ginajet: King Solomon I hail thee

Smartsyn: You must have heard the phrase 'the love will come gradually after we get married'. This is always the case when someone is desperate to get married or when a wife is find for you by your parents or guardians..


You know within you that you don't love him/her but believes that the love will come on it's own AFTER you get married.

Does it work that way, is it viable, or is it a lifetime mistake..?

Your opinions are welcomed..

CoCoLav:

I agree with your first paragraph. So are you saying that our parents who did not get married for love but later came to love, tolerate and understand each other are just 'lovable'?

Compare the marriages of those days and of today and see which ones last longer. Also compare the divorce rates of people who married for love and those in which love was not a factor. If you agree with me that our parent's marriages last longer then don't you also think that its better to have a 'lovable' marriage than to marry for love?

nedu213: I wish my ex can see this quote below:

osmond2009: .

phransix147:

Bathsheba do you mind?

Smartsyn: it works for those who are scared to love and to get hurt but for me i can't end up marring whom i don't even feel for at first because i wont be able to bear him child talk more of children.


You know within you that you don't love him/her but believes that the love will come on it's own AFTER you get married.

Does it work that way, is it viable, or is it a lifetime mistake..?

Your opinions are welcomed..

ravgach:

The marriage of old is not in any way comparable to that of today. It is like comparing the old and new testaments. Marriage 'worked' in those days because women are not married. They are acquired. In fact marriage of those days is a mini slavery. The man in most cases do not have a say. His father is his spokesman and the women are 'siddon look' their fathers marry them out! The men are mostly favored because they can marry again and again until they find love. If you really want to marry today, informed choice must be involved if you will make a success of it. Above all it must begin with love because marriage is all about love. Why enter it before you love when it is for better for worse? Is it not better to be sure the one you are going with is your best friend and lover before entering into it? I think it is better!

CoCoLav:


I don't know how to argue concerning relationship matter because its not a one shoe fits all thing. From the experiences I have had and also from other experiences, I have just concluded that love isn't the bane of marriage. Once there is tolerance, trust, respect, mutual understanding, commitment, whatever other qualities I need in a man and of course sex.ual chemistry then we are good to go. Love stems from all these things.

dytbabe:

Sing me that song
I wanna dance

ravgach:

We are saying the same thing then. What I am saying is before[/size][size=8pt] you say I do to any man/woman, be sure that:

1. You have mutual respect for each other - for each other's body too (this does not come in one day)
2. You tolerate each other (this also will mean unconditional acceptance) this also is not a day's job
3. You trust each other (this come with test, remember) not a day's job
4. You reach some understanding (concerning money, job, children, inlaws, conduct, dressing etc) not a day's job
5. You are pooling resources together to make the relationship work (infatuation does not have this patience)
6. You share affection/attraction (You must be proud to associate/be with each other - not one person in front the other behind) takes time too
7. You are ready to defend each other with your life (this is one of the major test of love)
8. You are willing and able to support him/her in weakness/sickness/setbacks/misfortunes etc.
9. You are willing to share your resources (money, power, favour, privilege, talents, etc) this takes a lot of time.
Love in marriage is not a 100 meter dash. It is a capsule filled with all these and more.

There are different kinds of love. I am writing about marriage love here please. So before you tell a man/woman that
you love him/her (in the marriage sense) be sure to have thought on these and many more.

These lend credence to the fact that love must be the bane of marriage and must also come[b] BEFORE [/b]its consummation, not the other way round.

Reference: Yes, because there cannot be love before marraige. You cannot love whom you donot know. Love is the product of relationship not the other way round. As a couple goes along in marraige the seed of love is planted and grows. That's why elderly widows and spinsters are very vulnerable and often experience profound physiological and psychological challenges after the death of their partner. That's true love. What you have before a typical marraige is infatuation or lust or hope. No more. And like an early morning mist the reality of marraige clears that away very quickly for the real love to take root most often after the seed dies (misunderstanding, conflict out if greed, selfishness, etc). It is the heat of the day that brings the real showers of love in the evenings to cool the twilight of your lives in old age. Life is beautiful. Learn to love. True love is good.

CoCoLav:


Those things listed are not the different kinds of love. They are just what a rational being should look out for before entering into marriage. Most people who claim to be in love ignore some of this salient points which later leads to a breakdown of the marriage when the love no longer sustains them. Love is different from trust, commitment and all those things you listed.

Most people leave Number 4 till after marriage but yet they are in love. Most people even start having issues concerning number 4 before marriage but believe they will sort it out after marriage because they are in love.

If you label Number 7 as a test of love, how then can you also call it a type of love.

CoCoLav:

I agree with your first paragraph. So are you saying that our parents who did not get married for love but later came to love, tolerate and understand each other are just 'lovable'?

Compare the marriages of those days and of today and see which ones last longer. Also compare the divorce rates of people who married for love and those in which love was not a factor. If you agree with me that our parent's marriages last longer then don't you also think that its better to have a 'lovable' marriage than to marry for love?

magmama: Love can come after marriage when you realise that the person is not bad as much as you felt afteral. Marriage is all about understanding, tolerance, respect.

In this kind if marriage, communication might be zero at the onset but can be developed when not forced.

Tymax:

Tymax leee, Dyt again...
Ra ra ra ra, o ro ro ro ro, re re re re

Oya baby rora gbese o (rora gbese o)
Baby rora redi o Aba! (Rora redi)
Oya ro ro roll your waisti o!

Tymax:

Tymax leee, Dyt again...
Ra ra ra ra, o ro ro ro ro, re re re re

Oya baby rora gbese o (rora gbese o)
Baby rora redi o Aba! (Rora redi)
Oya ro ro roll your waisti o!

dytbabe:

Spray me jor

marieolae: This is actually what happened to my uncle. He met this girl which he had no interest in marrying. Just a fling. They were having sexx regularly and eventually she got pregnant. He insisted that she should abort the pregnancy but she refused. So in this situation, he was " forced" to marry her. And now I believe he is madly in love with her, not only because she is the mother of his child, but its something from within. I guess love after marriage is possible, but its not advisable to rush into things. The story doesn't always end in a glorious way. "And they lived happily ever after" may not be the case.

I am yo uncle and I find this post offensive

krall: This is why it is not good to marry for love.
Marry for the benefits attached.