andyanders:

Good advise for the lady.


Op. understand that you messed up by taking your husband's wallet in the first place. Also your mother inlaw maybe wouldn't want to start getting involved in settling issues you have with your husband. Since both of accepted to come together as husband and wife, you should try to sort out things yourselves.


Apologize to your husband and see that she reconcile you with your mother inlaw.

obiak4:
IMO FIRST TRY TO WIN YOUR HUSBAND OVER TO YOURSELF AND APOLOGIES TO HER SIKENA

Gud1:


But in this case the mother inlaw is innocent. Why did u ladies hate MIL's with passion?

qbd2:

Seriously, d mil is innocent Innocent and ignored the tears of d woman as she was crying?. I think she's just a silent killer.
Btw, we don't hate mils its just a womanly thing. We r often jealous of each other

Gud1:


Maybe the MIL is tired with her calls for every little issue that ought to be settled between the lady n her husband. The woman is just the cause of everything

nickibarb:


yeah i know i was wrong to have taken my husband's wallet, but i got desperate cos i was at a loss at what to do, my husband was not budging, my MIL wasn't taking my calls, i was trying not to involve my parents cos[b] I know my husband doesn't like my mum [/b]and I was really running late. exam was at 7am the next day and it was almost evening and I hadn't left my city. I finally got the the exam city at 1am and was taken straight to the hospital. I was able to do the exam after pleading with the doctors to discharge me from the emergency room that morning. luckily i passed. Thank God

nickibarb:


yeah i know i was wrong to have taken my husband's wallet, but i got desperate cos i was at a loss at what to do, my husband was not budging, my MIL wasn't taking my calls, i was trying not to involve my parents cos I know my husband doesn't like my mum and I was really running late. exam was at 7am the next day and it was almost evening and I hadn't left my city. I finally got the the exam city at 1am and was taken straight to the hospital. I was able to do the exam after pleading with the doctors to discharge me from the emergency room that morning. luckily i passed. Thank God

fem29:


Her husband messed up by taking all the keys, that is very aggressive. How would you like to be locked out of your home, very disconcerting. They both did wrong.

nickibarb:


Yes, we have a maid. that's why he felt I will come back in his absence to take the kids.

my tone in letting my MIL know was more like the first scenario you put out, i wish i could screen grab it for you to see. i was totally calm cos like I said, I really respect her and i'm pretty easygoing.

It wasn't really key seizure per say, we have a place in the house where we keep all our keys, door, car keys and all. he simply went there and took them away. the wallet and fall on the table were the ones i didn't see coming, it just happened so fast.

my MIL didn't take my parent's calls because she had told them that as a church marriage counsellor, she is of the opinion that couples should keep things between themselves so if they wanted her to interfere in a marriage, she wasn't willing to talk to them.

I'm sure my husband would rather have me have a good relationship with his mother cos he's really close to her but surprisingly, he hasn't brought it up since that day, and I haven't either

Joavid:
Your husband didn't allow you take the kids to your mum because he doesn't like her or trust her with the kids, and that's not good at all. You need to do something about that and apply wisdom.

I guess you both were struggling for the wallet and then you fell and hit your head on the table, so we can't say it is an issue of domestic violence and he apologised in his own way - the clothes he got you and the kisses.

Anyway, he's your hubby, try to understand him more and communication is key.

Call your mIL in a few weeks or send her a text - like you are just checking on her. Don't mention the incident.

Its your marriage. deal with your issues.

5minsmadness:
@nickibarb,
The 'hate-peddlers' have arrived .
They will blow your issue out of proportion.
Instead of solving your problem they will compound it.
They will make you hate your husband more.. Thier ultimate aim is to tear your family apart rather than bring it closer together.
Take thier rantings and advice and hate-projection at your own peril.



You have been warned.

Kegite:


He should have beaten the foolishness out of you.
You are not worthy to be a mother. :

Why won't you let him take care of his children while you party away with your younger boyfriend ??
Hia,ooooo. That was my reaction when i read this line. Lots of people on Nairaland, phew!

Why would you take his wallet ??
Why would you engage him in a fist fight ??
I would encourage him to hit you on a daily basis so you can regain your sanity.
Foolish woman

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

kweenkong:
Yes you are right to feel aggrieved , but i am still at a loss as to why your mother in law reacted that way. you need toanswer some questions.
1) why do you think your husband disagreed with taking the kids to your own parents?
2) Are you sure there is not a deeper rooted issue?

If i were you, i would forgive her but never forget , and when i take stock of my well wishers she will not be included. Would treat like a long distance relative. No unnecessary fraternizing. i greet her ,serve her what i have to offer and disappear into the inner reccess of my room. And honestly you were wrong trying to force your husbands hand by siezing his wallet. That was a direct challenge on is authority. Did you eventually write the exam as scheduled?

nickibarb:


Yes, we have a maid. that's why he felt I will come back in his absence to take the kids.

my tone in letting my MIL know was more like the first scenario you put out, i wish i could screen grab it for you to see. i was totally calm cos like I said, I really respect her and i'm pretty easygoing.

It wasn't really key seizure per say, we have a place in the house where we keep all our keys, door, car keys and all. he simply went there and took them away. the wallet and fall on the table were the ones i didn't see coming, it just happened so fast.

my MIL didn't take my parent's calls because she had told them that as a church marriage counsellor, she is of the opinion that couples should keep things between themselves so if they wanted her to interfere in a marriage, she wasn't willing to talk to them.

I'm sure my husband would rather have me have a good relationship with his mother cos he's really close to her but surprisingly, he hasn't brought it up since that day, and I haven't either

baibijay:



I don't think he bought those clothes as an apology.
He probably think his money will buy her forgiveness. .

I know it sounds sweet the clothes the kisses and make up sex but really he didn't alter sorry. Or even write it as a note. He will hurt her,buy her gifts and repeat it again.

Not saying sorry is enough apology. He should have shown it in a sincere way. At least talk about it.

qbd2:

Seriously, d mil is innocent Innocent and ignored the tears of d woman as she was crying?. I think she's just a silent killer.
Btw, we don't hate mils its just a womanly thing. We r often jealous of each other

creamynuela88:



Apologize to who? Did u read what she wrote at all? Pls go back n read btw d lines... slowly!!!