First it was men should hands off their wife's body
Then men are dogs
Now men are primitive


Interesting.....


Mygeez..

What is your decision ...do what u have to do to safeguard your family considering your capacity and budget.

If you want another child, discuss with your wife letting her know the reasons and allay her fears.

However you are the man.you head the family


You can't get help here ..

Family section is for modern 'real' men

I think 'Permission' is one word that gets most NL women backs up

I think child spacing/child rearing/family planning should a joint decision..Unlike this scenario I know more couples where the husband wants just one or two children and the wives want 3 or more..What happens is compromise and common sense prevailing based on the family's circumstances.

I don't get how a mutual agreement can't be reached based on what is best for the family at the time because a wife who feels she is not emotionally ready for another baby being forced to try is not good for the family so also is a man who feels his wife is on birth control (while she is not) and feeling resentment because another baby they can ill afford is also not good for the family.

Can I also ask does the woman need the husband's consent to go off birth control especially when she knows her hubby definitely wants no more children? I know cases where the woman wants another child and knows hubby wants no more she slyly goes off birth control gets pregnant and then the man is upset.In most cases the man is told to suck it up and just bear it (even on NL ).

Pickabeau1,
I said primitive in my post.
Why not qoute me and ask me why I said primitive
Did u see why I said men r primitive?

So u guys r primitive now means men r primitive?
Some males and females support family planning only with d man's consent.
Some males and females don't.
So whom do I call primitive people?
Or, is it not same thread we read?
The way u carry men matter for head here tire me.
At times it makes one wonder whether d women u r castigating r married at all or ever hv a man in their miserable lives. They should never condemn any bad action by men.
When women castigate fellow women,u look d other way.
Most of ur threads r anti women yet nobody has crucified u yet but u bring out crunches from some particular ladies posts to paint them black.

Please spare me.I beg of u.
Thank u.

Moca

So it's me or some guys here who r primitive because we believe family planning decisions should be mutual and don't believe your mumbo jumbo on women doing things without their hubby involvement

Why must u call anyone primitive
You use such derogatory words then you whine that people don't comment again in the family section

Why would they when you and your lot will call them primitive

I guess the female poster above me that said this is also primitive

No need to respond....

damiso:
I think 'Permission' is one word that gets most NL women backs up
I think child spacing/child rearing/family planning should a joint decision Unlike this scenario I know more couples where the husband wants just one or two children and the wives want 3 or more..What happens is compromise and common sense prevailing based on the family's circumstances.
I don't get how a mutual agreement can't be reached based on what is best for the family at the time because a wife who feels she is not emotionally ready for another baby being forced to try is not good for the family so also is a man who feels his wife is on birth control (while she is not) and feeling resentment because another baby they can ill afford is also not good for the family.
Can I also ask does the woman need the husband's consent to go off birth control especially when she knows her hubby definitely wants no more children? I know cases where the woman wants another child and knows hubby wants no more she slyly goes off birth control gets pregnant and then the man is upset.In most cases the man is told to suck it up and just bear it (even on NL ).

damiso:
I think 'Permission' is one word that gets most NL women backs up

I think child spacing/child rearing/family planning should a joint decision..Unlike this scenario I know more couples where the husband wants just one or two children and the wives want 3 or more..What happens is compromise and common sense prevailing based on the family's circumstances.

I don't get how a mutual agreement can't be reached based on what is best for the family at the time because a wife who feels she is not emotionally ready for another baby being forced to try is not good for the family so also is a man who feels his wife is on birth control (while she is not) and feeling resentment because another baby they can ill afford is also not good for the family.

Can I also ask does the woman need the husband's consent to go off birth control especially when she knows her hubby definitely wants no more children? I know cases where the woman wants another child and knows hubby wants no more she slyly goes off birth control gets pregnant and then the man is upset.In most cases the man is told to suck it up and just bear it (even on NL ).

