i feel for u poster,maybe d babe drugged u or sthg

stand firm like a man,insist on a DNA,let her know she cant intimidate u,common stop showing her ur emotional part,u need to put on a tough skin,im sure then she will be d one asking to talk with u

I dislike the romance section because 98% of posters here are just too artificial. Look this is nigeria and these things happen, this guy came to you guys for solutions not for you to remind him he should have used a condom.
What he did was a mistake, but he who is without sin here should cast the first stone!
@post
Your problem is good and bad. Let me start with the bad, I think from what you have said that you really love your girlfriend so this will be a test of how much she does love you, if its not strong enough be prepared to loose her. The good part is that your relationship will survive this. Here is what I think you should do, talk to her about it, and be the first, but don't rush it. You have to prepare her mind because it is going to be really painful( you can imagine her carrying another man's child to get a feel ).
Now she will want to know if this thing happened more than once, but its your word against the other girl's so I will advice you to stick to once story as long as you are sure there's no way the other lady can prove it.
Next you have to show how the situation was "out of your control" here the number of years you have known the other lady comes into play, you were probably tipsy, and she gave you a distress call then. Pick any that would suit but remember the golden rule to stick to your story of what happened.
Next be prepared to cut her off when she begins to tell you that you should have known this would happen, here you give reasons like you didn't go there at night, always made sure you were not alone with her and so on, just make sure you can show her you anticipated the problem but you did not think it would lead to something as serious as this.
Your apology should be as sincere and as specific as possible go over it again and again in your head, make it simple and don't complicate things for yourself.
Let me give you a summary,
Step 1 Responsibility & Apology
Remember to take full responsibility, make sure you let her know you failed her, you were drunk, you went there late, you lost control of yourself, make sure you take the responsibility. If you place the blame elsewhere only that thing or person will be able to restore her sense of importance. She needs to know she was not taken advantage of.
After this you then apologise for your behaviour don't forget to actually and totally say the words I am sorry these words are not enough but they are essential.
Finally make sure your sincerity comes across, this is important or your apology will not be believed, if you are not believed you will not be forgiven. Your family can help lend credibility. If you fail at this you will put her through more pain.
Step 2 Remorse & Punishment
This is also very very important, let her know you are willing to face and accept any and all the consequences of her actions, put your fate and that of your relationship in her hands(it already does anyway so remind her). Freely giving her the power and acknowledging it as hers to determine your fate is important. She wants justice for what you have done, she wants to exercise her rights as a human being and given the respect she deserves. If you can give her back what you took you will be forgiven.
Goodluck

I dislike the romance section because 98% of posters here are just too artificial. Look this is nigeria and these things happen, this guy came to you guys for solutions not for you to remind him he should have used a condom.
What he did was a mistake, but he who is without sin here should cast the first stone!
@post
Your problem is good and bad. Let me start with the bad, I think from what you have said that you really love your girlfriend so this will be a test of how much she does love you, if its not strong enough be prepared to loose her. The good part is that your relationship will survive this. Here is what I think you should do, talk to her about it, and be the first, but don't rush it. You have to prepare her mind because it is going to be really painful( you can imagine her carrying another man's child to get a feel ).
Now she will want to know if this thing happened more than once, but its your word against the other girl's so I will advice you to stick to once story as long as you are sure there's no way the other lady can prove it.
Next you have to show how the situation was "out of your control" here the number of years you have known the other lady comes into play, you were probably tipsy, and she gave you a distress call then. Pick any that would suit but remember the golden rule to stick to your story of what happened.
Next be prepared to cut her off when she begins to tell you that you should have known this would happen, here you give reasons like you didn't go there at night, always made sure you were not alone with her and so on, just make sure you can show her you anticipated the problem but you did not think it would lead to something as serious as this.
Your apology should be as sincere and as specific as possible go over it again and again in your head, make it simple and don't complicate things for yourself.
Let me give you a summary,
Step 1 Responsibility & Apology
Remember to take full responsibility, make sure you let her know you failed her, you were drunk, you went there late, you lost control of yourself, make sure you take the responsibility. If you place the blame elsewhere only that thing or person will be able to restore her sense of importance. She needs to know she was not taken advantage of.
After this you then apologise for your behaviour don't forget to actually and totally say the words I am sorry these words are not enough but they are essential.
Finally make sure your sincerity comes across, this is important or your apology will not be believed, if you are not believed you will not be forgiven. Your family can help lend credibility. If you fail at this you will put her through more pain.
Step 2 Remorse & Punishment
This is also very very important, let her know you are willing to face and accept any and all the consequences of her actions, put your fate and that of your relationship in her hands(it already does anyway so remind her). Freely giving her the power and acknowledging it as hers to determine your fate is important. She wants justice for what you have done, she wants to exercise her rights as a human being and given the respect she deserves. If you can give her back what you took you will be forgiven.
Goodluck

really bad situation u got here guy

Well, shit happens

deeplo:

i really can't remember if i do or not, bc it all happened like a flash. I don't know what and how i just noticed we already had sex and she was smiling and she lay beside me because it was night and i just left office and branch at her place before heading home.

