Insidous:


Have you gone through her thread history? She created a thread before her that thread.

Gosh, I just saw her comments on Hubby's thread too


Yes I read all her comments too.

Why are people so crassly insensitive?
Why couldn't they put self in her shoes for once, see the puerile condemnation and bashing.

Gosshhh

UjSizzle:
Okay. We all know the OP needs to see a gynae AND a marriage counselor; I suspect she knows this too. So all these NL matter everytime something happens in her marriage is just to get sympathy messages from willing nairalanders

MizMyColi:


I had to go fish for her husband's thread, before replying you because I wanted to be in the know.

Then, I read her other thread too.
cc: Chubhie
Coogar


The husband has serious, underlying, fundamental psychological issues.
It is not fair that he is taking it out on her, and making her feel like she is the problem.

I will not excuse her indiscretion of going to cook for a married man, neither will I do so for maintaining communication with the ex.

But then again, what can a poor, full blooded young woman do?
The desirable wasn't available, so the available became one.
She has likely started nursing thoughts of what it would be like to know a man's touch, and loving embrace.
What it feels like to bond with your partner without the normal sexual routines....what it means to be simply adored for no other reason other than the fact that you are human, and you are loved...warts and all.

Having listened to both sides of the story...

I see man who is afraid to let himself love his woman because to him, she hasn't fulfilled the premium he places on trust.

I see a woman, who has weaknesses which she doesn't try to hide, I see someone who has forgotten all about her life, her happiness, her hopes and aspirations....in a bid fit into the life of her husband....because ultimately she wants acceptance, and thinks the sure fire way to get it would be through ensuring his happiness.

She seems to me like a person whose primary Love Language would be words of affirmation.
Hubby on the other part is someone who doesn't see the need to be nice in his words even if he must call out her faults.

*Deep Sigh*

Are these two people ready to forge ahead?
Are they ready to build on the little they have going for them and make something worthwhile out of it?
Are they ready to WHOLLY make amends in areas where they have clearly wronged each other?
Is the Husband ready to love up on his wife like he ought to and assume his duties as the true navigator of his home?

Some women look forward to emotional security, others look forward to financial security.
Freelance777's wife clearly needs emotional security....the need to be appreciated, and loved in a matching, if not surpassing measure.

I wouldn't entertain thoughts of divorce just yet if I were in their shoes.
The question now is What are they willing to compromise to see to it that the love and sparks of connection returns to their marriage again?

standd:


The thing is, they bring their issues to NL. The males bash Treese and the females bash Freelance777 and everyone retires to their respective homes.
What happens to the Op and her husband afterwards? How do they face each other at home, how do they still love themselves after all these.

I even think all their threads are just cooked-up lies and they are using NL to test-drive a TV show they want to start.

UjSizzle:

My dear they either have serious resentment issues or they're just fvcking with us

Maybe they're using us to catch comic relief after a hard week. I know I have laughed so hard since opening this thread.
On the flip side it's good avenue for people like Mizmycoli to write an empathy-enhancing epistle as well as sharpen their counseling skills
I like the tv show idea sha (or maybe it's a blog to solve marital issues sef ) na wa o.

Still laughter is a drug.

treese:

Am not all that totally expanded, oh well I can't really tell am not the one entering. But I still don't know. I heard alum has its side effects

treese:

Am not all that totally expanded, oh well I can't really tell am not the one entering. But I still don't know. I heard alum has its side effects

Chubhie:

I feel for the lady knowing all she's been through just to be accepted the way she is.

She needs to accept herself and learn self love and then project this into others. The husband should quit feeling as if he did her a favour by getting married to her. Not as if the husband didn't know from day one before getting married to her. I'm of the view that a man should never marry a woman out of pity nor fleeting sensation as love which may evaporate nor her beauty alone which age can make a mess of.

Love people for their essence-core well cultivated values,What they represent,shared goals,mutual Respect, spirituality etc.

Raising a family is much more than providing the basic things as food clothing and shelter. What we have today are kids in marriages. I learnt mine very early in life when my old man abandoned duty and he left a vacuum of leadership which I took up at a tender age. And made a resolve to be a better man and different from the old man. Who today can't look me straight in the eye when I talk. He has regrets. His loss my gain. I try to let him know I understand and we are good.

UjSizzle:

My dear they either have serious resentment issues or they're just fvcking with us

Maybe they're using us to catch comic relief after a hard week. I know I have laughed so hard since opening this thread.
On the flip side it's good avenue for people like Mizmycoli to write an empathy-enhancing epistle as well as sharpen their counseling skills
I like the tv show idea sha (or maybe it's a blog to solve marital issues sef ) na wa o.

Still laughter is a drug.