M dear, maybe u r educated and live in a developed world. Most don't know what ovulation is. Most don't know fertile window(even d graduates here too)
Some guys can't perfect d act od withrawal.
Now d coco is this.
In muslim, I was told its sin to do family planning.
Some churches especially catholics r against family planning.
So the husband capitalize on that.
Some don born 5 to six gals and counting cos they r looking for male.
No be person body abi u still believe our mothers and grannies tales?
Go to hospitals and see that majority of d sick mamas there r bc of pregnancy child birth related issues.
Our health care system is even questionable.
Even us here in nairaland, let d ladies open up and tell us what they hv passed tru giving birth. Go to d epidural thread and see for urself.

Nigeria is very hard to survive in now.
How about quality life for d kids?

So if d man said no, I will simply agree when odds r against me?
O dikwa risky.
Anything to help a woman here must be met with outright rejection.
Primitive and achaic folks.

pickabeau1:
Moca

So it's me or some guys here who r primitive because we believe family planning decisions should be mutual and don't believe your mumbo jumbo on women doing things without their hubby involvement

Why must u call anyone primitive
You use such derogatory words then you whine that people don't comment again in the family section

Why would they when you and your lot will call them primitive

I guess the female poster above me that said this is also primitive

No need to respond....

I have already answered u.
Pls spare me.

aisha2:


That is not true. This is the field i work, as much as we encourage consent, you as a health worker CANNOT deny any adult family planning services if she asks for it. You only are in a position to offer advice and let her make her choice. The constitution guarantees freedom to access health care services and any clinic that denies a woman this freedom can be sued or reported.

So a woman can access family planning services without consent however it is always better to have consent

**edited**
in other words FP should be a joint decision

kilokeys:

hehehe she should do what seems best to her o.
i wouldnt air my opinion on that issue.

she gats to do what she gats to do (sic).

Are you not funny?

This is what I posted on another thread:

bukatyne: IT is common place for a lot of woman to do family planning without hubby 's consent especially they know he would not agree. I understand where they are coming from because they are responsible for carrying the baby and the primary health care for a while. It is their lives hanging in the balance literally. I would also understand if a man that is the sole provider withdraws his child from a school because he cannot cope with the fees especially after discussing with wifey who disagreed

During counseling, the pastor told the story of a wife who kept on giving birth after warnings. After the last baby, the doctor. Decided to tie the woman's womb but it was too late. The woman died and yep, hubby has remarried.

I repeat, many women are on FP without hubby's consent/knowledge/permission/blessing

shizzleStar:
aisha this is very disappointing coming from you, no one said you should deny any one such service. Granted that you give advice as a health worker, why not you also advice them to inform their husbands and seek consent instead of making a solo decision?

Disappointing how? Did I make the law? Did I write the constitution?
Were you in a hurry to attack me or draw me into an arguement that you didnt see where I clearly wrote that seeking consent is ideal and good but No one can deny a woman the right to health care without subjecting themselves to disciplinary action or a law suit?

You have been shouting and calling my name since, abeg I dont join in back and forth, sort out your issues whatever they may be and leave me out of it. I gave a legal and medical perspective, leave Aisha alone.

bukatyne


there is no white or black stance on this issue

shades of grey

K:
. I wonder o, my dear ask him. I personally do not see anything wrong in using brith control pills without your consent. I have been on 5 year implanon without hubbys consent, this is my 3rd year. My hubby as a catholic believes only on billings method, a method i cant still degest till date. I took in for my second baby unplaned and i went tru hell with that pregnancy becos my rhesus factor . I decided that i will take charge of my body and do what is best for me. So talk to your wife about it and if you are tired of the marriage, just divorce her instead of makin excuses here, after all you just called your marriage bondage, there is more to that than a birth control pills . Why will your wife want to cheat on you sef? Why do you think she on pills because she is cheating

@propnents of getting hubby's blessing before you do FP, what do you say about this?

How do you advice this woman to manage the situation?

aisha2:


..

apologies...i missed the part in bold and edited accordingly. No one wants to get into an argument with you neither do i have issues with anyone, where is the shouting you talking about?

kilokeys:
bukatyne


there is no white or black stance on this issue

shades of grey

Suddenly there are shades of 'grey'?

I laugh in Spanish!

The hubby MUST give his blessing else the wife is going to hell!

All these one we are saying is greek!

