hummmmmmmmn! am loving that part where your wrote you owe humanity, how and what do u owe humnity?babies i guess, ure living up to your debt , goodluck

U right Dav

blackgucci:

hummmmmmmmn! am loving that part where your wrote you owe humanity, how and what do u owe humnity?babies i guess, ure living up to your debt , goodluck

lol

@ poster, can u recollect when u slept with her and how old the pregnancy is, if u can do the calculation and be sure u are the one responsible 4 the pregnancy. if u are the one u av no other option but to tell ur fiancee, dont tell her to go for an abortion, it can endanger her and it is killing an innocent child u brought to this earth out of carelessness.

@karma
I refrained from addressing you because I can sense bitterness.
I think its you that needs getting over yourself, will the girl eat your bitterness?
Are you his girlfriend, no , stop crying foul and give the guy something to help both of them. If you feel too bitter about it keep mute, the dude could be your son. I wonder what you will be doing by now Cheesy
Take a chill pill and stop playing being bitter  bride to be.   

Yet you decided to write that pile of caca anyway.

All that you wrote is just mindless gibberish. I'm calling you a hypocrite and you're yarning dust about "bitterness". Im glad you didnt deny your blatant hypocrisy though

Bloody dork.

after 8 years there can be no worse betrayal than the fact that you were not the one to open the womb first for your husband.
It wont be easy and simply saying the man shld go talk to her as if all he did was peck another woman on the cheek isnt realistic.

It's been a while since I've agreed with you

KarmaMod:

It's been a while since I've agreed with you

wow that was cool.

abeg nairalanders
make una leave the guy make him carry him cross.
enuff of the advice.
wetin don happen don happen.
when him dey do am,
him no seek advice,
now wey yawa don gas,him come dey remeber say the girl
dey forgiving,good hearted,
she will understand bla bla bla,
if it were the other way around,
would he forgive the girl

davidylan:

Chris . . . done with Noah's flood and Jonah's big fish?

Chris lets be honest . . . after 8 years there can be no worse betrayal than the fact that you were not the one to open the womb first for your husband.
It wont be easy and simply saying the man shld go talk to her as if all he did was peck another woman on the cheek isnt realistic.

The guy shld be ready to tearfully beg and beg and beg.

good ole bro david. it is like you changed your meals recently. you are definately getting older, calmer and wiser. God bless you

@karm
Can we have a civil discussion devoid of name calling?
The issue here is not whether the girl in question should not feel betrayed, even though I think there are worse ways to betray her the guy has come here for advice on how to salvage his relationship and things are difficult for him already, that's why I say your not being human.
You are acting as though you are on the couch watching a nolly wood movie, lets assume this is your son now and he has brought the matter before you tell us how you will react?

oh boy, me don talk my own oh, also u must try and be patient if ur tell ur fiancee, give her time cos she is going to be annoyed. sorry did i say annoyed, very annoyed i mean, she mite not want 2 see u again but give her time cos if u are in her shoes u will do worse than she is going 2 do.

Just passing.Will be right back.

@david
My oga, honestly the lady will be bitter no doubt and the betrayal certainly is among the top ten but its not the worst that could have happened.
I don't knowif you righteous like others here who have not offended anybody in their lives and felt really sorry for what you have done, but if you have then you will know if this guy is really sorry then he really feels like crap inside, no need to make it worse is what I am saying. He was being human, if the woman was in his shoes would she not want to be forgiven?
There will certainly be consequences for his actions, that rests in the hands of the girlfriend not us.
P.S. Whales and floods is already very boring am trying to switch boards but this place is full of hostility dang! What else can one expect from loads of bitter people

chrisbenogor, thanks for this useful information, am printing it right away and will read it as many times as possible.
I was reading this at home after leaving the office and the 1st thing i do this morning is continue with the thread.

