differently. However, one thing though: if any scandalous woman tries to stand between my unborn children and I, I shall crush and break her psychotic ar.se, then dump what's left in the garbage can. And by the time I'm done with her, it's going to look like Optimus Prime ran through her body.

Sophyrocks:
So much for being a responsible father. Crushing and breaking the a.rse of a woman.

As for complaining, go back to the first page of this thread if you change your mind and see for yourself to see your malefolks contributing their own experiences. Scan through the thread and see males like you contributing and testifying to the topic. I am sure you aint blind to see the person who created this thread is a male. So your thought about feminist is invalid. Or are you saying the Op is a feminist? Are the males contribuuting feminists? What hhas feminism gotto do with this topic? arent you guys tired of going back and forth about feminists? why are you making feminists so powerful?

pickabeau1:

Can i ask what do you mean by unbridled patriarchy and is that is the reason men have concubines?

What do you mean when you say married people should have the same standards

pickabeau1:

i have seen ur post but you did not respond to him
He specifically asked about fathers who have two families and can support them

Note also the thread has delved into male bashing...

Doyensky: Figure head father everywhere. Som cud b so hrtless, dey wnt contribute anytin meaningful n wil stil want to make decision. Imagine a situation where the man is nt workin, wil wait for the wife to bring salary n wil stil be the one to draw up the budget, and determine how the money wil be spent. God dey sha. Kudos to my papa, evn though we are many, he never shied away from his responsibilities

SirShymex:

Sophy, every time I try leaving the thread for the female mourners, you keep calling me back - why's that?

Anyway, I was speaking metaphorically - we don't get physical with women in my la familia. However, that doesn't negate other things. I was born to be a great dad.

Nah, the OP looks like a feminist sympathizer. Men are becoming too soft these days due to feminist propaganda, and on the flip-side there has also been a sharp increase in homosexual men. So, once you do the maths, you'll see the emasculation of men. And that's unacceptable.

Shalom!

cococandy: How did I know you were gonna quote me

Unbridled. Uncontroled. Unlimited. Pick one.all it means to me is that in such a situation,the man in question abuses his position as the head of the house. Because he thinks he is free to do as he wishes.

It may not be a direct reason for concubines but it contributes a whole lot.like the first example I gave on this thread. If the culture of the people here didn't allow the man to have as many wives as he can 'cater' for,he wouldn't have gone ahead to get a new wife and abandon his old family. To this day this young man I'm talking about HATES his father for that.
There are so many examples where being the head of his house makes a man get away with stuff that potentially damage his kids.

Same standards?
Men and women aren't the same,yet both are equally needed to raise good kids.
So can we please stop making excuses for distant and emotionally unavailable fathers?
We do that a lot. If a dad can only has money to offer his kids,he's seen as having done all his duty to them.
But fathers who don't only offer money but alos offer fatherly guidance to their kids will tell you they reap DOUBLE benefits.
Some kids can't even talk to their dad or make requests from him except thru momma.
Some men don't know the intimate details of their kids everyday lives.
Is it any surprise children are closer to their moms?
We have become used to most dads not being as involved as moms and we are mostly fine with that.

So I think there should be guidelines and standards which the society hold men to just like it holds married women to.

My happiness is that some of young dads(from my personal research) have begun to recognize this and make amends.

OkikiOluwa1:
Firstly, my thread is not against polygamy but against irresponsible dads. If a man has 2 wives & he can cater for them, fine. The irresponsibility comes in when a man that can't cater for 1 family is having 2 or more.
I hope I v answered you.

pickabeau1:

Deadbeat dads are not limited to country or race. Im sure you know of popular sports stars in the US whose fathers just appear when the child has made it

Sophyrocks:

So the Op is a feminist sympathizer simply because he truthfully pointed out the obvious irresponsibility among fathers today? Simply because he is trying to correct an anomaly in his own little way, he is a feminist sympathizer? So all the males who had similar experiences as regards their own fathers are all feminist sympathizers? I see. Correcting something that is wrong makes you a feminist? I can see how your thought process works. No wonder you have problems with women.

Sophyrocks:
So the Op is a feminist sympathizer simply because he truthfully pointed out the obvious irresponsibility among fathers today? Simply because he is trying to correct an anomaly in his own little way, he is a feminist sympathizer? So all the males who had similar experiences as regards their own fathers are all feminist sympathizers? I see. Correcting something that is wrong makes you a feminist? I can see how your thought process works. No wonder you have problems with women.

GboyegaD:

Can you provide a link to such studies to help us learn better.

coogar:

to cut the long story short....we are saying the same thing.

cococandy:
The thing is whenever I make I post about my society,it is not always in negative comparison to any other society.
I'm more concerned about mine. Not necessarily saying that those other ones are better. Even when I point out what they have that we don't have,it's not about putting ours down. More about saying aloud what I think we need to improve on.
Even if a vice present in other societies is present in ours,it doesn't mean we should keep silent about ours because 'there are others too'