A very close friend told me he asked his wife to be, to when they get married be handing soup matters while he will still be buying other foodstuffs and provisions. This he said is not in anyway to abdicate his manly responsibilities, he just feels in this modern age, a working woman should be able to handle some minor bills at home.

His fiance is refusing vehemently. He said she prefers the man providing the fund for everything and then she using her discression to add her money if and when neccessary. As it stands now, they are both on a collission course on this divergent school of thought about family finance yet, they want to tie the knot soon.

Great people of nairaland, what do you think of this issues? I have given him my 10 kobo advise but I will like to know what others think, especially, married nairalanders.

Thanks

Delegate house bills?Well I don't think it right the way you put it.
In marriage,you have to understand that you are both in it to work for each other.The man should provide for the house and the wife contribute especially if she works.You could both come to an agreement on who provides what.

I'm concerned however about your friend and his fiancee.It seems they are both not right for each other.Seems there will be financial squabbles when they both marry.

Good thing they are at loggerheads today, before tying the knot.

Finance is a big issue that thoroughly needs to be thrashed out now, rather than later. If they can't reach an agreement now, then it's best they go their separate ways.

I think it's OK especially if...















the wife delegates house chores to the husband.




I'm joking

If they are both working, they shd pool their salaries into a joint acct and spend it together.

kingviny: A very close friend told me he asked his wife to be, to when they get married be handling soup matters, while he will still be buying other foodstuffs and provisions.

This is a joke right? Which one is 'soup matters' again?

I don't know why i just have a problem with the use of ''delegate''. Why should someone delegate whatever pleases him/her to another? Why not sit together and look at your bills and plan together how to settle them and then both agree on who is to do what according to the individual's capacity?

it just looks more like a boss delegating responsibilities to the subordinate of which the sub has no choice or input in the matter on ground

but of all things to cause argument, soup matters?

oyibo dey call am pre-nuptial agreement

they shld get one b4 tying d knot


on a more serious note, both r not ready 4 marriage unless a marriage of convenience

crackhaus:
This is a joke right? Which one is 'soup matters' again?

Well i guess maybe the ingredients for making soup like pepper, tomatoes, tatashe, curry, maggi, thyme, meat, fish etc. Just saying.

Nothing wrong there. This is what women have been clamouring for. She should be happy her husband sees her as one who can contribute to the home.


But I don't understand, are they arguing over who will buy ingredients for soup? Or did you mean to type something else?

I dont know where you people are getting the idea that two people who want to get married cannot argue over issues before their wedding. So if they are disagreeing over a matter now it means they are not meant for each other? They should be oh so lovey-dovey and sweetie-bun and that will show they are made for each other? I'm sure couples in love have violins playing in the background and roses sprouting wherever they walk.
SMH.

Too much Walt Disney. Too much Mills and Boon.

Godmystrength: Well i guess maybe the ingredients for making soup like pepper, tomatoes, tatashe, curry, maggi, thyme, meat, fish etc. Just saying.

Indeed, but common sense dictates that whoever goes to the market usually buys everything 'including' the soup ingredients with the money they have on them na.

Maybe I'm not understanding something here yet.

I think the saying ''There is love in sharing'' should reciprocate and not only in one way.

So the man if need be to also share the family bills with his wife, why not?

nke001: I think the saying ''There is love in sharing'' should reciprocate and not only in one way.

So the man if need be to also share the family bills with his wife, why not?

This is another part that got me confused. How does buying soup ingredients qualify as 'bills'?

5minsmadness: I dont know where you people are getting the idea that two people who want to get married cannot argue over issues before their wedding. So if they are disagreeing over a matter now it means they are not meant for each other? They should be oh so lovey-dovey and sweetie-bun and that will show they are made for each other? I'm sure couples in love have violins playing in the background and roses sprouting wherever they walk.
SMH.

Too much Walt Disney. Too much Mills and Boon.

'His fiancee is refusing vehemently'(quote).
There is nothing wrong with intending couples disagreeing over issues but the quote above speaks volumes.

adanduka: I think it's OK especially if...















the wife delegates house chores to the husband.




I'm joking

That's no joke, it's pretty fair.

This a matter of personal values. There's nothing wrong with anything if the two are happy. I don't think it's unfair he ask her to contribute, but I do believe it gives her room for negotiation.

Let them thrash the issue out,before tying the knot.to me,the wife should be allowed to use her discretion in financial issues,delegation of duties seems autocratic to me.

crackhaus:
Indeed, but common sense dictates that whoever goes to the market usually buys everything 'including' the soup ingredients with the money they have on them na.

Maybe I'm not understanding something here yet.