I know i fu**ed up big time, there is no hiding place for me, but on a second thought, she might not even had the pregnancy bc after she met with my dad with one woman she came with, she quickly stood up, turn her back and leave. Secondly, the resolution that day was we both shld meet and iron out the grey areas, and i tried fulfilled that but she has been hiding ever since and not willing to talk with me face-to-face. These really cast a dark cloud on her sincerity on the issue.

uuuummmmmmt its all coming back to me now, i remember on time, my fiance told me that she asked her what could probably annoyed her and leave me, and she if am not faithful to her and married someone else. This lady knew my fiance very well infact she has slept in our house on many occassions. Many times, my fiance will ask me to help her if i dont want to,


As for my fiance, hahahaha, she cant throw all we have done together away just like that, believe me, she is a rare breed of feminine, always reason and try to see why things are done in a particular way and not the other, she is very objective. My fear is i dont want to spoil the xmas. i will beg her to the last drop of breath i have left if she even think of leaving me.
She will be home tomorrow and i have promised to go with her to RCCG conference cos have never been there b4 and she always wanted me to go. Do u also know that for the very first time, after opening my heart to you fellas, i had a wonderful sleep and i woke up with a very light heart. Hurdle one has been crossed, hurdle 2 is planning on how to tell her and the mood she will be b4 opening the can, but the most important thing is that atleast, i have ppl who has helped me to share my prob. I thank you all

you such a nice guy, u have a big caring heart

you helped her financially, morally, emotinally,

and even sexually, well done, u try well well.

anyway just make her see the strong side of you

make her know no amount of black mail can make u

marry her if u dnt want to, and try telling your fiance

about it, believe me ladies know their away around these

kinda things. about the pregnancy, i no know wetin u go do o

cos i dnt support abortion,but if i was in your shoes, i will let her

have the baby, take care of it, but will still go ahead and marry my

fiance after she must have forgiven me.

Yes, Pls help him

, Deleted

Nigger, when I say nigger it means dumb nigger. You need to wake up and take responsibility of the child. Do not bring up abortion because you have no right to kill. Get another job if possible and do your job as a man.

@deeplo
If she really as understanding as you say she is then maybe you caught yourself a break.
You and I both know you messed up big time but you have the rest of your lives to make it up to her, and that includes keeping you winny in ya pants!
Try to take what you've learned and continually strive to improve on who you as. I hope that she is someone who understands what it means to rise from the ashes because THAT is what builds the greatest character. Someone who sees and appreciates the good that always comes in spite of the bad. Someone who knows how important it is to forgive and to be forgiven.
Just really prepare the mood and the place to tell her, and by your God be very very very very very sorry. She is a lady and she will hurt most definitely, but only both of you know what you have gone through and if this is enough to put your marriage off or to put in on high gear, but I think somehow you can tell she will forgive you. Don't be too hard on yourself just learn from your mistake that's what is most important.
Cheers.

@ poster
i feel so sorry 4 u. but y did u i kno it was a mistake but yyy? ur lady is rili gonna feel betrayed cos its so sad. but try n talk to her b4 jan 24th. but u av made a big mistake n i feel so sorry 4 u, gud luck anyways

Chris, go play victim else where. You didnt remember you didnt want name calling when you wrote some lame sermon about "bitterness". If you don't want to be insulted I suggest you don't play the "lets make this about you" game when it comes to replying me. It's that simple.

abeg nairalanders
make una leave the guy make him carry him cross.
enough of the advice.
wetin don happen don happen.
when him dey do am,
him no seek advice,
now wey yawa don gas,him come dey remeber say the girl
dey forgiving,good hearted,
she will understand bla bla bla,
if it were the other way around,
would he forgive the girl

Thank you jare. You dey mind the hypocrites

As for my fiance, hahahaha, she can't throw all we have done together away just like that, believe me, she is a rare breed of feminine,

Guys like you sincerely irritate me. You did this ON PURPOSE cos you know that your girl wouldnt wanna "throw all that you have away"

Did you not throw it all away now, spat her face?

I feel your pain. May our good deeds never turn against us. I pray ur fiancee understands so that gal will be put to shame. Pls tell ur fiancee the truth dont hide anything. I know someone it happened to and they still got married. They have 3 kids now though the chic he impregnanted is still barking. That gal is wicked that's y she cant be lucky in her r/ship. Wishing you the best and God will give u wisdom to resolve it. Also ask for God's forgiveness, he's a merciful father.