If our sister or friend cries to us that the hubby is not consenting to FP after series of talks, we will take her to have it fitted ourselves

NL, carrygo!

If this OP's wife (GOD forbid) dies in child birth, the same people will say why didn't she use FP?

kilokeys:

hehehe she should do what seems best to her o.
i wouldnt air my opinion on that issue.

she gats to do what she gats to do (sic).

LOL!

bukatyne:


Suddenly there are shades of 'grey'?

I laugh in Spanish!

The hubby MUST give his blessing else the wife is going to hell!

All these one we are saying is greek!

If our sister or friend cries to us that the hubby is not consenting to FP after series of talks, we will take her to have it fitted ourselves

NL, carrygo!

If this OP's wife (GOD forbid) dies in child birth, the same people will say why didn't she use FP?

shades of grey is a term that encompasses all possible things good and bad, logical and illogical, reasonable and unreasonable.

situation ethics plays in that region
where the case at hand is best handled by people in it. nobody can really tell u how it truly is.. call the wife and u hear another story,
call a neighbour or family members and u hear another thing.
thats why the symbol in the law is that of a blindfolded woman with a sword and a weigh balance.

what i am saying in essence, perception differs

kilokeys:


shades of grey is a term that encompasses all possible things good and bad, logical and illogical, reasonable and unreasonable.

situation ethics plays in that region
where the case at hand is best handled by people in it. nobody can really tell u how it truly is.. call the wife and u hear another story,
call a neighbour or family members and u hear another thing.
thats why the symbol in the law is that of a blindfolded woman with a sword and a weigh balance.

what i am saying in essence, perception differs

So posters on this thread doesnot know that or the 'headship' they do them gra gra that they couldn't ask the OP questions?

Only the person wearing the shoe knows how it pinches

The fact I can tell my hubby how much I earn without problems does not mean I would advice the wife of a reckless spender to do same. Let us all learn to look at things white, black and grey.

moca:

M dear, maybe u r educated and live in a developed world. Most don't know what ovulation is. Most don't know fertile window(even d graduates here too)
Some guys can't perfect d act od withrawal.
Now d coco is this.
In muslim, I was told its sin to do family planning.
Some churches especially catholics r against family planning.
So the husband capitalize on that.
Some don born 5 to six gals and counting cos they r looking for male.
No be person body abi u still believe our mothers and grannies tales?
Go to hospitals and see that majority of d sick mamas there r bc of pregnancy child birth related issues.
Our health care system is even questionable.
Even us here in nairaland, let d ladies open up and tell us what they hv passed tru giving birth. Go to d epidural thread and see for urself.

Nigeria is very hard to survive in now.
How about quality life for d kids?

So if d man said no, I will simply agree when odds r against me?
O dikwa risky.
Anything to help a woman here must be met with outright rejection.
Primitive and achaic folks.

I guess my post should have started with 'ideally' so apologies for that as we dont live in an ideal world. And your scenarios have actually shown that we live in a varied world. Some women were even bethrothe to their husbands so there is even no courtship not to talk of how many kids will you like to have.I think the word consent or permission is the issue most people have I prefer the word 'mutual agreement' BUT I will concede that is own world view and experience speaking. I believe in openess in marriage and as soon as I need to start sneaking around on hubby for major issues there is no point.

I don't talk about every single mundane through with my husband but we tend to talk through ALLissues that would affect our family.We even researched birth control together and even agreed on child spacing.I believe marriage should be open and sincere and sneaking around should be non existent. That said that's my world view so I would not judge or blame a woman who wants to protect herself from a husband who probably does not look out for her.I have said on NL I will not not build a house behind my husband's back but I also will not judge a woman who has seen reasons she needs to.

If I was to advise such a woman I would advise her to use birth control but let him know but again that is me.I would rather fight a battle openly than on the sly.I wonder though at inconsiderate and unreasonable people who won't take their partners feelings and circumstances into consideration when making a decision that will affect the family (but in these cases I concede it affects women more as they are the ones that carry pregnancy).