Please whatever you do, dont tell her the above.

ori "fiance" mu e.

your "fiance's" head don catch you.

alanu samaria oshi

KarmaMod:

ori "fiance" mu e.

your "fiance's" head don catch you.

alanu samaria oshi

Didnt you hear he was jazzed? It is not his fault

It's for my fiance, she is not a problem, she understand more than any woman in this world that is why no man will take her away from me by GOD's grace. We have been together for 8yrs when there was noting, when we can't afford to eat what we want, i will never leave her i will do all i can to make her forgive me, not even now that we are living in our own house, built by both of us and business named to our unborn children ( we already know the name to be given each child)

Didnt remember that when you were playing Father Christmas

She has uplifted you and helped you beyond words and you repay her for her loyalty, support and unconditional love by letting another woman have your FIRST child. This is a big deal for women.

Yep can you believe that? After 8 years and the so called "naming of unborn children", someone else will be naming your kind. Pathetic.

The chick could be lying just to blackmail you but you're still scum

sistawoman:


Didnt you hear he was jazzed?  It is not his fault

sista, since you're not Nigerian, I'm going to let it slide that you fell for such a blatant lie.

jazz ko, motown ni

Brs deeplo
You n ge case ooh!! i swear yours is not a big deal as long as you handle it well

I know a man who had something like yours but the didn't handle it well
He broke up with the fiance and married the lady only to find out after 6yrs that the child
the lady put on her wasn't his after all

So, like everyone has said, find a suitable environment and time
invite your fiance, sit her down in a relaxed mood and tell her everything
Let her get angry, beat you, yell and shout, when she cools down, half the wahala is solved
at this point, the lady can't blackmail you. Read the riots act to her and make the rules.

She is only doing what she's doing with feeling that your marriage to the lady will be over once she realizes what you did
So sit the Bleep down and sort ya self out man

Lol why are you all so sure that after telling the "fiance" wont leave his life forever abi you think all women have some lame "soft heart" that a box of chocolate can heal?

hahahhaa I feel sorry for some of you if you think all women can forgive such BS

@ Karma

After waiting for 8 years, building a house with him and starting businesses? Just leaving like that would be difficult - not a matter of being soft hearted, simply pragmatism. They've built so much together, even if he's been an idiot or been taken advantage of.

She might still walk out on him, but he is pretty confident in her as well given all they've gone through.

debosky:

@ Karma

After waiting for 8 years, building a house with him and starting businesses? Just leaving like that would be difficult - not a matter of being soft hearted, simply pragmatism. They've built so much together, even if he's been an idiot or been taken advantage of.

She might still walk out on him, but he is pretty confident in her as well given all they've gone through.

u r right

in as much as d guy messed up,wat i love about him is way hes talking about his fiancee,atleast he still remembers wat they went thru b4 now

debosky:

@ Karma

After waiting for 8 years, building a house with him and starting businesses? Just leaving like that would be difficult - not a matter of being soft hearted, simply pragmatism. They've built so much together, even if he's been an idiot or been taken advantage of.

She might still walk out on him, but he is pretty confident in her as well given all they've gone through.

While I agree with you, ONLY because of the time she must have wasted with the Hot dolt she might eventually forgive him but if not for that length of time, the likely hood of forgiveness would be VERY low

The comment was really just a general one to those who think, simple "come take chocolate, I'm sorry na" would work for any/every female had better wake up.


Seriously, he pretty much spat in her face with this situation. after all these years, he not only used THEIR money to cater to some slut she probably doesnt know about but he went ahead and slept with her, doesnt stop there o but he didnt even protect himself.

apayun

KarmaMod:

sista, since you're not Nigerian, I'm going to let it slide that you fell for such a blatant lie.

jazz ko, motown ni

That was sarcasm.



I wish my husband would tell me some bicth jazzed him and he does not know what happened or how he wound up naked next to her grinning.

@debosky
Do you think this is the worst form of betrayal to his girlfriend?
I am still trying to understand the bitterness towards the dude

Chrisbenogor:

@debosky
Do you think this is the worst form of betrayal to his girlfriend?
I am still trying to understand the bitterness towards the dude

dont mind them,as if some of them did not cheat on their partners even whilst married,and they r here posting thrash

nonsense

Chrisbenogor:

@debosky
Do you think this is the worst form of betrayal to his girlfriend?
I am still trying to understand the bitterness towards the dude

.


Lets reveiw:

They have picked when they will start thier family

they have picked names for thier children

They have built a house together

They have built a business together

She has helped him get where he is today and waited for him to make an honest woman out of her.

He uses condoms with her but none with "other woman"

She knows this "other woman"

And the Other Woman is going to give birth to his FIRST CHILD

you tell me if you would not be bitter?  