Insidous:
@tresse

I knew the id.iot was no good. He has no respect for you at all. He is doing all these because he thinks that you have no option other than to cry and beg. He think of himself as your life. He believes that hat he owns you. You need to learn how to be strong. You are only fueling his complex against you when you cry. He sees you as a weakling and an inferior being. You need to recreate yourself. Learn to be positive, make your children and your work as number 1 and 2 priorities. Face them squarely. Forget that he even existed. You are the only one that can make yourself happy and please never react to his actions or words. Learn to be react passively. Don't ever argue with him again. Be a better version of yourself.

treese:

Am not all that totally expanded, oh well I can't really tell am not the one entering. But I still don't know. I heard alum has its side effects

emmatok:


My problem with you is that you're so biased, to the extent you can't comprehend what you read.

In her first paragraph she said the men she dated before marrying her husband complained about her lax VJ and accused her of lying about her virginity.
She even claimed this issues ruined her awesome relationship.

Now her Husband is also complaining about the same issue.
So kindly tell us any other man that won't complain.

This woman have serious emotional issues before get married, that's why she always talk about her past.
She suffering from serious mood swings.

I feel the husband married her out of pity and he is now regretting.

yollychika:
Sis live ur beautiful life n forget about him, na him go beg u lera

Though he usually says he doesn't care about my self esteem but I don't think this has to do with self esteem alone. I think there is more. While we were dating we spoke about my sex life and body nature. It's not like I had too many relationships but I just knew men say my vaginal is kind of lax. Even wen I lost my virginity the guy called me a blunt liar to my face, saying I claimed to be a virgin when I wasn't.

You didn't bleed and getting in wasn't so hard. That is one ruined relationship that would have been awesome. And probably the last man standing. If you be virgin, you go know, if you not, you will know and I KNEW then that I was.

Insidous:


You are a fo.ol.

emmatok:


Opposite of this reply will be disappointing.

treese:
Though he usually says he doesn't care about my self esteem but I don't think this has to do with self esteem alone. I think there is more. While we were dating we spoke about my sex life and body nature. It's not like I had too many relationships but I just knew men say my vaginal is kind of lax. Even wen I lost my virginity the guy called me a blunt liar to my face, saying I claimed to be a virgin when I wasn't.

You didn't bleed and getting in wasn't so hard. That is one ruined relationship that would have been awesome. And probably the last man standing. If you be virgin, you go know, if you not, you will know and I KNEW then that I was.

Now my husband knew this about my body and decides to stick with it. Somehow someway which I don't know after my first child, vaginal got tight, second child too same happened. To a certain extent it helped our sex life because it made him love it. And I could tell it's one of the reasons he probably hasn't cheated..

Just 2 days back. We had a little misunderstanding then I mentioned something about sèx. Quote me if am wrong. Sex is meant for bonding between a man and a woman and that's why God instituted it in marriage alone. So you both can get closer, and in my own opinion when there are issues BTW them the power of sex is to make forgiveness easy. The next thing my husband said is. It's not like am enjoying the sex. It's now feels like been in a pool.

OMG I was HURT. I lost the essence of life immediately, lost the essence of marriage. Out of anger I told him only men with big dicks should complain, men with pencils dares nor. That was my only defence because he said it with soooooo much heartlessness. I cried...i cried so much. This man that I have back sex with so that our sex life would be whole. Sometimes I bleed. Then I said to myself it's not worth it. Then I realised, For him if anything goes wrong with me due to that sexual style, Am on my own. Few hours later I sent him a text that I was sorry for everything not because it was easy but two wrongs never ever make a right in marriage. Can't walk away with two kids can only make it work.

Following day wen I saw he was in a good mood. I decided to ask, then he said I was lax and it has made sex unenjoyable. I wondered y he didn't tell me immediately he noticed and why he had to throw it to my face. But what, it's a man's world. If they don't reap their mean ways here on earth. It waits in heaven.

But trust me since then I have been concerned,Google all I could, nothing much. Even the kegel exercise has always been my practice. I now feel this time he might just look outside wen sex gets all pool like. He said he will buy toys, he said he can't pretend to love it wen he doesn't. Which I agree with. But even the toys can it ever be Like d real things. Sometimes he might want to feel the woman and not want toys. What happens next? I can't encourage him to cheat cos if he does and I find out I would leave with my kids. But I don't want him to. Am confused. So so confused. You know wen a man is concerned he will probably do research with you, find out info call doctors, but he didn't, he just broke the news to me and he's like do something about it or I might not be making out with u again. It's really not fair. Cos some men might possibly not go about it that way. But at the same time, it's like that's his nature. I can only Leave with it or take a walk. But take a walk to where, becos am now lax? But I also hear sex in marriage is KEY, with two kids, and I love him, but thatz still not the point. I DON'T know. Please who does? I have smiling all over the house, acting like everything is fine once am alone i cry again, because the fear is, would there ever be a solution , would I still be tight again, and this is a marriage where sex is sometimes 1 in 2 or 3 weeks, so definitely that's not the reason for my laxity, i will be sad if my marriage gets ruined because am lax. I hope my husband reads this thank God he is a nairalander

Missmossy:
This is too inhuman! Your husband is heartless no doubt.

Insidous:


I am glad that you knew that before hand, sexist pig

emmatok:


Usual response

Abegi, go sleep.