I agree with so many other posters on courtship being so IMPORTANT. Ask questions or scenarios around that present itself to dig deep into the psyche of your spouse to be should be flagged up.. My brother inlaw has only girls and I remember asking my husband back when we were courting.then if they were not trying for a boy my husband's response was they have 3 children already and want no more besides what is wrong with having girls only are girls not human beings? He said as long as God gives him healthy children he is not fussed there are loads of people even begging God for one. That showed me his views on whether he cares about the gender of his kids.

damiso:


I guess my post should have started with 'ideally' so apologies for that as we dont live in an ideal world. And your scenarios have actually shown that we live in a varied world. Some women were even bethrothe to their husbands so there is even no courtship not to talk of how many kids will you like to have.I think the word consent or permission is the issue most people have I prefer the word 'mutual agreement' BUT I will concede that is own world view and experience speaking. I believe in openess in marriage and as soon as I need to start sneaking around on hubby for major issues there is no point.

I don't talk about every single mundane through with my husband but we tend to talk through ALLissues that would affect our family.We even researched birth control together and even agreed on child spacing.I believe marriage should be open and sincere and sneaking around should be non existent. That said that's my world view so I would not judge or blame a woman who wants to protect herself from a husband who probably does not look out for her.I have said on NL I will not not build a house behind my husband's back but I also will not judge a woman who has seen reasons she needs to.

If I was to advise such a woman I would advise her to use birth control but let him know but again that is me.I would rather fight a battle openly than on the sly.I wonder though at inconsiderate and unreasonable people who won't take their partners feelings and circumstances into consideration when making a decision that will affect the family (but in these cases I concede it affects women more as they are the ones that carry pregnancy).


I agree with so many other posters on courtship being so IMPORTANT. Ask questions or scenarios around that present itself to dig deep into the psyche of your spouse to be should be flagged up.. My brother inlaw has only girls and I remember asking my husband back when we were courting.then if they were not trying for a boy my husband's response was they have 3 children already and want no more besides what is wrong with having girls only are girls not human beings? He said as long as God gives him healthy children he is not fussed there are loads of people even begging God for one. That showed me his views on whether he cares about the gender of his kids.

Excellently put!
But only in an ideal world. But we don't live in one,do we?
D world is d way it is bc some of us have refused to do the ideal and right thing hence the corner corner ways we see here and there.
Thanks sweetie.

moca:

Excellently put!
But only in an ideal world. But we don't live in one,do we?
D world is d way it is bc some of us have refused to do the ideal and right thing hence the corner corner ways we see here and there.
Thanks sweetie.

I get you Hun which is why often on NL I try to understand that we are all different and as such different strokes for different folks.

I have a friend who has 3 girls and wants to try for another child even though her husband is adamant that he does not want anymore kids(in his 40s) cos he says he does not want to still be paying school fees at almost retirement another of his arguments is what if they have another girl and wifey is insisting there are ways that she is researching. :DThey agreed 3 children now she wants another one.She believes it's her call but he believes they are raising a family together and another chid is something that would impact their family overall especially financially.I won't be surprised if she has gone off birth control.If she does fall pregnant willl we sincerely back her husband to give an ultimatum for abortion or Insist that he won't help or contribute a penny to raising that child? of course we won't so that is why I think It's a good thing for it to be mutually agreed.I know they are not necessarily everyone's role models just wants to give an example I watched an episode of keeping up with the kardashians where Scott disick went behind kourtney back to see a doctor about getting a vasectomy as he was worried she wanted more children.She eventually found out and was upset that he went behind her back but really she acted like more kids was her prerogative when it's obvious this guy might not be mentally ready for more children(their own issue is not even finances).I hear she is even pregnant now sef.

If I my friends hubby gets a vasectomy behind her back based on the protecting yourself point he is well within his rights but I still feel it's best they talk about it together and reach a mutual agreement.

Damiso, that is a good man. Some men r like that.
Whar I noticed with such ladies r that they r afraid of "that woman" since no male child(most of our culture makes a man want male child by any means) so she is bent on giving birth till she menopauses not minding d consequences.

When I was younger I said I want batallion, maturity and reality has set in, I now think twice.
Hubby on d other hand will tell u he loves children and wouldn't mind up to 4 but........there is comma.
So we r in agreement somewhere after considering a lot of things.