Karm,
I said I sensed bitterness in your posts, how is that name calling? We come here to discuss issues and even though I care less about how you want to continue replying people, really come here just to read others opinions, and name calling just shows immaturity IMO.
Lets not derail this thread further, maybe your used to name calling back and forth, I am not really cut out for it.
So cool temper

, Deleted

Your English is atrocious. How about sticking to your native tongue?

If you can't discuss about the topic without making it personal cos you disagree then stop responding to me. Na by force?

Eh I know say na only your family dey publish dictionary.
If I recall well you launched the first attack.
No kill yourself for another man matter lol.

Chris,

It is not that we are without sin and casting stones at the brotha. But instead we are trying to help him by making him understand what his woman is going to feel when he tells her.

We want him to understand that saying things like I dont know how it happened I was just there naked in the bed and the woman was smiling is a sure fire way to gurennttee that his woman is not going to forgive him.

We want him to understand that he must be humble when he goes to her and excatly how he betrayed her.

He uses condoms with his woman for gods sake so that they dont get pregenant but failed to that with this "other woman" a woman his wife knows.

I dont think you understand, maybe because ur a man, exactly how betrayed his woman will feel. By making him/helping him understand he can better choose his words when he talks to her and humble himself.

But lets agree to disagree.

@sista
I cannot even begin to imagine how devastated she will be, but I have lived in Nigeria long enough to know that its not the worst thing that could have happened and I don't know if you agree with that.
I have told him that he messed up big time and he will be a very wicked person not to have realised that by now. I think that not using a condom shows the sex was totally hormone driven and he was not thinking straight, but again that's my personal opinion.
We all know the woman will be in pain, so why not prepare him to at least make the news easier on her, read what I wrote well and I don't think we are saying different things, I asked him to have the details of what happened like you have said to and I have asked him to take full responsibility for what he has done and to be sincere about his apology.
I am just saying people should talk like they want to be treated because one day we will all somehow be in deeplo's shoes and we would expect forgiveness.
Is that so bad?

@ Chris,

I think we are saying the same thing but approching from two different angles.

I hope he listens and is very patient and very sorry when he tells her. She will ask lots of questions and several will be asked over and over again. If he looses his temper he will loose her.

I pray and cry for her.

KarmaMod:

Chris, go play victim else where. You didnt remember you didnt want name calling when you wrote some lame sermon about "bitterness". If you don't want to be insulted I suggest you don't play the "lets make this about you" game when it comes to replying me. It's that simple.



Thank you jare. You dey mind the hypocrites

karma cool down,we all know d guy made a big mistake,some people wouldnt even feel remorseful after d whole thing,yea,we all make mistakes in life,d best people in this world r those that have made mistakes and learnt from it

as for coming here to tell us after doing it,how many of us have not made a mistake in life and later involved friends in it,even when we did not tell this friends when we were taking d decision,so wats d biggie in it?havent sm of us made mistakes on our own and invited family members or some other people to ask for advise,even when we did not tell them from d beginning?

cool down joo

@sistawoman

nice point there

Chris i understand your point and the mistake the fellow made was in not using protection.

I had an instance of a guy who had been dating his chic for close to 3-4 yrs and they were moving towards marriage. Something happened along the line, he had sex with a friend once and he told me about it. He loved his gf and didnt want to hurt her . . . well suffice to say he was genuinely remorseful and we both resolved not to involve his gf at all . . . today they are as happy as can be together with kids to boot.

so yeah we all make mistakes, the only problem is this deeplo's own don pass mistake . . . na grave error with a baby on the way.

Its not going to be easy convincing his wife to welcome a stepchild plus all the baggage that comes with a belligerent baby mama who obviously sees it as a right to demand money from her baby daddy.

@david & Sista
My biggest hope is that he does not make it worse for her.
I know many families like this here in Naija, very very close family for that matter thats why I say its not yet the worst thing that can happen.
Now is the time for the woman to hold on to this man sensibly so that she does not loose that which this other woman is trying to take forcefully, the other woman is the biggest villan.