Okeikpu:
If u reach house call ur papa ode, if only u re not a bastard .

blackpanda:
Why do women always feel they have to adjust themselves to keep the marriage.

Its obvious the man doesnt really love u. And u will be a fool to think he's not sleeping outside. Men are not designed to go weeks without sex, especially when he has a problem with the pussy at home.

Sorry I dont mean to be blunt. But I encourage u to be strong and start preparing for the worst. So sorry tho

freecocoa:
OP your hubby obviously doesn't love you anymore, I feel sad for what you are going through.

I honestly don't know how you can continue in such a marriage with a very insensitive man, but continue taking care of yourself and your kids, keep up with your exercises, don't let this kill your self esteem.

Your husband is mean sha.

Insidous:


Ode!

standd:
Oh, this is sad.
You'd husband is hard-hearted sha. Treating the mother of his kids this way, such disrespect. Hian.
And you had Anal sex with him just to keep him happy and satisfied, ah! Men...

I thought people now know how to use Google or why are some Nigerians this daft, every woman has a unique body and a Lax Vvj doesn't necessarily mean that the woman is loose or has had several sex partners., same with young girls with saggy boobs. The size and depth of the Vvj varies, same as the size of the male deeek.
You can not treat your wife like this for Gods sake, what breed of humans exist theses days..

Op, please don't do anything that will hurt you, after 2 kids you actually deserve more respect from the man you married. And stop having Anal sex with him since you bleed, cos of he wants to cheat, he will cheat, he is just looking for excuses to justify all that.
Or what sort of Abasha is this one all in the name of marriage...

Na wah.

The husband's

https://www.nairaland.com/2426155/could-wife-cheating

The wife's, scroll down

https://www.nairaland.com/2426155/could-wife-cheating/4

treese:
Though he usually says he doesn't care about my self esteem but I don't think this has to do with self esteem alone. I think there is more. While we were dating we spoke about my sex life and body nature. It's not like I had too many relationships but I just knew men say my vaginal is kind of lax. Even wen I lost my virginity the guy called me a blunt liar to my face, saying I claimed to be a virgin when I wasn't.

You didn't bleed and getting in wasn't so hard. That is one ruined relationship that would have been awesome. And probably the last man standing. If you be virgin, you go know, if you not, you will know and I KNEW then that I was.

Now my husband knew this about my body and decides to stick with it. Somehow someway which I don't know after my first child, vaginal got tight, second child too same happened. To a certain extent it helped our sex life because it made him love it. And I could tell it's one of the reasons he probably hasn't cheated..

Just 2 days back. We had a little misunderstanding then I mentioned something about sèx. Quote me if am wrong. Sex is meant for bonding between a man and a woman and that's why God instituted it in marriage alone. So you both can get closer, and in my own opinion when there are issues BTW them the power of sex is to make forgiveness easy. The next thing my husband said is. It's not like am enjoying the sex. It's now feels like been in a pool.

OMG I was HURT. I lost the essence of life immediately, lost the essence of marriage. Out of anger I told him only men with big dicks should complain, men with pencils dares nor. That was my only defence because he said it with soooooo much heartlessness. I cried...i cried so much. This man that I have back sex with so that our sex life would be whole. Sometimes I bleed. Then I said to myself it's not worth it. Then I realised, For him if anything goes wrong with me due to that sexual style, Am on my own. Few hours later I sent him a text that I was sorry for everything not because it was easy but two wrongs never ever make a right in marriage. Can't walk away with two kids can only make it work.

Following day wen I saw he was in a good mood. I decided to ask, then he said I was lax and it has made sex unenjoyable. I wondered y he didn't tell me immediately he noticed and why he had to throw it to my face. But what, it's a man's world. If they don't reap their mean ways here on earth. It waits in heaven.

But trust me since then I have been concerned,Google all I could, nothing much. Even the kegel exercise has always been my practice. I now feel this time he might just look outside wen sex gets all pool like. He said he will buy toys, he said he can't pretend to love it wen he doesn't. Which I agree with. But even the toys can it ever be Like d real things. Sometimes he might want to feel the woman and not want toys. What happens next? I can't encourage him to cheat cos if he does and I find out I would leave with my kids. But I don't want him to. Am confused. So so confused. You know wen a man is concerned he will probably do research with you, find out info call doctors, but he didn't, he just broke the news to me and he's like do something about it or I might not be making out with u again. It's really not fair. Cos some men might possibly not go about it that way. But at the same time, it's like that's his nature. I can only Leave with it or take a walk. But take a walk to where, becos am now lax? But I also hear sex in marriage is KEY, with two kids, and I love him, but thatz still not the point. I DON'T know. Please who does? I have smiling all over the house, acting like everything is fine once am alone i cry again, because the fear is, would there ever be a solution , would I still be tight again, and this is a marriage where sex is sometimes 1 in 2 or 3 weeks, so definitely that's not the reason for my laxity, i will be sad if my marriage gets ruined because am lax. I hope my husband reads this thank God he is a nairalander

braine:
True.

treese:
Though he usually says he doesn't care about my self esteem but I don't think this has to do with self esteem alone. I think there is more. While we were dating we spoke about my sex life and body nature. It's not like I had too many relationships but I just knew men say my vaginal is kind of lax. Even wen I lost my virginity the guy called me a blunt liar to my face, saying I claimed to be a virgin when I wasn't.