Thanks babe for ur understanding.

Mintayo:
There is a reason why it is called family plannin,no hospital will conduct FP on a woman without the husband's consent. What the wife did is wrong. The best she could do is talk to the husby.

Lol. Your hospital must be osogbo medical centre. No be only husband consent, sworn affidavit is needed too and for the unmarried 'daddy's' signature is needed

ClOWN

shizzleStar:


You didnt tell me the part of the world where only wife does FP without the husbands knowledge/consent simply cos 'its her body'- bright ages right? If she wants 4 and he wants 3, (where finance isnt



what you gleaned from my post is up to you, my comment has nothing to do with whatever advocacy you alluded to, its a pity that your so eagerly feministic stance and poise sees my post yes?

How will one more kid hurt? When it's not the man that will be lugging around heavy weight in his abdomen for 9 months

He is not the one that will be doing night vigil or breastfeeding endlessly. Having 3 kids under 5 is not easy .

Yes, it's a decision couples should take together but if there is any disparity, the person that wants the lesser amount should win because:

It's unfair to put a woman through 9 months of belle things and 3 extra years of pursuing pikin if she is not up to it. The onus is also on her to take the precaution if this is the case

Also it's unfair to put a man through the financial strain of having one more kid of he doesnt want to. And similarly, the man should be the one to take precaution on this scenario

uchetobi:

[s]How will one more kid hurt? When it's not the man that will be lugging around heavy weight in his abdomen for 9 months[/s]

lame excuse

[s]He is not the one that will be doing night vigil or breastfeeding endlessly. Having 3 kids under 5 is not easy[/s]

Lame excuse

Yes, it's a decision couples should take together but if there is any disparity, the person that wants the lesser amount should win because:

[s]It's unfair to put a woman through 9 months of belle things and 3 extra years of pursuing pikin if she is not up to it.[/s] The onus is also on her to take the precaution if this is the case

If it is the woman who wants another kid and the man doesn't even thou he has the money to cater for more kids, will you still describe it as unfair on the woman?

Also it's unfair to put a man through the financial strain of having one more kid of he doesnt want to. And similarly, the man should be the one to take precaution on this scenario

I agree, a couple shouldn't have kids they cannot adequately cater for

uchetobi:


Lol. Your hospital must be osogbo medical centre. No be only husband consent, sworn affidavit is needed too and for the in married 'daddy's' signature is needed

ClOWN

Can't you comment without insulting? I don't blame ppl like you though,if you are frustrated offline,then don't put your frustration on me okay?
I still insist that no hospital,i am not talking about all this jeko-jeko hospital,if a woman comes to them for family planning,they will ask her about her husband,they will ask her if she is married or a single mother!
Please if you don't have anything reasonable to say,don't quote me please!

I might not be able to address all the issues raised by virtue of this topic.. Nonetheless, i wish to give a little background of our union.. Finance is not really an issue here cos i have my own business of tiles/marble importation while my wife is a public servant..i reside in lagos why she in Owerri. The incident happened why she was on visit to lagos.
We agreed on d number of children we will have from onset, of which we still need 2more to 'seal d deal' The challenge we have is that for over a yr now we have been trying to work her transfer down to lagos to no avail.
Her reason for taking the pills, which i found out when we discussed was that taking care of two children with pregnancy will be stressful for her considering the fact that am far away. Good reasons, i would have encouraged her to do same if i was alerted. The burden/stress/benefitts/ of marriage is a mutual thing.
All the same i made her see reasons why we shud have agreed on that and sought ways of getting the best, pending on when she comes over.
We resolved as follows:
(1) pills/ FB shud be on mutual agreement.
(2) discuss our fears before taking actions.
(3) we only have sex at her safe period
(4) if her transfer didnt work out before the end of the year, we will meet a good physician for FB.
(5) we had a wonderful time, hot romance as if we just met.. It was fun that we didnt remember to use pills.
( 6) just praying and believing God she doesnt get pregnant cos if she does now, that means i will be on compulsory 6months Paternity leave.
Love you all.

