xynerise:

Erm....you can direct these questions at the Op......or we can simply blame GEJ

Or APC

freecocoa:
Senior antelope, no come spoil this thread o.

Bey tell you say Jay no dey buy things for her ni?

With the Destiny Child, she defined who an independent woman is

Caracta:


Or APC

Gbam!!

jaybee3:

Lemme ask you this question cocoa:
Would your level of disappointment be on the high side if an equally capable friend of yours decide against helping you.

Remember your bf is techically only your friend and as such shouldn't be expected to do things just because you spend a lil more of your time with them

Uhhh I'd say boyfriends are tilted more towards the husband axis, than friends.

Caracta:


This is Nigeria. Home of hypocrites. I don't know about the lady's case but no boyfriend is OBLIGATED to help a girlfriend and vice versa. It shouldn't be a right but a sense of responsibility. Nobody in a relationship should be forced to help his/her partner. The whole thing should be driven by love, love and love.

If you love me and you see me in misery, yet you fold your arms, I would throw the love back in your face BUT I wouldn't hold it against you. Your choice. My life.

And this isn't somewhat hypocritical?
It shows you have needs that haven't been met, and that's quite contrary to saying he doesn't owe you anything.



Just saying.

jaybee3:

Lemme ask you this question cocoa:
Would your level of disappointment be on the high side if an equally capable friend of yours decide against helping you.

Remember your bf is techically only your friend and as such shouldn't be expected to do things just because you spend a lil more of your time with them

In all honesty, yes I would be disappointed and take it that, the friend never had my best interest at heart because I don't see the sense in refusing to help someone you can for no reason.

UjSizzle:

Remind mw again why people bother going into relationships of that nature again?
All I ever heard by way of reason was how the other provides "support". Well, people want different kinds of support, ranging from emotional to sexual to financial. How is that not interdependence?

Your view point is obviously broad as we all would have had to depend on someone to survive this world

However, we are looking at it from a couple's stand point. Support is different from reliance and support has an element of choice to it.
To rely on someone means you are dependent on the person hence why there are laws that protect the interest of either partiy in a legal union

UjSizzle:

And this isn't somewhat hypocritical?
It shows you have needs that haven't been met, and that's quite contrary to saying he doesn't owe you anything.



Just saying.

People will always have needs. Why crucify someone because he/she chose not to help? I don't get your point though.

xynerise:

With the Destiny Child, she defined who an independent woman is

I hear.

freecocoa:
In all honesty, yes I would be disappointed and take it that, the friend never had my best interest at heart because I don't see the sense in refusing to help someone you can for no reason.

This is where we need to be careful. What makes you think there was no reason? You can't be too sure.

By the way, some partners are stingy and selfish. Identify them. Deal with it or move on. Simple!

UjSizzle:

Uhhh I'd say boyfriends are tilted more towards the husband axis, than friends.

Thank You, I totally didn't remember to include that part.

An independent woman does not complain if her bf decides not to help her.
An independent woman is not a liability.

Caracta:


People will always have needs. Why crucify someone because he/she chose not to help? I don't get your point though.

I'm saying just because you chose not to crucify a person for helping, doesn't mean you weren't expecting the help.
So some people can let go or hide their disappointment, and take other decisive actions (ie. Throw their love back at them), and others like the op of the car thread, choose to speak up.

We keep saying guys owe us nothing when we're in relationships outside marriage, but that doesn't mean we really believe that. We're just really good at pretending we don't walk into said relationships with hopes and expectations; if you really didn't have any hopes, then there would be no need for disappointment.

UjSizzle:

Uhhh I'd say boyfriends are tilted more towards the husband axis, than friends.

There goes the main crux of the problem.
A relationship is something you can easily get into and out of as you so wish
A legal union isn't, so priviledges and rights in both are greatly different as they should

Most young people get their knickers twisted because they simply misunderstand that simple fact. A bf is never going to be responsible for you, that job is reserved for your husband

jmoore:
An independent woman does not complain if her bf decides not to help her.
An independent woman is not a liability.

No woman is a liability. She just may not be the kind of asset you're looking for.

freecocoa:
In all honesty, yes I would be disappointed and take it that, the friend never had my best interest at heart because I don't see the sense in refusing to help someone you can for no reason.

Do you feel you are entitled to that help though because you can't truly know if the friend was capable of helping

Caracta:


This is where we need to be careful. What makes you think there was no reason? You can't be too sure.

By the way, some partners are stingy and selfish. Identify them. Deal with it or move on. Simple!

If I said 'no reason' then I must have not gotten a reason why he won't help.