You didn't bleed and getting in wasn't so hard. That is one ruined relationship that would have been awesome. And probably the last man standing. If you be virgin, you go know, if you not, you will know and I KNEW then that I was.

Now my husband knew this about my body and decides to stick with it. Somehow someway which I don't know after my first child, vaginal got tight, second child too same happened. To a certain extent it helped our sex life because it made him love it. And I could tell it's one of the reasons he probably hasn't cheated..

Just 2 days back. We had a little misunderstanding then I mentioned something about sèx. Quote me if am wrong. Sex is meant for bonding between a man and a woman and that's why God instituted it in marriage alone. So you both can get closer, and in my own opinion when there are issues BTW them the power of sex is to make forgiveness easy. The next thing my husband said is. It's not like am enjoying the sex. It's now feels like been in a pool.

OMG I was HURT. I lost the essence of life immediately, lost the essence of marriage. Out of anger I told him only men with big dicks should complain, men with pencils dares nor. That was my only defence because he said it with soooooo much heartlessness. I cried...i cried so much. This man that I have back sex with so that our sex life would be whole. Sometimes I bleed. Then I said to myself it's not worth it. Then I realised, For him if anything goes wrong with me due to that sexual style, Am on my own. Few hours later I sent him a text that I was sorry for everything not because it was easy but two wrongs never ever make a right in marriage. Can't walk away with two kids can only make it work.

Following day wen I saw he was in a good mood. I decided to ask, then he said I was lax and it has made sex unenjoyable. I wondered y he didn't tell me immediately he noticed and why he had to throw it to my face. But what, it's a man's world. If they don't reap their mean ways here on earth. It waits in heaven.

But trust me since then I have been concerned,Google all I could, nothing much. Even the kegel exercise has always been my practice. I now feel this time he might just look outside wen sex gets all pool like. He said he will buy toys, he said he can't pretend to love it wen he doesn't. Which I agree with. But even the toys can it ever be Like d real things. Sometimes he might want to feel the woman and not want toys. What happens next? I can't encourage him to cheat cos if he does and I find out I would leave with my kids. But I don't want him to. Am confused. So so confused. You know wen a man is concerned he will probably do research with you, find out info call doctors, but he didn't, he just broke the news to me and he's like do something about it or I might not be making out with u again. It's really not fair. Cos some men might possibly not go about it that way. But at the same time, it's like that's his nature. I can only Leave with it or take a walk. But take a walk to where, becos am now lax? But I also hear sex in marriage is KEY, with two kids, and I love him, but thatz still not the point. I DON'T know. Please who does? I have smiling all over the house, acting like everything is fine once am alone i cry again, because the fear is, would there ever be a solution , would I still be tight again, and this is a marriage where sex is sometimes 1 in 2 or 3 weeks, so definitely that's not the reason for my laxity, i will be sad if my marriage gets ruined because am lax. I hope my husband reads this thank God he is a nairalander

Bridgetown:


The only solution is to overcome the fear of your husband cheating. Because he will definitely cheat to excite himself but if you can live with it and advise him to always use condoms the better for you. I don't think he can divorce you base on that but nagging towards suspicion that he is cheating will cost you your marriage.

I feel your husband pain because I once dated a girl with lax virginal too, i didn't end the relationship but I ran away. There was no friction whatsoever and I felt embarrassed.
Your beloved husband should try and handle the situation with love since you are now the mother of his kids. Sex is not everything in life.

ferdimako:

The same feeling when a guy has a pencil. Or a two-min man! This is a serious matter and that is y some women go for C-sections even when a Dr doesn't recommend or approve.

MizMyColi:


To be honest, if I were in her shoes, saying such to me after all we've been through together is enough to kill what's left.

There are only two ways the self esteem won't be damaged irreparably...
1. If he realizes his mistake and brings down heaven to apologise.

2. If I bond emotionally with another person, man, without necessarily having sex or making out.
Call it emotional infidelity, I don't give two flying fvcks

MizMyColi:


To be honest, if I were in her shoes, saying such to me after all we've been through together is enough to kill what's left.

There are only two ways the self esteem won't be damaged irreparably...
1. If he realizes his mistake and brings down heaven to apologise.

2. If I bond emotionally with another person, man, without necessarily having sex or making out.
Call it emotional infidelity, I don't give two flying fvcks

Insidous:


The second one was what she had with her ex. That was why I couldn't really blame her yesterday. It was obvious the guy was lying. The poor woman deserves to be happy.

I had to go fish for her husband's thread, before replying you because I wanted to be in the know.

Then, I read her other thread too.
cc: Chubhie
Coogar


The husband has serious, underlying, fundamental psychological issues.
It is not fair that he is taking it out on her, and making her feel like she is the problem.