mygeeZ:
I might not be able to address all the issues raised by virtue of this topic.. Nonetheless, i wish to give a little background of our union.. Finance is not really an issue here cos i have my own business of tiles/marble importation while my wife is a public servant..i reside in lagos why she in Owerri. The incident happened why she was on visit to lagos.
We agreed on d number of children we will have from onset, of which we still need 2more to 'seal d deal' The challenge we have is that for over a yr now we have been trying to work her transfer down to lagos to no avail.
Her reason for taking the pills, which i found out when we discussed was that taking care of two children with pregnancy will be stressful for her considering the fact that am far away. Good reasons, i would have encouraged her to do same if i was alerted. The burden/stress/benefitts/ of marriage is a mutual thing.
All the same i made her see reasons why we shud have agreed on that and sought ways of getting the best, pending on when she comes over.
We resolved as follows:
(1) pills/ FB shud be on mutual agreement.
(2) discuss our fears before taking actions.
(3) we only have sex at her safe period
(4) if her transfer didnt work out before the end of the year, we will meet a good physician for FB.
(5) we had a wonderful time, hot romance as if we just met.. It was fun that we didnt remember to use pills.
( 6) just praying and believing God she doesnt get pregnant cos if she does now, that means i will be on compulsory 6months Paternity leave.
Love you all.

Thank God all was resolved amicably.

For the WONDERFUL ladies in the house who didnt see anything wrong in 'her' action, i wish you all well, but to the unmarried i beg of you to always seek mutual agreement before you take pills when you get married. Dont thread the part of our core femnists who will tell you its your body 'you can do anything you like' if its truely ur body, u can as well get urself pregnant.. In marriage the two becomes one body...
In a bid to drive my point i know i used some words out of anger which is not suppose.. That comes to tell you 'in life generally' one shouldnt make hasty decisions out of anger. Our marriage is blissful, loving, romantic and we dont have intention to seperate, not now not in the future.. We are happy forever.
To those thinking that 'Hubby' has a skeleton in the cupboard.,, am simple, caring, loving and have been faithful to my wife..

shizzleStar:
I used 4 assuming thats what they agreed on, note emphasis, i never said its the standard anywhere. If he wants 4 and she wants 3, and there's no medical or financial implication, what stops her adding 1 more? The disparity you gave is ridiculous (12 and 3/4) and practically almost impossible, if that ever happens anywhere then[b] they are better off living separate lives[/b]. No sane man will want 12kids except he is polygamous

There is nothing ridiculous about what I've typed. I've come across several couples on the point of getting married, and for each of them, when I asked the man how many kids he wanted, they usually went for the big number. One of them looked at his fiancee, smiled and said, "5 or 6". She didn't find it funny then and you should have seen her facial expression. How many kids have they got now? 3. Same thing with another couple where the man said 7 or 8. How many do they have now? 3.

So as you can see, many men enter marriage hoping to have a full brood.

Now you talk about polygamous men. Are you implying that Family Planning and Birth Control is the exclusive preserve of Monogamous couples? So only men with polygamous tendencies want to have a full brood?

And what did you mean by the bolded bit of your sentence? Are you indirectly advocating for divorce? So rather than introduce Family Planning, divorce is the way to go? Interesting.

shizzleStar:

You didnt tell me the part of the world where only wife does FP without the husbands knowledge/consent simply cos 'its her body'- bright ages right? If she wants 4 and he wants 3, (where finance isnt a problem)1more kid shouldn't hurt. (Its okay if you are surprised with this)

1 more kid shouldn't hurt. Hurt who? You think having just one more kid is akin to purchasing a sack of potatoes from the market?

shizzleStar:

i dont have to experience it personally to know how it feels, but like earlier on you keep giving ridiculous examples. I dont know if wanting more kids have to be 8 or 12? the man may want 1 more child than she wants, but if eg she wants 3 and he wants 5 vice versa, a median, (compromise) would suffice-4kids. Communication and understanding will do this much.

You're starting to abuse the word "communication".