It depends on the agreement. In some homes, your example is what happens while in some other homes, the husband must drop money for ''soup'' else no soup for them, in some it is the wife that takes up the responsibility of providing the soup money and also buying the soup things, in some the husband provides soup money and also buy the soup things from the market etc. it varies...

crackhaus:
This is another part that got me confused. How does buying soup ingredients qualify as 'bills'?

I think 'soup things' just means basic house needs like foodstuffs,soap,detergent,etc

thorpido: I think 'soup things' just means basic house needs like foodstuffs,soap,detergent,etc

to the man in question, i don't think so... see

kingviny: A very close friend told me he asked his wife to be, to when they get married be handing soup matters while he will still be buying other foodstuffs and provisions.

so if he is buying the foodstuffs and provisions, what else is left in ''soup things'' if not ingredients for making the soup?

crackhaus:
This is another part that got me confused. How does buying soup ingredients qualify as 'bills'?

it is part of the food bills now. Abi?

Godmystrength: It depends on the agreement. In some homes, your example is what happens while in some other homes, the husband must drop money for ''soup'' else no soup for them, in some it is the wife that takes up the responsibility of providing the soup money and also buying the soup things, in some the husband provides soup money and also buy the soup things from the market etc. it varies...

Ok o

thorpido: I think 'soup things' just means basic house needs like foodstuffs,soap,detergent,etc

Not according to the OP

Godmystrength: it is part of the food bills now. Abi?

Well I guess you could say that.

Anyway, my grouse with this whole thing is that whoever should be responsible for 'soup things' is not even supposed to be a problem, it seems too minute and inconsequential for it to cause disagreements...but that's just me.

Oh, for the love of a pot of soup! Even soup get levels...

Godmystrength: to the man in question, i don't think so... see


so if he is buying the foodstuffs and provisions, what else is left in ''soup things'' if not ingredients for making the soup?

Oh ok,i agree with you.So buying soup things is what the lady refuses vehemently to do?Na wa o

crackhaus:
Well I guess you could say that.

Anyway, my grouse with this whole thing is that whoever should be responsible for 'soup things' is not even supposed to be a problem, it seems too minute and inconsequential for it to cause disagreements...but that's just me.

That is when there is enough money....Ask those men whose wives lock up their shirts every money to demand for ''soup money''

thorpido: Oh ok,i agree with you.So buying soup things is what the lady refuses vehemently to do?Na wa o

I don't really thing she will have a problem buying soup things. i think her problem is that she will want to be able to do it at her discretion and not as a delegated responsibility by her husband to her.

Just like there are some men that would not do chores at home, there are some women that would not share the financial responsibility with the man. On the other hand, there are some men and women that would share the financial and house chores.

The important thing is to marry who shares the same values as you. I believe men who do not want to do any chores at home should marry women who do not want to share their finance even though she works while those men and women who wants to share financial and house chores should stick together.

I prefer to use the word agree in marriage rather than delegate.
op ask your friend if he is happy for the wife to be to delegate some house chores to him.

Read the topic below
https://www.nairaland.com/1828348/different-ways-families-run

Godmystrength: I don't really thing she will have a problem buying soup things. i think her problem is that she will want to be able to do it at her discretion and not as a delegated responsibility by her husband to her.

Yes, that seems to be the issue between them.The fact that he wants to delegate.However,doing it at her discretion means it's going to be occasional.I guess the guy wants it to be regular.
They both need to reach an agreement on it.

I have a very big problem with the word 'Delegate'. Nobody can delegate stuff to me like that o. We Must come to an agreement. Just as it is improper for a woman to delegate chores to her husband, so also it is improper for a man to delegate which aspect of the home the wife is to be financially responsible over. You are to plead and come to an understanding. Communication NOT Delegation. You are asking for help in your responsibilities, YOU ARE NOT TO DELEGATE!!

By the way, since men naturally are to provide basic needs, food inclusive, what is it about 'Soup items' that this man cannot provide? He claims to want to provide food items, doesnt that include soup items?

I think i get where the wife to be is coming from. Perhaps the way and manner her fiance went about the communication of duties looked autocratic/domineering to her. I also think its awkward to remove soup from food items. You are to help out with responsibilities on your own free will.

Yep it does.
If a family feeds well,in a month what they spend on groceries may well be more than other bills put together.
Best believe it.
Feeding isn't a minor issue.


That said I think the woman is one of those who beleives a man should provide every every.Op how about they both put a percentage of their incomes into a family account and all house needs including SOUP be drawn from that account?

crackhaus:
This is another part that got me confused. How does buying soup ingredients qualify as 'bills'?