@POSTER

What really surprised me is that she said the pregnancy is just 1 month and plus old.

Why?

@ Chris

it is very close to the worst form of betrayal - the only thing not 'worst' about it is that he isn't in love with this other woman and doesn't want to have anything to do with her.

I am not a woman, but after suffering from a state of not having enough to eat, to building a house together and businesses, it can make someone go crazy. What did he want that she didn't give him? Those are some of the self destructive thoughts a woman could have. What about the betrayal of having someone else have your man's first child? Nothing can replace that - in some retarded cultures of our dear country, that would give that illegitimate/mistake child more rights than the fiance's - after all she did to build up the family wealth.

There will inevitably be bitterness. I know we've heard so many of these stories before and can get almost inured to it, but it hurts when you are the one in the situation. Men are also different from women - we will look at this as a problem and think of pragmatic ways of moving forward or solving it. The sense of betrayal that a woman will feel is something else - we can only imagine.

@ debosky,

Thank you for understanding and putting that in "man language".

debo,yea d guy messed up no doubt,he deserves a second chance,but even d bible said that its not only those that get themselves involved in sex r fornicators,staring lustfully and harbouring it in d mind are as much d same

whoever that has no sin should be d first to cast the first stone

@topic

get a hold of yourself and talk to ur fiancee bout it

@debosky
Lets paint it this way, he had been having a torrent love affair with the woman, he has been diverting money for the house to take care of the woman, and worst of all like you pointed out if he wanted to leave his girlfriend.
Yes she will be bitter but that is her right, she was offended by this dude. But the dude came here for help not for you lot to remind him he is a Hot dolt, give practical solutions to him like you pointed out.
Being dramatic does not help, who is without sin like I said should cast stones. We are all human and there is already too much pain in this world. Its something that drives me from posting here, the self righteous attitude of people here mouthing off like they are not capable of it.

@sista
I appreciate all your posts here but you really need to understand something. Nigerian men are quite unfaithful its sad to say but most times the news only reaches up when it is already this bad.
Now like I told debosky, the lady will be bitter even you have no idea, but after everything dissipates she will be faced with reality and coming up with the solutions for reality are as important as saying things that will console her, if she reads this thread she will leave the guy most def, there is too much pain already we all try to manage it.

1st things 1st; tell ur fiance about it, I trust she wont be daft enoff to let your secret lover snatch you from her so cheaply, after all she could have gotten pregnant for you too if she wanted. I see it as a very base scheme to ruin ur plans, discuss it with ur fiance and u guys should resolve it among urselves. U wont be the first man to have a child outta wedlock, kinni big deal? fyn, u slept wit her or she slept wit u, either ways - shit happens everyday, apologise to nairalanders and ur fiancee about that, but that doesnt mean u now owe her a dime, infact she owes u and ur fiance an apology, for her dubiousness.

Getover yourself Chris

If it were a woman who did this mess, you'd be the leader of those screaming "break the engagement! she's an unrepentant harlot!"

abeg go sleep.

I am not a woman, but after suffering from a state of not having enough to eat, to building a house together and businesses, it can make someone go crazy. What did he want that she didn't give him? Those are some of the self destructive thoughts a woman could have. What about the betrayal of having someone else have your man's first child? Nothing can replace that - in some retarded cultures of our dear country, that would give that illegitimate/mistake child more rights than the fiance's - after all she did to build up the family wealth.

There you go. It's really depressing

To be honest I think the girl in question is lying but in general people need to stop this "oh she's a woman, she'll obviously get over it" mentality. That dismissive BS might work for some women but not all.

Even if u dont end up wit ur fiance do not settle for her becos of a blackmail, dont marry a terrorist. She just a month pregnant and she flaunting it to the world, thats her damn bizness. If u want to, u can support her welfare, if not she handle her B.I.

yo my advice-buy her with money, u know shut her mouth up with money, since u said u got money so up it, trust me money is a b!%#h, although she might turn u into a full time maga!!

weebay:

yo my advice-buy her with money, u know shut her mouth up with money, since u said u got money so up it, trust me money is a b!%#h, although she might turn u into a full time maga!!

wat kind of advise is dis? how old r u first off?

@karma
I refrained from addressing you because I can sense bitterness.
I think its you that needs getting over yourself, will the girl eat your bitterness?
Are you his girlfriend, no , stop crying foul and give the guy something to help both of them. If you feel too bitter about it keep mute, the dude could be your son. I wonder what you will be doing by now
Take a chill pill and stop playing being bitter bride to be.

Chris . . . done with Noah's flood and Jonah's big fish?

Chris lets be honest . . . after 8 yrs there can be no worse betrayal than the fact that you were not the one to open the womb first for your husband.
It wont be easy and simply saying the man shld go talk to her as if all he did was peck another woman on the cheek isnt realistic.

The guy shld be ready to tearfully beg and beg and beg.