How does this so called "communication" work if the man is of the mindset "my words / decisions are final"? What happens if after all that's said and done, he still wants his x number of kids by fire-by-force? And there's nothing ridiculous about the examples I'e given. Nobody completely knows what carrying a pregnancy to full term and childbirth entails, unless they experience it for themselves. Pregnancy is a risky business and everytime a woman takes in, her life is on the line as things can easily go wrong. So your assumption that having just one more kid is no big deal is wrong. It is a big deal and it isn't just one more kid. It's one more chance of things going wrong. One more chance of potentially losing your life. One more chance of placing your life at risk. Do you understand that?

And just out of interest, who decides this "median". If the man wants 5 and the lady wants only 2, where is the median there? So they both haggle the number of kids to "compromise" on. The woman haggles for just one more, making it 3. The man haggles for just one less making it 4. So how do they settle on the final price number of kids to have?

shizzleStar:
As long as the child is through with breastfeeding, it could also develop well mentally and physically under the father, have seen husbands who are even better in this than wives. Again, if the disparity in the number of kids they desire to have together is this wide, (4-5) then they are better off living separate lives

I see.

~ So when the child is one year old, madam goes off to work to continue where she left off with her career and the man stays back home to nurture the kid till it's old enough to start nursery at the age of 3. So the man takes off 2 years (unless of course, you're advocating that he works part-time, or from home?)

~ Then two years later, when child number 1 is old enough to start nursery, madam takes in and nine months later gives birth to child number two. She takes one year off work (maternity leave) and as soon as Junior hits one year, Oga takes over nurturing the child till it's at least 3 years old.

~ Then Madam takes in this time, while Junior 2 is one year old. Now with three children under the age of 5, Oga is still able to continue working and nurturing them at the same time. A further 3 years would need to be spent either way, till Junior 3 is at least 3 years old.

~ Then madam gets pregnant with Junior 4. Another 3 years spent at home raising and nurturing him / her.

~ And then finally she gets pregnant for Junior 5. Another 3 years spent raising him / her too.

Remember I'm going by your analogy that 4/5 kids isn't too much to ask for. So 3 years X 5 kids = 15 years off work. Or let's say 2 years X 5 kids = 10 years off work.

Unless of course, no family planning is put in place and madam births those 5 kids consecutively, year after year, after year...

Would you as an employer running a business take on someone that's been out of work for so long?

shizzleStar:

Why would she lose torch with trends in her work place or any other technological advancements?, having an additional kid will not stop her from keeping abreast will it? unless of course she has never been in torch anyways

If you're going to have 5 kids with a two year spacing gap at the very least, you're talking nothing less than 10 years off work. How hard is that for you to see?

shizzleStar:

what you gleaned from my post is up to you, my comment has nothing to do with whatever advocacy you alluded to, its a pity that your so eagerly feministic stance and poise sees my post as such.

I don't have to be a feminist to see the flaws in your argument. Anyone with half a brain cell can see them clearly.

shizzleStar:
There's nothing obnoxious about having 1more kid, but taking pills and having FP without husbands consent simply cos its your body is stewpid and unheard of....and yes its his body too, but can you resist calling him a dog if he goes birthing 200 outside? yes?

It's obnoxious to assume that having kids is no big deal, after all it's just 1 more kid. You aren't even aware that each pregnancy takes it's toll on a woman and the more kids she has, the greater the risks on her. Now that's what I'll call sstupid.

A man who wants to have a thousand kids can easily achieve that in less than three years. All he needs to do is sleep with at least one woman a day for 3 straight years.

mygeeZ:
Honestly i feel betrayed.. I am praying and asking God to give me grace to continue in this bondage of a marriage.
All the same marriage found on deceit cant stand the test of time.. Could divorce be an option now?

EfemenaXY is just making a big deal out of pregnancy. We all know marriage is a bondage but divorce or searching for a side chick is not the solution. I know the cause of this uproar is the lack of male child.
Imagine how happy Obama will be if he had a male child. But in this world we are now, it is not advisable to stress your power as a man, I suggest you give her a man's silence, give her a year and allow the situation to cool itself off.
I don't agree that a woman has authority over her body. Once she agrees to marry you, regardless of whether bride price was paid or not, she becomes your property and you have imperial authority over her.
After a year, gently tell her to remove the rope, then pray the next is a male, if it isn't, come at a consension with her, then try hitting a male for the last time. There is nothing as sweet as having a male e.g China and India aborts female children for males, but sometimes, you just have to accept your fate.