If someone I call my friend won't help and won't tell me why he can't help when I'm seeing he has the resources to help, biko what am I to think?

'I can't help for personal reasons' is a reason you know, I do agree that some people are stingy/selfish but if that one is brought up now, we'll be asked how we determined that of them, isn't it just funny .

An independent woman is the woman out there making her own...She can manage without the help of
others having to prove it. She is smart in the head and courageous at heart; confident of herself and
compassionate in her thought.
She is no ordinary woman rather the REAL WOMAN.

UjSizzle:

No woman is a liability. She just may not be the kind of asset you're looking for.

Which type of asset adds no monetary value?

jaybee3:

Do you feel you are entitled to that help though because you can't truly know if the friend was capable of helping

Jaybee you no go kill me sha, I can know in some situations if we are really close, like the bf/gf issue, except he lies about stuff or I don't get to see, now this is why you have to ask to be really sure.

This topic was inspired by another thread. Independent is not the problem but being greedy.
So if your bf has two private jets, would you complain he didn't give you one of the jets?

Caracta:


People will always have needs. Why crucify someone because he/she chose not to help? I don't get your point though.

You said you'd throw the love back in his face, didn't you do that because he didn't care when you were in misery? You felt he should care but didn't hence the throwing of love in his face, what are we not saying?

I do agree however, that it's best to move on than harbor resentment.

UjSizzle:

I'm saying just because you chose not to crucify a person for helping, doesn't mean you weren't expecting the help.
So some people can let go or hide their disappointment, and take other decisive actions (ie. Throw their love back at them), and others like the op of the car thread, choose to speak up.

We keep saying guys owe us nothing when we're in relationships outside marriage, but that doesn't mean we really believe that. We're just really good at pretending we don't walk into said relationships with hopes and expectations; if you really didn't have any hopes, then there would be no need for disappointment.

Ok. I get your point now. People are different. Some people think they (alone) are responsible for whatever befalls them. To those people, they are not bothered about disappointments because they've probably had so many.

Throwing love back doesn't mean vengeance. It's just a way to accept that you need to move on because your partner is either selfish or insensitive. It could be a sign.

Again, people are different. If you feel a boyfriend/girlfriend owes you, fine and good. You must have done something to earn that privilege.

freecocoa:
You said you'd throw the love back in his face, didn't you do that because he didn't care when you were in misery? You felt he should care but didn't hence the throwing of love in his face, what are we not saying?

I do agree however, that it's best to move on than harbor resentment.

I just explained that part.

Besides, I would rather move on if I'm not comfortable than sulk over it. My choice. My life. I just won't bury you for not helping.

Caracta:


I just explained that part.

Besides, I would rather move on if I'm not comfortable than sulk over it. My choice. My life. I just won't bury you for not helping.

Okay, I actually would move on if I feel I'm not getting what I need but just wanted to address the issue of "depending" on your partner as many people clearly have it mixed up.

freecocoa:
Okay, I actually would move on if I feel I'm not getting what I need but just wanted to address the issue of "depending" on your partner as many people clear have it mixed up.

I understand you. People need to learn how to give without expecting something back. That I cook for you doesn't mean you owe me cab fare

Let's do things because we choose to, not because we want something back like gifts, sëx, trips, etc. I must not be a lover before you can help me too.

Caracta:


I understand you. People need to learn how to give without expecting something back. That I cook for you doesn't mean you owe me cab fare

Let's do things because we choose to, not because we want something back like gifts, sëx, trips, etc. I must not be a lover before you can help me too.

Yea, you are right.

An independent woman is someone who can pay HER bills

freecocoa:
Yea, you are right.

I don dey trip for your siggy since...

Caracta:


I don dey trip for your siggy since...

My dear no be small thing o, the siggy dey give me morale die .

@freecocoa, i understand your point. I get you. Humans directly or indirectly depend on each other talkless of being in a committed relationship. You should understand, a nigerian girl tends to solely depend on a guy in a relationship . But guys av wised up, and are taking precautions. All dese posts here and everytin are for precautions. But i belive wen a girl is dependent to an extent, the guy would shower her with suprises. Trust me it works .......

freecocoa:
Bros this no be Sunday school na and no be everybody dey go church so can we just leave religion out of it?

Firstly, I don't see whatever I do for my man as a favor that's why I said I'm happy to share it with him and therefore I expect he does same, we are talking someone you may get to spend the rest of your life with and you come up with this? So we should do as we please without regard to the other person? Please how would the world work if we all behave as you suggest?

Una no dey tire...