I will not excuse her indiscretion of going to cook for a married man, neither will I do so for maintaining communication with the ex.

But then again, what can a poor, full blooded young woman do?
The desirable wasn't available, so the available became one.
She has likely started nursing thoughts of what it would be like to know a man's touch, and loving embrace.
What it feels like to bond with your partner without the normal sexual routines....what it means to be simply adored for no other reason other than the fact that you are human, and you are loved...warts and all.

Having listened to both sides of the story...

I see man who is afraid to let himself love his woman because to him, she hasn't fulfilled the premium he places on trust.

I see a woman, who has weaknesses which she doesn't try to hide, I see someone who has forgotten all about her life, her happiness, her hopes and aspirations....in a bid fit into the life of her husband....because ultimately she wants acceptance, and thinks the sure fire way to get it would be through ensuring his happiness.

She seems to me like a person whose primary Love Language would be words of affirmation.
Hubby on the other part is someone who doesn't see the need to be nice in his words even if he must call out her faults.

*Deep Sigh*

Are these two people ready to forge ahead?
Are they ready to build on the little they have going for them and make something worthwhile out of it?
Are they ready to WHOLLY make amends in areas where they have clearly wronged each other?
Is the Husband ready to love up on his wife like he ought to and assume his duties as the true navigator of his home?

Some women look forward to emotional security, others look forward to financial security.
Freelance777's wife clearly needs emotional security....the need to be appreciated, and loved in a matching, if not surpassing measure.

I wouldn't entertain thoughts of divorce just yet if I were in their shoes.
The question now is What are they willing to compromise to see to it that the love and sparks of connection returns to their marriage again?

freecocoa:
How can he have a small D and be insulting his wife? That's just very insensitive.

MizMyColi:


I had to go fish for her husband's thread, before replying you because I wanted to be in the know.

Then, I read her other thread too.
cc: Chubhie
Coogar


The husband has serious, underlying, fundamental psychological issues.
It is not fair that he is taking it out on her, and making her feel like she is the problem.

I will not excuse her indiscretion of going to cook for a married man, neither will I do so for maintaining communication with the ex.

But then again, what can a poor, full blooded young woman do?
The desirable wasn't available, so the available became one.
She has likely started nursing thoughts of what it would be like to know a man's touch, and loving embrace.
What it feels like to bond with your partner without the normal sexual routines....what it means to be simply adored for no other reason other than the fact that you are human, and you are loved...warts and all.

Having listened to both sides of the story...

I see man who is afraid to let himself love his woman because to him, she hasn't fulfilled the premium he places on trust.

I see a woman, who has weaknesses which she doesn't try to hide, I see someone who has forgotten all about her life, her happiness, her hopes and aspirations....in a bid fit into the life of her husband....because ultimately she wants acceptance, and thinks the sure fire way to get it would be through ensuring his happiness.

She seems to me like a person whose primary Love Language would be words of affirmation.
Hubby on the other part is someone who doesn't see the need to be nice in his words even if he must call out her faults.

*Deep Sigh*

Are these two people ready to forge ahead?
Are they ready to build on the little they have going for them and make something worthwhile out of it?
Are they ready to WHOLLY make amends in areas where they have clearly wronged each other?
Is the Husband ready to love up on his wife like he ought to and assume his duties as the true navigator of his home?

Some women look forward to emotional security, others look forward to financial security.
Freelance777's wife clearly needs emotional security....the need to be appreciated, and loved in a matching, if not surpassing measure.

I wouldn't entertain thoughts of divorce just yet if I were in their shoes.
The question now is What are they willing to compromise to see to it that the love and sparks of connection returns to their marriage again?

freecocoa:
You are right my dear, that man is just too mean, I don't even know how I can continue living with such a man.

I just posted extensively on this topic.

I posted on the premise that there is an iota of willingness left in them somewhere to work things out.
Clearly, the woman is willing, but the man is being nourished by sermons from his brothers-in-arms (pun intended)

If it so happens that Oga is not willing to sit down with me and rebuild the marriage.....before somebody enter bathroom one day and see a nicely decorated rope connecting me to the shower, or me, lying close to a meal infested with tailored Chinese otapiapia ........na to find my way o.
Hian.
My Life is important biko.

How much more suffocation would I allow myself to endure?
The same hole that is too wide for him is the same one that Mr Harry next door might likely not get enough of.
They both have issues here, so why projecting your insecurities on her, instead of working out ways to enjoy sheer marital bliss?

At some point, I'd have to allow myself get hit with the reality that it's okay to be SELF-ISH too.
What's the point of forcing myself to shower love on someone when I have not showered that love on myself
That's akin to fool's paradise - pt 2.

edwife:


That is because they both refused to address their first problem,they don't communicate and resolve any misunderstanding between them and they keep on piling....

Both are very immature in marriage and need serious help and counselling before they finally brake up.

I don't get it,Treese don't you have family?where are your parents?his parents?your pastor? Why is Nairaland where you run to when there is trouble?

Insidous:


You are late. You missed the part 1 of this saga