So long a post...lol @EfemenaXY

First, marriage is partnership but if people like you feel 'its her body' she can do what she likes, then it negates that notion about marriage-this is what much of this argument has been all about. You may have a good reason for a course of action, but the way you go about matters a lot. I used the 'living separate lives' in the context of courtship, where both parties feel 'its my way or highway' and they are not yet married

I am not the rigid or autocratic kind of man, the type we call 'my way or high way'...NO. Look at the 2instances you gave, if at any point the women had told their fiances, 'it my body i do what i want', d'yu honestly think the marriage would have happened?

I have never seen a man who went into polygamy without the intention of having more kids, rather an overwhelming majority apart from cultural reasons, do so for want of more kids.

Communication abuse? how? the context in which i used it is very much clear, i also explained that in a situation where the issue is about 1 more child, the woman should let the mans desire to prevail, i never in any of comments said 'she has to', unlike you who feel she can do whatever she wants. So you now telling me by fire by force or 'worefa', should apply to you not me.

In the scenarios in which i justified 1more kid, there was no medical or financial risk involved, so if you are telling me that by 1more kid there's a potential risk of death even when no medical risk is ascertained before hand, (note emphasis) is it not the same for someone who has just 1 child and wants a 2nd? abi are the risks different for one who has 3 and wants a 4th?

In my analogy of 4-5kids, i was talking about the disparity in the number of kids the couple ma desire. However in the instance i gave about some fathers been as good (or even better) as/than wives in nurturing kids till 3yrs is when the father is a business owner who has capable hands/boys he can entrust his business without necessarily being present so he can devote a couple of hours to his kids

If you can have 4kids and survived in your job, and you want a 5th, why cant you survive a 5th. You question about employing one who will be away for that long is vague and i dont get it, is there no stipulated length of time for maternity in organisations? ...even if i'm a business i dont see how going for maternity once in 3years by an employee will become almost an impossible thing to accept.

I repeat that a woman who does FP without the husbands consent cos to her she feels that its my body and i want only 2kids and thats it, so he can: go-and-die i insist is plain stewpid. Even an individual low on IQ will not reason this way.

Of course its 'her' body, and marriage for such 'women' is one-man-riot, any wonder she made herself pregnant when she wanted it?

Mintayo:

Can't you comment without insulting? I don't blame ppl like you though,if you are frustrated offline,then don't put your frustration on me okay?
I still insist that no hospital,i am not talking about all this jeko-jeko hospital,if a woman comes to them for family planning,they will ask her about her husband,they will ask her if she is married or a single mother!
Please if you don't have anything reasonable to say,don't quote me please!

Last I checked clown was not an abuse. You wish I was frustrated right? Unfortunately no. Single and married can get contraceptive in any hospital without her husband/ boyfriend / daddy's permission


Welcome to 2014

mygeeZ:
For the WONDERFUL ladies in the house who didnt see anything wrong in 'her' action, i wish you all well, but to the unmarried i beg of you to always seek mutual agreement before you take pills when you get married. Dont thread the part of our core femnists who will tell you its your body 'you can do anything you like' if its truely ur body, u can as well get urself pregnant.. In marriage the two becomes one body...
In a bid to drive my point i know i used some words out of anger which is not suppose.. That comes to tell you 'in life generally' one shouldnt make hasty decisions out of anger. Our marriage is blissful, loving, romantic and we dont have intention to seperate, not now not in the future.. We are happy forever.
To those thinking that 'Hubby' has a skeleton in the cupboard.,, am simple, caring, loving and have been faithful to my wife..

you can actually get yourself pregnant.

Hello sperm bank (tongue in cheek)


But it's good you and your wife have figured it out. Nice advice out there


Il however advice you to not be too quick to consider divorce or the worse case scenario like you did. I wonder what your wife will think if she sees what you typed in the first page.

Cheers